WHY are nurses so catty??

cardiacRN2006, ADN, RN · May 19, 2005

Nurses are catty.....When I worked in L&D where there is the highest population of female staff, I got eaten up and spit out. I was 22 at the time and I guess I was just too young and naive to deal with it. I left within a year of working there. It was all catty, petty, ridiculous stuff. I think people aren't sterotyping, I think people are relaying their past experiences. I was a EMT and people were catty there, too but most people on this post have worked in hospitals and so that's where their experiences are. Personally, I have never had a male nurse spread a rumor, talk behind my back, go to my manager, etc. They just seem like they don't care about that stuff. Some female nurses don't care about that stuff either, but when it comes to catty, silly, pettiness...

**RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN** · May 19, 2005

The situation could have been dealth better. Sounds like the other nurse if just a mean grouch trying to make herself look better. :chair:

markjrn · May 19, 2005

I've worked with some "catty" nurses, and so has my wife. In two countries, multiple states and provinces, various disciplines - it just doesn't seem to matter.

When I'm at work, I try to look past it and not fall into that trap. If I was working with this nurse and she was having a problem, I would probably ask her if it was just an isolated thing and help her until it resolved. I'm not talking about doing her entire job for a long period of time, but just about giving someone a hand if they need it. Why blow something out of proportion?

JMHO and :twocents:

I hope she's doing better. I think alot of us have aches and pains that crop up now and then. I know I sure do! :rolleyes:

mandrews · May 19, 2005

There is a school for disabled kids in my community and the van driver is wreckless. One of the nurses mentioned to some others that she had been ran off the road twice by this van. The next day she was confronted by a nurse who informed her she was talking about her husband (who happened to be the bus driver). One of the nurses works at this school part time and felt it was her duty to tell her what this young girl was saying about her husband. The van drivers wife is about 5 10 and weights about 320lbs. The girl told me she was scared to death but told her yes I did say that and he has ran me off the road twice this week. We laugh about it now but it was not funny when it happened.

m

NurseFirst · May 19, 2005

I swear sometimes i don't know WHY i'm in this profession. My mom works at a job as a RN and was limping one day. Her knee bothers her from time to time, etc...she's overweight (and working on it) but it gives her trouble at times. Instead of someone ASKING her what was wrong, one of the nurses ran to the manager and told her that my mom couldn't "keep up" and didn't seem to be quick enough for the job cuz she seemed disabled. This is a NEW job for my mom, so she's still on orientation technically. The manager called her in and made her take off today to go to Occ health and have it tested so she could be cleared to work. WTF?? She told her "we'll figure out what to do pending what the doc says." so she didn't work today and lost that time worked. Of course she went to occ health, the Doc tested her etc...and cleared her no problem. She told him she was excercising, walking and taking meds for it. Forgot to wrap it that day, but was not having any trouble SINCE that day. I have 2 problems with this. 1 is that NOBODY asked her what was up with her knee that day. NOBODY. 2 is that the manager just jumped on it because of what this other nurse SAID. WHY do nurses feel like they have to police each other's performance? UGH i'm just disgusted.

I'm going to play a bit of devil's advocate here.

While it may be hard to realize--perhaps the second nurse really was concerned about the PATIENTS. After all, you weren't there, right? If something like that is reported to the manager, the manager most likely has a legal responsibility to make sure that those on her staff are competent and able to provide care. Imagine what would happen if, due to an RN's disability, that the manager was aware of, some harm came to a patient. It may be that that unit recently had had to deal with a lawsuit.

While what your mom went thru was painful, and I am sorry for that, it might be helpful to think that the people involved were acting with positive intent--even if the results of their actions might be less than desired.

I think it's just as "catty", if you will, to assume evil intent by those involved. Complaining about others behind their back does no one any good--but you can't control what others do, only what you can do. Now, if you just want to vent....that's another issue. Because we all need to vent.

NurseFirst

cardiacRN2006, ADN, RN · May 19, 2005

Concern over patients also includes creating a positive work environment where the staff feel safe and respected, not paranoid and undermined. The best way to go about it would be to address issues with the staff member, not the manager. But that isn't historically how it happens, is it? I wonder how it feels to be the patient and to know that your 'advocates' are fighting it out for 'your benefit'. I don't buy it. I have seen many nurses who aren't catty, or rude, so I know it can be done. It's harder for some people to confront people without being confrontational, and easier to just run to the bosses and complain.

NurseFirst · May 19, 2005

Concern over patients also includes creating a positive work environment where the staff feel safe and respected, not paranoid and undermined. The best way to go about it would be to address issues with the staff member, not the manager. But that isn't historically how it happens, is it? I wonder how it feels to be the patient and to know that your 'advocates' are fighting it out for 'your benefit'. I don't buy it. I have seen many nurses who aren't catty, or rude, so I know it can be done. It's harder for some people to confront people without being confrontational, and easier to just run to the bosses and complain.

I totally agree that a positive work environment is important. However, we can't change events, we can only change our reaction to them. People really can choose to feel paranoid and undermined or safe and respected. If someone chooses to view events as having evil or hostile intent, how does that create a positive work environment? The problem is that most people choose to feel that they are victims, as opposed to the proactive, healthy, people that they are capable of being.

I could assign problems that I've had with some of my classmates because of an attitude that a clinical instructor had. But what good does that do me? None. Further, to take on the position of victim dis-empowers me and leaves me without choices. It focuses on the unchangeable past instead of the malleable future.

Understand, I'm not saying that folks don't have a right to complain, or a right to be heard, or a right to vent. But venting is useful only if it allows you to feel your victimhood, vent your frustration, and then move onto problem-solving mode. To get stuck in victimhood is to remain powerless.

BTW -- I do agree with mydesygn that it works better if nurses resolve problems among themselves, without going to a manager. I've worked in a number of non-healthcare environments where the managers basically indicated that if you can't resolve the problem at a lower level, that speaks poorly of YOU--not the person you are having a problem with. That's why I think venting is important--it allows people to get past the pain and get into problem-solving mode.l

BTW -- if the mother of the OP went to the nurse who reported her, assuming positive intent, and asked her why she felt she needed to report her (the Mom) instead of coming to her--and be brave enough to let said nurse know how that affected her, it would go a long way to resolving what is now going to be festering conflict if the mom stays there. Mom will resent both nurse and manager--and that's not a good place to start out a new job from.

NurseFirst

Chopchop11 · May 19, 2005

I start my nursing program this fall, and after reading all these posts, I'm wondering if it's for me. I love to work, and I've always worked really hard, but I hate feeling micro-managed. Is it really as bad as it sounds?? :uhoh21:

Tweety, BSN, RN · May 19, 2005

I start my nursing program this fall, and after reading all these posts, I'm wondering if it's for me. I love to work, and I've always worked really hard, but I hate feeling micro-managed. Is it really as bad as it sounds?? :uhoh21:

No. Fortunately where I work nurses don't eat their young and the females are not catty.

Is it stressful, exhausting, hard, trying? Yes.

Do we all agree 100% of the time, do we sometimes get on each others nerves, does everyone get along all the time. Are we 100% supportive all the time. No. We're human beings.

But I can honestly say, in my experience nurses are not catty. Maybe I have rose colored glasses, maybe I'm too busy to notice. Maybe I live in an alternative world. :)

I think sometimes people generalize stereotypes and even internalize them. Let one nurse eat their young or a couple of females be catty and it's "why do nurses eat their young, why are females so catty". But looking at the big picture we shouldn't let a few bad seeds jade us, or disappoint us, or cause us to run away.

Granted there are toxic environments in nursing. But not everywhere, and hopefully they aren't as prevalent as tolerable ones. :)

allnurses Guide · May 19, 2005

No. Fortunately where I work nurses don't eat their young and the females are not catty.
Is it stressful, exhausting, hard, trying? Yes.
Do we all agree 100% of the time, do we sometimes get on each others nerves, does everyone get along all the time. Are we 100% supportive all the time. No. We're human beings.
But I can honestly say, in my experience nurses are not catty. Maybe I have rose colored glasses, maybe I'm too busy to notice. Maybe I live in an alternative world. :)
I think sometimes people generalize stereotypes and even internalize them. Let one nurse eat their young or a couple of females be catty and it's "why do nurses eat their young, why are females so catty". But looking at the big picture we shouldn't let a few bad seeds jade us, or disappoint us, or cause us to run away.
Granted there are toxic environments in nursing. But not everywhere, and hopefully they aren't as prevalent as tolerable ones. :)

Tweety - I'm in complete agreement with you.

Cattiness happens in all walks of life . . . how it is handled determines if it is nipped in the bud or allowed to continue. Therefore, managers have a large share of the responsibility here to maintain a workplace free of this. Also we as individuals have a responsibility to not put up with it.

And I have met a male nurse who was catty and gossipy - so there are times when guys do it too.

Heck, you should hear the logging truck drivers on the CB radio talk about each other . . . :rolleyes:

If something is allowed to continue, then you have an atmosphere of distrust and that further erodes relationships.

We all have to take responsibility to stop it.

steph

vivibonita · May 19, 2005

No. Fortunately where I work nurses don't eat their young and the females are not catty.
Is it stressful, exhausting, hard, trying? Yes.
Do we all agree 100% of the time, do we sometimes get on each others nerves, does everyone get along all the time. Are we 100% supportive all the time. No. We're human beings.
But I can honestly say, in my experience nurses are not catty. Maybe I have rose colored glasses, maybe I'm too busy to notice. Maybe I live in an alternative world. :)
I think sometimes people generalize stereotypes and even internalize them. Let one nurse eat their young or a couple of females be catty and it's "why do nurses eat their young, why are females so catty". But looking at the big picture we shouldn't let a few bad seeds jade us, or disappoint us, or cause us to run away.
Granted there are toxic environments in nursing. But not everywhere, and hopefully they aren't as prevalent as tolerable ones. :)

Gosh I agree with you... I'm not a nurse yet but I've been around hospital facilities (and yeah I know people are going to say that I haven't been around enough ) I've seen nurses telling others whgat to do and those others getting all mad but ending up doing it... I chose this profession not for the work environment... everybody is stressed all the time even I get grouchy and stressed but I picked this profession for the money .... whoa just kidding I picked it because I love helping others, and if one day I'm working and i'm not able to perform or live up to the expectations of my employer I would quit or find something different or work harder to do a better job... sometimes people have opinions about others and can't just say them because of what could happen so they tell others hoping its going to be kept a secret ... everybody has ups and downs we just have to learn how to handle them and/or deal with them. If I'm too mad for the comment that was made that made me look bad I would talk to the manager open my heart and be totally honest... yes I can do the job or no I think is too hard for me right now... or something like other people here said they were concerned about me performing bad but it is not truth I can do it and will try my best to show you I can... Now I'm not going to leave a really good job opportunity (or any job) because women are catty or because that nurse (male or female) doesnt like me... hey deal with it just do your job as good as you can.

Uff that's just my opinion :chuckle

imenid37 · May 19, 2005

There's a lot of cattiness in nursing. Not because of women or men or black or white stereotyping issues. I think it's because of the work environment. It is so demanding and thankless that it just brings out the worst in some people. When pt's frustrate us, we can't lash out at them, so some of us turn on one another. I think we feel like we do so much for everyone bout ourselves. Some nurses will put down others to build up themselves. Many of the people who do this are actually very giving when it comes to dealing w/ pt's. If you get several of these folks together you can have a real cathouse! I do agree, it is not something peculiar to the nursing profession.

My sister is an attorney and overheard some of the clerical staff talking about how they shouldn't help her because she is just a faker and probably an alcoholic too! (she has an auto-immune cirrhosis of the liver and has been very ill in the past). Thank God she is assertive and confronted the gossip and threatened to have her and her pals fired if they continued to defame her character. She's a partner in that law firm now!