WHY are nurses so catty??

feb9822 · May 23, 2005

Why are nurses so catty? Because nurses are mostly women and women are just catty.

Exactly. I have worked in jobs where the majority of employees were men, and you did not see the crap that goes on in a female-dominated profession. I've always said I hope there never comes a day that females are running the world, there will be a war that will destroy us all. Women are much more viscous than men ever thought of being. And yes, I am a female.....

KeeblerElf2005 · May 23, 2005

Seriously, the manager sets the tone. I have a manager that believes once a person is done with "their" work that they should not have to help others. She thinks it will teach the slow ones a "lesson." Talk about messed up! She also allows gossip because she thinks peer pressure will make fellow employees stronger and keep them "on their toes." Disgusting.

Not to excuse their behaviour - they sound just a wee bit insensitive on that ward...!

But it could be happening because the nurses on that unit have been "burned" by some other nurse in the past, who wasn't able to carry her fair share of the load, etc.... I know when we've had a few new hires with various problems that did not get picked up on before the end of their probationary period - big headache then, believe me, no matter what the problem is! So we try to let the manager know about any issues with new staff members, just to keep the lines of communication open.

To me, it sounds like the "catty-ness" was on the part of the manager who took the nurses complaints straight to her face! imo, it's the managers job to look at the bigger picture and not take one or two shifts as indicators of what an employee will be like forever.... it could have been handled differently by the manager. Also, if the manager didn't reward the other nurses tattle-take behaviour with results, the behavior might not be so prominent.... why isn't the MANAGER telling her nurses to give the new person half a chance, or ask questions rather than accuse...?

KeeblerElf2005 · May 23, 2005

The key is are other employees treated the same? If other employees are given a lot more slack and she was overly scrutinized or judged, then that is not right. It doesn't matter if she's new. The problem should have been handled differently.

Exacty. This probelm was about job performance, and she took it as a personal attack.

Tweety, BSN, RN · May 23, 2005

Women are much more viscous than men ever thought of being. And yes, I am a female.....

I think men are doing a fine job of destroying the world. No need for females to take over.

Are you talking about yourself when you say women are viscious and catty or other women but yourself.

viking woman · May 23, 2005

Dear SnowyMtnRN,

Your letter was enough to bring me out of my temporary "retirement" of participating on this site! I just HAD to respond! For you males who responded, shame on you. "Yes", men and women are wired very differently, but I have been around plenty of catty men, so stop that. I have left nursing a few times, even to work as a bank teller; just to get away from the personalities. I have returned with the renewed sense of observing my fellow nurses in action to try to understand what makes us tick as a group, a profession. Why are we the first to respond to sickness, trauma and death and the first to b**ch, backbite and backstab each other? I feel it is classic codependency behavior. As a recovering co-dependent I know that this is something we must all learn to recognize in ourselves and work to correct within our own selves. This issue intrigues me so much that I am devoting part of myself and my career to creating ways to teach others about bullies and disharmony in the workplace and how to resolve these issues. I feel that dialogue is the first step to resolution and would enjoy hearing more feedback from you all.

I swear sometimes i don't know WHY i'm in this profession. My mom works at a job as a RN and was limping one day. Her knee bothers her from time to time, etc...she's overweight (and working on it) but it gives her trouble at times. Instead of someone ASKING her what was wrong, one of the nurses ran to the manager and told her that my mom couldn't "keep up" and didn't seem to be quick enough for the job cuz she seemed disabled. This is a NEW job for my mom, so she's still on orientation technically. The manager called her in and made her take off today to go to Occ health and have it tested so she could be cleared to work. WTF?? She told her "we'll figure out what to do pending what the doc says." so she didn't work today and lost that time worked. Of course she went to occ health, the Doc tested her etc...and cleared her no problem. She told him she was excercising, walking and taking meds for it. Forgot to wrap it that day, but was not having any trouble SINCE that day. I have 2 problems with this. 1 is that NOBODY asked her what was up with her knee that day. NOBODY. 2 is that the manager just jumped on it because of what this other nurse SAID. WHY do nurses feel like they have to police each other's performance? UGH i'm just disgusted.

nursemike, ASN, RN · May 23, 2005

It seems to me that there may be a bigger problem than attitude on this unit. Mere limping alone shouldn't slow a nurse down all that much where she couldn't do her job. Perhaps the workload was too great. Maybe too much is expected from not enough staff. Face it, we have an aging nursing population, many of us are overwt. and not in the best of health as well as suffering from profession related repetitive injuries to our bodies. Are we supposed to be thrown away when we can no longer do what we used to be able to do? Or shouldn't the workplace adjust to this reality? Actually, we are expected to do more than we used to do at the same level of functioning that we did when younger, in better shape, etc. And, if too much is expected from nurses, yes, the attitudes and backbiting will get out of hand, regardless of gender mix. I don't know that management really wants to stop the bad attitudes. As long as staff focuses on biting each other they aren't biting into the poor policies of the administration. I really enjoyed that piece on work abuse and thought it was dead on. I also recomend a new book out by Suzanne Gordon called Nursing Against the Odds. I couldn't put it down! If enough of us read it, maybe we could start a discussion thread on it??? Its very insightful as to the problems within nursing and how it affects us individually, our patients and society as a whole. And- there are solutions pro offered, not just complaining. I feel real bad about what happened to the RN with knee pain. Similar situations have happened to my mom, my brother and to me while on our nursing jobs. Its not right. Have I ever behaved badly to another coworker? Yes, I have. Usually I'm easy to get along with, but dysfunctional work environments tend to trigger me into snippy verbal abuse. The more burned out I get the worse I get. And, I am not going to excuse myself! I own it. But I am also not going immobilize myself by feeling guilty. I am trying to avoid the behavior in myself by recognizing the cause and the effect. I don't think I am alone in this, although not many of us want to admit our bad behavior. No one likes to realize that they have done or said hurtful non productive things to coworkers. But I bet we all do at times, especially when stressed. I say admit it, ask for forgiveness, forgive ourselves and work to improve the situation and ourselves. Working to improve the work environment should help improve the temperment of the coworkers who don't have enough insight to explore and change themselves. Oh yeah, easier said than done. Beyond a doubt. But it's good to talk about it, and start doing something, starting with ourselves! I think nursing is gonna turn itself around. In the meantime, plenty of our souls are bleeding.

About the only thing I can think to add is that we need to be able to "forgive those who trespass against us," too. As important as it is to assert ourselves by standing up for ourselves, you're quite right in pointing out that any of us can say or do the wrong thing when we're stressed. So, while striving to overcome these destructive impulses in ourselves, we should try not to judge too harshly when others give in to them.

It makes me wonder what might happen if our response to every offense was simply, "I forgive you." Eh--they'd probably kill us.

Artis · May 23, 2005

I think this subject or communication or whatever you call it, should not exist in nursing. If each individual was like a child in the relationship towards others, like to love his or her mother, we might have a chance to survive nursing.

nursemike, ASN, RN · May 23, 2005

For you males who responded, shame on you. "Yes", men and women are wired very differently, but I have been around plenty of catty men, so stop that.

Uh, in fairness, more women seem to think women are catty than men do, and several of us have objected to the stereotype. Also, I would suggest that men and women are wired a little differently and raised a lot differently, so to the limited extent that there are real differences, I think they are more cultural than biological. I'd be willing to entertain as a rough hypothesis that men on average might be less prone to passive/agressive behavior because they aren't as conditioned to be passive. But I'd be skeptical, even at that. Most men, today, aren't in a position to settle their disputes with a punch in the nose, so I think we all need to be able to find constructive ways to settle them.

nursemike, ASN, RN · May 23, 2005

I don't mean to belabor a point, but could we please find some other term than "catty."

Also, if we really need a word that starts with "p" to convey an image of someone who is weak, ineffectual, or sissified, could we please say "pansy?"

Can't we all just agree to get away from language that is offensive to Feline-Americans, once and for all?

Kelly_the_Great · May 23, 2005

Dear SnowyMtnRN,
Your letter was enough to bring me out of my temporary "retirement" of participating on this site! I just HAD to respond!... I have returned with the renewed sense of observing my fellow nurses in action to try to understand what makes us tick as a group, a profession...This issue intrigues me so much that I am devoting part of myself and my career to creating ways to teach others about bullies and disharmony in the workplace and how to resolve these issues. I feel that dialogue is the first step to resolution and would enjoy hearing more feedback from you all.

Welcome back, Viking Woman...:)

I think a big, big part of the problem is there are virtually no studies on this subject. And it is not an emphasized topic within nursing curriculum...

BTW, there's another thread going right now which is very similiar to this:

https://allnurses.com/forums/showthread.php?t=101064 Why are nurses given such a bad rap today?

Another poster to this thread, Trublunurse, mentioned a book Nursing Against the Odds by Suzanne Gordon which addresses these issues. I'm certainly going to read it! She also suggested starting a discussion thread on it, if enough people are interested.

Personally, I think we could have a whole forum devoted to intraprofessional (nurse to nurse) issues (rankism, bullying, division, gender, etc.) within nursing. It appears as if it's a "hot topic" and I for one believe it's an absolutely crucial issue in need of our focus if we are to survive and keep our profession vital.

So, what do ya'll think, any other nurses out there reading this??? Nurse researchers don't you think this is a worthy topic of study? Nurse educators, think this needs to be addressed within the curriculum? Nurse managers, do you think we need to understand this phenomena and begin learning/implementing tools to combat it? NURSES, WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

Greg06 · May 23, 2005

Sad but true

Why are nurses so catty? Because nurses are mostly women and women are just catty.

Tweety, BSN, RN · May 23, 2005

And that fine note, I'll bow out of this conversation, as I guess I've said all I need to. :)