WHY are nurses so catty??

madwife2002, BSN, RN · May 23, 2005

And that fine note, I'll bow out of this conversation, as I guess I've said all I need to. :)

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Have you noticed I've been very quiet recently, just considering whether I should have a comment or two on this thread :rotfl:

It must be at least 10 days since I upset anybody :smiley_ab

Tweety, BSN, RN · May 23, 2005

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Have you noticed I've been very quiet recently, just considering whether I should have a comment or two on this thread :rotfl:
It must be at least 10 days since I upset anybody :smiley_ab

Watcha waiting for???? Time to start up again! :rotfl:

lpnshortygurl · May 23, 2005

I read through this post and i must agree that while not ALL nurse's are catty, I have to say everyone where i work is VERY VERY catty! I couldn't believe the way people act. I first noticed it when I was new there and thought it was just a few people who didn't care for a few other people.. in other word's there was always a few who spoke negatively of a few others and vica versa. Well.... I seemed to notice that most of the nurses always have something bad to say about the next.. the bad part is.. they are completely nice to the person's face and literally the second the person walks away all of the nurses are talking about the person :angryfire I hate it so bad, because I am the type that realizes if they are all talking about everyone else... what are they saying behind my back??? and then being nice to me??? Well I soon found out! I am new to nursing.. I have only been a nurse for 1 year now! I worked at this same place the whole time. Well I was the natural newbie.. trying to learn as much as possible, going above and beyond, blah blah blah! I love my job and I showed it when I went in to work! This was all good and dandy until I got pregnant recently. I am 3 months pregnant. Well, I am extremely sick with nausea and vomiting and the whole nine yards! I sleep like a newborn 16 to 18 hours a day! I was never like this with my first 2 children but I am extremely exhausted! I work the 11p to 7a shift. I was able to run around with major energy before, but now I am just wore out and sick running to the bathroom all night! I in turn had to call off more than usual and when I am there i am not always in top form. Well, all of the nurses seemed so caring and sweet and "OH Darling, JUST REST" "oh you poor thing" blah blah blah... I soon found out that basically most of them are running behind my back complaining when i call off even though i do give reasonable notice. Also complaining that I am so "tired, wore out, sick"! This really offended me since most of these women have children and have said themselves how hard it is to be in the first trimester with some pregnancies! I know i shouldn't take it personal but they make it seem as if I don't do my job now or because I am not going above and beyond anymore that I am worthless! It really hurts my feelings! Although i must say NOT ALL nurses are that way, some of the girls there are Sweet and I love them to death! I don't hear them really talking about anyone!

pricklypear · May 23, 2005

I noticed when I first started a job - some of the nurses copped attitudes, out of the blue. I'm not an in-your-face person, one who seems to "invite" cattiness. I took it in stride, mostly just acted like I didn't notice. Eventually, it wore off, I got accepted, and that was that. I don't know if it was that initial hisssss when 2 cats meet each other, or a period of initiation, "lets see what she's really made of." Either way, I don't have a problem with either bullying or cattiness. And maybe it's that I take very little personally anymore. Some of the nurses I work with do seem to go after each other every chance they get. Ridiculous write-ups, rumors, etc... Right now, it's kind of causing a lot of problems on our unit. I hate it. Makes me feel like I'm in 7th grade.

My daughter had some problems with girls in town being "catty," mostly on the internet. Our solution was to flat-out ignore it. It went away. The girl who started it got bored since she wasn't getting a reaction, and moved on to bigger and better things.

Is the solution to ignore it? Not give bullies the response they desire? Do you think that would help, or allow it to continue? I just really believe bullies feed on the reaction they get.

lpnshortygurl · May 23, 2005

I noticed when I first started a job - some of the nurses copped attitudes, out of the blue. I'm not an in-your-face person, one who seems to "invite" cattiness. I took it in stride, mostly just acted like I didn't notice. Eventually, it wore off, I got accepted, and that was that. I don't know if it was that initial hisssss when 2 cats meet each other, or a period of initiation, "lets see what she's really made of." Either way, I don't have a problem with either bullying or cattiness. And maybe it's that I take very little personally anymore. Some of the nurses I work with do seem to go after each other every chance they get. Ridiculous write-ups, rumors, etc... Right now, it's kind of causing a lot of problems on our unit. I hate it. Makes me feel like I'm in 7th grade.
My daughter had some problems with girls in town being "catty," mostly on the internet. Our solution was to flat-out ignore it. It went away. The girl who started it got bored since she wasn't getting a reaction, and moved on to bigger and better things.
Is the solution to ignore it? Not give bullies the response they desire? Do you think that would help, or allow it to continue? I just really believe bullies feed on the reaction they get.

That may just help the situation. Although i think some people are just prone to acting that way and may continue anyway!

pricklypear · May 23, 2005

That may just help the situation. Although i think some people are just prone to acting that way and may continue anyway!

Very true. But how long could they possibly keep it up if everybody ignored it? Refused to participate in gossip? I guess this is assuming that the catty people are in the minority. That's not always the case. I've heard of some units that are virtually impossible to work in unless you "belong" to the group. I would probably leave a place like that because I think so much of my job depends on teamwork. I wouldn't want to be somewhere where I couldn't depend on most of my coworkers.

lpnshortygurl · May 23, 2005

Very true. But how long could they possibly keep it up if everybody ignored it? Refused to participate in gossip? I guess this is assuming that the catty people are in the minority. That's not always the case. I've heard of some units that are virtually impossible to work in unless you "belong" to the group. I would probably leave a place like that because I think so much of my job depends on teamwork. I wouldn't want to be somewhere where I couldn't depend on most of my coworkers.

I think you are definitely right, the problem is truly depending on if the "catty" are the minority. I wish that was the case where I worked! Everyone seems to love gossip! I told like 2 people I was pregnant when i first found out.. I came in after a few days off and EVERYONE was asking why I kept it a secret from them... I was like..... Hello..... I just found out myself! I now tell NOBODY anything!

viking woman · May 23, 2005

Hi NurseMike,

Boy, when I come out of retirement, I REALLY do it right! I'm not so sure I agree with your response that more women feel other women are catty, as oppossed to how men feel about women. My husband and I have had many discussions over male/female behavior in the workplace and he sees it too. The least amount of personality issues I ever had in a job was my former career in law enforcement where I was the only female deputy at our station. If a guy has something to say, he says it out right, to YOUR face and it's usually over. Usually, I said. I also feel that we are wired very differently AND, yes, we are raised differently too. When I behave the way I was raised (here's the cultural part...scandinavian) to another female, many times I am labeled as an aggressive "you-know-what". If a male exhibits the same behavior, well, then he is being a man and nothing is perceived as improper. Don't fool yourselves, double standards are alive and well!

I read that others are as intrigued by this as myself and I agree, let's keep exploring this on this forum. Maybe we will be the driving force that initiates positive change! :rolleyes: Thanks Mike!

Uh, in fairness, more women seem to think women are catty than men do, and several of us have objected to the stereotype. Also, I would suggest that men and women are wired a little differently and raised a lot differently, so to the limited extent that there are real differences, I think they are more cultural than biological. I'd be willing to entertain as a rough hypothesis that men on average might be less prone to passive/agressive behavior because they aren't as conditioned to be passive. But I'd be skeptical, even at that. Most men, today, aren't in a position to settle their disputes with a punch in the nose, so I think we all need to be able to find constructive ways to settle them.

viking woman · May 23, 2005

As an FYI and PS.......I have very strong feelings about this issue because I am 6 months out of my former job WITH a work related injury from an angry, aggressive co-worker that body slammed me, causing 2 cervical disks to herniate and now a dx of Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. For 2 years my supervisor and I went through proper channels, memos and enough documentation to choke an elephant and finally closed door meetings with our board, only to have my being injured by the trouble maker when she was in fear of losing her job and ultimately, my supervisor and myself losing our jobs instead! This female individual is the classic codependent, passive/aggressive BULLY. I found tons of info online about bullies in the workplace to show our board and make my case. I called the police everytime I came in and found she had ransacked my desk again. I had surveillance set up in my office too. CSI would have been proud. The bully won. I now spend my time learning to deal with the injustice of it all and a day filled with searing pain in my arm. It is time for the bullies to go away or play nice.

JMBM · May 23, 2005

First, jerks are jerks, regardless of sex, race, religion or national origin. There are right ways and wrong ways to raise concerns about a co-worker, and it sounds like the person who inspired this thread picked a wrong one. That being said, it seems to me that what some call "cattiness" in women is the flip side of what some people feel is the greater empathy and interpersonal communication skills of women. (what some people feel....) Guys are forever being accused of being clueless and insensitive for allegedly ignoring personal issues in favor of just getting the job done. My point, lost as it may be, is that you can't have one side of a trait without the other. If a woman is more in tune with individual personal issues, that will sometimes come out good and sometimes as cattiness. If a guy seems socially clueless, that sometimes happens to be more efficient at getting things done.

frogdog · May 24, 2005

I couldn't read through 15 pages of responses because my ire is up. I'm a woman, and I'm not catty. That kind of gender-pointing name-calling is what keeps people down. The term "catty" is never one implied toward men, though I've met as many men as women that would fit the description. In any work atmosphere, one must come to GRIPS with the fact that some people are negative and not very loving toward others. It amazes me how many people consider themselves to be "religious" yet are so cruel hearted, so non-forgiving, so judgmental, so mean spirited. It's, unfortunately, the way of humanity.

Perhaps because nursing is traditionally a field more dominated by women, and because women have, since the beginning of time, been kept down and subjugated, that there is more of an ethic of survival of the fittest. If you look at any subjugated group of people, there is in-fighting and a tendency of the masses to reign in anyone who is different from the identified group.

The key to not becoming part of the pettiness is to let go of rage against perceived (real or not) trespasses, and know that all people have the capacity to change and therefore be forgiven.

nursemike, ASN, RN · May 24, 2005

Hi NurseMike,
Boy, when I come out of retirement, I REALLY do it right! I'm not so sure I agree with your response that more women feel other women are catty, as oppossed to how men feel about women. My husband and I have had many discussions over male/female behavior in the workplace and he sees it too. The least amount of personality issues I ever had in a job was my former career in law enforcement where I was the only female deputy at our station. If a guy has something to say, he says it out right, to YOUR face and it's usually over. Usually, I said. I also feel that we are wired very differently AND, yes, we are raised differently too. When I behave the way I was raised (here's the cultural part...scandinavian) to another female, many times I am labeled as an aggressive "you-know-what". If a male exhibits the same behavior, well, then he is being a man and nothing is perceived as improper. Don't fool yourselves, double standards are alive and well!
I read that others are as intrigued by this as myself and I agree, let's keep exploring this on this forum. Maybe we will be the driving force that initiates positive change! Thanks Mike!

Sorry--I only meant to say I thought more women on this thread were saying women were catty, but I haven't really counted, and it seems like some guys have chimed in, lately. I don't know what the broader world thinks.

I do think it's an unfortunate reality that women are sometimes described as aggressive when they are really only being assertive. I don't blame women for sometimes feeling damned if they do and damned if they don't. My hopes for a kinder, gentler philosophy of nursing do not include a bunch of passive little doormats. We men and women have an important role to play, and that means speaking up for our patients, our co-workers, and ourselves. But I do see a real potential for doing so in ways that improve our circumstances, rather than aggravating them.