Why are the divorce rates among nurses so high?

blackvans1234 · Mar 8, 2013

This is my personal philosophy, and maybe some of you will agree. Others may throw tomatoes at me.

I am a 21 yr old male CNA, I work in a hospital. I am single, no kids, no ex wife, no current wife. No baggage.

I always ask my patients, "Are you married?", they often say yes, then I ask how long?

They say, 30 years, 40 years, 50 years! . I usually ask, "What's your secret?", and the advice I get is as different as every patient I ask.

My personal philosophy as to why divorce rates are so high, is because marriage today is extremely different than It was 30+ years ago.

I'm sure every nurse reading this has had the male patient that won't do a dang thing for himself, and makes his wife do it. And believe it or not, she does!. This all goes back to the ''marriage today is completely different than 30+ years ago"

I think that ''back then'', women put up with a lot more s*** from their husbands, because "That's how it was"

Today, women are much more empowered, and aren't servants to their husbands.

Especially in this profession, chances are you get home and need a husband to relax you and be there for you after your long day at work. I don't think the other way around would fly, and i'm sure you ladies would agree.

However looking back, women would almost always be there when hubby got home, had dinner ready, took his coat off and shoes off, and nodded and empathized with his hard day at work.

Not no 'mo!

I think that it has to be the right person, right dose, right time, right background and right understanding of your profession..Sorry, still got the five rights stuck in my head!

Right documentation.

lovinlife11 · Mar 9, 2013

Very insightful blackvans!! I admit I do get a little irritated by women who do everything for their husbands, but I figure that's what works for them.

Jenni811, RN · Mar 9, 2013

Maybe because its next to meet someone outside of healthcare. Not that I don't think 2 people on healthcare are wrong. My fiance is an engineer. When I come home and complain he just shutsup,listens and says "are you done?" Then its all better. He doesn't light the fire by adding in how his department functions or how a doctor said this...and this nurse didn't do that. Makes our home life so much better when I can leave work at work and come home to my HOME! helps we are high-school sweethearts or id be marrying someone in healthcare. Yikes!

Jenni811, RN · Mar 9, 2013

Also my weird hours doesn't help but the more and more I do it the more he sees it ad a good thing I only work 3 days a week with stretches off. He just hates me working weekends and driving on roads after night shift.

noyesno, MSN, APRN, NP · Mar 9, 2013

This is my personal philosophy, and maybe some of you will agree. Others may throw tomatoes at me.
I am a 21 yr old male CNA, I work in a hospital. I am single, no kids, no ex wife, no current wife. No baggage.
I always ask my patients, "Are you married?", they often say yes, then I ask how long?
They say, 30 years, 40 years, 50 years! . I usually ask, "What's your secret?", and the advice I get is as different as every patient I ask.
My personal philosophy as to why divorce rates are so high, is because marriage today is extremely different than It was 30+ years ago.
I'm sure every nurse reading this has had the male patient that won't do a dang thing for himself, and makes his wife do it. And believe it or not, she does!. This all goes back to the ''marriage today is completely different than 30+ years ago"
I think that ''back then'', women put up with a lot more s*** from their husbands, because "That's how it was"
Today, women are much more empowered, and aren't servants to their husbands.
Especially in this profession, chances are you get home and need a husband to relax you and be there for you after your long day at work. I don't think the other way around would fly, and i'm sure you ladies would agree.
However looking back, women would almost always be there when hubby got home, had dinner ready, took his coat off and shoes off, and nodded and empathized with his hard day at work.
Not no 'mo!
I think that it has to be the right person, right dose, right time, right background and right understanding of your profession..Sorry, still got the five rights stuck in my head!
Right documentation.

This post is genius. Love the six rights at the end.

beeker · Mar 9, 2013

Because we develop a very low tolerance for putting up with crap.

anotherone, BSN, RN · Mar 9, 2013

Is it much higher than the general population? What if income is accounted for or education? I think divorce rate is higher because people today are less willing to tolerate unpleasent situations if social stigma is decreased to non existent and nurses can support themselves and on their own income. The crazy schedule could agfect some relationships negatively. I dont care if someone misses holidays or birthdays or parties but i know people who get very resentful and upset over this and do mot undersstand the concept of having to find your own coverage for a weekend off . when you work every other weekend and some staff is permanemt weekends, it isnt always possible. and it doesnt matter how far in advance you knew.!or for night shift if you need friday off for. but get scheduled Thursday and Sunday, i rather sleep than go to a birthday party or baby shower!

mclennan, BSN, RN · Mar 9, 2013

A lot of my nurse friends seem to have "project" boyfriends, failing marriages or are single/divorced. My marriage fell apart shortly after I graduated BSN school. He just couldn't tolerate how nursing school turned me into such a mess (stress, anxiety, depression, constantly sick and losing weight, insomnia) then we moved across the country for a job for me, and that was the nail in the coffin.

2 years after that debacle I met the boyfriend I've been with now for 3 years. He teaches special Ed in a public elementary school. It's working pretty well - we're both in helping professions that get crapped on a lot, we're both in our late 30s and have learned a thing or two by now, and are together because we want to be and not because we NEED to be.

Also, neither of us wants marriage, kids, to share money or own a home. I am thoroughly convinced those things put people and relationships under way too much pressure. People think they need these things that represent happiness. They usually don't. These things are just conventional expectations that we've been conditioned to believe represent achievement and adulthood. So many relationships fail because of the pressure to be married, to have kids, to own a house, etc.,etc., blah blah blah. Women ESPECIALLY fall into this trap.

I encourage all youngins' to keep their minds wide open and enjoy their youth. And nurses, don't take on "project" boyfriends you think you can "fix" like your patients!!!

klone, MSN, RN · Mar 9, 2013

Marry another nurse.

That's what I did the second time around! GreenTea was spot on for me in my first marriage. My second marriage is pretty darn near perfect, we're very compatible, even though we work in two completely different areas of nursing, we both understand the pressures of our respective jobs.

Vespertinas · Mar 9, 2013

if social stigma is decreased to non existent and nurses can support themselves and on their own income.

The crazy schedule could affect some relationships negatively. I dont care if someone misses holidays or birthdays or parties but i know people who get very resentful and upset over this and do mot understand the concept of having to find your own coverage for a weekend off

.

Both very keen points.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Mar 9, 2013

I have to add to the part about doing everything for the husband. You never met a more committed feminist than me, and oddly, although my (second) husband is of an age where you might think he'd be rock-solid traditional kind of old white guy, he is the most feminist man I know, unconsciously, with no apparent effort. He says it's simple, he believes in merit; if he sees a woman who'd do a better job than a man, she got the job (this got him funny looks sometimes when he worked in countries where they didn't see it that way).

Where am I going with this? Well, I won't bore you with the details, but this lovely man saved my life, and my children's lives, many decades ago. Now we are aging, and he's approaching middle-old age. I would do damn near anything for him, any time. So if you see us, don't think he's browbeaten me or I'm just a subservient nurse wife. It's love.

xoemmylouox, ASN, RN · Mar 9, 2013

This is my personal philosophy, and maybe some of you will agree. Others may throw tomatoes at me.
I am a 21 yr old male CNA, I work in a hospital. I am single, no kids, no ex wife, no current wife. No baggage.
I always ask my patients, "Are you married?", they often say yes, then I ask how long?
They say, 30 years, 40 years, 50 years! . I usually ask, "What's your secret?", and the advice I get is as different as every patient I ask.
My personal philosophy as to why divorce rates are so high, is because marriage today is extremely different than It was 30+ years ago.
I'm sure every nurse reading this has had the male patient that won't do a dang thing for himself, and makes his wife do it. And believe it or not, she does!. This all goes back to the ''marriage today is completely different than 30+ years ago"
I think that ''back then'', women put up with a lot more s*** from their husbands, because "That's how it was"
Today, women are much more empowered, and aren't servants to their husbands.
Especially in this profession, chances are you get home and need a husband to relax you and be there for you after your long day at work. I don't think the other way around would fly, and i'm sure you ladies would agree.
However looking back, women would almost always be there when hubby got home, had dinner ready, took his coat off and shoes off, and nodded and empathized with his hard day at work.
Not no 'mo!
I think that it has to be the right person, right dose, right time, right background and right understanding of your profession..Sorry, still got the five rights stuck in my head!
Right documentation.

I think this is pretty insightful. I don't tolerate a quarter of the bs my grandmother did.