What would you do if you were me?

vccorscc · Mar 21, 2010

its better for her to be with family then a daycare anyday ....also you being away from her to go to school will benifit BOTH of your futures :redpinkhe

CuriousMe · Mar 21, 2010

Background info--I have been working on my pre-reqs for a 2nd degree nursing program for a couple of years now--finally finished! I got laid off from my job with law enforcement earlier this year (relevant because I would no longer be leaving a stable job to go to school). I am a single mother to a 7 month old baby girl. No help or contact with her father. I live with my parents now and rely heavily on them for basically all things.
Current situation: I got my acceptance into an ABSN program last week for a fall 2010 program. (yayyy!) I applied to programs in my area (California) but my only acceptance came from a school out in Kentucky. I originally applied with the intention of living with my cousin. She has recently kind of backed out...saying she doesn't have room right now (her son was supposed to move out but hasn't yet). Her husband is a carpenter and might be able to create a space for me and my baby by january 2011. My parents will not support me living in an apartment on my own...safety concerns. They think the best option is for me to live on campus at least the first semester and leave my daughter with them. My dad is retired and is completely the doting grandfather. I would be able to see her a few times in the semester and then for all of winter break (~month). Hopefully she would be coming back with me for the spring semester, but its not guaranteed. At least then I would be acclimated to the area.
I know an accelerated program will be difficult and feel that this is probably the best situation for her...I think? If she was with me, she would be in day care all day and see me a bit at night before going to bed. It would also save me a lot of money, not having to pay for day care. I just feel that it will be so heartbreaking, not getting to see her every day. Some people tell me that I flat out shouldnt leave her and others say it is an investment for our futures (we can't live off my parents forever).
I don't know...I just feel so bummed. I should be excited that I got into a nursing program (it is a 16 month program) but I hate the thought of leaving her.

Even if you lived with your cousin, you'd still have to put her in day care right?

It sounds like your parents offer is a dream come true. It will absolutely be beyond hard for you....but, she won't remember it at all. She'll miss you of course, but she'll be cared for by (in your words) doting grandparents.

I would take the opportunity...and leave babygirl with the rents.

nocheapones · Mar 21, 2010

I can see both sides of it, but personally I would never be able to leave my child for that long a period of time. There are undoubtedly alot of "firsts" that you will miss out on that way. Like I said, I see the other side of it too, and I do think it would be a good thing for both of you in the long run. But just IMHO, I would never give up that time... nursing school can always happen later, becoming independent can always happen later, but you will never be able to get that time back with your daughter. Good luck with your decision :hug:

trae55 · Mar 21, 2010

I could see your point if you were close enough to visit your dd regularly, but she would be in CA and you would be in KY. There's no way I could do it. If money is tight, how many times do you think you're really going to visit her? Also, why can't you get into a school closer to home? I would take a look at the criteria and see if some classes could be taken over next semester to better your chances or you could apply to an ADN or LVN programs. It also sounds like that school is going to be really expensive since you'll be paying out of state tuition.

allnurses Guide · Mar 21, 2010

If you're an adult with a child of your own, do you really need your parents' support to live in your own apartment? You would not necessarily be safer living with your cousin - you still have to get to and from school/work.

There's no way I could leave my child that far away for that long, especially if I was the only parent she had.

shortnorthstudent · Mar 22, 2010

I cannot imagine leaving my child for any length of time. I know that I wouldn't be able to focus on my schooling if I were missing my child. I agree with several previous posters.

If you aren't going to be staying with family in Kentucky, then I would start looking into programs closer to your family or in areas where you would be able to take your child with you. Daycare is not ideal, but I would put my child in daycare before I would leave her for many months on end.

Saysfaa · Mar 22, 2010

Any chance your parents would move into an apartment with you.... like retirees from northern states who go south for the winters? It is a long shot but maybe you haven't thought about it. Kentucky is a beautiful place, maybe they could take some day trips while they are there.

If not, I think grandparents as you describe would be better for her than daycare, especially that much daycare. It can work very well... it did for my cousin and her two boys the several times that she was sent to Iraq. You could buy a lot of plane tickets on Southwest and still spend less than daycare would take.

caliotter3 · Mar 22, 2010

You will be in a better situation to devote yourself to school full time with your child staying with grandma and grandpa. You will find that the accelerated program is no piece of cake. The less distractions you have, the better your chances of being successful. You can have quick conversations on the phone and visits when possible. At least she will be with loving family who are doing a lot to help you get started. Good luck in school.

Justanotherday · Mar 22, 2010

Do you have any idea why you did not get accepted at a school closer to home? If it was due to an average/low GPA, have you considered retaking a class or two this summer or fall to increase your chances of getting into a school in CA? Seems like what is best for you and your baby is to be together, AND for your father to help care for her while you are in school. I would keep trying to get into a school in CA. Just because you didn't get in this time around, doesn't mean it won't happen. Perhaps you could become a CNA in the mean time to gain experience and work part-time while waiting to get into a local program. I encourage you to be patient and do whatever it takes to keep your family together.

Britt7 · Mar 22, 2010

Thanks for all the input. Just to answer a few questions....my GPA from my bachelor's degree is what disqualifies me from many colleges in my area and in the country, really. :uhoh21:(I was too immature, really. I thought of it like a game...finished the degree in 2 years 8 months...but my GPA suffered from taking so many classes at once....I worried it would be the same for an accelerated program, but I am a much stronger student now). I have been getting almost straight A's on my pre-reqs since graduating. I have applied multiple times to the programs in my area but they don't accept me...I believe based on the low undergrad degree GPA. I begged my dad to move to KY with me (my mom still works) but he says there is no way he will leave California. Even with out of state tuition, the cost of doing the 16 month program will be equal if not less to the programs here.

She would have to be in day care out there no matter what. My cousin works part-time for an airline and is able to fly free (and I can use buddy passes). She has offered to bring her out to me whenever she can....like she would come out to CA, get her, and fly her back to KY. I have planned three trips during my first semester...basically one trip a month. I would see her then and then whenever my cousin is able to bring her out. I am getting a computer with a webcam so I can have a "video call" with her every night.

This is all planned for the first semester only. She will join me after that. I had dreamed of joining the Navy as a nurse...but then I got pregnant. I was thinking of joining the reserves to help pay for the schooling and also to sort of satisfy the dream....some people have told me this would be a good test run, to see if I can stand being away from her for any length of time as would be required of mandatory deployments.

NurseKitten, MSN, RN · Mar 22, 2010

God bless you....not an easy situation, no matter which way you look at it.

Your daughter's lucky to have a committed, determined mommy, and we're lucky to get you as a colleague. :)