What I Wish I Could Say to My Residents and Their Families

[bluegeegoo2]

1. You are NOT the only resident in this facility.

2. Your mother is NOT the only resident in this facility.

3. No, there is no way you can still receive Dad's Social Security check. Get a job.

4. If you're unhappy with her care here, by all means, take her home. Here, I'll help you

pack.

5. Your Dad, the aphasic, bedridden, 5 yrs+ incontinent resident with advanced dementia

said he needed to go to the bathroom? Really? Well stop the press! We are witness to a miracle! And right as we're serving lunch, too....

6. YOU aren't paying good money for anything. Medicaid is. You're welcome.

7. Sure, go ahead and give you're NPO Mom on a feed tube her beloved coffee. She'll

aspirate and maybe even die, as explained ad nauseum. As if sneaking her foods/drinks by mouth when we're not looking somehow lessens the risks...

8. No, Mom is not going to suddenly "snap out of" the catastrophic stroke she had so

you can take her check, er...her home with you.

9. You can cover Dad up as well as I can.

10. AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (As I bang my head on the desk).

Thank you for letting me get that out. As you can see, I'm a "little" fed up with LTC. I've been a LTC nurse for almost 6 yrs now, and I HAVE HAD IT!!!!!!!!!!! Demanding/whiny/entitled residents, demanding/whiny/entitled family members, mountains of paperwork, it's crushing my spirit and making me resentful at nursing. I have many more things I would LOVE to say to residents, MD's, families, corporate CEO's, etc., but I think the above will suffice for now. Again, thank you for the rant. Please feel free to add your own.

[Bhavana]

oh do I feel your pain. My way of handling it was to completely ignore the annoying, negative, downright rude family members. I didnt waste time arguing, or justifying myself or my aides, i just pretended they were not there, that they did not exist. Since I was usually in front of my med cart, they'd come sauntering up, and start with their BS, and I'd just keep doing what I was doing like they were not even there. NO eye contact, and don't acknowledge them at all. And the beauty of it was, considering they were rude and demanding to everyone who listened, anyone in management would run in the other direction when they see them, so they really couldn't even find anyone to listen to them if they wanted to complain that I was ignoring them.

[bluegeegoo2, LPN]

Thank you Commuter! And I am a LVN Avaloncar. (I am still not used to saying "LVN". I've been in Texas 2 years now, and if I refer to myself as a LPN, I get confused looks lol). I have been looking at programs around here to go for the ADN, as I do recognize that I'm burnt on LTC and need to get outta here!

[avaloncar, BSN, RN]

Thank you Commuter! And I am a LVN Avaloncar. (I am still not used to saying "LVN". I've been in Texas 2 years now and if I refer to myself as a LPN, I get confused looks lol). I have been looking at programs around here to go for the ADN, as I do recognize that I'm burnt on LTC and need to get outta here![/quote']

Oh okay. Well that's a good move, good luck with that! Keep us updated.

[yesidid]

LOL this is super funny.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I've been in LTC or assisted living for the majority of my career, and I agree 110% with the OP. After a decade of dealing with the kind of people alluded to in her post, I am DONE. The residents are one thing; most of the time they at least have a reason for being whiny/petulant/demanding/whatever, even though it's hard to deal with when you've got 40 (or in the case of my former ALF, 80) other residents to attend to.

The families, on the other hand, are OUTRAGEOUS. So many of them are rude, abusive, disrespectful, and out-and-out mean, and I've had enough to last a lifetime. I'm tired of co-signing these peoples' B.S. and I'm just not going to do it anymore. Since I'm in between jobs right now, I'm looking for positions where I don't have to get attached to people and deal with their relatives for weeks or months or years---like doing blood donation collections, or working in a clinic or MD office. I can handle anything as long as there's an end to it.

[egglady, LPN]

I would love to say, " You can NOT be freakin serious when you want your 101 year old, 88 pound mother a full code!?" No matter how much "family education" we provide, they still think that is what would make her "better" again. GRRR.... Drives me insane! The families drive me nuts, the residents I can handle!

[CapeCodMermaid, RN]

I try to still be polite but firm with these family members...especially the ones who visit once in a blue moon. I have had to tell some of them to stop their behavior or leave the building.

I had one family member screaming because her mother wanted some ice cream and we wouldn't stop what we were doing to get it for her. We were in the middle of a code. The woman came to the door and demanded one of us get her mother ice cream. I was doing compressions and was exhausted. I looked up and said, "sure...I'll get your mom some ice cream when I'm done trying to save this woman's life." She walked off in a huff and muttered she was going to report me to the director of nurses. We did save the woman. The ice cream seeking family member marched up to me and demanded to see the director because HER mother didn't get what she wanted when she wanted it. I held out my hand and said, "Hi. I AM the director of nurses." She didn't have any comment and finally went away.

[bluegeegoo2, LPN]

I would love to say, " You can NOT be freakin serious when you want your 101 year old, 88 pound mother a full code!?" No matter how much "family education" we provide, they still think that is what would make her "better" again. GRRR.... Drives me insane! The families drive me nuts, the residents I can handle!

My worst was an 104, that's one-hundred-FOUR y/o woman was brought to my facility and was a full code because, and I quote "I did NOT bring my mother here to DIE!!!" She expected full therapy involvement to improve Mom's ability to transfer herself, etc. Fortunately, I left that job while "mom" was alive and well.

[martymoose, BSN, RN]

Im just curious- if there are any longer term nurses out there( ie- worked in the 70's and 80's, maybe even the 90's) were people like this back then?

Why has society sunken sooo low

[RN34TX]

Im just curious- if there are any longer term nurses out there( ie- worked in the 70's and 80's, maybe even the 90's) were people like this back then?

Why has society sunken sooo low

Not sure about the 70's and 80's, but I started as a CNA in LTC in 1994 and yes the sense of entitlement was prevalent then too.

I have some good memories of some very genuine and appreciative families to be fair, but the bad memories are still very vivid and I could only work in LTC or LTAC again if I were on the verge of becoming homeless.

Hats off to you nurses and CNA's who work in LTC, either by choice or until you finish school and/or something better comes along.

[CT Pixie, BSN, RN]

Im just curious- if there are any longer term nurses out there( ie- worked in the 70's and 80's, maybe even the 90's) were people like this back then?

Why has society sunken sooo low

I wasn't a nurse during those times, but I was a CNA from 85 to the mid 90's. The families were just as bad/demanding then as they are now. I just realized it more when I became an LPN in 2008 because I got all the complaints from my residents family whereas a CNA I only had to relay the info to the nurse about an upset/angry family member.

[bluegeegoo2, LPN]

After my day yesterday, I feel like I need to add a couple more items to the list:

11. Just because I'm actually sitting at the desk doesn't mean I'm not busy. Please reference the stacks of charts, forever ringing phone, and piles of labs that need processing.

12. (To my administrator) You walked right past that call light to tell me to answer it? Oh, I see. When you said anybody can answer a call light, you meant anyone but you.