Want to be a stay at home mom

eatmysoxRN, ASN, RN · Jan 17, 2013

Who do you expect to pay you to watch your child? I'd love to be a stay at home.... Person?... Too I guess, but I have bills. If you're suggesting a federal program to pay you to take care of your own kid, please understand that I feel it is your responsibility to care for them. I apologize for my lack of empathy, but I have friends who work full time minimum wage to pay for their children's needs.

~ No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent -Eleanor Roosevelt ~

xandarosa · Jan 17, 2013

I understand your response. I did make myself sound like a welfare abuser! :banghead: Sorry, I wasn't very clear. My son is medically dependent. He has private duty nursing (trach, g-button, can't do any ADL). In some states, if you are a nurse and you have a child that is medical dependent you can basically be your child's private duty nurse. You get hired through an agency and do everything including paperwork, I think, involved with being a private duty nurse. Your patient just happens to also be your child. Insurance would pay for this just like they would any other private duty nursing.

elkpark · Jan 17, 2013

I've heard of some programs where there is some (limited) financial support for individuals caring for their own family members -- but I've never heard of anyone getting paid a full salary, same as if you were at a regular job, for caring for your own child. If there is such a thing, be sure and let us know where, because I want to be sure I'm not living in a state where that is happenening ...

RNsRWe, ASN, RN · Jan 17, 2013

Sounds like there'd be a serious conflict of interest: a paid healthcare provider in your home is responsible for reporting breaches of care, neglect, etc. The non-related healthcare worker is the eyes and ears of the State, so to speak, so it naturally goes to reason that if the healthcare worker were the MOTHER of the child dependent on 24 hour medical care, there's no safety in place should that mother BE neglectful, etc.

I have a special needs child for whom I receive a certain number of respite hours each month/year. While I *can* have a relative do the respite, it *cannot* be an immediate family member being paid (ie: dad or brother or sister). I have a non-related but trusted sitter to care for my son when the need for respite time arises. Of course the point of respite is to GET respite, so it COULDN'T be me doing it!

Still, I think the scenario you describe could lead to some serious abuse....and I, too, don't like that taxdollars would pay you for this.

xandarosa · Jan 17, 2013

PLEASE READ BEFORE RESPONDING!!!I'm sorry I should of waited till my second wind before starting this thread. I can see how badly my original post read.I am NOT repeat NOT talking about a government program. Tax dollars are not being used. Because of multiple medical issues, my son qualifies for PDN by our INSURANCE. I can't call a babysitter or have any friend come over to watch him. For me to be able to go work rather at a hospital, LTAC, school nurse, etc., I first have to have a PDN come to my house to take care of my son. If a PDN calls out sick and the agency can't find a replacement, I can't go to work. I've been lucky and have had incredible PDN (they're the reason I made it through nursing school) but that isn't always the case.Some states allow a licensed nurse who is also the parent to give nursing care to their child and get paid for it. Basically, cutting out the middle man. How different is it? If I'm a PDN going to care of a patient while a PDN comes to my house to take care of my child but instead I'm my child's PDN?Repeat I am not talking about a government program. One way or another if I want to work (and not be on government assistance) I need my insurance to provide PDN. PS. Yes, I rather work and need to work then be on government assistance!

itsnowornever, BSN, RN · Jan 17, 2013

I for one, understood what you were asking the firs time around, I don't understand why it was so hard to get it. I too have heard of this, but, I don't think it's healthy for you or your son. You DO need breaks. You need time with other adults, and being paid to work at home wouldn't give you that. Additionally, sometimes "outside eyes" can see what you aren't seeing and can make objective decisions. Keep the PDN, be glad you have good insurance, and be glad the PDN is great with your son!

xandarosa · Jan 17, 2013

RNsRWe-We also have do have respite hours but that is not the hours I'm talking about because I also can't go to a job while using those hours. Since I would be working through an agency, wouldn't the case manager be making random visits to my home? Though do understand your concern about PDN being the eyes of the state, what about your average family? They don't have the eyes and ears of state in the home. I have enough hours that I would not be his only nurse. And again I could not be his nurse during the respite hours nor could I go to a job.

TiffyRN, BSN, PhD · Jan 17, 2013

Xandarosa:

As an NICU nurse I really respect parents that often have to learn to care for very medically complex children. I know that we do not know you personally and I'm going to assume that you are a deeply caring and dedicated mother and care provider for your son.

The problem here is that in your original post you asked about which States provide a benefit where a parent is paid to care for their child. This implies government assistance. Later you clarified that this was an insurance benefit. This seems to go against your stated goal of moving to another State to get paid for caring for your child.

Please understand that many readers here will read the original post then skip to the end to post their opinion. Please understand I am sympathetic to the possibility that you really did not state your thoughts and questions very clearly. It may benefit you to ask the moderators to close this thread. You may want to then start a new thread with the knowledge you have gained from this one.

Caring for a seriously disabled child is a huge job and I understand you trying to get as many advantages for him as possible.

Best wishes,

TiffyRN

xandarosa · Jan 17, 2013

I never said provide. I said let. I do understand how badly my original post read. ICK. I will be asking again but I will be rereading my post at least ten times before posting it to make sure I'm EXTREMELY clear.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Jan 17, 2013

Hmm - complex issue.

I remember reading just recently - changes to Medicaid are eliminating payment to family members for in home services. Could be wrong & it may just concern the 'assist' type services but I think it also covers licensed services also.

Our (TX) BON has some very specific ethical guidelines that essentially prohibit us from providing services to loved ones for reimbursement. TX Physicians are held to pretty much the same standards. I realize that the OP's situation is one that seems be one in which common sense would dictate that no one could care for her child as well as she could.... so why shouldn't she profit from it. But it does violate ethical standards on several levels. And certainly incites outrage from those of us who would 'love to stay home and get paid to provide care' to our loved ones also. It would also seem that this type of arrangement would also be vulnerable to abuse . . . NOT saying it would happen, but it would lack the usual checks-and-balances that prevent it.

I have a great deal of empathy for the OPs situation, having served as the (unpaid) primary carer for three family members afflicted with terminal illness.

nurseywifeymommy1 · Jan 17, 2013

Gosh you guys- stop attacking her. She asked a question. Don't judge her situation. No I don't hv special needs children, yes I work. I had twin premmies and am grateful they are "normal ".