Unwise to get married?

Justanotherday · May 30, 2010

I don't see why being married would interfere with nursing school....to me it seems like dating would be harder to "fit in". But if you are married, you and hubby can be home in the evenings and you can be together while you study.

K_girl · May 30, 2010

I just got engaged 2 weeks ago & i am choosing to hold off on the wedding until after i finish getting my nursing degree. I think it's all a matter of your personality, really.

It has taken me so long to get this far mainly because I always let things steer me away from finally finishing my nursing prereqs..you know, ' just life' got to me.

So this time around I am choosing school...and he completely understands & supports me. I just think you should do what works best for you....be happy! :)

JROregon, ASN, BSN, RN · May 30, 2010

When did you "meet" this man of your dreams? Some guys can be very supportive and others can suck the life out of your college dreams. If you find yourself missing class or study time to spend time together, your grades will suffer. I think heavy duty relationships can be a real distraction. If you see that he is working just as hard to succeed in college, maybe he will be a better partner.

Dezy · May 30, 2010

heh actually we have only been together for a short time but it's getting pretty serious. Interesting thing is he plays for a IBL (international basketball league, just a step below the NBA if that helps) and they travel a lot, sometimes for months at a time. When he decides to retire (might be within the next year or so) he wants to be a high school teacher.

Hes ambitious like me, and is a strong believer in God like me which is an added bonus... very humble considering, and respectful. Loves his momma to death. Just throwing this out there in case anyone wonders about faithfulness.

Anyway my point with this is, I won't be able to even have the opportunity if I wanted to skip out to spend time together. He's extremely supportive of me doing this... I think because were on so much of the same page and yes were one of those people "wanting to change the world".

heh... so am I or to lunch or what?

your opinions and suggestions ate much appreciated.

K_girl · May 30, 2010

I think if you've only known this guy for a short period of time, it would be unwise to hold off on your plans. I got into this a long time ago when I was younger & somehow life always got in the way & I ended up putting off school for everything else. It's easy to do once you've already taken the first step of putting things on hold. Pretty soon I was in my 30's & i am just now getting to the point where I'm putting myself first. It was a tough road & I really wouldnt want that for anyone else.

Just my opinion...

DolceVita, ADN, BSN, RN · May 30, 2010

IMO

Getting married at any age or at any stage in education (or career) requires the same attention to fundamental details -- not specifically related to nursing school or any other type of school -- compatibility.

If you haven't done so already, make a list of questions/things to discuss with your intended (just google something like "questions to ask before you get married"). A wedding itself can be time consuming and stressful so that might impact your studies. However, I have observed that a great many people plan their wedding but don't discuss future aspect of their life -- before the wedding. Money is a huge one but so is how children are to be raised.

Also, I know you posted that he was a strong believer in God and consider this evidence of faithfulness. I am not sure what kind of faithfulness you mean. There are people who are believers in God but who do not believe that excludes them having sex outside a marriage.

Question: If he travels so much, how well do you really know him? Exactly how much time to have to observe how he behaves versus how he tells you he behaves?

So, you both may want to change the world but I would make sure that you both know how you want to live day to day AND that it is compatible.

Good luck.

Bobbkat · May 30, 2010

I got married during pre-reqs (right smack in the middle of the semester too), was pregnant during first term of nursing school, gave birth in the middle of second semester. So obviously, it's competely doable to have a life while in school. The way I saw it was I was returning to school in my mid-20's, and I have every intention of completing a grad degree too. By the time I am done with school, I will probably be in my mid 30's. There was no way I was waiting to get on with my life, just because I was in nursing school. Life goes on.

Personality plays a big role in how you would deal with a lot of outside 'distractions' while working on a degree. I'm am pretty laid back. I had the big, fluffy, pretty white wedding and all that, but to be honest I didn't go insane planning it (like I saw some of my friends do). Translation: my life didn't revolve around planning my wedding, so I was able to do other big things at the same time. I was also very happy to delegate. I really didn't give a rat's a$$ what limo company we used, for example, so I let my FIL (to be) take care of it. There was a lot of delegation. When it finally came to the big day, I got married on Saturday, then back to class (with a big, sloppy, romantic grin on my face) on Monday.

If getting married to this man is in your future, than you'll get married. There's no reason that nursing school should get in the way (as long as you have the money available for the wedding you would like). Sure, you are busy as a nursing student, but you would be busy if you had a full time job too. Balancing nursing school and life is tough, but after you graduate you will be balancing work and life, which isn't really any easier.

JROregon, ASN, BSN, RN · May 30, 2010

I hope we don't hear from you 2 years from now that you got pregnant and had a kid, took time off from school to take care of your baby because your "fiance" is gone all the time and wonder whether it's feasible to go to school full-time with a toddler and a baby on the way. How 'bout you get the know this guy a little better in the next year or so, Take very effective birth control - because I know that even though the 2 of you are devoted to Jesus, stuff happens. The best predictor of a lasting marriage is your age. Have a wedding when you as a couple can afford to have a wedding. I'm only saying this because I get to see many divorces happening between perfect couples who couldn't wait to get married.

cobee · May 31, 2010

I think the only obstacles you would face are settling into living with each other and finding a happy medium with your schooling and life. Also, if you wanted a nice wedding you would need to have money saved up and that would be hard during school.

Dezy · May 31, 2010

in response to the faithfulness, I do believe he is a good person, not to say that cheating doesn't happen but everyone has to make a risk.

Anyway a older friend of mine I work with, has known him since he was a little boy and said she watched him grow up. Him being a bit of a star, I'm not sure if I would have really started talking to him.

I'm not hug into spending a ton of money on weddings. I would like something nice and simple. (I'm very much a tomboy)

Also I don't think he would let me stop school, which is awesome and I have told him I don't want him to stop his sport because of me (although he kind of wants to).

I don't have a family and he wants to welcome me into his which would feel so good for extra support (I have been on my own since I was 18-19).

Like I said I am still upgrading and should be done by spring. We COULD do it right after I finish upgrading because we will have a big time gap.

My plan is to go threw BA and then take a bunch of related things to get into BNS. I'm thinking we should be able to balance everything out just fine.

KristeyK · Jun 1, 2010

You sound like you know what you want already. Just talk about the hard stuff PRIOR to marriage. I am a Catholic, and my husband and I were REQUIRED to go through premarital counseling prior to getting married in the Church. We ended up discussing things we didn't even THINK about. I can tell you that if we hadn't known to discuss XYZ or that ABC would eventually pop up, we would have had a hard time getting around it. That warm fuzzy feeling doesn't last forever and you have to get to know how to live with eachother after that goes away. (IMHO, THAT is real love...:redpinkhe) Marriage is HARD, and going to school is HARD. I was married for 12 years before finally going back to school to get my degree. It was my husband who finally talked me into it. YAY HIM! (But not the reason I dropped out 17 years ago...)

As for the planning...meh. Save a few bucks and get married on a nice Carribbean island somewhere. You can call a travel agent and have her plan your "wedding-moon." I used to do them all the time up until I left the travel industry! They're a blast and you can pretty much have whatever kind of wedding you want.