Unwise to get married?

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Ok gang. I am still upgrading... (eeek I know I know) I do know that this is something that I want more than anything else!!! I will be done upgrading in april, plan to apply for bachelor of arts if I cant get in right away. I'm going to be 25 soon... and have finally met the man of my dreams.

I know this is going to take some time to be on my way, but at the same time I don't want to wait until I'm done school to get married.

Advice?

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

All the wonderful feelings of being in love are just as wonderful when you aren't married as when you are. If he is traveling, I STRONGLY recommend you wait until he is done with that portion of his life before you marry him, and spend some time in the same city, dating, living apart and getting to know one another face to face, not through phone calls, emails, texts and neighbor anecdotes.

It definitely sounds like it has promise. It also definitely sounds like a VERY young relationship. Enjoy it. Savor the ride. Get your schooling and let getting married be something you plan for after graduation. Honestly, there is no reason at all to rush this. If it is this intense and this good, it will still be that way when his traveling career is over. You do not really know someone, no matter how much you THINK you do, when a large chunk of the relationship is long distance. I married my long distance lover after five years long distance and an additional two years in the same place. It was right - but adjusting to being together every day was HARD. Lots of little assumptions I didn't even know I had blown out of the water by reality. I am glad we took the time to savor the "dating" portion before going into the "marriage" portion.

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Specializes in School Nursing.

I was your age when I got married. Similarly we knew after a few months we were getting married and within a year we were. We still are, 13 years later. One thing we had to built a strong foundation is a lot of time just to spend together as a couple. (We probably took some of that time and went to school THEN) We waited years to have kids which I recommend fully- kids are stressful and can really drive a wrench in the best of marriages. Add school to that and it is 10x harder. My DH and I are both in school, he is working on his MBA and I am now doing the prereqs for my BSN. It is doable, but not the most effective route to your future. Good luck.. marriage definitely complicates things somewhat.

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Oh yeah, I don't want to get married until he can be here with me... I know how the warm fuzzys go away.I have had my share of relationships, and I don't mean to sound corny but with him , this feels like an entirely different league.... not even the game game when it come to this guy relationship wise. Something very different then I have ever felt ad thats what make me feel like it has a lot of promise in addition his love for God and his humbleness...

There was a good point made. I would still like sometime to actually date and be together. I don't feel the need to rush a wedding like now, but I would love to make things some what official between us.

I wonder about engagement?

arrg we have to wait for his agent to let him know whats happening specifically...

*SQUEESES!!!* thank you for some of your stories, it really is comforting.

More please!

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My question is... why get married? You're young (assuming so I guess), these are the best years of your life.

Theres nothing wrong with being in love and having that feeling of him being "the one", but whats the need for a ring to make it offical? If you two love each other like you say, you shouldn't need a ring to prove your relationship and "make it offical"

Believe me there are time when I feel like I should just get engaged to my BF of 18 months (around here it's common to be engaged before 19, small town thing I guess) but then I realize I'm entering the best years of my life, if he's the one he will be around in a year or two when I'm ready to become engaged.

No one can stop you from getting married/engaged, but from my experience people who rush into it seem to be seeking verification that they are in love and meant to be.

Sorry for the rant, but that's just my two cents. If you decide to get married, best of luck and I truly hope for the best. If you decide to wait it out then have fun dating and getting to know each other.

But if you do get engaged, please show us a picture of the rock. I'm mildly marriage obsessed and I love looking at all things bridal. I know that makes little sense after my rant. But anyways best of luck in what to decide!

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Just wanted to throw my opinion in. I have been with my fiance' for 4.5 years. After about three I felt the "urge" to get engaged and start planning a wedding. I have always wanted a long engagement. We have now been engaged for over a year. Once I started back to nursing school (still in prereqs) I realized now is not the time to get married. Although I already have the wedding planned we would be able to save money while I'm in school for the wedding and possibly for clinicals as I will probably not be working or very little. When we get married I don't want to have to worry about school anymore. I want to be done and the weight off my shoulders.

I highly recommend a long engagement (at least 6 months). We are still learning things constantly about one another. It's normal and you will continue to do so throughout your life together.

I see people my age married and having kids. In some ways I envy them but in another way I feel blessed to not be married or have kids. It can throw a wrench in things sometimes.

Wait a little longer and make sure you feel the same way about things. Finish school. Have him finish his stuff. Don't let him quit because of you. He may think he won't regret it and he may not. But what if he does? Make sure he retires at the right time.

Good luck with this and school.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

That is a good point. If he is quitting to be with you, he almost guaranteed WILL resent you for it later down the line even if he swears up and down right now that he won't. New Relationship Energy (NRE..:laugh:) is a proven biological hormonal alteration in the brain that affects decision making ability. Just enjoy this time! It sounds like he may very well be The One...which is wonderful. Be protective of your love!

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The decision shouldn't be based on whether or not it will interfere with nursing school. It should be based on how you feel about the relationship. I think it's great to be married while being in school. The first time I went to college for my BA, I partied and didn't focus as much as I should have. I got married two years ago. After the first year, I decided to go back and do my pre-reqs. I finished in a year, and am now starting nursing school in the fall. I got a 4.0 in all my pre-reqs and truly attribute this to having a stable and happy relationship with my husband. He is more than supportive of everything I do, and it has been great. By the way, we dated for a year before we got engaged. We were then engaged for a year before we got married. We have now been together for a total of four years and the warm and fuzzies are still there. Just make sure it's the right person, and get to know each other well. We spent A LOT of time together that first year. When it's the right person, everything will work out.

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Sounds like there are a lot of happy ladies out there!

I was thinking of a long engagement wouldn't be so bad. Something to confirm everything unofficially without the hassle of rushing things.

I wonder when he will pop the question. I have always been tomboyish but I always wanted the guy to propose. We have already said things like your the one, don't want anyone else, Always want to be with you, be with you forever etc all the mushy stuff...

How long does it take a guy to normally ask after you guys start talking about spending your lives together? :heartbeat

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My fiance and I were together 4 months before we got engaged. Lol. We moved in after 6 months, and eloped 6 months ago (right when school started). We have been together for over 4 years. We are in school together (for different things) and I think it has drawn us closer together. We are both working towards our dreams and even though its hard, it's exciting.

I think whether it is "unwise" depends on the person and their goals. I have a friend who became and LPN, had all intentions of becoming an RN, got married 2 months before she became an LPN, and has no intention of going back to school in the near future. She is on fertility meds to have kids.

If you are both set on education coming first, you will be okay. But if one has different ideas, then it will be a problem. Finances need to be worked out first and foremost as it is the number one reason people divorce.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
Sounds like there are a lot of happy ladies out there!

I was thinking of a long engagement wouldn't be so bad. Something to confirm everything unofficially without the hassle of rushing things.

I wonder when he will pop the question. I have always been tomboyish but I always wanted the guy to propose. We have already said things like your the one, don't want anyone else, Always want to be with you, be with you forever etc all the mushy stuff...

How long does it take a guy to normally ask after you guys start talking about spending your lives together? :heartbeat

As a generalization, most men will not "pop the question" until they feel they have their financial house in order. However, this varies from person to person widely. He will ask when he is ready, period.

You wondering about this sounds pretty dreamy to be honest. Everything you guys are saying are pretty typical to the excitement of a new relationship. He may be years away from being ready to get engaged yet. You can ask him, but if he is pretty far from that school of thought, then chances are things are going to start to cool down. He will rightly feel you are getting the wrong message, if that is not where his inclination is, and he will do the right thing and stop it. Timing is important.

Long engagements have their own unique challenges. It is hard to have a ring on your hand, have people asking if you have set the date, knowing you technically could start looking at dresses or planning a wedding but you don't know how far off it is, so it makes no sense, as your tastes may change etc. Some people do have very long engagements, but you need to examine how much of a push you will mentally feel to then start planning a wedding. Visit www.theknot.com or www.brides.com as there are bulletin boards there with threads for women hoping for a proposal and threads for those who are having a long engagement.

Seriously. Relax. Enjoy the ride. Yes, the prospect of being proposed to is exciting, but you only get it once and then it is over. Don't be in a hurry to make it happen. It will happen all on its own if/when it is right. Anticipation of this time is half the fun. Yes, you should wait for him to propose if that is your dream. And that means you need to let him do it when he is ready. Trust me, it will feel much better emotionally knowing he got to that place all on his own.

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