unsupportive partner, need advice!!!

[duf]

Hi, I am about to return to my final year in nursing school afr taking the last year off due to problem during pregnancy. My self and my partner split afr the baby was born, ( he's 5 mths old now), he said he felt he was too young to be a father. he's 21. during the pregancy i was having panic attacks trying to fathom how i would cope with a newborn, school, my partner and balance everything.

when my son was 2 mths old, my partner and i decided to give it another go. He said he was sorry and that things would be different. he was right but now there worse!!!!

He expects me to all the household duties, cook, clean, etc as well as study, work, and keep both of our families happy.

In fairness our families have been brillant and very supportive of both of us since the baby arrived. but i feel i can't tell anyone what my partner is like, especially his family as i'll be letting them down.

i asked him to make some food up for the baby's dinner the other day and he said he didn't know how. That didn't bother me as much as the fact that he has no intention of learning either!

the way i see it its myself, my family and his family that have been rearing his son.

anytime i try and talk to him about this he proclaims that i'm imagining it and that its all in my head.

the only interest he has is his social life and his gambling on horse racing.

I love him and don't know what to do!!!

I do know that if he loved me at all, he should try to listen to me!!

need advice here cos i'm flying solo and my wings are getting tired!!!

[memphispanda, RN]

Well...let's look at the facts.

This guy is a father whether he thinks he is too young or not.

This guy gambles away money.

This guy lets you in and out of his life depending on what he wants at that moment.

This guy expects you to be his mommy--cook, clean, take care of his baby.

I'd ditch the guy. Get the child support. Don't revolve your life around a man who is so self-centered.

But that's just my opinion.

[AmyLiz]

Originally posted by memphispanda

Well...let's look at the facts.

This guy is a father whether he thinks he is too young or not.

This guy gambles away money.

This guy lets you in and out of his life depending on what he wants at that moment.

This guy expects you to be his mommy--cook, clean, take care of his baby.

I'd ditch the guy. Get the child support. Don't revolve your life around a man who is so self-centered.

But that's just my opinion.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Sure it's not easy being a single mom, but look at it this way, you'll be doing the same stuff with or without him...only without him you wouldn't have to put up with his crap.

[LisaRN2B]

Originally posted by memphispanda

Well...let's look at the facts.

This guy is a father whether he thinks he is too young or not.

This guy gambles away money.

This guy lets you in and out of his life depending on what he wants at that moment.

This guy expects you to be his mommy--cook, clean, take care of his baby.

I'd ditch the guy. Get the child support. Don't revolve your life around a man who is so self-centered.

But that's just my opinion.

Umm...yup...I second that.

Get out, don't look back.

[Altra, BSN, RN]

Sure it's not easy being a single mom, but look at it this way, you'll be doing the same stuff with or without him...only without him you wouldn't have to put up with his crap. [/b]

Absolutely true ...

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, Duf. It's time for a heart to heart with your guy, followed by some action on your part.

Let us know how you're doing.

~Leigh

[tntrn, ASN, RN]

Originally posted by AmyLiz

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Sure it's not easy being a single mom, but look at it this way, you'll be doing the same stuff with or without him...only without him you wouldn't have to put up with his crap.

AND you can take ALL the credit for everything you are accomplishing!

[Paleobug]

I third Memphis as well. It looks like this guy is just going to be a drag on you.

[renerian, BSN, RN]

Just bring it out in the open during discussion that you are not wonder woman, wonder mom, wonder nurse and wonder wife and that you need help. Ripp off the W on your chest and hand it to him.

I would not hold out hope if he did not lend a hand since he is actually help making things needing to be done ie)laundry and such.

renerian

[wonderbee, BSN, RN]

You love him. As Tina Turner said "what's love got to do with it". He said it himself... he's too young. In fact, it looks like you've got TWO kids to take care of.

Are you waiting for him to change? It will be a very long, frustrating one. Don't hang on. It will just embitter you and drain you of the energy and focus you need to concentrate on positive pursuits. Sorry. Dead weight's gotta go.

[smk1, LPN]

Go memphis its your birthday! go memphis..... but seriously you have a baby that YOU gave birth to to take care of now. You do not need to be taking care of a 21 yr old BABY who you didn't give birth to ship his a@@ out!

[Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN]

Originally posted by memphispanda

Well...let's look at the facts.

This guy is a father whether he thinks he is too young or not.

This guy gambles away money.

This guy lets you in and out of his life depending on what he wants at that moment.

This guy expects you to be his mommy--cook, clean, take care of his baby.

I'd ditch the guy. Get the child support. Don't revolve your life around a man who is so self-centered.

But that's just my opinion.

Totally agree. Dumping him now will be a lot easier than dumping him later after he gets more and more ingrained into the idea that you take care of all the responsibilites and he can just be a bum. And...what if you get pregnant again!

For the life of me, I don't know why women put up with this kind of crap. I sure never have.

[sbic56, BSN, RN]

duf

I know you say you love him, but is it really that or more so the idea of what life could be, if only he would give you what you need? He did come back, but is he up to the challenge of both a relationship and a baby? I'd sit him down and let him know exactly what you need from him to make this relationship work. If he thinks you are being totally unreasonable, then perhaps he is too immature for this right now and you would be better off as a single mom. Push for financial support from him, but don't rely on it, as he has already proven himself to be irresponsible. Laws won't amend that. It sounds like you have some good support from the grandparents. You are fortunate to have that much. Good luck!