As Jenny lay on the obstetrician's examination table, she was grateful that the ultrasound tech had turned off the overhead screen. She didn't want to see the two shadows floating inside her. Since making her decision, she had tried hard not to think about them, though she could often think of little else. She was 45 and pregnant after six years of fertility bills, ovulation injections, donor eggs and disappointment-and yet here she was, 14 weeks into her pregnancy, choosing to extinguish one of two healthy fetuses, almost as if having half an abortion. As the doctor inserted the needle into Jenny's abdomen, aiming at one of the fetuses, Jenny tried not to flinch, caught between intense relief and intense guilt.
Unintended consequences of reproductive technology?
I'm with those who are disturbed by this. I found the article interesting, but also very unsettling. If you take fertility drugs or use other fertility treatments, you have to know that multiples are a greater-than-usual possibility, so don't freak out when you find out there's two in there. Ok, a freak-out is forgivable, but to go so far as to reduce, I'm not comfortable with that.
A generation or two ago, if you hit your 40's and hadn't had kids, you were pretty much out of luck. I understand that infertility carries a harsh burden, and that's one thing. But waiting that long by choice and then deciding after a ton of fertility treatments that you 'just can't raise two', that's irresponsible IMO.
here's the thing - even if the RE only transferred one embryo it could still split to become identical twins - which you can't predict...
I went through infertility treatments, fortunately we were able to get pregnant after some expensive drugs and an inexpensive IUI and as you can tell from my screen names I got the 2-for-1 deal...was I freaked - absolutely, did I ever once think of reducing HELL NO!!! I could never live with myself if I reduced from 2 to 1 and then lost the remaining twin...
there is no point to this post other than to say you go in to fertility treatments knowing that you may end up with multiples - that is the gamble you take...
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
And I kinda wanted to smack Octo-mom upside the head for not making this choice.
And I kinda want to smack Octo-mom upside the head for being a boil on the butt of humanity and selfishly giving birth to 14 kids she is neither financially nor emotionally mature enough to handle.
The most frustrating to me is that she already had kids and made this decision. It is hers to make, but if at 45 you decide you want another child, why on earth wouldn't you adopt? I can't imagine how much money she spent on all of it. I'm not frustrated with the decision to reduce, but HOW you come to that decision. I got the feeling of "me, me, me!" during the article. SHE wanted another child. SHE couldn't handle twins. Then again, I am pro-choice, and that makes it HER choice, which some also consider selfish.
After having been on a BB that deals with older women and infertility, i can't imagine any of the reducing from 2 to 1.One was even 43 and had 2 implanted, and one of those two split. Ans she is a single mom. Does very well.
As far as the adopting, the scrutiny you areput under is difficult, and expensive. Many other countries are not allowing outside adoptions anymore. And even if you find one, you will blow about 40,000 bucks. IVF with donor embryos can be as low as 8-10 thousand- many of them are already donated- just have to pay for transfer. And no scrutiny.
Of course there is always fostering, but the kids usually get ripped back out of your arms once the crackhead mom "says" she'll clean up her act.
So I would conclude that this person reducing is selfish. She had to have known the risks.i do admit when I did my first COH/IUI and was told there may be a risk, i was scared. But it was a risk I was willing to take.I was not going to reduce. Never became a worry anyway....
I would have loved to have had two embryos. :-( :-(
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
I'm confused as to why the MD would implant more than one embryo if the patient had already decided to only have a singleton pregnancy?
They don't "implant" them, they transfer them. It's common for the transfer to not result in implantation, which is why they often try to increase their odds by transferring more than one.
After having been on a BB that deals with older women and infertility, i can't imagine any of the reducing from 2 to 1.One was even 43 and had 2 implanted, and one of those two split. Ans she is a single mom. Does very well.
As far as the adopting, the scrutiny you areput under is difficult, and expensive. Many other countries are not allowing outside adoptions anymore. And even if you find one, you will blow about 40,000 bucks. IVF with donor embryos can be as low as 8-10 thousand- many of them are already donated- just have to pay for transfer. And no scrutiny.
Of course there is always fostering, but the kids usually get ripped back out of your arms once the crackhead mom "says" she'll clean up her act.
So I would conclude that this person reducing is selfish. She had to have known the risks.i do admit when I did my first COH/IUI and was told there may be a risk, i was scared. But it was a risk I was willing to take.I was not going to reduce. Never became a worry anyway....
I would have loved to have had two embryos. :-( :-(
This is true as far as the scrutiny one must undergo as an adoptive parent. As I've stated, I have 3 children adopted. One from Russia and two from China. Each adoption cost us approximately $30,000 in fees to the foreign translators, American agencies, donations to the orphanages, travel (our biggest expense of the process), etc... I, of course, consider it money quite well spent - but I certainly understand that not everyone is willing to or can spend that much money. It's a shame it costs so much since there are so many needy children in the world who might get adopted otherwise.
That being said, there are still a lot of countries still open for adoption.
As far as the scrutiny - yes, it was a pain in the butt. However, I would say that IF biological parents had to have the same level of scrutiny before they had children, there would be far fewer abandoned, abused and neglected children in the world. But in a free society, we can't mandate that. I understand that, but wish there were more scrutiny on bio parents than there is, especially if one is going through IVF. And I have a bio daughter too, so it's not like I am against bio parenting in any way, shape or form. And if you don't abuse, neglect or abandon your children, I am obviously not referring to you.
I felt the same way about the Octomom when she got pregnant with 8 more children after having 6 already. I was more angry with the doctors who allowed her to transfer so many embryos after she already had 6 children. WHERE was the scrutiny there? She needed some! After she did get pregnant, I thought it was crazy to have that many kids, but how can you tell someone to selectively reduce? And of course, much later, when I saw all of her beautiful children, I wondered to myself which child would not be here had she decided to reduce...which puts it in a brighter perspective for me anyway.
As MUCH as I hate the Octomom (and i do!) and think she is crazy and selfish and a whole lot of other adjectives, I have more respect for her having those children than I do for the mother that selectively reduces from twins to a single after having gone through the immense process that is IVF. You CREATE, PURPOSELY a baby and then decide after that you don't want it anymore? If this woman felt she couldn't love two children - guess what?...someone else would have loved that baby. Give it up for adoption.
This whole thing feels icky to me....Not as an adoptive mother, not as a biological mother...but simply - as a mother.
I feel about this the same way I do about sex selection. Its completely not my thing and I'd never do it. Someone else? Eh, their prerogative. I dont have to agree or like it, but in the end, its not my decision to make for someone else.
Why is it that whenever adoption comes up in conversation, people automatically start talking about what countries are open for adoption? I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with adopting from a different country (my cousin was adopted from Laos), but is there a reason so many people look outside the U.S. to adopt? Is it more difficult to adopt here, or is there something else?
Why is it that whenever adoption comes up in conversation, people automatically start talking about what countries are open for adoption? I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with adopting from a different country (my cousin was adopted from Laos), but is there a reason so many people look outside the U.S. to adopt? Is it more difficult to adopt here, or is there something else?
It can be difficult to adopt a very young child or baby in this country, and that's what most people seem to want. Plus, there is a trend towards open adoptions here which doesn't appeal to a lot of people. Many people don't like to process of having to "sell yourself" to a birth mother. There is also a chance that the birth mother could change her mind. There are also the residual effects of black social workers' group's discouragement of the adoption of black children by white families.
I did read somewhere though that one of our larger exports is of black children to Canada for adoption.
Anyway, those are some of my reasons. (My husband and I adopted our youngest child from China.)
Why is it that whenever adoption comes up in conversation, people automatically start talking about what countries are open for adoption? I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with adopting from a different country (my cousin was adopted from Laos), but is there a reason so many people look outside the U.S. to adopt? Is it more difficult to adopt here, or is there something else?
Because the adoption process here in the US does not protect adoptive parents rights. In Russia, and in China, our adoptions were finalized before we came home. No one could part me from my child. We looked into adopting domestically before we chose the international route, and while the open part of adoption didn't scare me that much - the fact that in my state a birth mother has SIX months to change her mind did! I KNEW that I did not have the personality to live through those 6 months of unknowing. As it is, the bonding is so important. I don't think I could have properly bonded if I thought that someone coming and taking my baby was an option.
And also, I didn't care about adopting an infant. Let the people for whom the age of a child is of utmost importance adopt those children, or for whom, sadly, the race of a child was of utmost importance. Neither of those things mattered a bit to me.
My children were 9 months (still an infant to me), 15 months (toddler) and 2 years at adoption. And my 2 year old son adopted from China had a cleft lip and palate - so it's not like I was looking for a 'no risk' adoption either. There is no such thing in birthing or adoption IMO. And lastly, I would say that the other reason we didn't adopt from the US is because of the competition. I had no need to prove myself to a birth mother so that I could adopt her infant, when a plane ride away are children for whom there is no competition and they are living in orphanages just WAITING for someone to want them. It breaks my heart that for many adopting, a 2 year old is considered "too old". For those parents for whom that is the route they take, I have no distain. It just was not for us.
All of that being said, I have friends who just finalized thier US adoption after 6 months of having that baby in their home. It worked out great for them....but literally, at any time, the birth mother could have come to the door. I'm really happy when I see ANYONE give ANY child who needs a home, a home. I don't care if they are pink, purple, orange or yellow...from the USA, Guam, China, Russia or any other corner of the globe. There are, very sadly, enough homeless children and not enough homes. But the reasons above are the reasons many people chose to adopt outside of the US.
Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP
4 Articles; 5,259 Posts
I'm with those who are disturbed by this. I found the article interesting, but also very unsettling. If you take fertility drugs or use other fertility treatments, you have to know that multiples are a greater-than-usual possibility, so don't freak out when you find out there's two in there. Ok, a freak-out is forgivable, but to go so far as to reduce, I'm not comfortable with that.
A generation or two ago, if you hit your 40's and hadn't had kids, you were pretty much out of luck. I understand that infertility carries a harsh burden, and that's one thing. But waiting that long by choice and then deciding after a ton of fertility treatments that you 'just can't raise two', that's irresponsible IMO.