Troll co-worker

[NursesRmofun, ASN, RN]

We are asked this a lot in interviews: How do you deal with difficult co-workers?

I always say just ignore a lot and keep doing my job. Well, that is true...but it doesn't make me feel better...truthfully! I currently have a co-worker who seems to hate all new employees. She talked to me about another employee that was not as new as I am and I just said, "Well, she is new isn't she?," and she kept going on about the other employees shortcomings. I know she does the same regarding me. Only with me, she even makes things up. The other day, I told her I was just checking where they were with this patient/resident because I had to do a procedure on him, and she argued over what I said - wording, semantics....like I committed a really dumb (wording) error and she tried to correct me. She was the one who was wrong, but I just tried to answer in a diplomatic way to not place her in an embarrassing position. I didn't want to tell her off. That wouldn't be good for my new job. Besides, she is even older than I am, and I try to respect those older than myself. There are at least a couple similar typed accusations daily from her. She accuses me of doing or saying something the wrong way. She may just be "cranky" and takes it out on newer employees. She may also think I make more money than she does, etc. I am just afraid someone might actually think I am as dumb as she represents I am. I guess I shouldn't care....just keep working. LOL

How do you handle these situations or how would you, if something similar happened to you?

[Libby1987]

I don't ignore, I work on building relationships. Not necessarily becoming compadres but I'm not going to ignore people as a way to deal.

I'm trying to soften my directness but I remain direct, with everyone. That comes with experience and confidence and I can't teach that in a post but I would encourage you to learn how to deal with difficult people without ignoring them.

[NursesRmofun, ASN, RN]

I didn't mean to literally ignore. I meant to ignore the attempts at an argument. When someone believes that what you said is wrong, it could take a lengthy conversation to correct them or come to an agreement. Add that this would be in the middle of a workday. Correcting them might also not go over well with someone who is older and wants to believe they are smarter than you. It's tricky.

[icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN]

This person is trouble. Don't feed the troll. Don't listen to it and don't participate in it. Say "I don't like to talk about people." Repeat as needed.

You are going to have to confront her when she insults you directly. Say "well that's very nice but I am following the policy. "

or say sarcastically "thanks, ms troll, for correcting me, yet again."

Consider managing her negative behavior just another part of the job.

[Libby1987]

I also meant don't ignore her negative comments. "I don't agree," and then wait and repeat can go a long way to ending diatribes.

If your performance is strong, no one will believe you are dumb.

[NursesRmofun, ASN, RN]

I am sorry I did not mention that I did not ignore her statements regarding the procedure. I answered them briefly. She didn't respond. She seemed like she wanted to...but she did not. I guess, in reality, I did not ignore her.

[llg, PhD, RN]

I used to wonder why I have only occasionally found myself in those types of situations. Then I figured out it was because I don't put up with them. I put an end to it early and people learn not to mess with me.

I say the types of things that the previous posters have recommended. I say them politely, but firmly and move on.

I also "apologize" as in:

"I'm sorry that we had some miscommunication earlier. What I meant to say is that blah, blah, blah ... Are we clear now?"

"I'm sorry to have to disagree on this, but ..."

Then I move on with an attitude of "OK. That's cleared up now, time to move on. Let's not make a big drama out of it."

I have also made it a point to establish very good relationships with my immediate supervisors and other senior colleagues. Most trouble-makers know to avoid messing with a self-assured co-worker on good terms with the powers that be. They pick on the weaker ones, not the strong ones.

[kidzcare]

It's taken me a lot of years to get to the point where I say "I feel like there's a little hostility in our conversation here." and try to redirect the conversation with a positive tone. I'm not always successful.

[~PedsRN~, BSN, RN]

I once told a coworker that I don't have to like you to work with you. I have gotten to the point where I am able to let a lot of things go and roll off my back. I find that these types usually end up hanging themselves in the long run.

[resqbug]

Reading what you wrote, my first thought is she sounds like an insecure person. If that is the case, she will be a drain by trying to drag you down to make herself feel better. Once I realize someone is insecure, it is always much easier for me to smile at their antics and move on.

[NursesRmofun, ASN, RN]

Reading what you wrote, my first thought is she sounds like an insecure person. If that is the case, she will be a drain by trying to drag you down to make herself feel better. Once I realize someone is insecure, it is always much easier for me to smile at their antics and move on.

Exactly, I guess by ignore, I actually meant "move on"....not let it effect me as much. She is insecure. You nailed that. She wants to put me down to make herself feel better is my estimation.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

I didn't mean to literally ignore. I meant to ignore the attempts at an argument. When someone believes that what you said is wrong, it could take a lengthy conversation to correct them or come to an agreement. Add that this would be in the middle of a workday. Correcting them might also not go over well with someone who is older and wants to believe they are smarter than you. It's tricky.

"Perhaps I communicated that incorrectly. I will take it under advisement. Otherwise, this is not a conversation I am willing to have at present. If you will excuse me..." And walk away.

This person's self esteem issues are not your gig.

And when the "nurse such and so is soooo dumb" conversations come up, again, a "I am uncomfortable with the tone of this conversation. However, I will try to support her/him any way that I can in their practice, as that is a team goal, no? If you will excuse me...." and walk away.

"I make it a point to not discuss other coworkers" "This is an inappropriate conversation, I am not willing to participate in"

And if she asks you what you are doing "patient care. If you will excuse me..."

You are more than likely not the only one who is onto her issues. You can only control your practice. Otherwise, not worth your energy.

Best wishes.