We are asked this a lot in interviews: How do you deal with difficult co-workers?
I always say just ignore a lot and keep doing my job. Well, that is true...but it doesn't make me feel better...truthfully! I currently have a co-worker who seems to hate all new employees. She talked to me about another employee that was not as new as I am and I just said, "Well, she is new isn't she?," and she kept going on about the other employees shortcomings. I know she does the same regarding me. Only with me, she even makes things up. The other day, I told her I was just checking where they were with this patient/resident because I had to do a procedure on him, and she argued over what I said - wording, semantics....like I committed a really dumb (wording) error and she tried to correct me. She was the one who was wrong, but I just tried to answer in a diplomatic way to not place her in an embarrassing position. I didn't want to tell her off. That wouldn't be good for my new job. Besides, she is even older than I am, and I try to respect those older than myself. There are at least a couple similar typed accusations daily from her. She accuses me of doing or saying something the wrong way. She may just be "cranky" and takes it out on newer employees. She may also think I make more money than she does, etc. I am just afraid someone might actually think I am as dumb as she represents I am. I guess I shouldn't care....just keep working. LOL
How do you handle these situations or how would you, if something similar happened to you?
People like this coworker are actually quite easy to 'tame'. It can be a bit distasteful, but it's worth the effort.
You know for a fact her head is seething with negativity, nasty judgments, and all . . . because she basically loathes herself. Not that she's even got Clue Number One that her self image is so bottomed out. Just know this about her. And with a person like this, what do you think she 'wants' more than anything?
To be accepted exactly as she is. To be safe. To be free of suffering. Her whole schtick is just a really obnoxious method to avoid feeling badly about herself. Most folks are a lot more mature about it, that's the only difference.
The trouble is by being extra encouraging and supportive and complimentary of her is that she could suddenly start thinking you are her BESTESTEST friend in the whole world. I had a really obnoxious coworker at my last job practically FOLLOW ME AROUND, like she got a crush on me or something. She wanted to ***** and moan and harp to me instead of work. But at least she wasn't starting rumors or drama about me.
Everyone is different, and you have to find your own personal way of coping with such a person. I 'befriend' them, and they stop the bullcrap with me and maybe with others if they are capable of respecting my feedback. I don't get bullied. Other people like Libby don't get bullied because bullies don't dare. I don't get bullied because bullies don't want to bully me . I've had a couple coworkers I had to get very assertive with, but for the most part I 'tamed' them.
People like this coworker are actually quite easy to 'tame'. It can be a bit distasteful, but it's worth the effort.
You know for a fact her head is seething with negativity, nasty judgments, and all . . . because she basically loathes herself. Not that she's even got Clue Number One that her self image is so bottomed out. Just know this about her.....
Thanks for taking the time to respond as much as you did. You are so right about her. She really is hating herself and that she is still working. She really is someone to be pitied without going into detail. I am just one of a few she takes aim at...trying to make herself feel better. I treat her with kindness each time. But, I was in luck and she is no longer around me. That works! lol
"Perhaps I communicated that incorrectly. I will take it under advisement. Otherwise, this is not a conversation I am willing to have at present. If you will excuse me..." And walk away.
This person's self esteem issues are not your gig...
Thanks for your responses. It will come in handy, if and when I deal with her or someone like her again. I think I did pretty well on my own. I "killed" her with kindness, although her statements were sort of hurtful,...I soon realized she was just very sad and unhappy with her life. It really isn't about me. Sometimes, after one of her not so nice comments...like backhanded compliments like she'd never want my job...I would look at her with a head tilt and expression that HAD to say, "Why in the world would you treat me this way?" and she'd look at me with some recognition that she knew it was not what a kind, normal person would say.
Gooselady, BSN, RN
601 Posts
People like this coworker are actually quite easy to 'tame'. It can be a bit distasteful, but it's worth the effort.
You know for a fact her head is seething with negativity, nasty judgments, and all . . . because she basically loathes herself. Not that she's even got Clue Number One that her self image is so bottomed out. Just know this about her. And with a person like this, what do you think she 'wants' more than anything?
To be accepted exactly as she is. To be safe. To be free of suffering. Her whole schtick is just a really obnoxious method to avoid feeling badly about herself. Most folks are a lot more mature about it, that's the only difference.
The trouble is by being extra encouraging and supportive and complimentary of her is that she could suddenly start thinking you are her BESTESTEST friend in the whole world. I had a really obnoxious coworker at my last job practically FOLLOW ME AROUND, like she got a crush on me or something. She wanted to ***** and moan and harp to me instead of work. But at least she wasn't starting rumors or drama about me.
Everyone is different, and you have to find your own personal way of coping with such a person. I 'befriend' them, and they stop the bullcrap with me and maybe with others if they are capable of respecting my feedback. I don't get bullied. Other people like Libby don't get bullied because bullies don't dare. I don't get bullied because bullies don't want to bully me
. I've had a couple coworkers I had to get very assertive with, but for the most part I 'tamed' them.