Trifling, tricky, 2 faced cnas!!. what to do what to do??

[sasha2lady]

we are currently not allowing visitors due to a terrible stomach virus....almost the whole building is infected with this thing....staff included. several are in the hospital while the rest are on ivf, which means we have been short staffed for almost 4 days now..nurses and aides...well...since i havent caught the bug yet, i was called by the don to come in early yesterday....so i was like...sure, ill be there soon as i can.....well...i get there and get started....and one of my aides comes and tells me that she came in early too for the same reason. then she proceeds to tell me that the day shift aides were talking about me behind my back, now mind you, the aides on all shifts work different hours than us nurses, they come in and leave an hour earlier than we do. i have maybe worked with this particular aide for a total of 2 hours in the past year but ive never said a harsh word to or about her...nothing. she had always been nice to me as well...so to hear that she would say that she didnt like me because she thinks the don and me are "buddies"...is ridiculous. i had to reallllly bite my tongue on this one. i kindly informed the aide that told me this that i am not buddies with the don, we are colleagues just like the rest of us, we do not talk on the phone nor do we associate anywhere outside of work. unless we happen to run into each other at the grocery store or something work is the only place where i see anyone employed there. i told her that i didnt appreciate what the other aide said and that before she ran her mouth about me and what she thinks, she needs to find out the facts and if she so needed to know anything factual about me or my relationships/friendships...whatever....with any employee...she should ask and ill tell her whats real and whats not. now, normally i wouldnt care less about an aide liking me or not....still dont. i however, have been under an enormous amount of stress since my husband became unemployed causing me to be the sole income for which i am now working 2 jobs to make ends meet. i am exhausted and very ill tempered lately. things are just aggravating me more than they usually would...and this just got under my skin. i even made this girl 2 gorgeous baby shower baskets full of goodies when she had her baby 2 yrs ago.....i did it because i knew she was in dire need of those items...never regretted it at all. as for the other aides including the ones i actually do work with on a daily basis, i never ask too much of them, i dont ride their asses, i dont walk on them or treat them like they are below me...nothing. but, when i do ask something of them, i expect it to be done and they know it. that doesnt make me a witch. its my job. i dont feel like i have to be "liked" but i do demand respect, and thats not a negotiable issue for me. i show respect to everyone, i think i deserve at least that much. do any of you other nurses or aides have this kind of problem? or have had this before? my choice now is to just brush it under the rug and move on. its just people like this tend to spread false ideas about people like myself. just because i do what im told to do (unless its unethical) by my boss doesnt mean im a brown noser or a suck up or that im in some kind of a clique. ive never been in a "clique" in my life...dont intend to start. whats the best way to put an end to her loose lips?

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

Question:

Do you do your job?

Answer: Yes

clock in, clock out...enjoy your life at home...

When you start hearing rumors...start humming a nice tune and TUNE IT OUT....

Don't waste your energy and don't waste your time...life is short and there is so much to enjoy.

Really.

[Katie5]

This is merely heresy. Did you hear these words told to you? If whoever told you is bold enough, then have them say it in front of the other person.

I truly do not like stuff like this- if you can tell the person, then surely you can say it to the person's face.

I do understand that it may not always be that easy but still. Either she agrees to that or let you live in your oblivion:)

[idahogirl2u]

Having gone from being a CNA to a nurse I will say that just in the wording of your post, you can be condescending. Why cant your heading be " Trifling, tricky, 2 faced coworker!!" Are these personality traits specific to CNA's ? I am sure they aren't. You may not realize it, but they aren't YOUR CNA's, they are your coworkers. Don't get me wrong, I don't like working with two-faced people, no matter what their position is, but as a Nurse and a leader you need to be the example and handle the situation as such. You may not realize it, but some of the comments you made are very demoralizing. CNA's are the backbone of every facility they are staffed at, yet they are the least paid and have the hardest job physically, not to mention they are at the bottom of the totem pole so to speak. I see that you "DEMAND" respect. You might want to try not being so demanding and better yet give more of it even if you dont get it. I am willing to bet that there have been more things said about you that you are unaware of, but be a little more sensitive and I am sure things will turn around for you. Good-luck.

[dgonzal883]

i dont see anything wrong with what you wrote or how you wrote it. i too am a formed cna and i didn't see anything insulting in the post. i think how you handled it was professional and mature. was there a disagreement in the past between the two of you that involved the DON? i don't understand why she would say that but whatever..that's how some people are.

i had a similar experience where an aid, pretty new to the facility, made a comment about me in front of another aid and the supervisor, both whom were surprised to even hear that about me. this male aid made a comment along the lines of "she's hot but she's a b*tch", mind you before i had only worked with him maybe once prior, and ran into him at a store not too long ago,mattwer of fact i had said hi first...but here's the thing..i go to work to work, not to socialize. i have no problem talking to fellow co-workers and making friends, but when i'm working i'm working. i don't stop what i'm doing to gossip, if i'm not done with my work i don't just take a break because everyone else is doing it...i concentrate on what i have to do and do it..besides that i'm the shy type where i usually only talk to people if i know them anyway...

but regardless, i didn't let it bother me. i treat my co-workers (aids, nurses, DON) with the utmost respect because they, as human beings, deserve it. i just laughed about it and moved on. it was slightly frustrating for someone to msake such a quick judgement but i know how i am and how i treat people, and so do co-workers and residents that know me, so i let it go as poor judgement on his part.

this person wasn't a close friend so just go about your business..her loss.

[nursel56]

idahogirl2u;4074624]Having gone from being a CNA to a nurse I will say that just in the wording of your post, you can be condescending. Why cant your heading be " Trifling, tricky, 2 faced coworker!!" Are these personality traits specific to CNA's ? I am sure they aren't. You may not realize it, but they aren't YOUR CNA's, they are your coworkers.

Lot's of nurses use this terminology to indicate a loyalty to, and advocacy for, "their" CNAs, their "team". Not to indicate that they own or posess them.

Wow- stress really turns up my emotional dials, too, Sasha2lady. Over the years I've found the best way to deal with gossip is to never react to it on the spot. I listen, but I don't become visibly angry, shocked or defensive. I just say things like, "really", "oh, she did?" etc. The person bringing you the information had an agenda, too. Usually it's to see you react. If her true intention is to be supportive of you, she's done at that point. If you don't react, she's not getting her "pay-off" and that may dissuade her in the future. I also never let it go past me personally if someone brings me a tale about someone else.

Then later on think about what happened. Often it's a tempest in a teapot best ignored. No one will remember in 2 days. And besides, why is it their business if you're buddies with the DON or not? Unless you are actually collaborating with her to harm other people, which is silly- I don't get it.

Other times, it is a person who repeatedly stirs things up, is plain old toxic to the unit on a regular basis, need to be followed up and documented and you shouldn't have to put up with that. No, you can't demand that people respect you, but you can demand that people adhere to professional behavior no matter what they think of you personally!! I hand it to you! It is tough to be in a supervisory position! Best of luck!

[DusktilDawn]

I tend to question the motives of people that provide "gossipy" information. I have had the misfortune to work with a few people that would relay comments taken out of context in order to spread discontentment. What may have been said may be totally different than how it was relayed.

[bswlpn95]

From my experience in the 15 yrs. I have been charge nurse on the floor to DON which I am now, I have to go into work with the attitude to be friendly to all my associates but friends to none. I do my job to the best of my ability and there will always be staff, residents, and family members who love you and some who hate you but you have to live with yourself and that means treating everyone like you would like to be treated. I know from your post that you care for your staff and residents/patients. So don't be dismayed that you hear rumors that people have said things about you behind your back b/c that is the way some people function. It is not your fault and there is nothing you can do about it. You are doing a good job and that's all you need to focus on.

[mc3, ASN, RN]

Gee, after reading your post I thought it sounded like the cattiness involved in junior high school. So, my advise is what others have said - rise above it, be professional and go about your business. Yes, it's easier when everyone gets along but my experience is that it's rare. Just do your job the best you can, and forget about them!!!

mc3:nurse:

[kathy313]

Maybe the CNA that told you what the other said was just trying to start crap. Some people thrive on it. Best thing for you to do, just do your job, don't play into the gossip and keep your feelings about co-workers to yourself. Too much time and effort gets lost to the "he said, she said" garbage. Just let it roll off your back, if you keep yourself out of it, the gossipy bunch will quit telling you things because you're not fun to play with.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Maybe the CNA that told you what the other said was just trying to start crap. Some people thrive on it. Best thing for you to do, just do your job, don't play into the gossip and keep your feelings about co-workers to yourself. Too much time and effort gets lost to the "he said, she said" garbage. Just let it roll off your back, if you keep yourself out of it, the gossipy bunch will quit telling you things because you're not fun to play with.

Agreed. If you feed into the gossip it'll just keep going on. So keep yourself out of it and if you hear it, shrug it off and don't give them the satisifaction of seeing it get to you. They'll get bored and move on. And besides, you're there to work, not to make new BFFs.

One other thing, and I say this both with the utmost kindness and as someone who has spent several years in a managerial role before entering nursing: you say in your post that you "demand" respect. Respect is earned. The fact that you are a nurse may automatically accord you authority over the CNAs, and that authority you have every right to demand. And you can also demand that they treat you civilly and not rudely. But respect is not authority. Respect is something you have to earn, and you do that by your actions, how you handle yourself, and how you treat others both superior and subordinate.

Does that mean you have to coddle people or play the gossip games to get respect? No, not at all. But if you feel that you aren't getting respect, the first thing you should do is take a long, hard, honest look at yourself and how you are at work. I'm not saying the problem is you--it's likely that it's not--but how you are towards others does affect whether others will respect you.

And if after that honest look you find that your behavior has been professional and it's not you who is the problem, that's great...I wish I had a solution for you for the respect problem then, but all I can suggest is that though it may be hard, continue to show respect towards others even if you feel it's not returned. At least that way your behavior will remain beyond reproach...and karma usually has a way with catching up with people anyway.

Good luck.

Oh yeah: though I may only be in my "first year", I've spent more than 5 in management.

[CapeCodMermaid, RN]

It seems you've already spent too much time and energy on this issue. I tell my staff (yes I call them that and no one is insulted by it) to put their teflon hats on when they come in to work. That way any thing that is slung at them will roll off and hit the floor. Get over it and don't get involved in the pettiness that comes with work.

PS...to the poster who said it was 'heresy'...I think you meant to say it was hear say..