Triage complaints- the good, the bad, and the shocking.

Specialties Emergency

Published

"I was raped by an octopus."

"I have severe, severe, severe, SEVERE, SEVERE cold sores!" (five severes, I counted. And one cold sore visible.)

Discuss.

Specializes in Adult/Ped Emergency and Trauma.

I got a "Domestic Violence to Posterior Head," which turned out to be bald spot where no head trauma occurred(besides the hair coming out), via EMS. It is rare that fast track and out side was slammed, the Director had just called diversion like 30 seconds after EMS let this girl out. Of course non-emergent patients get placed in waiting area. She wasn't happy one bit about our "outdated patriarchal @$?%ing system(G Rated Version), I came by the @$&%# meat wagon!!"

Then she all the sudden calmed down and remembered "out-loud" that she had a cousin near the facility that made his own "hootch." (a homemade ETOH beverage)

She was back right before my shift ended, this time carried by a few inebriated kin, blood dripping from a wide lac to her forehead, unconscious, and before I could dart out of the glass office to the triage area from report, my ER tech said, "Darn! She's looks like she's grasped the Triage system's complexity!" (Just a few stitches and a concussion).

Then, the brightest of the group, the designated driver, states: "It's a good thing she was drunk and limber, or that fall would have broken bones or even killed her!"

I would like to think sober she wouldn't have tried to balance across a bridge under construction, but what do I know- I'm just a Nurse:)

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Specializes in MS, ED.

CC: hair not growing. Pt said Dr. Oz said this might be sign of cancer. Sigh.

40 something year old woman with no significant medical history...CC: constipated. Last BM: today. Huh? She stated 'I usually go 6-8 times a day, don't you?'. Meh.

Pt with obvious arm lac asks to be seen for 'neck swelling' x 3 weeks. No visible swelling, no dental complaints, no trouble breathing. Totally oblivious to lac and states 'oh, we can take care of that anytime.' Hmm.

Fifty-something female with armful of records. Uh oh. Asks for second opinion on 'what's wrong with her prostate.'

Group of men *and* dog in tow. Uhh??? CC: scabies and we all need to be seen and treated together since we live together (including dog please.)

Via EMS: female with a 'minor wound' to torso. Pt upon arrival: 'oh, I set myself on fire, they didn't tell you?'. :p

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Specializes in Adult/Ped Emergency and Trauma.

We had an 87 yr old MD who sometimes worked ER. He was very distinguished and had taught Cardiology at UNC Chapel Hill and Duke. It was nothing in the old days for home visits with leather bag in tow to be for an 800lb Jersey Cow who was having Labor Difficulty, or a milk cow who needed Calcium Injections that were Super Dangerously fatal to cattle. So, during my time at that ER it was nothing to see one his peer age group farmers bringing a mule with Colic or a Mama pig that wouldn't lactate in the back of a truck or in a trailer right up to the ER.

One night we had a fill in for him while he was sick, and sure enough- a trailer with a calf who wouldn't take the bottle came on a pillow of hay still wet from birth. I was really surprised when the young doc(from Massachusetts here to work off loans in Rural Mississippi) went right out to the calf after being told the man was out there(without one complaint or frown), and slid down an improvised feeding tube from a respiratory tubing, took a 60cc syringe and checked placement with his Stethoscope, then put the leather strap around it to secure.

We were so surprised. This used to be more common place in the South and West for MDs to take care of 2 and 4 legged creatures, even 3 if need be.

Don't worry, he scrubbed down and changed scrubs, the hospital made out a quick notes for these farmers cheaper than a Vet would cost, and the Physicians were reimbursed well the next day always with some pie or creation from the farm on top of their $40 check from FVR-MS for the Vet(MD) Bill. I never told any of my colleagues about that Travel Nursing, but it sure gave me a sense of place:)

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Specializes in EMS, ED, Trauma, CEN, CPEN, TCRN.

CC: concern for STD from blister on leg obtained from a rented roller skate. Pt wanted to be tested for "everything!!!"

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What? I came in by squad and you don't have a room for me???

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Specializes in ER.

"I think I might have been drugged last night at the bar by a hairdresser because my bangs are shorter than usual and I don't remember getting a haircut."

At a Level 1 Trauma center at 1AM.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Emergency, CEN.

"I was stabbed to death! I died!" Yes, pt was on drugs. (Btw-skin fully intact.)

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Specializes in Anesthesia.

"I think I'm butt-pregnant" - was concerned after having sex via the out door. Not very intelligence, to say the least.

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Specializes in Anesthesia.

Me and you both! If only we could stop coddling these people.

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Specializes in ER.

Phone triage---

"My girlfriend is bleeding!"

"How much is she bleeding?"

"I don't know, a lot!!'

"Where is she bleeding from?"

".......uh......you know."

"No, sir, I don't know. You need to tell me."

"........uh.....her area....."

"Do you mean her lady parts?"

"(giggle)....uh, yeah"

"Is she pregnant?"

".....uh.....I don't think so."

"Is she having any pain?"

"......uh, yeah....cuz....you know."

"No, I don't. Describe the pain."

"Well, we just got done having...you know...."

"Sex?"

"(giggle)....uh, yeah...."

"Do you think she's bleeding from the sex?"

"......uh....no, we used something.....you know."

"NO, I don't. What did you use?"

"..................do you know what a c*ck ring is? This one was metal."

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

Had another guy vomit once in the bathroom at the movie theater. No comorbidities, no other complaints. Vomited once and came in by ambulance. An adult man.

This is literally a daily occurence where I work.

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Specializes in MedSurg.

"No food at home" - middle aged male

Another middle aged male with laceration to genitals after a drunken manscaping session

An entire family came in to be treated for bedbugs

"I'm upset because I had an argument with my mom" - grown woman

"I need my soiled briefs changed"

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