Transgender Nurses - experiences/opinions

Nurses Relations

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Hi,

Thanks for taking the time to read this and hopefully providing your input. I am new to this site, and nursing. I have passed my nursing program and will be taking the nclex this summer. Unfortunately, I am at another more confusing/vital crossroad in my life where I need to decide whether I have the courage to be who I always felt I was or resign myself to living out my life in the manner that my family and society thinks that I should. Sadly, right now, all I can see is a great deal of emotional pain with either path I choose.

I was hoping that some of you might have experience either as a person transitioning or as the co-worker of someone who has transitioned while they were working at a hospital. I am particularly interested in male to female experiences since that is my potential situation and also because it so commonly elicits a much stronger negative reaction than female to male. How did the hospital, staff and patients react? How supportive or unsupportive were they?

For those of you that do not have any direct experience, how do you think that you and your team would feel about it if it was one of yours that came out and began transitioning? How would you like the person to go about things to make you feel more comfortable with it? I am looking for a realistic picture, not just reassurances. I really want to know the truth as transitioning while in a job seems like the scariest thing next to explaining this to my religious parents.

Specializes in Neuro, Trauma, and Psych.

LOVE this post! because it opens up the conversation and allows us to all to explore our own feelings about gender and orientation. I hope that one day soon you are able to be who you are to your family and everyone! But for now I wanted to say JUST TODAY for my nursing school psych rotation we were required to receive an open educational forum from the Yes Institute of Miami. This organization helps individuals dealing with gender and orientation issues and their families. Because it's hard on the individual and it is also takes some Kubler Ross type coping for the family. We met this amazing guy Umut and he has a great story! His story can be found here YES Institute Blog: A Father’s Love.

Best wishes to you!

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Specializes in MDS/ UR.

The one thought that is foremost in my mind is avoid drama.

I worked with one gal moving from female to male.

Every week seemed like some new reality show episode.

I hold the same standard for myself and anyone I work with.

I don't need or want to be so involved with your life on such intimate levels at work.

I can't begin to understand the place you are coming from but I do know that being out of the norm can be a hard road.

Bless you on your journey.

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I know of a female physician, formerly male. She completed her change before she moved to this area. So, there was nothing for her to go through as far as having been known here as male then female. I only once heard someone gossip about her transgender status, but that was by someone that gossips about everyone, about everything, so doesn't mean much. She is highly respected, and I regularly hear from physicians, nurses and her patients about what a talented physician she is. So, my experience has been that if you are respected in your field, people don't care about your private business, whatever it might be....In any case, it's a wonderful thing for anyone who is able to find the path to being exactly who they are meant to be. Not everyone is able to find their way like that...Wishing you peace.

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Specializes in Pedi.
It seems as though everyone that has posted is very supportive. Me personally, I am not for transgender! As a male nurse, it really bothers me to think that some of the women nurses out there are men by birth. All I can really say is, this may be best kept to yourself at the work place to prevent any unwanted coworker eyeballing or gossip. As far as your religious parents, (I am extremely religious also) and one sin is no greater than another,whether it be murder, pride, stealing etc, (and you will be accused of sinning by the religious community). As stated above, no matter what you do we are here for our patients-not our personal lives.

Why, pray tell, is this? Are you so homophobic that it bothers you to think that you may be attracted to one of your female colleagues only to find out later that she was born with male genitalia? I notice you said it only bothers you to think of female nurses who were born male. So you are not bothered by males who were born female?

OP, here's a story about a doctor up here who transitioned WELL into her career: After a gender change, Dr. Deb has no regrets - The Boston Globe

The vast majority of her patients stayed with her. Be who you are.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

I have no direct experience with a transitioning colleague. But you know what -- I don't CARE if you're gay, straight, transgender or transitioning. I care if you're a good team member and take good care of our patients. On a personal level, I care if your family -- whether the family you were born into or the family you gave birth to or the family you've chosen -- makes you happy. If you want to talk to me about your husband and your kids or your mother and your siblings, that's great. But if that isn't your lifestyle and you want to share your challenges with transition surgery or your excitement about the new man or woman in your life, that's great, too. I don't care about the details, and it's not up to me to judge. I just care about my colleague and whether or not their choices and their circumstances are making them happy.

As for me being comfortable with it -- as long as you're not sharing the details of your bedroom activities, it's up to you to determine who you share your bedroom WITH. And HOW your share it. And I'm happy to hear about your culinary experimentation, your adventures in travel, your challenges with your pet and your fears about your mother's dementia or your child's dyslexia. We can ALL relate to those sorts of things.

I would think that transitioning while in a job would give you an area of stability in a life which must seem like shifting sands. It would also give you consistent colleagues with whom you can relate about day to day details of your life, whether or not you choose to share the big fact of your transitioning. We all get stuck in traffic, but if you don't have a job to go to, who are you going to complain about it to?

As for your religious parents -- I hope they're sincere in their religion and in their love for you. If they reject their child over this, I don't believe it's because God would want them to. Unfortunately, organized religion sometimes seems to deviate a great deal from what God wants.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I hope your choice allows you some peace and happiness.

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Specializes in ER.
Again poeboy in your original post you said "As a male nurse, it really bothers me to think that some of the women nurses out there are men by birth."

Again I will ask WHY? It doesn't affect you in anyway.

It could have to do with the way I was raised, My dad is old fashioned. I was raised up in many churches. Mostly it bothers me because in my mind I see it as un-natural. I know there are many of you out there who disagree with me and thats okay. These are merely my thoughts. I feel the same way towards any gender changing to the opposite sex, so its not just one sided.

You are right, It doesnt affect me but, what am I to tell my children when they ask me these questions. Do I tell them that what ever they do, do it and dad will support no matter what-whether its right or wrong. Suppose I did something that each nurse on this post didn't like, should you all be okay with it as long as it doesn't affect any of you. We each have things that bother us, just everyone is afraid of offending or being accused of judging.

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Wow! All I can say is thank you all so much for all of your input, stories, links, support and encouragement! It really means much more to me than you probably know. While I have always felt this way about my gender identity, it has only been in the last few weeks that I have finally given up the fight and fully accepted who I am. After I let go, I felt relief, but I also felt emotionally drained and very weak. Since then, I have been getting a little stronger and more confident each day. The difference in how I feel in just the hours since my initial post is like night and day and I owe a lot of that to your posts. Your encouragement, empathy and kindness has given me strength, hope and confidence. Your posts have really put one of my greatest fears at ease, and the support could not have come at a better time. I learned that no matter where I go, I will most likely have people there who will have my back, some of them rather fiercely. That is very comforting going forward. It also makes me take a second look at other fears that I have built up around my possible transition. I am really starting to get in the "what's the worst that can happen" kind of mindset, and if my worst fears happen, is it really that bad? I guess those people just don't belong in my life. Even Poeboy, who obviously does not support my decision of going forward was respectful about it. I can live with that. I don't expect everyone to understand or accept my decision, but as long as I am respected as a person and a professional, I feel like I will be ok. Thank you all so much. Once I get a job and things get under way, I will post an update.

Kaley

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Specializes in ER.

Your welcome!! Even I will respect you as a person and professional. When I am at work, ALL emotions get checked at the facility door- time to work and make it patient centered.

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It could have to do with the way I was raised, My dad is old fashioned. I was raised up in many churches. Mostly it bothers me because in my mind I see it as un-natural. I know there are many of you out there who disagree with me and thats okay. These are merely my thoughts. I feel the same way towards any gender changing to the opposite sex, so its not just one sided.

You are right, It doesnt affect me but, what am I to tell my children when they ask me these questions. Do I tell them that what ever they do, do it and dad will support no matter what-whether its right or wrong. Suppose I did something that each nurse on this post didn't like, should you all be okay with it as long as it doesn't affect any of you. We each have things that bother us, just everyone is afraid of offending or being accused of judging.

To that I would ask you what you would have intersexed people do? Are they unnatural? There is more out there than just XX and XY. I grew up in a strict religious household as well. Nothing my parents did caused this, and trust me, they fought it every step of the way. I was actually pretty religious myself growing up. Ironically, my feelings came to light for the first time when my parents asked me what I was praying for so much. They were very proud with my devotion until I told them that I was praying that god would make me a girl like I was supposed to be. As the story goes, it didn't go over too well.

The advice I would give to a parent, is to let a kid express their feelings and let them know that they are loved no matter what. It may be just a phase, but if it isn't and they are truly trans, you are risking your child's life if you force them to keep it all inside. I think the latest statistic had 40% of transgender people having tried to commit suicide at least once in their life. It is that painful of an experience when you have no one to turn to. i guess it all depends on what is more important to you.

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Specializes in ER.
To that I would ask you what you would have intersexed people do? Are they unnatural? There is more out there than just XX and XY. I grew up in a strict religious household as well. Nothing my parents did caused this, and trust me, they fought it every step of the way. I was actually pretty religious myself growing up. Ironically, my feelings came to light for the first time when my parents asked me what I was praying for so much. They were very proud with my devotion until I told them that I was praying that god would make me a girl like I was supposed to be. As the story goes, it didn't go over too well.

The advice I would give to a parent, is to let a kid express their feelings and let them know that they are loved no matter what. It may be just a phase, but if it isn't and they are truly trans, you are risking your child's life if you force them to keep it all inside. I think the latest statistic had 40% of transgender people having tried to commit suicide at least once in their life. It is that painful of an experience when you have no one to turn to. i guess it all depends on what is more important to you.

I am sorry for your difficulties! I don't have an answer for the intersexed, other than age will determine the gender characteristics and I may be wrong on that. I will not be closed minded about this issue though.

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People will find a reason to hate no matter which gender you are. Be true to yourself, be a good nurse and you will be able to hold your head high.

The negative reactions you may receive say more about the haters than you.

Best of luck to you!

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Specializes in Pedi.
It could have to do with the way I was raised, My dad is old fashioned. I was raised up in many churches. Mostly it bothers me because in my mind I see it as un-natural. I know there are many of you out there who disagree with me and thats okay. These are merely my thoughts. I feel the same way towards any gender changing to the opposite sex, so its not just one sided.

You are right, It doesnt affect me but, what am I to tell my children when they ask me these questions. Do I tell them that what ever they do, do it and dad will support no matter what-whether its right or wrong. Suppose I did something that each nurse on this post didn't like, should you all be okay with it as long as it doesn't affect any of you. We each have things that bother us, just everyone is afraid of offending or being accused of judging.

Well one would hope a compassionate parent would tell their child "I love you and I want you to be happy." Living a lie is no way to live a happy life. Here's an awesome Mom's response to her transgender son:

Mom Announces Her Son Is Transgender In The Best Way

I grew up in a religious household as well. My father is not "old-fashioned" he is a flat out bigot. We last spoke about 10 years ago. I have a mind of my own.

Your argument about "nature" reminds me of a satirical list of the 10 reasons against gay marriage that has been circulating on the internet for at least 10 years:

An unsigned Facebook post about gay marriage is cracking up the internet | Nerve.com

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

Nurses who say/think these things scare the crap out of me.

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