Transgender Nurses - experiences/opinions

[Kaley1]

Hi,

Thanks for taking the time to read this and hopefully providing your input. I am new to this site, and nursing. I have passed my nursing program and will be taking the nclex this summer. Unfortunately, I am at another more confusing/vital crossroad in my life where I need to decide whether I have the courage to be who I always felt I was or resign myself to living out my life in the manner that my family and society thinks that I should. Sadly, right now, all I can see is a great deal of emotional pain with either path I choose.

I was hoping that some of you might have experience either as a person transitioning or as the co-worker of someone who has transitioned while they were working at a hospital. I am particularly interested in male to female experiences since that is my potential situation and also because it so commonly elicits a much stronger negative reaction than female to male. How did the hospital, staff and patients react? How supportive or unsupportive were they?

For those of you that do not have any direct experience, how do you think that you and your team would feel about it if it was one of yours that came out and began transitioning? How would you like the person to go about things to make you feel more comfortable with it? I am looking for a realistic picture, not just reassurances. I really want to know the truth as transitioning while in a job seems like the scariest thing next to explaining this to my religious parents.

[AmyRN303, BSN, RN]

It could have to do with the way I was raised, My dad is old fashioned. I was raised up in many churches. Mostly it bothers me because in my mind I see it as un-natural. I know there are many of you out there who disagree with me and thats okay. These are merely my thoughts. I feel the same way towards any gender changing to the opposite sex, so its not just one sided.

You are right, It doesnt affect me but, what am I to tell my children when they ask me these questions. Do I tell them that what ever they do, do it and dad will support no matter what-whether its right or wrong. Suppose I did something that each nurse on this post didn't like, should you all be okay with it as long as it doesn't affect any of you. We each have things that bother us, just everyone is afraid of offending or being accused of judging.

It's not about "doing" whatever they want to do, it's about BEING whoever they really are. Contrary to some belief, gender and attraction isn't a choice, like, "Hey, I feel like it would be cool to be a woman today." No. My kids don't personally know my transgender friend, as she lives out of state and they've never met her. But they do know many same sex couples and they do ask questions. They know our neighbor across the street has two mommies and the younger ones were satisfied with the "each family looks different" explanation. My 12 year old who understands biology and reproduction asked more questions about the logistics of how their son could be born, so I had to give a little more info. Off the topic, but just to show that children can be much more accepting on their own if their parents aren't pointing out what they feel to be "unnatural". And being aware of other genders and situations does not "make" your kids do anything. Being forced to fit into a certain gender box, however, can do serious damage to a person. I too was raised in churches as you describe, and it boggled my mind as a child that hate was spewed from the same lips that preached the love of Christ "to all". If as the church claims, and the Bible says, that Christ died so that none should perish, but have everlasting life, that includes everyone....not just straight people who fit a certain "societally acceptable" profile.

[KelRN215, BSN, RN]

It's not about "doing" whatever they want to do, it's about BEING whoever they really are. Contrary to some belief, gender and attraction isn't a choice, like, "Hey, I feel like it would be cool to be a woman today." No. My kids don't personally know my transgender friend, as she lives out of state and they've never met her. But they do know many same sex couples and they do ask questions. They know our neighbor across the street has two mommies and the younger ones were satisfied with the "each family looks different" explanation. My 12 year old who understands biology and reproduction asked more questions about the logistics of how their son could be born, so I had to give a little more info. Off the topic, but just to show that children can be much more accepting on their own if their parents aren't pointing out what they feel to be "unnatural". And being aware of other genders and situations does not "make" your kids do anything. Being forced to fit into a certain gender box, however, can do serious damage to a person. I too was raised in churches as you describe, and it boggled my mind as a child that hate was spewed from the same lips that preached the love of Christ "to all". If as the church claims, and the Bible says, that Christ died so that none should perish, but have everlasting life, that includes everyone....not just straight people who fit a certain "societally acceptable" profile.

You know, it's obvious that people who say "what will we tell the children?!?!?!" have never actually discussed such issues with children.

I have a patient who just turned 7. She is in the first grade and her teacher is gay and married. When her Mom told her that Mr. Smith had a husband, she said "boys can have husbands?" Her Mom then explained it and her response was, essentially, "oh, ok."

And here's a story from a Mom who explained homosexuality to her young children: Ladspace Blog • I've been forced to explain homosexuality to my...

Poeboy, you live in Illinois. Gay marriage is coming there in less than 2 months. Your children will grow up with friends who have 2 mommies or 2 daddies. (Or do you intend to tell them "you can't go play at Tommy's house because his parents are unnatural"?) Whether or not you think it's "unnatural" your children will grow up in a world where this is just a reality and doesn't need an explanation.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

It could have to do with the way I was raised, My dad is old fashioned. I was raised up in many churches. Mostly it bothers me because in my mind I see it as un-natural. I know there are many of you out there who disagree with me and thats okay. These are merely my thoughts. I feel the same way towards any gender changing to the opposite sex, so its not just one sided.

You are right, It doesnt affect me but, what am I to tell my children when they ask me these questions. Do I tell them that what ever they do, do it and dad will support no matter what-whether its right or wrong. Suppose I did something that each nurse on this post didn't like, should you all be okay with it as long as it doesn't affect any of you. We each have things that bother us, just everyone is afraid of offending or being accused of judging.

I think you do what your beliefs and conscience dictates. You raise your children to know right from wrong but to also be compassionate human beings. Let them decide. It is ok to teach that you beleive someting isn't ok...but teach it without hatred.

I think you were brave to voice your opinion on such a debated topic. You did so with politeness and thoughtful responses. While I disagree I respect your opinion.

What do you tell your children? Tell them your beliefs. Why you feel it is wrong. Tell them how to be kind and tolerant of others even if you disagree. Only you an make that decision of what to do if one of your children are gay. For me it would make no difference and I would be there for them no matter what.

[mhy12784]

I think a huge part of how smoothly it would be would depend on the culture/enviroment in which you work as well as geographics.

This country still has a long way to go on sexual orientation and race.

Id imagine this would/could be pretty tough

[Kaley1]

I agree Esme12, it takes courage to stand up for your beliefs, and I never felt like anything Poeboy said was based in hostility or hatred. I hope he doesn't mind that I share this, but he sent me a very nice message explaining his feelings a little further. I feel like he has compassion for me, but can't reconcile my situation with his beliefs. I wish it were not the case, but I respect his beliefs. If I am going to expect tolerance, I can't be intolerant of other people or their beliefs that are such a deep part of them.

[veggie530]

Do whatever you want, Christ, you only live once. You can't honestly expect to do this and eyebrows not be raised, so if that's what you're looking for then take a spoonful of reality and work on how you will be able to accept whatever the natural consequences are of your actions. If you spend too much time being concerned with what others will think/do as a response, you're never going to have the time to be happy.

And, by the way, this is coming from someone who feels entirely uncomfortable with the entire concept you're going through. So if I can say do what makes you happy, you know I must honestly believe it lol

[Clementia]

I think the units I've worked on wouldn't have a problem with someone who was transitioning, as long as that person did a good job as a nurse or aide. Myself, I admit I would find the whole situation unusual (but then I'm from a small-town Midwestern background where pretty much everyone was white, straight, and Catholic or Lutheran.) Personally I judge other nurses by how good they are at what they do, not by their sexuality or choice of lifestyles.

I think the advice to keep drama out of the workplace is worth taking. Not that you shouldn't talk about your life or what you did over the weekend -- it's just that drama and work do not mix. (And I would say the same thing to anyone going through a big messy life situation, whether that be transitioning, divorce, nervous breakdown, etc. etc. So it's not just your particular situation I'm talking about.)

Of course I don't know you, but judging by the tone of your posts, you sound like someone I would enjoy working with. Best of luck to you!

[Kaley1]

Ha! Well, if it makes you feel any better, I know the whole thing is unusual! As for drama, I am a very easy going person who saves personal business for friends and select people who ask. I honestly wouldn't speak about it unless someone was curious or being hurtful or rude. I also don't get hung up on making points; if someone was uncomfortable with me using the women's restroom at work, I would gladly use a family bathroom to avoid making it a floor wide problem. I don't want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable, and would hope that over time they would begin to see that it is a matter of personal identity and not a perversion to be afraid of. Also, I know that I would become the archetype for transgender people in many of my co-workers eyes and I would take that responsibility very seriously.

Touching on the notion of transgender as perversion....I know a lot of people believe that being transgender and sexuality are intertwined and they kind of are, but not in the way most people think. Gender identity is not a product or bi-product of sexuality although the reverse may be true for some. In other words my gender identity, like anyone else, developed when I was very young. The first time I verbalized to my parents that I was different was around four or five years old. My sexuality did not develop until puberty like everyone else. Sexual interest or fantasy does not play a role in one's gender identity.

[Corey Narry, MSN, RN, NP]

Kaley1, I'm glad you're getting a lot of support on this site from nurses in various regions of the country. I'm sure you've researched your options regarding a future transition. As a NP, I have cared for transgender patients in the hospital where I work but this does not make me an expert on the healthcare needs of transgender people in the community. That said, I encourage you to consider not only the social environment where you will live and work but also the community where you will receive future healthcare services to make sure that it would meet your unique healthcare needs.

Transgender people have primary care needs throughout their lifespan that many providers (physicians, NP's, PA's) are not familiar with or trained to address. Anything you do from hormone replacements to consideration of surgical intervention must be conducted under the supervision of a provider knowledgeable of the intricacies and complexities in this process. I think there is a huge benefit in being in close proximity to resources that can address your needs to stay healthy not only in mind but body as well. I am not trying to tell you where to go but as a concerned provider, do look into the links below and consider finding out if the area you live in can offer similar services:

The Center of Excellence for Transgender Health

Trans Health Clinics | Trans Health

Project HEALTH | Advancing Transgender Health Care Rights

https://www.uofmhealth.org/medical-services/transgender-services

[ky_rn]

One of my cna's was transgender and I was more shocked by the fact that I didn't know for a long time and couldn't tell that she was born a male. I think it is best to keep it private at first. By the time everyone in our facility found out we already knew her and although it was different it wasn't something we judged her or the work on. The bottom line is if your a good nurse and a hard worker it doesn't matter who you are/were. There might be a couple that don't agree but they would almost definitely pick the transgender nurse that works hard than a lazy nurse!

Good Luck with everything :)

[Kaley1]

Thank you so much for the links, input and your genuine concern Juan! I had not really considered that specifically, and it is such a good point to think about for anyone going through this. I guess I just assumed that "friendly" places would naturally have those services readily available. More than anything, i had just been looking at states or areas that had protections with regard to employment, but this is an equally, if not more important consideration to think about. CA is at the top of the list, but new grad jobs are so scarce there, I know I will be applying all over the country. Very exciting and scary at the same time! This will definitely be added to my list of selection criteria to help choose the areas where I should apply more vigorously. Once again thanks to you and everyone who has posted, not only has it helped me immensely, but I am sure that it will become a valuable source of encouragement and information for others in my situation who come to these boards! Y'all are awesome!

[jpizzle11]

Don't know how to PM someone...Kaley, I have experience in this area and would love to give some advice if you are interested. This process will be 10x harder than you think, but it IS doable. And for the people painting rosey pictures of, "It's your personal business, no one will care..." well, that's BS. Gender is not personal business. It is very public business. Even in extremely well educated and accepting environments, you will be under the tremendous burden of having to educate everyone on what transition is and how people should treat you. You WILL be asked very uncomfortable questions right and left, your privacy WILL be invaded on a regular basis, people WILL screw up your name and pronouns all the time, and people WILL say incredibly stupid and hurtful things to you...sometimes with good intentions, often with bad intentions. There are some things that will make this process easier, however.