Tips for helping a nurse who may be suffering from drug abuse/addiction

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Hey All! I'm in quite the not happy situation.... I've been in a several year relationship with a nurse who I'm worried may be in the throes of a problem with drugs... so I'd love to hear what someone who has far more experience than me has to say about it.

They have never admitted they take anything, but I know they have a history of taking ritalin, wellbutrin, prozac, and also know they currently take adderall, and have seen in an email recently that they mentioned to a friend that they don't have adhd, but say what they have to say to the Md to get a prescription for adderall so they can feel better- it's the only thing that helps. Seeing that really shocked me, and made sense out of watching them only get 3 hours of sleep and go work back to back to back 12 hour shifts as an ICU float nurse, even after I tried to charmingly get them to bed earlier. They have a noticeable twitch in their face at times, and a zombie like gaze that just seems soo odd to me... yes, there's much more that I've observed but won't belabor it...

I've read denial is a key sign of an addiction problem, and have thankfully never seen it before but this behavior is so confusing it makes no sense unless you apply this perspective to it. I'd love to hear any words of advice from good people who have experience with this. I sure don't want to cause them distress or harm their career, but the worry that they might be in danger themselves or a danger to patient care as a nurse, especially one who is a fill in/ floating ICU nurse and doesn't work regularly with any one group of people, really has me sincerely concerned. If I want to get them help, what do you recommend? Contact the board of nursing? Employer? Just leave it be and hope they are okay?

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Specializes in Hospice.

Have you said this to your partner, yet?

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Specializes in kids.

Have you ever watched Nurse Jackie?

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Specializes in PDN; Burn; Phone triage.

The emphasis on your partner's work versus the fact that someone you presumably love might have addiction issues is weird. I thought you were talking about a coworker at first.

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Specializes in Registered Nurse.

Reporting your partner to the BON or their employer before you speak to them seems extreme, even cruel. Why so much emphasis on their employment? If it were me, I would have an open discussion with him/her about my concerns and go from there. Reporting them will only serve to alienate yourself from him/her. These programs from the BON are no joke and should not be taken lightly.

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Don't involve his/her livelihood...... Be a friend and speak w them first...

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Specializes in ICU.

So this person is taking meds prescribed by a doctor, has a hard time sleeping and sometimes twitches. I'd advise you not to do anything drastic like reporting them just based on the information you wrote here. Are they taking more than prescribed? Diverting meds from work? Drinking and driving? Is there a reason to believe he/she is impaired at work? Has they're been any mistakes at work due to impairment?

If you want to report them, I'd suggest you have solid proof that they're impaired. Just because this person takes Adderall ....

that

Is

Doctor

Prescribed.

If you care enough about this person you will sit down and talk about it. Tell them your worries. I understand there is a point where someone needs to reported for drug use but this is definitely not going to go anywhere but piss him/her off. Then they've got to deal with the nursing board that YOU reported them to.

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

I have to say this scenario almost reads like a textbook scenario for home work: As in "you are a nurse in a relationship with and or nurse who you have come believe has a problem with Drugs/Alcohol. What is your duty as a nurse"........................

It just reads kind of weird that you would jump on the bandwagon of reporting your partner to the BON on a theory with very little to substantiate it. Yes there are some flies on the wall but why not have an honest frank conversation about this. Tell your partner how you feel using "I" statements and see what happens.

That being said addicts/alcoholics in the grip of their disease are usually pretty good liars so you may just have to sit back and observe for a bit. Sleep deprivation alone may be part of the issue.

While I will be the first to say that a monitoring program likely saved my life I also feel that BONs are not generally on the side of those seeking to preserve their licenses. It's a big deal to report to the BON who must investigate all complaints and take action where it is warranted.

Hppy

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Thanks for the wise words, everyone! :) Okay, I left some stuff out because I didn't want to portray this person I care about as a textbook case of addiction or anything bad. Just like y'all recommended, and I agree with, I pulled out the "I" statements and kindly and compassionately let them know that I care a ton for them and I am worried about the odd sleep patterns, the twitching I noticed, and the sometimes aggressive and irritable behavior lately, and yes I saw an email that mentions your usage of a schedule 2 amphetamine, a drug I didn't even know you took and we've been together for going on over a year. I did it after cooking dinner, and having a nice quiet and calm scene. My Md friend told me if they have something to hide, it could get interesting. If they don't, you'll only strengthen the relationship by showing compassionately how much you care and tell them your concerns. Well, it was more chaotic than I could have even imagined. The answers to my concerns were "Oh I've always twitched.. and I'm just on your sleep schedule - that's why I stay up so late. I can work on 3 hours no problem..." After mentioning the drugs, though, they went ballistic, accused me of stealing their private medical info, and literally ran off. Disappeared. I see I obviously touched something raw. They have no family in the US, and no support structure other than 1 friend. You're all absolutely great in saying the BON is no joke - and I sure don't want to open that can of worms, but how do you respond to something chaotic like this? I only want them to be healthy and happy, and voiced concerns that result in me worrying that they may be very far from that and since I know addiction or mental health problems can have a not very pretty ending, I sure want to help without harming, or help with minimal harm if that's the only viable option. Thanks y'all!

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

Get yourself to Al-Anon and learn how to set and keep very firm boundaries. If you have been engaging in any co-dependent behavior it is time this stops. Even if you have to move out to show how firm you are in your resolve. Whatever you decide to do - don't make threats - say what you are going to do and do it. Addicts alcoholics and even some personality disordered folks will often not seek help until they "Hit Their" bottom. They will also often count on their sig other to sweep up the pieces.

Sorry I don't have prettier words to say.

Hppy

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Specializes in NICU, ER, OR.

I realize this is an olddd thread , but I’ll give my opinion anyway, maybe someone else is in a similar position.

do you know just how punitive and career damaging/ possibly ending contacting the BON is on someone? And this is your friend/ girlfriend?

The BON is what you want to PROTECT her from if you can; they are not any sort of agency to “ help” addicted nurses!! I’d say your goal would be: verify the addiction; help her seek treatment WITHOUT being known by the BON OR her job...

understand?

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On ‎1‎/‎15‎/‎2019 at 2:34 PM, RNOTODAY said:

I realize this is an olddd thread , but I’ll give my opinion anyway, maybe someone else is in a similar position.

do you know just how punitive and career damaging/ possibly ending contacting the BON is on someone? And this is your friend/ girlfriend?

The BON is what you want to PROTECT her from if you can; they are not any sort of agency to “ help” addicted nurses!! I’d say your goal would be: verify the addiction; help her seek treatment WITHOUT being known by the BON OR her job...

understand?

I know! Obviously this guy never returned, but maybe someone else will read the thread.

Reporting someone to the BON is the nuclear option if you want to torpedo their career, not if you want to help! And he had no evidence other than an email that it sounds like he snooped in! A twitch? People twitch even when they're not on any medication at all. Trouble sleeping? There are many sleep disorders that have nothing to do with substance use.

He did not in any way want to help her, IMO.

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