Tiny Rant...

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Feb 16, 2006

"Shoo"?

"Shoo"?!

Wow.......the nursing shortage must be awful in your area, otherwise I can't imagine why that hospital would keep a nurse on staff who treats other nurses like something she'd scrape off the bottom of her shoe. Makes me wonder how she treats her PATIENTS.

I don't blame you for being angry. I would not, however, have challenged her to pick me up and bodily eject me from the break room---going nose-to-nose with someone like that never works, except to tick 'em off even more, and to their minds it justifies continuing rudeness. Nor would I have threatened to 'go off' on her; I would have simply said "Look, you seem to have an issue with me, maybe you'd like to tell me what the problem is so we can resolve it". That puts the ball in HER court, so to speak, and even though she probably doesn't even know what her major malfunction is (and wouldn't discuss it with you if her life depended on it), at least you've tried to find out why she was rude, and any further rebuffs make HER look bad, not you. :nurse:

rn/writer, RN · Feb 16, 2006

I work for an agency on top of my regular job (which is a reputable company). I was working in a small hospital in the next town over and decided to break in the designated break room. So a staff nurse comes in there and tries to kick me out! And was being EXTREMELY rude about it. She literally said "shoo" (On top of other things)
Staff nurse: " I need five minutes from people"
Me: "Well so do I"
Staff nurse: "Well I actually WORK here"
Me: That still gives you no right to kick me out. I am entitled to a break too, you know!"
Staff nurse: " I dont care where you go just get out of here!"
Me: How about you TRY to pick me up and throw me out?"
Then she left in a huff. She was rude to me all day long finally I told her that if she keeps speaking to me that way I will have to hurt her feelings and just go off on her. Her nurse manager saw wat she was doing and said something to her about it, when she tried to apologize I just said, "yeah whatever" and walked away. I only did this because I knew that her apology was not sincere. She was told that she would be written up if she did not apologize and continued her behavior (she was rude to other float nurses as well. This is why no one likes to go there on asignment. Even her co workers dislike her as they tell me constantly) Maybe I was wrong for holding a grudge (which I normally do not do) but if she had not continued to be rude the remainder of the shift, then I would not have either. She pushed the right button today.:angryfire Was I wrong in my actions?

I'm glad you didn't lie down like a doormat and let someone else walk all over you. But I do wonder what might have happened if you had met her apology (insincere, though it may have been) with a bit of humanity. I've dealt with habitually rude people who end up locked into that role out of sheer habit. I've also seen such people back off a bit when another person can get past the cactus spines and try to connect anyway.

What bothered me most about your post was the statement, "If she had not continued to be rude the remainder of the shift, then I would not have either." If each combatant is waiting for the other one to make the first move, nothing will ever be resolved. That's such a waste of energy.

The people I admire most, both personally and professionally, have the wonderful ability to get past the little slings and arrows of non-essential conflict. They refuse to let such spats become personal and care more about everybody coming out okay than winning or putting someone else in their place. A contentious relative said to one such person, "I just can't stand you." To which, she replied, "I know, and I'm sorry you feel that way. It's okay. I still like you." And she meant it, though she didn't relish the conflict any more than the complainer. This took the wind out of the windbag's sails. There was no instant love and admiration, but much of the venom drained away and has not returned.

There is no magic solution to dealing with perpetually cantankerous souls, but you can choose to sidestep a lot of the guff and make choices based on maturity and generosity of spirit rather than simply reacting with anger and responding in kind. This isn't repression or agreeing to accept disrespect. It's simply refusing to let another person--and an ill-tempered one at that--dictate your behavior.

Please don't take this as criticism. I've been in your shoes more often than I care to admit. This is only offered as an alternative perspective that can give you a sense of power over your own life and perhaps, even, enough relief to extend a bit of kindness to a chronic curmudgeon. The truth is, those who deserve kindness least, need it the most.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Feb 16, 2006

Shoo?

What a witch.

I probably would have said "Your attitude is probably the majority of the reason i'm here", got a cup of coffee and had a seat.

Alexsys · Feb 16, 2006

I knew I was wrong right after it happened. I was just on the verge of using language that I have not used since I was 17. Thankfully, I was able to control that part. I was so mad after that, it literally ruined the rest of my day. I had the most amazing patients today. They were compliant with care , optimistic, cheerful and absolutley perfect (rare) and that is what got me through the day. I am glad that the nurse manager decided to take some action. I know that two wrongs didnt make a right, but I will just use this experience to learn from. Nobody is perfect and today I was not either. I think that I could have handled that a bit better, but then I could have handled that a bit worse too ( I think) I feel that I am a good nurse(and still am) and respectful toward others, but today was just not the day. When she apologized, she was even being rude then by rolling her eyes and nasty tone in her voice. Even her coworkers agreed that was really no apology. I am just not going to take an assignment at that hospital anymore. I have been all over the state and I have came across rude people, but none like that. This is not the first time with this woman, so killing her with kindness does not work. I have tried in the past. When it comes to people like her, peace,love and happiness died with 60's

Mulan · Feb 16, 2006

Seems like there's at least one like that on every floor where I go.

I don't know how the hospital lets them get away with it either, but they do, there are a lot of nasty witches among the core staff.

I think you should let your agency know exactly why you will not be going back there.

Good luck!

mom23RN · Feb 16, 2006

I work for an agency on top of my regular job (which is a reputable company). I was working in a small hospital in the next town over and decided to break in the designated break room. So a staff nurse comes in there and tries to kick me out! And was being EXTREMELY rude about it. She literally said "shoo" (On top of other things)
Staff nurse: " I need five minutes from people"
Me: "Well so do I"
Staff nurse: "Well I actually WORK here"
Me: That still gives you no right to kick me out. I am entitled to a break too, you know!"
Staff nurse: " I dont care where you go just get out of here!"
Me: How about you TRY to pick me up and throw me out?"
Then she left in a huff. She was rude to me all day long finally I told her that if she keeps speaking to me that way I will have to hurt her feelings and just go off on her. Her nurse manager saw wat she was doing and said something to her about it, when she tried to apologize I just said, "yeah whatever" and walked away. I only did this because I knew that her apology was not sincere. She was told that she would be written up if she did not apologize and continued her behavior (she was rude to other float nurses as well. This is why no one likes to go there on asignment. Even her co workers dislike her as they tell me constantly) Maybe I was wrong for holding a grudge (which I normally do not do) but if she had not continued to be rude the remainder of the shift, then I would not have either. She pushed the right button today.:angryfire Was I wrong in my actions?

Sounds to me like your handled it fairly well. Good job!!!!!!!

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Feb 16, 2006

I knew I was wrong right after it happened. I was just on the verge of using language that I have not used since I was 17. Thankfully, I was able to control that part. I was so mad after that, it literally ruined the rest of my day. I had the most amazing patients today. They were compliant with care , optimistic, cheerful and absolutley perfect (rare) and that is what got me through the day. I am glad that the nurse manager decided to take some action. I know that two wrongs didnt make a right, but I will just use this experience to learn from. Nobody is perfect and today I was not either. I think that I could have handled that a bit better, but then I could have handled that a bit worse too ( I think) I feel that I am a good nurse(and still am) and respectful toward others, but today was just not the day. When she apologized, she was even being rude then by rolling her eyes and nasty tone in her voice. Even her coworkers agreed that was really no apology. I am just not going to take an assignment at that hospital anymore. I have been all over the state and I have came across rude people, but none like that. This is not the first time with this woman, so killing her with kindness does not work. I have tried in the past. When it comes to people like her, peace,love and happiness died with 60's

I agree with you there, alexsys! You definitely could have handled things a lot worse than you did---I know, I've seen it done, and by well-educated professionals at that---and you've obviously learned from this experience, now all you need to do is shake the dust of that place from your feet and NOT go back. And I would certainly let your agency know why.......maybe, if people keep quitting that hospital and agencies won't send nurses there, the management might get a clue someday and get rid of the *****.:chuckle In the meantime, just be glad you don't have to put up with that every day.......the ones I feel sorriest for are her co-workers and her patients.

LPN1974, LPN · Feb 16, 2006

I don't think you did anything wrong either. She was a B-witch.

You definitely should tell your agency why you won't go there anymore, and if possible I would tell the DON of the hospital why you won't be back.

That nurse with that hateful attitude is hurting the hospital, and they should know it.

ilostu12 · Feb 16, 2006

I saw an agency nurse handle something similar to this when I did my med-surg clinicals. A couple of staff nurses where really riding her back about not knowing the policies of the unit. She simply replied "And just think. If I wasn't here, YOU would have to do this on top of your other assignments." And she walked away, the staff nurses didn't give her any static from that point on, in fact, they were more than glad to help.

I love it!

fergus51 · Feb 16, 2006

You were a lot nicer than I would have been.

Antikigirl, ASN, RN · Feb 16, 2006

I too do agency for a local hospital, and for the majority of the part the other nurses have been extremely respectful and helpful to me. And I have returned that in kind as well :).

But a few of the NOC nurses are a bit on the meaner side, and typically quiz the heck out of me from the moment they arrive. I had one ask me about a certain protocol lab value their hospital does that I have never seen, and considering it was my first day at that hospital I didn't know about it! I asked her kindly to explain what she meant and help me to understand it so I can make sure I know it in the future...

Her response "you agency nurses are just bodies aren't you".

My response "wow, if this is how you help people, no wonder you have such a sparkling reputation! Kudos and hope your night is a 'quiet' one!" (never say the "Q" word...instant jinx LOL!)!". And I walked out (it was 15 minutes past my end of shift anyway).

As I left I heard the charge nurse tell her "she got you, and with good reason! Good for her, I like her!". A intern there laughed and said "firecracker that one! Good stuff!" (I happen to know that intern...he was thrilled, he remembered when I wouldn't stick up for myself!).

Next time I deal with this one, I will do my recorded report and if she has any questions I will put the chart in front of her and remind her that the reason we write nursing notes! :)