There was a time a few years ago that I strongly felt I was meant to be a nurse, but now, after multiple attempts in two different nursing schools, I no longer believe that to be true. I am at a really low point in my life now, so in a desperate effort to cope with my depression, I will try to explain my story here so I can reexamine what went so horribly wrong, and maybe find some peace and hope in the telling of it...
After slowly working my way towards an AA degree part-time at a local college from 2004-2009, and completing all of my pre-nursing requirements, I beat the odds getting into that college's RN nursing program in spite of only making little over 3.0 gpa for the entrance requirements, and my modest HESI score of 92 out of 100 (anything below a 94 was considered a long shot given the intense competition). I went through the introduction semester in Fall of '09 with no trouble at all, and I felt like the sky was the limit, and my future was going to be bright.
Fast forward to the end of the following semester (nursing fundamentals and health assessment courses), and my final result was passing in clinicals, but the theory part of it ended disastrously for me. This forced me to repeat that entire semester over, including clinicals. I was depressed, but at least I had a second chance. Now it's a year later in the Fall of '10, and my final evaluation was highly successful in the theory, but, much to my extreme astonishment, my clinical instructor did not feel I was ready to pass, and she failed me as one of her last acts right before her retirement from teaching. With my two chances exhausted, my RN dreams were snuffed out.
Following the advice of a good nurse practitioner friend who is the evening program coordinator of that school, I pursued the LPN route at a local vocational school as a means of getting back into the RN program at an advanced level, and again, in spite of the competition stacked against me, I made the cut and got started in March 2011. First semester was a breeze as it involved all the CNA and basic A&P stuff that I was already familiar with back in college. The second semester from which I just failed out of this morning (by a single percentage point no less), however, was an entirely different story, and it did not go so well for the entire class, but it turns out I was the one among us to go down in flames.
I never told my LPN classmates that I was in the RN program because the shame would've been too much to bear, and now I am so far beyond shame that I feel convinced that I am not meant to be a nurse, and I feel utterly lost and hopeless, and 30 years old now with no hope or direction for the future. Granted, I was told that I could have a second chance in the LPN program, but I have to wait six months to get back in, and I don't think I can stand going through 2nd semester all over again with an entirely new class of students after three past failures already. I've wasted so much time in my life for this, and now I'm not sure it was worth it anymore.
I don't think there's been so colossal a failure story as this here, and I'll bet, for most of you, that this is all clear proof that the education system prevented a bad nurse from entering the field. I loved taking care of my patients, and they loved having me there in spite of all they each were enduring, but in the end, it made no real difference for me at all. Becoming a male nurse was what I hoped for (it was not my first career choice, but I never regretted choosing it...until now), and now I have nothing left to look forward to, or to strive for. No family, no career, and now no job or education aside from a lousy general studies AA.
Thank you all for your time reading this long post, and for the valuable free service you are providing to the wonderful nursing community.
Specializes in Med/ Surg/ Telemetry, Public Health.
If it is your dream don't give up. You had THREE chances in the nursing program, first you need to figure out how and where you went wrong! Maybe you needed to study more, get tutoring, financial issues, personal issues? I don't know, but thats where you need to start mentally. If you have to wait six months to get back in then do so but in the mean time get yourself together, because this maybe your last time in any nursing program.
Yes we all make mistakes, we learn and move on and do better.
The pain of getting kicked out of nursing school is smething that I can relate to. I was dropped from the PN program, I failed the theory part by a .5, we had to make a 80 at the end average and I got a 79.5. I am determined not to give up, I went back took more prereqs to apply to a ADN program. I applied in Sept and got shot down, because I am a out of county resident, so my app got put to the back and when they got to me all the spots were filled. I was devastated. So I have decided to apply to three different schools next year, for ADN or PN, either way I will be in a nursing program by the Fall 2012. Stay determined never give up, go back and give it 100% you can do it, good luck let us know what you decide.
Your post made me cry. My heart breaks for you. If you are certain this is the career for you, DO NOT GIVE UP! Who knows, maybe the 4th time will be your lucky charm:D
Have you looked into other programs? I know of someone who failed out of one program, so later when she decided to try again, she switched to a different program. She clicked with that one and became an RN. I have a friend in a different program than I am in, and the approaches are very different, but we are both in ASN programs.
mzrainydayz, BSN, RN
364 Posts
If it is your dream don't give up. You had THREE chances in the nursing program, first you need to figure out how and where you went wrong! Maybe you needed to study more, get tutoring, financial issues, personal issues? I don't know, but thats where you need to start mentally. If you have to wait six months to get back in then do so but in the mean time get yourself together, because this maybe your last time in any nursing program.
Yes we all make mistakes, we learn and move on and do better.
The pain of getting kicked out of nursing school is smething that I can relate to. I was dropped from the PN program, I failed the theory part by a .5, we had to make a 80 at the end average and I got a 79.5. I am determined not to give up, I went back took more prereqs to apply to a ADN program. I applied in Sept and got shot down, because I am a out of county resident, so my app got put to the back and when they got to me all the spots were filled. I was devastated. So I have decided to apply to three different schools next year, for ADN or PN, either way I will be in a nursing program by the Fall 2012. Stay determined never give up, go back and give it 100% you can do it, good luck let us know what you decide.