Three times was not the charm

Published

There was a time a few years ago that I strongly felt I was meant to be a nurse, but now, after multiple attempts in two different nursing schools, I no longer believe that to be true. I am at a really low point in my life now, so in a desperate effort to cope with my depression, I will try to explain my story here so I can reexamine what went so horribly wrong, and maybe find some peace and hope in the telling of it...

After slowly working my way towards an AA degree part-time at a local college from 2004-2009, and completing all of my pre-nursing requirements, I beat the odds getting into that college's RN nursing program in spite of only making little over 3.0 gpa for the entrance requirements, and my modest HESI score of 92 out of 100 (anything below a 94 was considered a long shot given the intense competition). I went through the introduction semester in Fall of '09 with no trouble at all, and I felt like the sky was the limit, and my future was going to be bright.

Fast forward to the end of the following semester (nursing fundamentals and health assessment courses), and my final result was passing in clinicals, but the theory part of it ended disastrously for me. This forced me to repeat that entire semester over, including clinicals. I was depressed, but at least I had a second chance. Now it's a year later in the Fall of '10, and my final evaluation was highly successful in the theory, but, much to my extreme astonishment, my clinical instructor did not feel I was ready to pass, and she failed me as one of her last acts right before her retirement from teaching. With my two chances exhausted, my RN dreams were snuffed out.

Following the advice of a good nurse practitioner friend who is the evening program coordinator of that school, I pursued the LPN route at a local vocational school as a means of getting back into the RN program at an advanced level, and again, in spite of the competition stacked against me, I made the cut and got started in March 2011. First semester was a breeze as it involved all the CNA and basic A&P stuff that I was already familiar with back in college. The second semester from which I just failed out of this morning (by a single percentage point no less), however, was an entirely different story, and it did not go so well for the entire class, but it turns out I was the one among us to go down in flames.

I never told my LPN classmates that I was in the RN program because the shame would've been too much to bear, and now I am so far beyond shame that I feel convinced that I am not meant to be a nurse, and I feel utterly lost and hopeless, and 30 years old now with no hope or direction for the future. Granted, I was told that I could have a second chance in the LPN program, but I have to wait six months to get back in, and I don't think I can stand going through 2nd semester all over again with an entirely new class of students after three past failures already. I've wasted so much time in my life for this, and now I'm not sure it was worth it anymore.

I don't think there's been so colossal a failure story as this here, and I'll bet, for most of you, that this is all clear proof that the education system prevented a bad nurse from entering the field. I loved taking care of my patients, and they loved having me there in spite of all they each were enduring, but in the end, it made no real difference for me at all. Becoming a male nurse was what I hoped for (it was not my first career choice, but I never regretted choosing it...until now), and now I have nothing left to look forward to, or to strive for. No family, no career, and now no job or education aside from a lousy general studies AA.

Thank you all for your time reading this long post, and for the valuable free service you are providing to the wonderful nursing community.

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Specializes in Community Health/School Nursing.

YOU ARE WORTHY AND DESERVING OF ALL GOOD THINGS.

We are listening and care.

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Specializes in Acute Mental Health.

I am so sorry to read your post! Do you work as a CNA currently? It might help. Don't let your dreams die becsause of your experiences. If you really want to be a nurse, try the route from the ground up and have a plan. Work as a CNA, figure out exactly what your difficulties were with LPN class. You know the tech colleges here in WI have a progression tract. You can leave with your LPN or continue on for the ADN. So you're really on the right path to continue on.

Have you thought about talking with your instructor to find out exactly why you didn't pass? Work on the why. It sounds like the theory went better this time so keep up with that. You know what to expect now. If the clinical was a struggle for some reason, work on that by being a CNA first. You've got 6 months to get it straight. I was 39 when I graduated as an ADN.

Time is just that. It will continue to roll on by no matter what. If this is your dream, find the strength to carry on. I worked for many many years as a CNA before beginning nursing school. Life just kind of took over. You can do this! Give yourself a specific time to mourn and then be done with that part and move on to "The Plan".

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Specializes in New Critical care NP, Critical care, Med-surg, LTC.

Please don't extrapolate a bad academic experience to mean that there's nothing meaningful to strive for in your life. Whether you become a nurse or not, you have much to offer the people in your life, in whatever capacity that is. Your tone sounds very desperate, I hope you know that you'll get through this. You as a person are not a failure, despite the fact that you might not have attained the goals that you had set. Take some time, and yes, you can be disappointed, but please know that this isn't the end of the world. Please check back in to let us know you're alright.

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Specializes in Pediatrics.

I'm Sure right now it's difficult to imagine yourself doing anything else in your life right now, since you've basically lived for this for the past few years. I firmly believe things happen for a reason: this may be your time to regroup, and figure out exactly what you were meant to do. There area my other things in healthcare you can do, without the rigor of nursing school.

Take the 6 months to reflect. Maybe spend time with family, reconnect with old friends, maybe even take on a hobby. I know this is late advice, but it's really not good to define yourself by only one thing(in your case, nursing student). You need to find some worth in other aspects of your life, because you ARE worthy :)

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If you have one more shot... take it!!

If you don't, you will never know how things may have turned out for you.

Stay positive and work on your problem areas.

Wishing you the best.

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Im so sorry this happened to you. I can feel how discouraged you are. Please remember that this is temporary. You may feel depressed now but you will not always feel this way. There is a purpose for you being here on earth, even if you can't see what it is at the moment. Please dont feel hopeless.

There are so many different careers in health care. Have you considered radiography, respiratory therapy, medical coding or massage therapy?

Good luck to you and best wishes.

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Specializes in Med-Surg/urology.

I just want to chime in & say that a good majority of my classmates also failed out of RN programs at other area schools, and I do not look down on them. The program probably just wasn't a good fit for them. That may be the case for you. If being a nurse is your dream, than do not let those other bad experiences deter you. Good luck on whatever it is you decide to do..but I really hope that you don't give up :)

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Sometimes things happen for a reason, maybe nursing is not your calling in life. You sound like you've become burnt out on nursing. Is there something else you could do that would be fresh and new to you, and make you happy? Maybe take some time to look around at what other options you have, and maybe you will see a door you hadn't noticed before that really peaks your interest.

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There was a time a few years ago that I strongly felt I was meant to be a nurse, but now, after multiple attempts in two different nursing schools, I no longer believe that to be true. I am at a really low point in my life now, so in a desperate effort to cope with my depression, I will try to explain my story here so I can reexamine what went so horribly wrong, and maybe find some peace and hope in the telling of it...

After slowly working my way towards an AA degree part-time at a local college from 2004-2009, and completing all of my pre-nursing requirements, I beat the odds getting into that college's RN nursing program in spite of only making little over 3.0 gpa for the entrance requirements, and my modest HESI score of 92 out of 100 (anything below a 94 was considered a long shot given the intense competition). I went through the introduction semester in Fall of '09 with no trouble at all, and I felt like the sky was the limit, and my future was going to be bright.

Fast forward to the end of the following semester (nursing fundamentals and health assessment courses), and my final result was passing in clinicals, but the theory part of it ended disastrously for me. This forced me to repeat that entire semester over, including clinicals. I was depressed, but at least I had a second chance. Now it's a year later in the Fall of '10, and my final evaluation was highly successful in the theory, but, much to my extreme astonishment, my clinical instructor did not feel I was ready to pass, and she failed me as one of her last acts right before her retirement from teaching. With my two chances exhausted, my RN dreams were snuffed out.

Following the advice of a good nurse practitioner friend who is the evening program coordinator of that school, I pursued the LPN route at a local vocational school as a means of getting back into the RN program at an advanced level, and again, in spite of the competition stacked against me, I made the cut and got started in March 2011. First semester was a breeze as it involved all the CNA and basic A&P stuff that I was already familiar with back in college. The second semester from which I just failed out of this morning (by a single percentage point no less), however, was an entirely different story, and it did not go so well for the entire class, but it turns out I was the one among us to go down in flames.

I never told my LPN classmates that I was in the RN program because the shame would've been too much to bear, and now I am so far beyond shame that I feel convinced that I am not meant to be a nurse, and I feel utterly lost and hopeless, and 30 years old now with no hope or direction for the future. Granted, I was told that I could have a second chance in the LPN program, but I have to wait six months to get back in, and I don't think I can stand going through 2nd semester all over again with an entirely new class of students after three past failures already. I've wasted so much time in my life for this, and now I'm not sure it was worth it anymore.

I don't think there's been so colossal a failure story as this here, and I'll bet, for most of you, that this is all clear proof that the education system prevented a bad nurse from entering the field. I loved taking care of my patients, and they loved having me there in spite of all they each were enduring, but in the end, it made no real difference for me at all. Becoming a male nurse was what I hoped for (it was not my first career choice, but I never regretted choosing it...until now), and now I have nothing left to look forward to, or to strive for. No family, no career, and now no job or education aside from a lousy general studies AA.

Thank you all for your time reading this long post, and for the valuable free service you are providing to the wonderful nursing community.

I can't imagine the disappointment, hurt, and hopelessness you are feeling right now, but I am sure that it is terrible. It's awful that you have had all these negative experiences with your nursing education thus far, but life does go on. Please don't think that your entire life is a failure just because you haven't passed a nursing program yet. Nursing is hard, and there is nothing easy about it; it isn't as if you failed out of a ridiculously easy major that 99% of students pass. The harsh truth about nursing is this: a greater percentage of students fail out or drop out than those that actually stay in and pass. This doesn't mean that those who end up out of the program aren't intelligent or capable of being good nurses, it just means that, for the moment, they had more learning to do. My nursing class started with 24 people, and we are currently down to 19. We lack one month completing our first semester nursing fundamentals course, and we've already lost 5 students. If nursing is something you are really passionate about, don't give up yet. Take some time off, compose yourself, and take time to grieve and relax. School is stressful and constantly bouncing from program to program isn't helping your self-esteem or your stress level. Take six months, eight months, or even a year to yourself. If possible, ask your professors and clinical instructors what they think you need to improve on, and take some time to internalize this and think about what you can do in the future to make yourself better with things that you struggle with. No one in nursing school is perfect, and we all have at least one subject that we don't understand as easily as we'd like to. Some people struggle with more than one area, some only seem to struggle with one, but everyone has at least one topic that doesn't come as easily as everything else. Find the topics that don't come easily to you, and focus on them. The educational system did not, in my opinion, prevent a "bad nurse" from entering the field. You sound kind, compassionate, concerned about your patients, and genuinely interested in nursing for the right reasons. You don't sound anything like the description of a bad nurse, and you shouldn't think about yourself in that way. You only failed out of the LPN program by a single percentage point, so it seems obvious to me that you have the mental capabilities and aptitude to become an LPN or RN. You seem motivated, you seem to be genuinely interested in helping people, and you seem like nursing is what you want to do. If you're still interested in nursing, please don't let these disappointments stop you. Take some time to yourself, realize that this isn't the end of the world, recognize that you are still a person who has great contributions to make, see your own self-worth and beauty, and then get back in the game and try again. Do not let this initial shock and hurt prevent you from chasing your dreams. I will close with one of my favorite quotes, and I think it applies to you. Here it is: “When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure," Peter Marshall. Good luck. If nursing is your dream, I hope you decide to try at least one more time.

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Have you thought of another health care profession like radiography or medical assistant?

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I really don't think anything along the lines of the fact that the system kept a bad nurse from practicing. Just the opposite. You are thoughtful, articulate, insightful and from my perspective the nursing universe would be lucky to have you. I'm sorry that school is so "insane" - I too have been failed (by a razor thin margin) and had to wait for an entire semester and a half (broke, stuck, directionless) to be seated again just to retake the class. I can't believe I am saying this - but it might just be worth it to give it one last try. I thought 10 months was an eternity but now I think I just might have gone in the right direction. I took pathophys and medical terminology during my time waiting and I just finished med surge with a rather high score. I'm now retaking the class I failed (neonatal nursing) and it really is a bit of a review. But more than the content, I was so relieved at how normal it has become to fail a class. I think realistically a full third of my "new" class did not pass med-surge. It seems like at this point so many people are in my shoes (where we have got to pass this last part of our second semester and then at least are allowed to sit for the LPN exam) that there just seems to be next-to-no stigma around failing. Anyway- I am glad that so many people responded with such compassion to your sincerely poignant post. BTW I have a bachelors in economics from a small liberal arts program -and that was nothing compared to the rigor of nursing school!!! Sorry you were also failed by such narrow margins - mine was by 5 hundredths of a point - and that is not an easy thing to live with! - Thanks again to all the folks that wrote such thoughtful responses - I have to admit I hope this will be a new trend - I have seen one too many posts that just seem shockingly cruel and bizarrely superior in tone regarding grades/performance - but maybe this is a good sign for things to come...

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