Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

Specializes in NICU, PEDS, M/S, DOU, ICU, REHAB.

When you go to a waterpark all day in florida, wear sunscreen. Blisters are not fun. Trying to pop them is not going to make it heal faster, it is not like peeling. Peeling 3 times and still having a sunburn is very painful..

Be sure your Doula is not a narcotics pill popper. Calling her pill popping boyfriend to help her, will not be the help your looking for. Especially when the nurses have to take the time to kick them out because they are falling everywhere and the near empty pill bottle is laying out in the next bed.

Russian Roulette is not fun if you or your friend get the bullet.

No thank you, I really don't care that you have a member rod implant.

Just because your a minister/pastor of a church does not give you the right to beat your wife and tell her to refuse her Chemo because you can't hide your character and your mad we know how evil you really are.

Be careful in construction sites, the rebar is not a good place to fall on your butt. You could end up with a colostomy and one less testicle.

If you know you are HIV positive and you have AIDS, get steralized. Especially if your 5th child died at 6 months because you did not take your AZT, and even more so when you don't plan on taking any of your meds again even when you get pregnant for the 6th time.

You are an IV drug user and your afraid of having your blood drawn?

Your friend takes your meds because you borrowed his, but the CNA is the one who stole them? First it was only 3, then it was 30, now it's 120? Oh, as long as you have the police report, you can get them refilled? And the Doctor believes you, that's great.

If you think you have a compression fracture, do not allow your friend to "crack your back", it will not go back into place.

If you attempt to pierce your friends eyebrow and you have no idea what your doing, the eye twitching that suddenly started may not go away.

It's better to have a dentist pull out your teeth instead of your friend. Especially if you are 12 and your still not sure if the 7 teeth she already pulled out were/are the baby ones.

Clorox bleach is for clothes. You use different bleach for hair.

Ok, so i'm guilty in some of these, but i'm not admitting which ones...

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Specializes in Home Care, Hospice, OB.

clorox bleach is for clothes. you use different bleach for hair.

quote]

and clorox was never intended to be used as a douche or enema so you can feel "really clean down there".:no:

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clorox bleach is for clothes. you use different bleach for hair.

quote]

and clorox was never intended to be used as a douche or enema so you can feel "really clean down there".:no:

you mean dakin's solution.......never mind.

jay leno's "headlines" once featured an old magazine ad which described how a woman "restored harmony to my marriage" by using lysol.

:eek:

but seriously, in the pre-antibiotic days, lysol was indeed used for this purpose. i have heard that the bottle (glass, of course) even had instructions on the label! it was something like a teaspoonful in a quart of water.

many years ago, i heard about an abandoned factory building where teenagers liked to go to party, and the kids found some 55-gallon drums full of pure mercury. they were dipping their arms in it, throwing it around, and one kid even dipped a cigarette in it and smoked it, hoping to get high. he almost died, and several kids' houses had to be gutted because the mercury they brought in on their shoes and clothing was poisoning their families.

sticking your hand into a running printing press is usually not a good idea either. before i went back to school, i worked at an insurance company, and there was one company that had repeated worker's comp claims for this very act. :no:

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

and clorox was never intended to be used as a douche or enema so you can feel "really clean down there".:no:

neither was tide.

i had a hospital patient once tell her roommate to douche with tide. judging by the look on the roommate's face, i doubt she went home and tried it.

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Wow - it has taken me days to read over from the very beginning - but totally worth it for the wisdom I have gained. I am still a student, but I have worked with high schoolers in a summer program for many years, and they have taught me a few medical lessons as well...

$50 is not worth scalding your tesicles when dared to stick them in a mug of hot water (perhaps they misinterpreted the meaning of "teabagging?" - especially when your mother then appropriates said $50 and makes you tell the story yourself to every doctor you have to see (and anyone else who asks).

Don't leave contact lenses in for three weeks at a time. You might scratch your cornea, contract an eye infection and have to wear a large eye patch - while living in a dorm with 200 other kids aged 14-17, who tend not to be too sensitive about that kind of thing.

If you have previously dislocated your shoulder, setting up a 'fight club' in your dorm lounge might not be a good idea - funny how it'll pop right back out again.

...and for the love of all that is holy, drink water and eat regular meals when you are traipsing about in hot, humid weather. It will freak people out when you and five other students pass out. In front of a Senate building. Next to the Capitol Police. They will call the Mass Casualty Vehicle to transport you. News crews will show up. Your advisors will be annoyed when you are asked what you had for breakfast and you reply "Diet Coke."

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
Car surfing is when someone rides on the roof of a car while a "friend" drives like a maniac, and other "friends" tape the event. :banghead:[/quote=A similar thing happened to me. My twin sister decided to take me for a ride on the hood of the car. When she asked me to get on,(dummy me) I thought she was just going to go around in the driveway, which would have been no big deal. But instead, she went on the state highway, and went around 50 MPH while I struggled to hang on. I thought sure I was going to fall off and get run over. The only thing I had to hang onto was the windshield wiper arms.:eek:
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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
:mad: One time during physio for an injured knee, the PT jumped up and sat straddling the table I was on and started massaging the muscles and tendons in my leg.

He hit a particularly tender spot and my leg reflexively straightened-kicking him square between the legs.

He hopped off the table and was jumping around, trying not to make noise so as not to arouse the suspicions of his staff and cause him to have to undergo much teasing.

Once he regained his composure, he hopped back up on the table, this time sitting sideways, with the comment it was a good thing he and his wife didn't want any more children.

Would have made an excellent Candid Camera shot.:yeah:
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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
Actually had this happen too.. Demented wife slept on the pull out chair. Received meals from dietary. The nurses and the patient ended up taking care of her all week. No one said anything though. We felt too sorry for her. She was cute. She didn't speak though. Patient (husband) said she quit speaking a year before. It was sad. The patient apologized profusely. He was the main caregiver for the lady. And with him being in the hospital she didn't have anyone to care for her.
That's tragic.:(
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Specializes in TraumaER ,NICUx2days, HEMEONC CathLab IV.
Something similar happened at one of our local hospitals. A patient was hooked up to oxygen, and had a visitor who oh-so-kindly brought him cigarettes. And matches to light them with.

I'm thinking that having almost thirty other patients evacuated, 4 of them treated for smoke inhalation, the $14,000 in damages to the hospital and the man's subsequent death were probably not worth it. Just guessing.:nono:

Why wasn't the visitor charged with attempted murder?? JUST WONDERING.:madface:

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Specializes in TraumaER ,NICUx2days, HEMEONC CathLab IV.

clorox bleach is for clothes. you use different bleach for hair.

quote]

and clorox was never intended to be used as a douche or enema so you can feel "really clean down there".:no:

never never never put ben-gay on your balls or genitalia....it was not pretty.:clpty:

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Specializes in IMCU/Telemetry.
Why wasn't the visitor charged with attempted murder?? JUST WONDERING.:madface:

It all goes to intent. They ment no harm, so, no charge.

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Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

And regarding the smoking pt on 02....

Can you say "Darwin Award" candidate?

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