Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

psalm, RN · Nov 7, 2009

Also do not eat your fentanyl patch...this will land you in the ICU for an undetermined amount of time....if you do survive it will also land you a psych consult.........after said psych consult and concurrent discharge........please for goodness sakes do not go into the parking lot of the ER where your boyfriend is waiting to take you home and eat another fentanyl patch that he has so graciously brought you........the second go round might not be so pretty

A friend's 17 year old son died doing this.

lpnstudentin2010, LPN · Nov 9, 2009

........
Do not mix Miralax in your coffee

why not that is one of the suggestions on the directions

kel879 · Nov 10, 2009

Mixing Miralax in coffee results in BM that literally no exaggeration covers entire bed, 90% of patient, and floor around bed.........Maybe I should have said only mix miralax in coffee if sitting on BSC or commode....believe me when I tell you no one wants to clean up the ensuing mess

pca_85 · Nov 10, 2009

Mixing Miralax in coffee results in BM that literally no exaggeration covers entire bed, 90% of patient, and floor around bed.........Maybe I should have said only mix miralax in coffee if sitting on BSC or commode....believe me when I tell you no one wants to clean up the ensuing mess

Darn it!!!!***Pours out coffee*** :yeah:

BabyCatchr, ADN, ASN, RN · Nov 12, 2009

Austin_Heart wrote:

"Also, do not stand up on your bed to see if the picture frame you just hung over the headboard is straight......with the ceiling fan on."

I have done this before - WHACK! Right in the back of the head. Can you say concussion? And with long hair, it gets caught in the blades! Could be a tragedy. I also got my hair sucked into a leafblower, even though my hair was in a ponytail. Long ponytail.

My friend, my neighbor, and my daughter have all had their long hair caught in devices. My friend got hers caught on the Teacup ride at the fair. It ripped off her scalp from the tip of her nose to the back of her neck. She had to have 2000 stitches, a new nose, and has a permanent brain injury. My neighbor got her hair caught in a brochure-folding machine and it scalped her. My daughter got her hair caught in a shoeshine machine (the brushes were spinning and she bent down to see it close up), a large gyroscope toy, and the knobs on the dresser when she fell out of bed.

OB Nurse Andrea · Dec 17, 2009

If you are a former nurse who has lost her license for IV drug use, do not go out "for a walk" and return with obvious needle punctures in your IV tubing/saline lock. They make the ports for injecting meds if you feel you must do so.

If you are a high risk OB patient and have been given Percocet for post op c-section pain, do not dissolve them into a liquid in your mouth and then attempt to inject them into your picc line with the syringes you were given to flush it when you were taking care of it at home.

If you are pregnant and have had sex and fallen asleep afterward, the small amount of liquid you find under you when you wake up is probably not your water leaking. Please do not come flying into the hospital without showering unless you really do seem to continue leaking and or go into labor.

If you are pregnant, don't go out with friends and get plastered. Then when you are admitted to the high risk perinatal area for observation while you sober up, especially don't come out into the hallways and yell things that would embarass you if you could remember.

If we do a speculum exam for whatever complaint you came in with and can see sperm on the microscope slide afterward, do not continue to deny having had sex.

Do not call the ambulance to bring you to the hospital at 2am because you are itching like crazy and need an HIV test and then get mad when we treat and release you and you don't have a way to get home.

Do not ask how you would get a paternity test right in front of your current significant other who apparently assumes he is the father of the baby you are here to deliver.

Do not stash a large amount of marjuana in your girlfriend's labor room, not tell her about it, and have it found when we are stripping the room after she has been transfered to postpartum. Especially don't come back up to look for it, find the security that has been dispatched to the room because we have no idea what to do with a big bag of what appears to be marajuana, and get into a dramatic confrontation with them about it.

Bubbles_RN · Dec 18, 2009

That MD's make the worst pt's

That telling the nurses taing care of you that your friend who works in the kitchen at another facility is a nurse doesn't get you better care

When your fresh huge anterior MI pt says I need to go to the bathroom, get the code cart on standby

That yelling I can't breath over and over again is a good way to make your ICU nurse wonder how she tube you

NewAggieGrad09 · Dec 18, 2009

LMAO @ OB Nurse Andrea!!

jtmonique · Dec 20, 2009

Do not hang out, reading the Bible on the porch of the local house that you really honestly didn't know was a Crack house, at 3:00 AM, absolutely minding your own business....because "Some Dude" will come along and and shoot you for no apparent reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so now I just woke the kids up Laughing at this one. :roll:roll:roll

beachmom · Dec 24, 2009

If you are a high risk OB patient and have been given Percocet for post op c-section pain, do not dissolve them into a liquid in your mouth and then attempt to inject them into your picc line with the syringes you were given to flush it when you were taking care of it at home.
.

I hope she didn't get to take her baby home.

ldcleveland · Dec 24, 2009

Another Title to Book ...

Nursing Memoirs: Your Choices = My Job Security

ssouthernyankee · Dec 24, 2009

Another Title to Book ...
Nursing Memoirs: Your Choices = My Job Security[/quo
Ahh so TRUE