Since the patient thread went so well, I thought I'd try this.
FYI: TPTB = "The Powers That Be"
1) To the doctor who writes the insane orders, such as: "Please perm patient's hair this shift for outing with family tomorrow.",
"And do YOU plan to come in with the Clairol and hair dryer yourself?"
2) To the doctor that refuses to write for sedation, anti-anxiety, etc. for the patient who is currently trying to hang themself on the bedrail, has their catheter tube stretched tighter than a drum, and has just ripped their IV out for the 5th time, and says, "Just watch her real close."
"Um, yeah, and what should I tell my OTHER six patients?"
3) To the supervisor that refuses to send more staff to a floor with 30 patients, 2 RNs, and 2 techs. She has said that she will "try to find someone, so just go ahead and take report...she'll see what she can do."
"No way. You either send me someone of the nursing persuasion NOW, or you will be down to ONE RN and 2 techs. I have not taken report, nor will I take report on 15 patients. If that is your final answer, you can jolly well come up here and take report yourself. I am going home and calling my agency to tell them why." (I DID say that. They had someone up there in less than 10 minutes. No one said boo to me about attitude.)
4) To the doctor who complains because we will not make a special sheet just for him and place it at the front of the chart, updated every day, with VS, FSBS, I&O, etc.
"See this little green tab? It says 'graphic'. That is where we keep those records. Can you turn pages? Can you read? You know, top to bottom, left to right?"
5) To the doc that complains at being woken up when on call.
"That's why you get the big bucks, honey"
I know y'all can come up with some good ones. Have fun!
the way to do this is to know the facts and know the law... and be polite.
i phoned a consultant psychiatrist one night (midnight) in order for him to come out and consider sectioning a patient in her home because she wanted to kill her husband.
him: can't it wait until morning?
me: no. that is why i am calling you now.
him: but i don't know where (insert address here) is
me: buy a map or get a taxi, it is really not my problem.
add several other excuses.
him: i think her own consultant ought to see her.
(by this time i was getting fed up of his excuses )
me: (in a very calm and factual manner) doc you are being paid £x to be on call tonight. this call has been logged and i have a witness to this conversation. if you do not come out to assess mrs 'x' then that is your choice but if anything happens to her or her husband then you will have to explain the fact that you refused my request to the courts. this conversation is now terminated.
btw he did come out and mrs 'x' was sectioned.
i could go on to mention the time that i ordered the don off my ward or i would call the police to remove her (she left)
or the time that... etc etc.
the thing is when i am in charge of the ward i am in charge.
I was once ordered by a red faced shouty surgical consultant to feed a patient. The patient had just that morning failed a swallowing assessment.
I explained that I was concerned that the patient would aspirate, but the consultant was having none of it..."I am ordering you to feed X"
His face was a picture when I explained calmly and politely that the Nuremburg Trials had established that being ordered to do something was no defence if I knew it was wrong.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
to the computer "help" desk person i called at 3am because none of the computers at the far end of the hall were functional "yes, i do know what time it is. and yes it does have to be fixed now. i'm sorry i interrupted your nap, but hospitals are open 24/7 and we need to chart our patient's vs, meds, etc."
to the charge nurse who sat at the opposite end of the hall from where i was dealing with the confused balloon pump patient who kept trying to climb out of bed, pull out his lines, etc. and the acute mi who was trying really hard to die reading my charting and commenting to her friends that i really ought to have drawn another glucose by now: "get up off you butt and wander down here to help me. if you have time to sit and read my charting, you have time to help!"
to the brand new nurse who is coming off orientation in a week and is already concerned that she might have to work christmas: "everyone takes turns with the holidays. and besides that, you're jewish! be a sport and work christmas without complaining. didn't you just get passover off because it was a religious holiday?"
to the attending physician who tells me "sit him up, he'll breathe better" about the patient he foolishly extubated long before he was ready, and who has a balloon pump in his left femoral artery and cath lab sheaths in the right: "i'm not taking a verbal order that stupid. i'm not doing anything that stupid, either, but i'm especially not doing it without an order."
and to the medical student who wanted to shock sinus tachycardia, treat an idioventricular rhythm with lidocaine and open a chest with suture scissors: "try another career. you just ain't getting' this icu stuff."
To the doctor, (who wrote a prescription for a med the pt. is deathly allergic to, and it is noted in HUGE letters at top of chart., I intercepted and kindly asked him to correct the mistake.) And his response...."I'm the pilot, you just pour the coffee"!!!!!!!
IT'S YOUR LICENSE, JACK-SS! and because of incidents like this, is the reason you have been called before the state board next week:angryfire
I work @ Planned Parenthood. I would love to be able to say....
please donot call to make an apointment and when I ask what day/time you say "as soon as possible" that means absolutley nothing to me there is no time slot for as soon as possible.
You know good and well that you are supposed to order your contraceptive supplies by mail-don't keep saying that "noone told me that" ever month when you come in to pick up your pills because you "forgot you were running out"
If another person complains about birth control pills being 10 DOLLARS PER PACK!!! I'm going to have a serious meltdown. I suppose you would rather pay $50 per pack at the pharmacy.
Please don't get mad that you cannot be seen for an appointment when you walk in off the street. YOU MUST HAVE AN APPOINTMENT FOR ANY SERVICE what part of that didn't you understand? Please don't stand at the front desk and argue with me- once again If you donnot have an apponitment you will not be seen. PERIOD!! I don't care about your burning when you pee-if it's that bad go to the ER (sorry ER nurses)
Please don't get mad at me when you have exhausted all of your scripts for EC and caresource will no longer cover them. You can either pay the 30 bucks or you can stop having unprotected sex-the choice is yours.
How about taking some responsibility for your own actions and stop yelling and hollering that if you don't get your pills and you get pregnant than it is our fault. No it is YOUR fault for having unprotected sex.
No I will not look in your throat and see if it "looks like gonorrhea-we donnot do throat cultures therefore I could care less what you have going on in your throat-call the health department like I told you!!
Please don't call and ask me how it's possible that you tested positive for Chlamydia,Gonorrhea or Trich when you have been with the same guy/girl for "6 months" and
you have only had sex with each other. You know as well as I do that someone has been cheating on someone if it looks like a duck,walks like a duck,sounds like a duck then it must be....... a duck!!
it irks me when patient's come up to the check in window complaining that they have been here for x amount of minutes and there appontment was at x time and there were 3 0r 4 people that were called back before them that got her after them. Please have a seat and wait your turn or kindly reschedule-I will not go all the way to the back to "see if they forgot you" unless you willing to come behind the desk and check in these 20 people that just signed in while I traipse all over the clinic doing your bidding.
I irks me more than ever when I room a patient and I ask are you on any birth control and they say yeah and I say what is it and they say "I don't know" Ohhh so you just take pills that you have absolutely no idea what they are, hmmm smart move. Also telling me "it's the one in the blue pack" does nothing for me.
I HATE when people call and say I need to make three appointments for me and my friends, then I say okay give me the first one's birthday, then they yell hey so and so what's your birthday, then I say can you put so and so on the phone so that they can make their own darn appointment!!!!
How about the psychopaths that come in and say " I have these "bumps on my private parts---those are not Bumps, those are ulcerations you have HERPES!!!! then they promptly say " so what do I have to take pills or something?? AHHHH you have a disease that you will never be rid of!!!
What really makes my day are the ones who come in for gonorrhea treatment and they insist that they don't want a shot of rocephin, they bawl and cry and complain that they "hate needles" and is there any other tx, I just want to say-how about you just let that gc run rampant in your system until your loins catch-a fire??
or the patients who test positive for trich and they ALWAYS use that classic line, "could I have gotten this from a toilet seat?" No Iyou got this from promiscuos sex practices or a nasty,filthy,dirty sex partner you tell me.
WHEW I could go on and on forever. But I must save the best for last
The patients that are level b meaning that according to their income they get 80 PERCENT OFF!!! they are the quickest ones to cpmplain about there 40$ bill for theri entire annual exam including, pap, pelvic exam, breats exam, and birth control method 40 bucks for all that!!! and you are gonna sit at my window and complain. I actually had a lady say "How do you people sleep at night?" I said You have just received over $200 worth of services, I think 40 dollars is a small proce to pay. I would be thankful if I didn't have insurance and I was able to recieve gynecology and family planning services based on my incoem when so many other have no access to health care at all!!" that shut her up pretty quickly.
Why is KM allowed to get away with sitting on his butt, milking the time clock, everyone knows it, no one does anything about it but if one of us tried it we would definately not get away with it for even one shift
AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN
2 Articles; 1,291 Posts
Amen, again!