Things you'd LOVE to say to TPTB, and get away with it!

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Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

OK, been thinking about this a while as well.

Since the patient thread went so well, I thought I'd try this.

FYI: TPTB = "The Powers That Be"

1) To the doctor who writes the insane orders, such as: "Please perm patient's hair this shift for outing with family tomorrow.",

"And do YOU plan to come in with the Clairol and hair dryer yourself?"

2) To the doctor that refuses to write for sedation, anti-anxiety, etc. for the patient who is currently trying to hang themself on the bedrail, has their catheter tube stretched tighter than a drum, and has just ripped their IV out for the 5th time, and says, "Just watch her real close."

"Um, yeah, and what should I tell my OTHER six patients?"

3) To the supervisor that refuses to send more staff to a floor with 30 patients, 2 RNs, and 2 techs. She has said that she will "try to find someone, so just go ahead and take report...she'll see what she can do."

"No way. You either send me someone of the nursing persuasion NOW, or you will be down to ONE RN and 2 techs. I have not taken report, nor will I take report on 15 patients. If that is your final answer, you can jolly well come up here and take report yourself. I am going home and calling my agency to tell them why." (I DID say that. They had someone up there in less than 10 minutes. No one said boo to me about attitude.)

4) To the doctor who complains because we will not make a special sheet just for him and place it at the front of the chart, updated every day, with VS, FSBS, I&O, etc.

"See this little green tab? It says 'graphic'. That is where we keep those records. Can you turn pages? Can you read? You know, top to bottom, left to right?"

5) To the doc that complains at being woken up when on call.

"That's why you get the big bucks, honey"

I know y'all can come up with some good ones. Have fun!:yeah:

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

To the doctor who tells me to answer the phone because it is ringing: "I'm not a secretary, and I have more consequential things to do than tend to the phone."

To the family member who threatens to report me for not leaving iced water at the bedside: "The doctor has recommended honey thickened liquids for your loved one, but you can go ahead and give her regular water if you're really intent on killing her."

To the supervisor who expects me to accept double the patient load: "I haven't clocked in, and I haven't accepted report yet. You can have these 30 patients by yourself, because I quit!"

To the nurse manager who doesn't want me to call the doctor: "If I lose my nursing license over this, can I come live with you? I really like the house where I live, but I won't be able to afford it without my license."

To the CNA who thinks all nurses are lazy: "You can have my job if you want it. I never get to leave on time, I get abused from different angles, and I'm not paid enough to deal with the aggravation."

To the administrator: "It's time for a pay raise. After all, your healthcare facilities would be worthless without nurses, so catch a darned clue!"

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Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

Amen!!!!!!!!

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

Addendum. . .

To my fellow nurse coworkers who constantly scrutinize other peoples' work for possible errors: "Get a life, and worry about your own work."

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
Addendum. . .

To my fellow nurse coworkers who constantly scrutinize other peoples' work for possible errors: "Get a life, and worry about your own work."

That could go for coworkers of any persuasion, actually. The saying about removing the log from your own eye before you worry about the speck of dust in mine- a paraphrase of a Bible verse- would work really well. It seems to me that the bigger their own log, the harder they try to find my speck of dust!

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

To the VP of Operations: "Either get me a computer that works and an administrator who won't drive the staff away in droves, or find yourself another DNS!"

To the administrator: "YOU keep making staff quit with all your petty rules and nasty attitude---YOU do the &$*! schedule and cover the shifts"

To my staff: "At the rate everyone's quitting, I'm going to wind up covering evening AND noc shifts for the next eternity---STOP ASKING FOR TIME OFF!!!!!"

To my residents: "Yes, I KNOW you're paying a lot of money to live here, and I'm doing the best I can for you, but I can't walk outside and pluck caregivers off a bush"

Ahhhhhhh..........I feel better now:coollook:

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Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.

Wow, y'all's are GOOD!

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Thanks for the inspiration!

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Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.

I was working one night I doubled back after working a 12 hour MN shift and came in at 3pm, was in charge and orineting a new grad.

At 7pm all Hell breaks loose. We are losing nurses because they leave at 7pm. Staffing office sends me 2 nurses from the rehab unit, they refuse to take a pt assignment, and barely make a effort to pass meds. I am expected to charge , accept admits, and orient 2 new grads now. Mgr comes in and is going over paperwork with a new grad who is leaving at 7p. I see said manager and ask her to put a stop to all admits since we were so understaffed. She said she can't and we will be ok for a while. I had a new grad who had no preceptor, a new grad I was already working with and a ton of nurse externs which could do nothing to help me(not to slam them, but I needed someone who had a license). I called staffing and asked for them to send me someone who was a licensed nurse since the 2 they sent are no help either. I then went to my manager and told her in no uncertain terms that this was BS, and "You need to go to ER get yourself some scrubs, and GET TO WORK up here and help your staff who are drownding or do you even care?" She didn't get some scrubs, she didn't help us. We went through the rest of the shift like that. I even told the rehab nurse to get to work and do admits, call for orders, and pass meds. The one told me "I can't pass meds, I don't know the patient." I told her that after she has a few days off and her assigment is different she dosen't know those patients either and they still get their meds right? I told her to either do that or go back to her unit since she was no help. She passed meds.

No I didn't get fired. I was suprised I didn't. But I wasn't in charge for a while. I still even work for the organization. Mgr doesn't due to poor decisions.

To my new manager: GET A CLUE. Neuo ICU is not the same as psych. Work with us for one shift and see what we really go through. You have no idea since you haven't worked critical care in so long. No your stupid tattle protocol didn't work. We will not tattle on each other.

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Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.

To the resident who tells the pt family in the preop visit to the clinic that they can spend the night: GET A CLUE the family cannot spend the night. We can't work around them. SO STOP TELLING THEM THAT!!! I am tired of being the bad guy because of you.

To the resident who won't listen to me that the pt needs lasix: Listen to the nurse. I am your eyes and ears. For God's sake please come see the pt after I have asked you for the 3rd time for lasix. I will call the house manager on you because I feel you aren't listening to me. This isn't the time to prepare for rounds. You could have done that hours ago. Jeez

To the same doc above: DO NOT EVER AGAIN ask our nurses to watch some other pt you have in PACU because we have to take our pt down to MRI anyway. I cannot help it that PACU is refusing to take your pt to MRI, and one of our nurses is going down. Our nurse is NOT responsible for the PACU pt. PACU is responsible for taking them down. No we aren't your personal TACT team. GET A CLUE BUDDY. House mgr sided with me.

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

If you can't figure out why you can't keep staff, look in the mirror!!!

If your title is some form of "manager" then that's what you're supposed to do, manage, lead, or something along those lines. Stop letting everyone else make all your decisions for you. It would really help if you could recall where you left your, er, backbone.

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To the managers that expect the nurses to cater to the rude, demanding families----Patients lives and safety are MUCH more important than "customer service", and maybe these people needs some serious limits before all of the nurses quit because of them.

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