Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.
I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.
Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.
Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.
Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.
I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.
No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.
No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".
No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.
NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).
No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).
No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.
No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.
I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!
I'm sorry that you don't like to be poked for lab work(says the pt with 10 tattoos and numerous piercings) but we need to see what the values are so that we can treat them appropriately since your heart likes to have runs of SVT!!! If you don't want to allow the phleb to draw labs that the doctor ordered for you, then you might as well go home NOW!!!
And I'm the mean nurse who isn't allowed to take care of this patient anymore!! GRR!!
Pt: Don't think y'all are plan on keeping me and you are not gonna be poking on me either.
Me: Then why did you come to the hospital?
Pt: WOW! You are a mean one!
Me: If you are sick and gonna come to the hospital, you have to allow us to do our jobs to help you get better. If that means we have to poke on you to get blood drawn or admit you to the hospital, it's all in order to help you get well.
Pt: I don't care you are still mean.
Me: (Smiles) Now, I need you to get in a gown and I'll be right back with the stuff to draw your blood.
NO you can't call at 2 AM and request an emergency nursing visit because grandpa's foley catheter came out (not pulled out) and he needs a new one NOW because he's peeing in his depends and getting the bed wet. Well, you can call and request it, but it won't happen until tomorrow morning at about 0900....
I don't care HOW much money you have or how prominent you are in the community, I'm NOT your personal maid and I'm not moving furniture for you or running errands. And grandpa is NOT going to get a shower because he weighs 300lbs and I'm NOT letting my aide get hurt, nor am I hurting myself.
Specializes in correctional, med/surg, postpartum, L&D,.
I guess I've never had any problem telling a couple (more so the dad) that I am not a maid. If he'd like the bedside table cleaned off, there's the garbage can and "go for it".
Since I work night shifts on a busy postpartum unit with no well baby nursery, I have no trouble telling you that watching your baby is not MY responsibility. I don't mind watching your baby and letting you sleep, but it's YOUR baby. When we have two c-sections and three more postpartums coming up adding that to our already nine patients and one of them is hemorrhaging, and nobody is around to watch your infant, please don't expect us to. We are a team of three nurses who are trying our best to make everyone happy. You are responsible for her/him for the next 18 years.
No, babies don't sleep at night. They wake up quite often and are hungry. Since they are now your child, you should wake up and feed them. Who do you think is going to do this when you go home?
Home deliveries are meant for pizza. Please don't think you're safe delivering your infant at home because you're trying to save a buck. Also, please don't try to let your midwife tell you you're not pre-eclamptic with a blood pressure of 196/110 and it's safe to deliver on your own mattress.
No maam I don't know how your mother slept last night. I wasn't here because I was asleep myself. Since it is now 2 pm you might try asking her yourself. No maam I don't think anyone else is around who might be able to tell you how your mother slept last night.
No, maam, I don't have any control over the color of the jello and by the way I didn't cook your eggs. No thank you I don't want your cake. It's okay to leave it on the tray if you don't want to eat it. Thank you, I'm glad to hear that I'm the best one that's wiped your behind since you've been here but I still won't go home with you.
What times is it? Well, it's time for you to go home now. (answer to the patient who has asked me the time at least 10 times within a 2 minute time period).
Where are you? Well, I think you might be on Mars. Or, perhaps Candyland. (to the patient who has asked me where she is at least 10 times within the last 2 minutes).
What should you do now? How about be quiet and leave me alone? And please STOP, STOP asking me for more tissue boxes. At least 15 trees must have been cut down so that you could have enough tissues probably even for this one DAY. (to the pt who asks me what she should do now ... now that lunch is over and she's got 3 hours to kill until dinner).
Little demented old lady ...I honestly don't know what to do with you anymore. it's just been one long incessant day of questions, and tissues, and bed alarms, and bathroom trips ...and that's all you've got. I love you to death ...but honestly, how did you get this way??
RNforLongTime
1,577 Posts
I'm sorry that you don't like to be poked for lab work(says the pt with 10 tattoos and numerous piercings) but we need to see what the values are so that we can treat them appropriately since your heart likes to have runs of SVT!!! If you don't want to allow the phleb to draw labs that the doctor ordered for you, then you might as well go home NOW!!!
And I'm the mean nurse who isn't allowed to take care of this patient anymore!! GRR!!