Things Little Old Ladies Say

Nurses Humor

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I am helping a sweet, 90-something year old, white-haired, angelic looking, completely oriented grandmother to transfer from the chair to the bed.

Patient: "Whew!! I stink! I wish I could just wash my ****!" (apparently allnurses won't even let me type what she said without some well placed dashes...it tried to star the word out!!)

So I went and got some peri-wash and helped her clean up (after I had a hysterical laughing fit in the supply room).

What are some unexpected things that sweet little old ladies have said to you?

Specializes in Care Coordination, MDS, med-surg, Peds.

I was helping give an injection to a very agitated LOL, and after she had very colorfully described the other staff ancestries LOL, she got to me, and I guess, ran out of nasty comments, but she finally said... "You, you , you've got the fattest ass I have ever seen'!! I just laughed and said, thank you, I have been working on it for years"! All she did was sit and sputter!! LOL I did not take offense because, well, I do have a fat ass, AND she was so furious it was funny.

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We had a birthday party for a lol and she asked, "how old am I?" We told her her age and she said, "damn, I'm gonna die soon!" She laughed at herself after that one.

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
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Specializes in ER.

LOL watching the TV in our ER waiting room last night, and one of the ads made an announcement about a special offer, one day only, on home essentials.

LOL was a little deaf, she came to the triage room and told me that the TV was selling homosexuals.

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I had a resident who is continent. She called one night in bed and as I entered she says real innocently, "We have a problem here..." I take a look and she says she had a large loose BM. When I get her up she starts laughing saying it is running down her right leg. She gets to the toilet and laughs hysterically saying "I guess I left a trail!!!" followed by repeated apologies and her laughing saying "Man, I really stink." She is just too funny!!!

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I love all of these! I once went to an elderly patient's apartment and introduced myself. He said, "All right miss, there are just two rules here: no whistling and if ya gotta sing, go do it outside!"

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Specializes in Emergency/Trauma/Critical Care Nursing.
I love all of these! I once went to an elderly patient's apartment and introduced myself. He said, "All right miss, there are just two rules here: no whistling and if ya gotta sing, go do it outside!"

Lol sounds like something Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory would say, haha!

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Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
Lol sounds like something Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory would say, haha!

That's the first thing that I thought of, too!

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Specializes in Emergency/Trauma/Critical Care Nursing.
That's the first thing that I thought of, too!

I think they even had an episode about it, when they talked about compromising lmao!

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Specializes in immunization, gerentology.

I worked in a small dementia facility that was separated into 3 "houses" each had x number of resident rooms, a kitchen, dining room and tv room. One night shift i was sitting in one of the houses doing some paperwork when one of the LOL hobbled down the hallway. I sat her down across from me, got her a snack and something to drink. I tried to talk to her but she wasn't into it, so i left her to her snack and continued with my paperwork. A few minutes later i heard another resident calling out, got up to go check on them and i'll never know why but halfway down the hallway i turned around and looked at the LOL just in time to see her looking over each shoulder, grabbing her snack and throwing it all over the floor and then knocking her milk on the floor!! i just shook my head and tended to the resident calling out. When i got back i said "oh so and so, what happened?!" to which she replied "I threw it on the floor" i said "well who's going to clean this up?" she looks me straight in the eye, smirks and says "you are, get to it"

This LOL is a regular contributor to my crazy LOL stories list

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Working in the Dementia unit, I had a resident that would follow me around in her wheelchair, muttering things about me and the things I had stolen from her, namely her husband and her shoes (neither of which I had stolen! LoL). She reported me several times a day to my supervising RN! Anytime we had an RN from agency, they'd go to the DON to report what the resident said... this happened about once a month, for about 8 months lol I was nothing but sweet and kind and apologetic to the resident, and my teammates were good at distracting her lol She was RELENTLESS!

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Specializes in Hospice.

My favorite LOL on the dementia unit: teeny tiny, high-pitched voice. Big deer-in-headlight eyes. Anyway, on Superbowl Sunday I put the game on in the day room. I'm at my med cart in the corner and all of a sudden I hear screaming, "Runnnn!!! Killllll them!!!!! Make him bleeeeeeeed!!!" I look up and there is my LOL standing about an foot away from the TV just screaming at the players. I moved her to a seat nearby and she told me Tom Brady was her son (her son Brady, bcs that's what it says on his jersey). At a commercial break, I had to close the day room and moved her into the a TV room closer to the nurse's station. The second I clicked off the TV, she called me the nastiest, meanest things. Including, "God will never forgive you, you effing b-word!" She usually goes to bed at 8; she stayed up for the whole game AND the post-game!

The next day I brought her a bunch of newspaper pics of Tom Brady, and she shuffled around all day, showing off the photos of "her son." And it's a dementia unit, so everyone just complimented him and congratulated her. She was so proud! (I asked if she could hook me up with Brady, but she said he had more than enough lady friends!)

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