Therapy for me....

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Specializes in Psych, OB-GYN.

This post doesn't have a purpose... I just need to let it all out somewhere... and I know the ob-gyn nurses around here would be the ones who would best understand.

I'm a *new-ish* nurse - graduated last May and took my first job offer a week after graduation - hubby had been laid off so I was desperate. I went to work at a Psych facility working detox - not a good job for me. I felt like if I didn't get out of there, I would become a patient myself.

I stayed there 9 months, the entire time applying for anything and everything. See, my entire life I have dreamed of working L&D. High risk. I want the Mom's where two lives are on the line. After I lost my unborn daughter d/t abruption, I've had this overwhelming desire be the nurse that has the patients when things go wrong. Don't misread me, please. I don't ever want people to have to deal with pain and hurt from fetal/maternal demise... But I know in my heart that God has lead me to be that nurse with the families.

Long story short, I was accepted to an RN program 2x. Each time, we found out we were pregnant. The third time I applied, I was wait-listed and picked up by the LVN program. No biggie. I did it and was accepted into the transition. Just one week after graduation my nasa engineer hubby was laid off. So I withdrew from the transition and went to work to help support our family.

I finally got an acute care job - working postpartum. I'm trying to love it. I really truly am. But I don't. I cry most days before and after work. Mostly because I'm sad that I'm not where I thought I would be 10 years ago. Probably stupid, I know.

I've applied for BSN programs and to transitions. I won't know a yes or no for the transition until Mid-April. The BSN program has already begun to send out interview invites - my inbox has been empty.

I don't want to be an LVN. I never did. My ultimate pet-peeve in life is telling people that I'm a nurse and then they ask: Lvn or RN? What the heck does it matter?? A nurse is a nurse. I hate that some of the nurses at work say "just an lvn"... and they say it with that attitude... I know some of you probably know the one I'm talking about.. I want to be in the back delivering babies. My ultimate goal my entire childhood/teen years was CNM. Now I'm almost thirty, working as a LVN and afraid it will never happen. And that breaks my heart. Don't get me wrong, I adore my husband and my kids... I just wish I had listened to my parents (but shhh, please don't tell them I said that!!)

Like I said, not really sure that this post had a purpose. I just needed to get my feelings out somewhere. I know my husband and friends are probably tired of hearing me cry about it. If you read this, bless you. If you had to quit after the first paragraph, it's cool with me.

Thanks for letting me get it all out....

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Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.

You'll get there. You say "almost 30" like you're ancient. I'm a second-career RN, and I didn't graduate with my RN until I was 33. After several years as an RN, I'm just now starting school again to get my nurse-midwifery degree. I will be 40 before I get my CNM. And the thought never even occurred to me that I'm too old!

A good friend of mine, who is 35, is also an LVN (working in mother/baby and lactation) and is going back in August to get her RN, with the goal of becoming a CNM as well. She will be well over 40 before she gets hers, also.

You can do this. Don't give up hope and don't let go of your dream. You've got many many years ahead of you to be a high risk L&D nurse (but you should know that as a CNM, you won't be taking care of any high risk women).

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I am almost 30 and a second career nursing student. I wish I had not "wasted my time" too sometimes, with my previous degree. But the way I try to look at it is I have experiences most nurses never have had and it will make me a better nurse. I worked electronics for 8 years, maybe one day after becoming an experienced nurse it will pay off when a biomedical company offers me a high paying position. Or maybe my HRM degree will get me into a nursing recruiter position. Or maybe my management degree will help me step into administration quicker and easier. You never know what type of things you can be offered.

Bottom line everything happens for a reason and use your life experiences to your advantage. You know a lot about the field and that already sets you apart from your peers when you start school. People like me only know how to work on machines, not people and I would die for your experiences.

Keep your head up and don't forget that it is never too late to change your life!

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Specializes in Forensic/Psych/Surgical nurse.

You can't catch a break, can you? You have it pretty rough when it comes to going back to school. I can't pretend I have any good advice for you, but I will say to stick it out. Like Klone said, if it is a dream, you'll get there eventually. Don't rush through this part of your life or else you will have nothing to show for it when you're older (well, you'll have the position you want, but if people tell you to recall this part, you'll only have hardships to remember it by).

As for the LVN thing...next time those people say "just LVN?" you should tell them to try nursing school. I'd rather have someone with a year in nursing school (plus all the prereqs) over someone with a doctorates in art or something any day! No offense to the liberal arts people.

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I became a nurse at 41; high risk L&D. You'll get there.

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Specializes in Med surg, LTC, Administration.

My second attempt. First vanished. Anyway..

I am not an ob-gyn nurse. But I feel you more than you know. We have the same story. I never ever wanted to be a nurse, I wanted to be a scientist and cure sickle cell. I did my baccalaureate in biology, got pregnant and had a 31 week, 1260 GM baby boy. This was back when preemies, did not fare well. Anyway, two special angels, both named Kathy loved my baby to health. They taught me how to care for him, made all his clothes (there were no preemie clothing back then except doll clothes), and had patience with this scared mom who stayed from 7am till 10pm every day for the month he wasthere. They had such an effect on me, I decided to become a nurse, just like them. Everyone thought I was crazy but I knew I had to try. I became an LPN because it was a 10 month program and it was free. I figured I could go back to school if i was any good at nursing. I loved nursing, but hated pedi. I found myself crying with sick children and getting angry at abusive parents. The worst, drug addicted infants, I just couldn't tolerate it, so found my home in med surg. I did graduated from a prestigious institution and was incensed, that my major, science, could not be used for transfer to become an RN. So I stayed an LPN and was proud. What do you care what people think or say? Just do what you do and know, you are a nurse and a great one at that. I always felt that way. Nurses who say, "they are just an LPN," usually aren't very good. Be proud of who you are and what you do. After 25 years of being an LPN, in so many roles and disciplines, I am ready to leave. I would not give any of those years back, have no regrets and will always be proud of my legacy. I am now six months away from my JD degree. I will now serve the public as a lawyer. I will end my working years advocating for children, elderly and disenfranchised. Hopefully, I do as well a job, as when I worked as an LPN. Peace!

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Specializes in Psych, OB-GYN.

Chin up, thank you for your story. I think LVNs are fabulous nurses - I work that some that do circles around the BSNs... I think my hang up is that it just isn't what I dreamed. Every day my husband kisses me bye and reminds me that I'm first and foremost a Nurse. I'm working on being content... I'm just ready to reach my dreams.. And do so while my kids are younger so I can enjoy their school stuff later.

I truly appreciate everyone's kind words. I needed it today. Just a bit bummed... and discouraged right now. Working on no regrets. Deep down I know that all of my life experiences makes me who I am... I didn't say anything before, but I was at a 4yr school on track for BSN when one morning I just woke up and decided to join the Army. I spent 8 years as a reserve medic - and I know that without that experience there is no way I'd be the nurse that I am today - heck, I wouldn't even have the discipline to even finish nursing school. I think my #1 problem right now is not having faith that someday I'll get back to school to further my degree.... Really, all I want is an acceptance letter :) Then I can move on and worry about other things....

Thanks again for the advice and replies. I knew this place would help.

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Specializes in Psych, OB-GYN.
You'll get there. You say "almost 30" like you're ancient. I'm a second-career RN, and I didn't graduate with my RN until I was 33. After several years as an RN, I'm just now starting school again to get my nurse-midwifery degree. I will be 40 before I get my CNM. And the thought never even occurred to me that I'm too old!

A good friend of mine, who is 35, is also an LVN (working in mother/baby and lactation) and is going back in August to get her RN, with the goal of becoming a CNM as well. She will be well over 40 before she gets hers, also.

You can do this. Don't give up hope and don't let go of your dream. You've got many many years ahead of you to be a high risk L&D nurse (but you should know that as a CNM, you won't be taking care of any high risk women).

I know 30 isn't ancient - well, sometimes it feels like it may be :) I just regret not doing this right the first time.... It's not a second career for me - It's just taken me 11 years to graduate, and even then, I really haven't. I just got a vocational certificate?? And best of luck on your nurse-midwifery - Can't wait to hear that you're finished!! And I know that I wouldn't be doing high-risk as a CNM - I just wanted to get it out of my system for a few years - gain the experience of handling the unexpected so that I could better handle normal and routine :) Plus, maybe I would have found such a niche that I never wanted to leave and go on for my CNM, just become a certified RN and help deliver babies for the next 20 years:nurse:

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Specializes in Med surg, LTC, Administration.
I know 30 isn't ancient - well, sometimes it feels like it may be :) I just regret not doing this right the first time.... It's not a second career for me - It's just taken me 11 years to graduate, and even then, I really haven't. I just got a vocational certificate?? And best of luck on your nurse-midwifery - Can't wait to hear that you're finished!! And I know that I wouldn't be doing high-risk as a CNM - I just wanted to get it out of my system for a few years - gain the experience of handling the unexpected so that I could better handle normal and routine :) Plus, maybe I would have found such a niche that I never wanted to leave and go on for my CNM, just become a certified RN and help deliver babies for the next 20 years:nurse:

Your passion is great! I know you will get there! The certificate was just your first step, you will make many more. I promise. I never thought I would get my JD, but it is now, at 51,knocking at the door. You will get there much sooner. I mean with passion like that...let us know when it happens. I think I want it for you, as much as you want it for yourself! Thanks for sharing! Peace!

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Specializes in Home health was tops, 2nd was L&D.

My story is almost opposite of yours. I went to ADN program to be in L&D.. I had 3 horrible birthing experiences and felt I could be better. I did well in school and would just not accept the "you must do one yr of med-surg" story. I did not go to school for that. I applied at Johns Hopkins and went there for interview over spring break final yr.. My teachers all wrote letters but secretly thought I would be laughed at. I came back with job offer for High Risk L&D unit. I was the poster child for the school for some time. I moved back to MD, and love my job. I was only only of 4 new grads they had ever hired and only one with ADN. The next yr they hired 17! After a yr, got divorced and decided to move back to FL. Got a L&D job easy but in a community hospital...Scared me to death, Hopkins is like 20 years ahead.. DR's were scary, I hated the whole experience. I stayed a yr until I could find something I thought would be ok..found a NM job of a medicaid OB/GYN clinic.. Missed the miracles but liked the job. Then my son got hurt and was in body cast for 8 weeks, my new husband was having work problems, and I needed more flexibilty.. I saw an ad for HH, great hrs, good pay!

Went for interview..only job I really tried not to get.. "I had never touched any one not female and pregnant!" Director said "try it you' ll like it" So I tried and almost 20 yrs later I still like it.

So you see I had my dream but not for long and later found HH was 'a true love".

What I am trying to say is "life happens, things change, yes we grow older but usually smarter, never give up, just re-group and attack from another angle..

You can have your dream, just keeping working at it.. I did not even become a RN till 31. But you may find along the way your dream or even just parts of it change.. and that is ok. I am happy I had my yr of High Risk at Hopskins..it changed my life. But am sad community hospital was so disappointing..

You are young and you can do it...just keep your dream in mind and go with the flow. And people who try to belittle LPN(LVN) have no idea what they are talking about.. and I agree with the poster that says to tell them to go to nursing school. Best of luck and God speed.

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BTW, my LVN program was WAAAAY more difficult than my transition to RN program. I am a better nurse for it, and you will be too. Don't let what others say define how you feel about yourself....really

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I agree with the previous post; LPN school made RN transition much easier and I am a better hands on nurse because of it. BTW I am a second career RN, changed careers when my son was a teen, LPN at 48, RN at 51 years old. You will make your career happen, raise and enjoy your babies meanwhile, they grow up so fast!!

Maura

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