The Nurse on the Other Side

[sheilagood52]

Me...the Patient

You thought I didn't notice the fake, tight smile you gave me, but I did. I heard the edge of irritation in your voice and saw the roll of your eyes as you turned away. And, for future reference, your mouth does funny things when you're biting your tongue.

I didn't hear the things you said to your co-workers as soon as you cleared the room, but I heard them in my mind as if standing next to you.

"God, the patient in 505 is intolerable." The others teetered as you described me.

"Bet she's a nurse; is she?"

I imagine you couldn't pull my patient record and demographics up fast enough in search of my occupation. You groan echoed loudly, "She's an MSN."

The others laughed at your misfortune and walked away.

You wrote your name on the whiteboard in my room with a flourish and told me to call if I needed anything. But, you didn't mean it. I saw the hurried and dismissive way you wrote resenting the nuisance board.

You checked the orders for the day, scanned the most recent labs for obvious outliers, made a note of the meds to dole out, and moved on. You didn't delve into my history, or the reason I ended up in the emergency room; you didn't have time. Yet, discovering I was a nurse, made you cringe.

Am I Your Worst Nightmare?

I'm your worst nightmare or so you say; right next to the physician-patient, you had last week. I'm your patient and I hold a master's degree in nursing. I know things, lots of things about medicine, the role and responsibility of nurses, and more about the disease ravaging my body than most physicians. Knowledge is a powerful thing, and, yes, sometimes too much is a dangerous thing. Physicians see me occasionally and this is my first encounter with you, but I live with the complications of my illness every day. If I had to choose, I'd take more knowledge over less any day.

But, why does finding out I'm a nurse, bring out the worst in you? Why the snippy attitude or rolling eyes? Why should I hide the fact I'm a nurse? We're supposed to be kindred spirits.

I'm not here to grade your performance or make you feel, whatever you're feeling. I'm here to get well. A little compassion from one nurse to another will go a long way in making that happen.

I no longer practice nursing, not in an official capacity, but I remember what inspired me. I wanted to be like Florence Nightingale, help the sick, cure cancer, or the next big disease threatening to wipe out humanity. I had big plans. I'd advocate for my patients, unique in their illness and they would remember me with fondness. Although my career was cut short, I still maintain my license and keep up with medical practices. Nursing is a way of life for me. It's who I am.

The Healthcare System

The whole health care system is unrecognizable to me these days. Nurses are still overworked and underpaid. Electronic charting and medical records have nurses spending more time in front of the computer than at the bedside, and patient care has become check-offs on a computer screen.

Remember the lab values I asked about?

"They were normal," you said. Did you bother to review the pattern of my previous labs? No, you evaded my questions and became annoyed. If you had, you would've realized they weren't normal, not for me. One size does not fit all.

To you, I'm the pain in the *** nurse-patient in room 505, but this is my life, my body, and my pain. I should have a say; I've earned it.

One day you will be me, the nurse on the other side, receiving instead of giving care. Tired, sick, and afraid, the truth of who you are will slip out as your own knowledge compels you to ask questions and push for answers. Clinging to the last bit of control you have, you'll pay attention to the care you receive as never before. Once a nurse, you're always a nurse.

That time will come faster than you can imagine. When it does, you'll want a compassionate nurse. One, who listens, answers questions, takes your concerns seriously, and treats you with the respect every nurse deserves no matter her age or circumstances, not one who rolls her eyes in impatient mockery.

[Postpartum RN]

uniquenurse2014 said:

I have had both good and bad experiences being a patient. Earlier this year when I was in hospital after having my daughter my BP skyrocketed and took almost two weeks before it went down. My daughter was in the Nicu as well and I was confined to bed rest so had to express breast milk to give to her. The nurses were generally nice to me and I did not mention that I was a nurse because I believe its irrelevant to patient care.Some nurses found out however and treated me oddly and it was even worse when they found out I was a critical care nurse. I don't know what documentation was done because many never assessed me.

My best care came from the LPNs on the unit as most were international nurses like myself. One night I asked RN assigned to me to take the EBM(expressed breast milk) to the Nicu as that was the unit's policy and she told me the most she could do is place it in the refrigerator. I told her the baby was to be fed at 2am and needed the milk for that feed. This was at 12am in the morning . My blood pressure was 172/104 and I was sore and in pain.I had been feeling dizzy all day but I got out of bed and walked down the corridors alone so my baby could get her milk and prayed.My husband is also a critical care nurse and was at work and was livid when I recounted what happened. The nurses in the Nicu were also quite upset as they knew I was supposed to be on bedrest. Now this RN came on duty she knew my reason for being there was for uncontrolled BP and she did not do one BP for the 12 hours even though I had two machines in my room and never assessed my pain. I had to be the one that night reminding her about when my medications were due. I monitored myself that night. After that I didn't want anything to do with her because I could not believe a human being could be ..... this.

I am sorry this happened to you! Sounds terrible and I hope that nurse got into trouble!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I'm sorry I am not getting your hostility. 1- I have not being going on and on about my "superiority skills and education." Completely false. I felt it appropriate to answer those accusing me of having none. I don't consider my education or experience superior to anyone. Each nurse has their own expertise, skill set, and experience.

2- As for the 1-1/2 year of med-surg experience, that keeps being mentioned, the rest of my experience is selectively being ignored.

3- although I choose a different speciality in nursing than some, I believe I have a very good handle on what a unit and its nurses need.

4- The article was written for the purpose I intended, to discuss the way nurse patients are treated. Most articles do not have spell out anything. Articles provide information and stimulate conversation. This was an article written about a personal experience I have encountered. The article was clear and needed no further explanation.

5- I'm tired of having to repeat myself. I've tried to be polite and address anyone's concerns. Instead, I am repeatedly being called a liar, lacking experience, having embellished or made the article up.

6- I'm done. Whether you are any of the other naysayers believe me or not, is insignificant to me. None of you were I my room.

7. You and others, who have disagreed with my article have proved my point more than anything I could have written or said. I, a nurse, shared my experience, but other nurses, rather than showing compassion and an eagerness to discuss the real issue, attacked me, my integrity, clinical skills, and experience. I have been shocked at the venomous and hostile comments, not just about the article, but me personally. But, as I said, those who did so, proved my point. Here was a nurse, a patient, and the nurses who were supposed to care, attacked.

It is not my practice to respond to such hostile responses, but when the attacks became personal, questioning my integrity and honesty, not to mention my education and skills, I believed I needed to respond. I worked as hard as any of you achieving my nursing education, and even harder as my career progressed. This article was to enlighten, not to put down. It was my experience, but next time it may be yours.

I learned a long time ago, there is a time to say, "enough." And, I am saying enough. I will no longer engage in responses filled with accusations or hostility, but thank you to all who understood my article and its intent.

You obviously did not get the sympathy you expected for your "terrible experience" as a patient. What some of us -- me included -- have been trying to tell you is that your terrible experience was probably more related to your attitude than to your background as a nurse. Some people come across as hostile and entitled -- and though you may not think that's you, a number of the posters on this thread have expressed that you DO come across that way. Nurses, being human, may respond to hostile and entitled with some negative feelings. You may have picked up on that.

The fact that you DID have a negative experience does not mean it's related to your nursing background, or that it's universal or even common. Many of us have also been patients -- some of us in our own hospital (me included) and had nothing but positive experiences. Or the majority of positive experiences with one isolated negative experience upon which we choose not to dwell.

Like Anna Flaxis, I found your original post to be mean spirited, arrogant, condescending and entitled. If that is how you come across to your caregivers when you're a patient, I completely understand your negative experience. Sorry, but my sympathy for your experience expired after my first post on this thread.

[Susie2310]

To the people who posted that they received inadequate/unsafe nursing care during their hospital stay: My family member was recently hospitalized, and there was a notice posted very visibly in their room that stated words to the effect that if patients/family members were concerned about the quality of the nursing care the patient was receiving, here is the phone number of the Rapid Response Team who will come and listen to your concerns/assess you/consult with MD, and here are the phone numbers of the Charge Nurse/Nurse Manager, please feel free to call. I stayed with my family member at their bedside, and if I hadn't been able to resolve a concern that affected my family member's safety and quality of care with the nurse, I would have certainly called those number/s if I felt it necessary. If those numbers are not posted in the patient's room, I believe it's a good idea to obtain that information as early in one's hospital stay as possible.

It's not necessary to be intimidated and feel that as a nurse/patient one daren't mention that one is a nurse, or ask questions that would/could indicate that one has some nursing knowledge, because one fears retribution from the nurse caring for one, or from other members of the health care team. Nurse/patients have the right to be treated as unique individuals, as all patients do.

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

I was admitted to the ER once and encountered staff with horrible attitudes. I have no idea why; whether they had awful experiences with horrible patients, whether they weren't feeling well, or whether they were just reamed out by a physician. It could have been any number of things. All I know is they were very grouchy, and I had pneumonia. When I asked for something to throw up in, I don't know why the person was so slow in giving it to me. By the time I received it, some of my vomit was on the floor. I was prescribed Tylenol for pain when in fact the pain was just beginning so I had no idea it was going to increase. I moaned all night long in pain, but nobody came. When someone from the day shift did arrive, I begged for my normal injection of 2mg Dilauded. That sweet little nurse ran to the pharmacy to get it for me and I was so grateful.

So I have no idea what causes people to project their attitudes onto others but I do know the author is only stating her experiences in healthcare, and I don't see where she is bragging at all.

[Cricket183, BSN, RN]

I too am a retired RN. (It still hurts to see that in writing!) I have spent the past 10 years in and out of the hospital more times then I care to count. I hate being on the other side of the bed. The overwhelming majority of my experiences have been positive, but there have been a few negative ones as well. I seldom volunteer that I am a RN although it usually eventually does come up. (Either just in general conversation or because I use medical terminology or a family member--usually my mom--will mention it or even once because I accidentally signed a consent form in the wrong spot out of habit.)

I think the problem some people are having issue with is not that the OP had a negative experience (I think we all understand that it can and does happen) but that the OP (1) fails to take accountability for her part in that experience, and she (2) conveyed that experience with a lot of speculation and judgement attached to it. In the OP she imagines the nurse talking about her with colleagues behind her back, rushing to look at her face sheet to see her "MSN" title, and failing to look through her chart to see her history and reason for admission--all speculation. The OP has no idea whether or not these things actually happened. In her own words she imagined them happening in her mind.

It kind of reminds me of how I was taught to chart. Stick to the facts and convey only what actually happened. Had the OP done so and not taken literary license then perhaps people would not have responded so negatively.

Just my thoughts/opinion.

Now to the OP. I'm sorry you are sick and I'm sorry you had to retire before you felt ready. I know firsthand how bad that sucks. I was only 38 when I got sick; 40 when I was forced to go on disability; and now at 48, I still have a great deal of difficulty accepting that my nursing career may be over. When I am hospitalized it is always an acute reminder to me of the career I had to leave behind and of the environment I once thrived in. I feel twinges of jealousy when I see the nurses performing tasks that I use to do and it makes it even more painful that they are performing them on me. I become acutely aware of how my body has betrayed me and of the things I can no longer do. I wouldn't wish that on anyone and I'm sorry you are having to deal with it.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Cricket183 said:

I too am a retired RN. (It still hurts to see that in writing!) I have spent the past 10 years in and out of the hospital more times then I care to count. I hate being on the other side of the bed. The overwhelming majority of my experiences have been positive, but there have been a few negative ones as well. I seldom volunteer that I am a RN although it usually eventually does come up. (Either just in general conversation or because I use medical terminology or a family member--usually my mom--will mention it or even once because I accidentally signed a consent form in the wrong spot out of habit.)

I think the problem some people are having issue with is not that the OP had a negative experience (I think we all understand that it can and does happen) but that the OP (1) fails to take accountability for her part in that experience, and she (2) conveyed that experience with a lot of speculation and judgement attached to it. In the OP she imagines the nurse talking about her with colleagues behind her back, rushing to look at her face sheet to see her "MSN" title, and failing to look through her chart to see her history and reason for admission--all speculation. The OP has no idea whether or not these things actually happened. In her own words she imagined them happening in her mind.

It kind of reminds me of how I was taught to chart. Stick to the facts and convey only what actually happened. Had the OP done so and not taken literary license then perhaps people would not have responded so negatively.

Just my thoughts/opinion.

Now to the OP. I'm sorry you are sick and I'm sorry you had to retire before you felt ready. I know firsthand how bad that sucks. I was only 38 when I got sick; 40 when I was forced to go on disability; and now at 48, I still have a great deal of difficulty accepting that my nursing career may be over. When I am hospitalized it is always an acute reminder to me of the career I had to leave behind and of the environment I once thrived in. I feel twinges of jealousy when I see the nurses performing tasks that I use to do and it makes it even more painful that they are performing them on me. I become acutely aware of how my body has betrayed me and of the things I can no longer do. I wouldn't wish that on anyone and I'm sorry you are having to deal with it.

This post is a WINNER!!!!

[Susie2310]

Cricket183 said:

I think the problem some people are having issue with is not that the OP had a negative experience (I think we all understand that it can and does happen) but that the OP (1) fails to take accountability for her part in that experience, and she (2) conveyed that experience with a lot of speculation and judgement attached to it. In the OP she imagines the nurse talking about her with colleagues behind her back, rushing to look at her face sheet to see her "MSN" title, and failing to look through her chart to see her history and reason for admission--all speculation. The OP has no idea whether or not these things actually happened. In her own words she imagined them happening in her mind.

In what way do you believe the OP is accountable for her part of her negative experience? Are you saying the OP brought the negative experience she described in the OP of her nurse's eye rolling, look of irritation, and not having her questions answered satisfactorily, and then in a later post, of nursing care that necessitated her to request a change of nurse, on herself, in part, because she imagined what the nurse was thinking/saying/doing in regard to her, and because she let it be known that she is a nurse? It's not uncommon for patients to wonder what their nurses/doctors are thinking about them or doing in regard to them, and patients often mention their profession/former profession.

It's possible that the OP's expectations of her nurse were unreasonable, but we can't really determine that as we weren't there. The OP used creative writing in her description of what took place, and some posters have responded negatively to that, but her creative writing doesn't alter the fact of the nurse's eye rolling, not satisfactorily answering the OP's questions, look of irritation, and other aspects of care provided that prompted the OP to request a change of nurse. Why shouldn't the OP express judgment about what she experienced? We don't have information in the OP's posts that she projected her own attitudes/prejudices onto the nursing staff; people can speculate that she did, but we don't know that this is what really happened.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Cricket183 said:

I think the problem some people are having issue with is not that the OP had a negative experience (I think we all understand that it can and does happen) but that the OP (1) fails to take accountability for her part in that experience, and she (2) conveyed that experience with a lot of speculation and judgement attached to it. In the OP she imagines the nurse talking about her with colleagues behind her back, rushing to look at her face sheet to see her "MSN" title, and failing to look through her chart to see her history and reason for admission--all speculation. The OP has no idea whether or not these things actually happened. In her own words she imagined them happening in her mind.

It kind of reminds me of how I was taught to chart. Stick to the facts and convey only what actually happened. Had the OP done so and not taken literary license then perhaps people would not have responded so negatively.

J

Bing, bing, bing, bing! Winner here!

[Cricket183, BSN, RN]

Susie2310 said:

In what way do you believe the OP is accountable for her part of her negative experience? Are you saying the OP brought the negative experience she described in the OP of her nurse's eye rolling, look of irritation, and not having her questions answered satisfactorily, and then in a later post, of nursing care that necessitated her to request a change of nurse, on herself, in part, because she imagined what the nurse was thinking/saying/doing in regard to her, and because she let it be known that she is a nurse? It's not uncommon for patients to wonder what their nurses/doctors are thinking about them or doing in regard to them, and patients often mention their profession/former profession.

It's possible that the OP's expectations of her nurse were unreasonable, but we can't really determine that as we weren't there. The OP used creative writing in her description of what took place, and some posters have responded negatively to that, but her creative writing doesn't alter the fact of the nurse's eye rolling, not satisfactorily answering the OP's questions, look of irritation, and other aspects of care provided that prompted the OP to request a change of nurse. Why shouldn't the OP express judgment about what she experienced? We don't have information in the OP's posts that she projected her own attitudes/prejudices onto the nursing staff; people can speculate that she did, but we don't know that this is what really happened.

I never said that the OP brought the negative experience on herself (for any reason!). Nor did I say she was responsible for the negative experience. She is, however, accountable for her portion of the nurse/patient encounter. In every interaction between two people, each person is accountable for their portion of that interaction--be it positive or negative. The OP in her own words said, "I didn't hear the things you said to your coworkers as soon as you cleared the room, but I heard them in my mind as if standing next to you. 'God, the patient in 505 is intolerable.' (Direct quote from OP). The OP has no idea if this actually took place or not. She speculated/imagined it did. Just as she imagined/speculated the nurse hurriedly looking in the chart to see her occupation on the demographic sheet and groaning loudly, "She's a MSN." The OP is responsible for the assumptions she made about the nurse's behaviors (that may or may not have taken place.) In the same way the nurse is accountable for her portion of the interaction--the eye roll, the look of irritation, and for not satisfactorily answering the OP's question. We don't operate in a vacuum. Everything we do, think, assume influences how we respond to someone and how they respond to us.

I don't take issue with the OP letting it be known she is a nurse. I usually don't personally do so when I am hospitalized for a variety of reasons. (1) I don't think it should matter, all patients should be treated with the same dignity and respect. (2) I think sometimes it puts added anxiety on some nurses--especially new grads--when they are taking care of other healthcare workers. (3) I want to be treated like a patient. I don't want someone to assume since I'm a nurse I fully understand everything that's going on. But I don't think that makes me right and the OP wrong.

Maybe it's just me but I do think it's rather uncommon for a patient to wonder what their doctor/nurse is thinking about them. Maybe I just don't care that much what other people think about me, LOL! Now I do care a whole lot what they are doing in regard to my care.

I don't know whether the OP had unreasonable expectations of her nurse or not. As you said we cannot determine that as we were not there.

As far as this being a creative writing piece--even the OP herself stated this was not fiction or a creative writing excercise but rather an article intended to stimulate a discussion about nurse to nurse interactions.

I don't recall mentioning that the OP projected her own attitudes/prejudices onto the nursing staff. I didn't even imply it. I'm not sure where that came from.

The OP had a negative experience. She requested that her care be transferred to another nurse. It was perfectly within her rights to do so. I do not take issue with that. What I said in my PP (and I stand by) is what I think (I.e., my opinion) that some people had issue with was that that negative experience was conveyed with a lot of speculation on the OP's part.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

Susie2310 said:

In what way do you believe the OP is accountable for her part of her negative experience? Are you saying the OP brought the negative experience she described in the OP of her nurse's eye rolling, look of irritation, and not having her questions answered satisfactorily, and then in a later post, of nursing care that necessitated her to request a change of nurse, on herself, in part, because she imagined what the nurse was thinking/saying/doing in regard to her, and because she let it be known that she is a nurse? It's not uncommon for patients to wonder what their nurses/doctors are thinking about them or doing in regard to them, and patients often mention their profession/former profession.

It's possible that the OP's expectations of her nurse were unreasonable, but we can't really determine that as we weren't there. The OP used creative writing in her description of what took place, and some posters have responded negatively to that, but her creative writing doesn't alter the fact of the nurse's eye rolling, not satisfactorily answering the OP's questions, look of irritation, and other aspects of care provided that prompted the OP to request a change of nurse. Why shouldn't the OP express judgment about what she experienced? We don't have information in the OP's posts that she projected her own attitudes/prejudices onto the nursing staff; people can speculate that she did, but we don't know that this is what really happened.

We've only heard one side of the story -- a side that has admittedly been partially fictionalized at that. Nurses are responsible for competent care, but we cannot be held responsible for what we're thinking at the time we give that care. Nor can the patient know what we're thinking. The OP assumed that she knew what the nurse caring for her was thinking, and her assumptions were all negative. Those assumptions may have had no basis in reality.

The entire tone of the original post was arrogant, mean spirited and entitled. Given that she didn't actually know what the nurses were thinking but that she assumed their thoughts were arrogant and mean spirited, it's a pretty good bet that she projected her thoughts onto the nursing staff.

The OP is free to express her experience including her judgements. But we are also free to post our thoughts on the subject she opened for discussion.

[Susie2310]

Ruby Vee said:

We've only heard one side of the story -- a side that has admittedly been partially fictionalized at that. Nurses are responsible for competent care, but we cannot be held responsible for what we're thinking at the time we give that care. Nor can the patient know what we're thinking. The OP assumed that she knew what the nurse caring for her was thinking, and her assumptions were all negative. Those assumptions may have had no basis in reality.

The entire tone of the original post was arrogant, mean spirited and entitled. Given that she didn't actually know what the nurses were thinking but that she assumed their thoughts were arrogant and mean spirited, it's a pretty good bet that she projected her thoughts onto the nursing staff.

The OP is free to express her experience including her judgements. But we are also free to post our thoughts on the subject she opened for discussion.

This is online forum, but this article was about a nurse/patient's experience of receiving nursing care, the topic of which the OP wished to discuss. The OP didn't post her article in order for her experience to be dissected; she wished to discuss the topic of how nurses who become patients are treated by nurses. Even if the OP did make negative "assumptions" about what the nurse was thinking about her, we don't have any evidence that she treated the nurse disrespectfully, or was in any way inappropriate in her behavior.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Susie2310 said:

This is online forum, but this article was about a nurse/patient's experience of receiving nursing care, the topic of which the OP wished to discuss. The OP didn't post her article in order for her experience to be dissected; she wished to discuss the topic of how nurses who become patients are treated by nurses. Even if the OP did make negative "assumptions" about what the nurse was thinking about her, we don't have any evidence that she treated the nurse disrespectfully, or was in any way inappropriate in her behavior.

The OP put it all out there, for everyone to see. She does not get to control how we feel or react to an opinion piece she made public.

I don't disagree she had a rough course in the hospital. I do take issue with the notion she deserves "better" care because she is an RN/MSN with whom we are supposed to feel a kinship.

I don't.

I would rather not know a person is a nurse/doctor. I will deliver my best care to anyone/everyone I am assigned to. End of story.

The OP clearly does not like us disagreeing with her. That's OK. But she gets what she gets when she puts a literary piece out there for public reading and response. We are supposed to respect how she feels. Fair enough. However, she does not get to control how WE feel, either.

If she wants only responses with which she agrees, perhaps a moderated blog would be a better place to put it all out there instead of a public nursing forum.