Thanks for the support and opposition

Nurses General Nursing

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It always puzzles me when I see posters who come unglued after receiving opposing opinions to their threads. To me the beauty of an open forum is to hear the good, bad and ugly especially if you are trying to make an important decision. I'd urge anyone who only posts for cyber hugs and support to list that in their title so those posters who might want to encourage a different line of thinking don't waste their time.

What I personally have found is sometimes the opposite opinions actually have an interesting perspective. When a particular poster really irritates me I try to explore what exactly is causing such a strong reaction on my part. Some times I conclude the poster is just a twit but the truth is more often than not there is something I need to adjust on my end and I have learned important things from other members who have annoyed me. Try keeping an open mind. :)

Specializes in ER.
Oh please no, not another "goodbye cruel board" threat! ;)

Don't worry, I'll actually be back in a week. :cool:

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Specializes in LTC.
I think my most favorite of all are the ones who in what I imagine as the most self-righteous tone write something like: thank you to those who actually offered positive suggestions. :)

Yes, because those of us who didn't paint a picture of rainbows and sunshine are just bitter, hardened, old, mean bully nurses who have lost our compassion. ;)

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Get off my thread. :wacky:

Seriously. I read that one recently when someone couldn't find a job and LMAO. It's a public forum-if you want to dictate who can and can't post on your thread make your own forum where you can set the rules.

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Yes, because those of us who didn't paint a picture of rainbows and sunshine are just bitter, hardened, old, mean bully nurses who have lost our compassion. ;)

yeah, and then you're accused of "eating the young nurses".

They must be pretty tasty if so many crusty old bats eat so many of them.

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It's always pretty easy to pick out people that haven't posted on forums before. It has its own culture and etiquette expectations.

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Specializes in None yet..
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Not everybody can move from an entrenched position and see another POV. Not everybody wants to.

It's not such a bad thing. Those kind of threads are highly entertaining. I sometimes wonder if that's what the poster was after all the time.

Your comment is very interesting to me. It was stressed in a small group exercise on the second day of nursing school that the ability to consider other POVs is an integral part of "critical thinking," a skill required to become a nurse (or so they told us.) I'm still working on the skill and I agree that AllNurses, among many other gifts, can give us practice at it. Thanks for an insightful, positive post!

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

I am an old f*rt, and when I read the posts like you all have mentioned above, I just shake my head and go on to the next thread. I'm just so glad not to be in their space and like to not even have to worry about engaging in the conversation. Like a pilot flying around a storm instead of having to bull through it.

I did enjoy all the 'wicked-funny' back and forth here, though. :woot:

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When I was younger I thought I knew everything and I was judgmental and very sure of my position on things. Then I was forced to mingle with people who held very different views of things, and had very different experiences. Those people opened my mind and changed my life. I now advocate for many non-mainstream groups of people. I identify with some of them on a personal level, too. Hearing alternative points of view, as well as gentle criticism, is part of what makes a person balanced.

However when people use hurtful or destructive or condescending comments to answer a person's question or address their problem, it can make the person even more close-minded and hurt. It achieves nothing, but causes great destruction on a personal and societal level. Discussions should always be conducted with civility and kindness. A bit of humor thrown in won't hurt anything, either.

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Specializes in geriatrics.

People who know of me on AN and especially in real life will realize that I don't sugar coat. My intention is not to offend however, do not ask if you do not want an honest response.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
When I was younger I thought I knew everything and I was judgmental and very sure of my position on things. Then I was forced to mingle with people who held very different views of things, and had very different experiences. Those people opened my mind and changed my life. I now advocate for many non-mainstream groups of people. I identify with some of them on a personal level, too. Hearing alternative points of view, as well as gentle criticism, is part of what makes a person balanced

However when people use hurtful or destructive or condescending comments to answer a person's question or address their problem, it can make the person even more close-minded and hurt. It achieves nothing, but causes great destruction on a personal and societal level. Discussions should always be conducted with civility and kindness. A bit of humor thrown in won't hurt anything, either.

Your very first sentence sounds exactly like my step-daughter, who is now 41 and more reactive than reflective. None of her experiences have opened her up, just driven her further back into the clan of her family, all quite self-righteous, gossipy and angry when other people are not like they think they SHOULD be,

Never occurs to them that being raised differently or elsewhere has any validity if the person in question does not live according to their ideas.(like me).

I am always warm, civil and kind. At one time we had a fairly close and copasetic relationship. But sadly that has changed. Neither my husband nor I feel we owe her any explanations and especially not 'excuses' for the fact that I am the way I am.

I always act as if I do not know about the things she says when she talks behind my back.

I let it all roll off my back because she is the one at a disadvantage, and although I do not trust her, I also don't hold it against her.

I used to think if I could do one thing for her it would be to show her that there are other perfectly legitimate ways to live and move through this world, and not everyone or everywhere is like her mom's clan.

Unfortunately she got sucked back into it by moving very close to the whole bunch of them. And therefore, I am 'bad' because I do not follow what they believe to be the only right way to be.

This may not sound the least bit analogous to the subject at hand, I realize. But I am saying, I don't 'eat my young", I just do't engage with the drama. And I don't try to change my ways to appease her.

As imintrouble said, not everyone wants to move from their entrenched position, which I expect is the case with step-daughter.

There are always people in this life whose narrow viewpoint is not going to change, and they 'need' to be with others who will only validate their viewpoints and opinions.

I am glad that you, anon456, have allowed yourself to open up and have matured to include the possibilities that others might have some little something to contribute to the interpersonal connections between themselves and others, and value to contribute to life in general.

It really does help in the long run, in ways you might never imagine or even realize except subliminally. Your post was a breath of fresh air, and I thank you for it, as it has helped me to continue to be able to tread along my good path and reinforce my attitude to the poor hot mess of my step-daughter who will not change, barring an act of God. And that basically her 'stuff; is all hers.

I always like to think of the quote I read once: "What you think of me is none of my business."

I hope this didn't entirely high-jack the thread!

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Your very first sentence sounds exactly like my step-daughter, who is now 41 and more reactive than reflective. None of her experiences have opened her up, just driven her further back into the clan of her family, all quite self-righteous, gossipy and angry when other people are not like they think they SHOULD be,

Never occurs to them that being raised differently or elsewhere has any validity if the person in question does not live according to their ideas.(like me). . . .

I always like to think of the quote I read once: "What you think of me is none of my business."

I hope this didn't entirely high-jack the thread!

I want to thank you for your feedback, and I'm sorry you have had to deal with someone who is judgmental and hurtful. Especially a relationship like a step-daughter, which had the potential to be a very good and close relationship. I was raised in a very restricted environment where people don't understand or accept (or even try to) people who are different. It has been a painful process to first try to get them to understand me, and when that didn't work, to just accept me, and when that didn't work, to simply love me as I was without reserve. And then after the pain came the liberation of letting go. Loving them from a distance but no longer making apologies for who I was, how I chose to live, and what I chose to believe. And love my family members with the same love and open-mindedness that I wished they had for me.

It sounds like you have reached the same conclusion, although peace does not always come every day. I am not super human and the hurt and anger still creep in-- even I try to reach for higher states of mind.

A lovely way to hijack the thread.

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Specializes in Pediatric Hematology/Oncology.
True and it makes me sad. A finger painting fit for display on Mom's refrigerator has turned into the next Picasso. Can you imagine going through life thinking everything should perfect and everyone will love and support you no matter how silly you are acting? It sets the bar very high. On one hand I'm a tiny bit jealous that they seemed to have missed out on eating dirt, the skinned knees, disappointments and tribulations of growing up in this world. On the other hand I would expect life will have some hard knocks in store for these little darlings that Mommy and Daddy can't fix and with no coping skills or history of weathering stress independently this will be extra difficult to manage.

I think it's unfortunate that they didn't experience those kinds of trying times as kids. When they're adults and now life can seriously kick them in the face, they never developed that skill set to either prevent it from happening in the first place or at least having the ability to do effective damage control. Kind of scary, the mental health implications when you think about it.

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