Terrible time as new nurse

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Hi all. I am having a terrible time in my job as a new nurse. I am 52, graduated in June at the top of my class and am used to doing a good job at whatever I take on. I started orientation on a busy telemetry floor in Sept. The first month-6 weeks I spent in classes and then started on the floor. (mid October) My first preceptor was pretty bad and it took me three days to ask to be assigned to a different one. My current preceptor is a good nurse but functioned as charge nurse through all of November and half of December. I had a few days with her alone but the majority of the time she has been juggling me with many other (and often more pressing) concerns. November was a nightmare...I felt crazed, pressured, told I wasn't going fast enough, and was largely on my own. Major amounts of time were spent looking for someone/anyone on the floor to help me perform a skill. My preceptor would check in but as soon as I could voice a question her phone would ring and she'd disappear. I've spent most of my oreientation being passed around from nurse to nurse. Everyone has different styles and what one tells me one day gets corrected by the one I have the folowing day. My preceptor has a tendency to psych me out by saying on one hand that I'm coming along albeit slowly and on the other that she's not sure I'm going to be able to cut it working on this floor. She also admits that she dropped the ball on me through November and I got gipped in my orientation. I have never called in sick. I arrive 45 minutes early to prepare for the day. I do not take breaks and lunch is anywhere from 10 minutes to 30 minutes when I am lucky. I've encountered a fair amount of hazing from other nurses and aides on the floor. Some nurses have been very helpful. The last two days I was completely overwhelmed with very sick patients, admits, tons of new orders (I am still struggling with the process of checking off orders), the endlessly ringing phone, the anxious and oftentimes needy families, other hospital personnel demanding time with me now, or needing a patient NOW, knowing I'm falling farther and farther behind, knowing my preceptor is watching and concluding further that I am not up to the job. Two nights ago after a hellish 12 hour shift she began to address concerns she has with me. She does it "nicely" but the underlying tone completely threw me and I began to weep openly. I told her I felt my orientation had been brutal, that I noticed other orientees on the floor walking around with their preceptors chatting, smiling and what was wrong with me? She was taken aback by my reaction and I left the floor and cried the entire way home in the car, cried in front of my husband and my kids. Yesterday, I had the same group of patients and she tried to be supportive and said "We are going to get you through this" but I was with yet another preceptor yesterday who was a really good nurse but essentially told me that I didn't have my priorities together. My "real" preceptor and I talked before I left and she was very supportive. She had a lot of kudos for me "You are very smart, you work really hard, I want to keep you here, your patients love you..." but the truth is that none of that is really enough to keep me from feeling like a total failure, loser. I'm afraid I've made a big mistake by going into nursing but I am so invested in making this work. I am feeling really scared that I may fail at this. It worries me terribly...I entered nursing as a second career and saw it as a mid-life move that would enable me to serve my community and do something meaningful during this stage of my life. My confidence is very low, I feel miserable, incompetent and demoralized most of the time, not to mention freakishly exhausted. Any words of wisdom?

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Specializes in med surg.

I read it somewhere here I believe, and its probably the best advice I have seen. In short it was, " Just keep showing up". I am 50, nursing is a second career and I too just started in July. A few weeks on in class lecture, then on the floor with my preceptor. I had and still do have some incredibly difficult days where I question my decision to become a nurse. I would badge out at the end of the day, and be consumed with disappointment in myself and doubt in my abilities. But, everyday, especially on the awful days, I learned something. I have been on my own now about 4 weeks. I do not hesitate to ask for help or run something by a more experienced nurse or my lead. I am no where the nurse I want to be, but I know that if I continue to 'just show up' I will eventually feel confident, relaxed and like an experienced nurse.

So that is my advice to you as well. Yes, you have had a rather crappy orientation. I was in a group of about 40 new hires, some of us had great orientations, some of us did not. We all still became independent nurses at the end of the program, and so will you. Its extremely uncomfortable to be in the position we are in - a lot older than the average new grad nurse, but just as clueless. It took a lot of guts for us to go back to school and subject ourselves to starting all over and looking stupid. But we did, and I promise you, you will feel a lot better just getting off orientation. Its still difficult, but you will be your own nurse soon.

Just keep showing up.

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Awww, I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

Nursing is a second career for me as well. My first orientation was HELL. I had a preceptor from HELL, and then I kept being switched to different preceptors. There was no stability. My confidence was at an all time low. I cried at home, at work in the bathroom, and on the way to work. I simply hated it.

Then I switched to another unit and got a good preceptor and was very supported as a new grad. Then, day by day my confidence was getting stronger.

Is there an unit educator you can talk to? Maybe you can ask for an extension on your orientation and with ONE preceptor. Voice your concerns with the educator. Also go to the director if you need to.

And whatever you do, do NOT quit! Keep showing up. Good luck to you!

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Specializes in ED, ICU, MS/MT, PCU, CM, House Sup, Frontline mgr.

do the aids and other nurses know that you were a good student??? i was one too and got "hazed" for it at my first nursing job right out of school. the thing that kept me going was the idea that i was always good at eveything i worked hard to accomplish and nursing would not be any different.... eventually.:p also, i started feeling less sad by my co-worker's negative behaviors and started standing up for myself. once i did, the crap (not the gossip) stopped! i was able to get through my shifts more effectively because i started to gain a reputation that it was a bad idea to screw me over.

...but the truth is that none of that is really enough to keep me from feeling like a total failure, loser. i'm afraid i've made a big mistake by going into nursing but i am so invested in making this work. i am feeling really scared that i may fail at this. it worries me terribly.......any words of wisdom?

i understand.... try not to compare yourself to others or to lofty standards... nursing is a different world then academia or other professions. the key to getting better at nursing is continuing to show up everyday for work, working hard to do your best, and making adjustments to the environment and how you tackle a problem at a moment's notice. unlike other jobs, nursing by the bedside does not get monotonous. 14:00 one day or 21:00 one night is not like 14:00 the next day or 21:00 the next night. thus, the ability to become proficient at bedside nursing takes longer... at least 1-2 years working full-time!!!

other new grads i have known over the years could not handle what you are going through and have left the bedside. some are not practicing nursing today, while the others have given up dreams of specialty nursing in acute care to work as another kind of nurse outpatient. if they had stuck it out like me, they would be able to look back and compare how they were then to how they are now. i am going on two years and i have seen my skills improve exponentially by the bedside!!! now, unlike when i first started, i am an effective and time efficient nurse by the bedside. plus, i am very good at getting my co-workers (including the ones who do not like me) to do what i want done in order to provide proper patient care.

btw, yes there are new grads that catch on quickly, but they too are clueless in most areas of nursing!! do not make the mistake of thinking that they are any smarter or better then you because they are not! the only difference between them and you may be positive reinforcement & support on a daily basis plus confidence in their nursing skills and ability to grow in the areas that they are deficient. two things you seem to lack now, but can gain eventually. gl!:up:

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Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

PPs have provided some excellent advice.

It's always a great practice (on the job or in life) to never complain about anything without offering at least one potential solution. So I would also suggest that the OP do her own 'gap analysis'. Examine the orientation skills checklist & determine what areas/skills still need work. Then meet with your preceptor and/or educator to devise a plan to meet those needs. They will be relieved also - it's difficult to try to figure out the fix if you don't know what is broken.

I would also point out that a busy med-surg unit may just be too physically exhausting for the OP. Hey, I am a few years older, but I certainly would not have been able to handle that pace at 52. There's no shame in it - we all get older (if we're lucky). Maybe a slower paced setting would be better.

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i am so sorry to hear this has been your experience! nursing is not my first career more like my 4th and i understand this puts you ina unique positoin. telemetry is hard and fast paced; not always the best place to learn.

you can keep showing up and should; you owe it ot yourself to give it a chance and see if it gets better one day at a time. but then again, it hink about the absurditiy of showing up indefinetly fora j ob that adds to stress levels, depression and impairs time with the family.

so my advice is stick it out on this unit for the immediate future. remember you are not a superhero and you need to learn to walk beforeyou can run. and remind your preceptor of that too.

also, there maybe a better fit fo ryou out there. home care? tele may not be your niche but kudos for you for having hte courage tostick it out.

the fact taht you are so effected by your experience says to me you are a diamond in the rough. most people don't care and fake it till they make it. :nurse:

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

when i was unhappily (miserably) married, i used to walk my dogs at night past all of the other houses with their cheerily lit windows and their happy families inside. families were watching tv together, or gathered around the dining room table or working together to prepare a meal. and i wondered why i couldn't have a happy homelife like all those other people whose homes i walked past every evening. then one day i left my abusive husband. while my friends and i were moving my things out of our house, i could see people peering at me from the windows of those homes, watching me move out. within the next two weeks, five other couples in that neighborhood separated. it seems that while i was looking at those families behind those windows and thinking about how happy they were, they really weren't. all i was seeing was a snapshot of one moment out of the day as i passed by their house.

what you're seeing when you see other orientees walking past you, chatting with their preceptors, you're seeing one moment out of their day.

being a new nurse is a miserable experience. you emerge from nursing school ready to take on the world, hoping to change the world and find out rather quickly that you have all you can do to keep yourself afloat. the first year is so very difficult that they even have a whole forum here on allnurses.com devoted to the first year. that should tell you something. the only way to get past that first year is to just plow on through it. one day you'll be struggling to keep up and to get through your day, and suddenly something will "click" and you'll realize that you get it, you finally get it. it'll happen. maybe not today, maybe not six months from now, but it will come. but only if you, as a previous poster suggested keep showing up.

not every preceptor is a gifted -- or even an adequate teacher. not every orientee gets a decent preceptor. it's not fair, but that's the way things are. just do your best. review your skills and determine which ones you need practice with. if you're having issues with time management, talk to a nurse whose time management skills are superb and ask her for some tips. if you're having problems calling physicians, ask someone who excells at communication and reheorifice some scenerios. study at home. with the internet, you don't even have to lug heavy books to and from work. google that new drug you had to give today so that when you have to give it again tomorrow -- or next month -- you'll know all about it. i made drug cards and carried them around for well over a year before i felt confident that i got it.

good luck. i hope to hear back from you in a year or so that you've had your "aha moment" and that you get it.

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Specializes in Nursing home, Research, Pulmonary.

Hi there,

Well me too...I am a somewhat new 52 year old RN. I have been an LPN for 10 years though. Believe me...it will get better, however....your health always comes first...keep that in mind. My story is that I worked at a fairly large medical office group as an LPN, then we were bought out by a multi state hospital group, shortly after that time I became an RN. 6 months or so went by and then I did not want to renew my LPN, since I was an RN - which I kept my managers aware of my progress.

One afternoon the new management, called me into the office and shocked me by giving me 2 weeks to inactive my RN - go back to being an LPN, or go on unpaid leave. I burst into tears and left the room. I attempted to fight this and see if I could get on as an RN, but to no avail...after being told just because you are an RN now with the company doesnt me we have a job for you.....ulitimatly I quit, after finding an RN job at an nursing home. THere was NO way I was going to inactive my RN!

As an Rn at this particular nursing home, I didnt like many aspect about that job/management...so after 3 months quit. I got a job as an Research nurse (which I have done before), but found myself in a office sitting at a desk, in a building all by myself which is something I did not want to do..so I quit again and found a part time job at another nursing home, which I have just been offered full time work as charge nurse.

I am happy now, and for someone who has had a very stable line of employement for many years, switching around from 3 jobs since March 2010...really took its toll on my life and my families life. I was begining to think getting my RN was a bad thing...but as I have just completed my BSN, time will tell.

As nursing is my second career - first one was retail sales for 20 odd years, nursing is what I have a will and passion for....even though I have had some bumps along the way, I can say I am a darn good nurse and proud of it and keep my head held high and regain my inner soul.

Gail

Gail Buce, RN BSN

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I send a heartfelt thank you to each and every one of you who responded to my post. Some of them made me cry...(something I do a lot these days!) but there are kernels of truth, wisdom, and caring to each one. The concept of "Just keep showing up" is pretty darned simple yet brilliant. I showed up yesterday and was with yet a new preceptor who told me how I did too much bouncing around and my time management was poor and tried to get me to organize my morning his way....it seems to happen on a daily basis. My confusion level just keeps growing and my confidence level plummeting. BUT the big difference was I had read some of your posts already and felt more at peace with the idea that this job may not be right for me and that's ok. So I just plodded through the day and for once didn't feel I was ready to stroke out from stress. I muddled through the day and by the end of it realized I had given my patients each decent care.. Iv fluids and antibiotics were hung, pain levels were addressed, wound care got done, I picked up on a problem in assessment with a patient that the night nurse had completely missed that involved getting the md to the floor to fix it, meds given, people turned and repositioned. At the end of the day, their care needs were met. It wasn't a perfect day and I was reminded of that frequently by preceptor # 13. I really love my patients and can handle the physical rigors of bedside nursing. What I can't handle is what feels like "speed nursing". One of the posters earlier used the analogy of needing to learn how to walk before you can run. I haven't been allowed this in this job. Current plan of action: Keep showing up but polish off my resume.

Thank you all!!!!! You seem like the kind of nurses I like working with!

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

Your story is nothing new unfortunately. This is the reality of nursing. You do not get time to practice nursing as it was taught in school. I am new RN in the emergency room. Nurses have this martyr and self sacrifice attitude which has ruined safe enjoyable working environments for nurses in the hospitals. 12 hour shifts with one 30 minute break if your lucky. If we were working for a corporation in an office setting, people would be complaining to Gov't officials about the poor working conditions and not being allowed to take breaks. Nurses do not stand up for their working rights. What eventually happens is they seek union help because hospital administrators do not respond to nursing staff complaints. Just because nurses have put up with this for years does not make it right. Now I truly know why nurses seek to immediately remove themselves from floor nursing and the nursing career.

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Specializes in ER, PACU.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Having a crappy orientation which is what they are giving you, can make you feel like YOU are the one that is failing, when really they are failing you. Hang in there, get through orientation and see how you do on your own. Sometimes once you are on your own and you don't have 30 different people teaching you 30 different ways to do things, you get into your own groove and fly.

If things don't get better after 6 months, than by all means start looking for another job. Take the good parts of what you learned from each preceptor and use that to make your own routine. Learn to prioritize your tasks, what is important to do now and what isn't, and that will make it less overwhelming.

Another thing that might make it easier is if you work night shift starting out. Day shift has heavy med pass, patients leaving the floor for tests, doctors and families up your butt, administration walking around, etc. At night you have more time to get your stuff done and I think the teamwork is better on nights to tell you the truth.

Good luck, and keep us updated.

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Like you, I am a 52-year-old new nurse. Much of what you wrote rang true for me. Feeling like an incompetent, slow boob pretty much sums up how I feel sometimes. But I must admit I work with an amazingly supportive group of nurses and that makes all the difference. They pitch in and help me, and give me lots of tips to make me a better nurse -- someday. I am off orientation, which is pretty scary, and sometimes I literally have to force myself to walk into the building to start my shift. (Keep showing up!) But I tell myself that someday I will be an efficient, smart nurse and I will be able to help nurses with less experience than me. And once in a while a patient says something like, "I wish you were my nurse all the time" and I think, "OK, maybe I can do this." :) I am so sorry you have had a lousy orientation and that you weren't given an appropriate preceptor. Please hang in there and enlist the help of your unit's or hospital's nurse educator. And come back here to let us know how you are doing!

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