Terrible time as new nurse

[EMCH1]

Hi all. I am having a terrible time in my job as a new nurse. I am 52, graduated in June at the top of my class and am used to doing a good job at whatever I take on. I started orientation on a busy telemetry floor in Sept. The first month-6 weeks I spent in classes and then started on the floor. (mid October) My first preceptor was pretty bad and it took me three days to ask to be assigned to a different one. My current preceptor is a good nurse but functioned as charge nurse through all of November and half of December. I had a few days with her alone but the majority of the time she has been juggling me with many other (and often more pressing) concerns. November was a nightmare...I felt crazed, pressured, told I wasn't going fast enough, and was largely on my own. Major amounts of time were spent looking for someone/anyone on the floor to help me perform a skill. My preceptor would check in but as soon as I could voice a question her phone would ring and she'd disappear. I've spent most of my oreientation being passed around from nurse to nurse. Everyone has different styles and what one tells me one day gets corrected by the one I have the folowing day. My preceptor has a tendency to psych me out by saying on one hand that I'm coming along albeit slowly and on the other that she's not sure I'm going to be able to cut it working on this floor. She also admits that she dropped the ball on me through November and I got gipped in my orientation. I have never called in sick. I arrive 45 minutes early to prepare for the day. I do not take breaks and lunch is anywhere from 10 minutes to 30 minutes when I am lucky. I've encountered a fair amount of hazing from other nurses and aides on the floor. Some nurses have been very helpful. The last two days I was completely overwhelmed with very sick patients, admits, tons of new orders (I am still struggling with the process of checking off orders), the endlessly ringing phone, the anxious and oftentimes needy families, other hospital personnel demanding time with me now, or needing a patient NOW, knowing I'm falling farther and farther behind, knowing my preceptor is watching and concluding further that I am not up to the job. Two nights ago after a hellish 12 hour shift she began to address concerns she has with me. She does it "nicely" but the underlying tone completely threw me and I began to weep openly. I told her I felt my orientation had been brutal, that I noticed other orientees on the floor walking around with their preceptors chatting, smiling and what was wrong with me? She was taken aback by my reaction and I left the floor and cried the entire way home in the car, cried in front of my husband and my kids. Yesterday, I had the same group of patients and she tried to be supportive and said "We are going to get you through this" but I was with yet another preceptor yesterday who was a really good nurse but essentially told me that I didn't have my priorities together. My "real" preceptor and I talked before I left and she was very supportive. She had a lot of kudos for me "You are very smart, you work really hard, I want to keep you here, your patients love you..." but the truth is that none of that is really enough to keep me from feeling like a total failure, loser. I'm afraid I've made a big mistake by going into nursing but I am so invested in making this work. I am feeling really scared that I may fail at this. It worries me terribly...I entered nursing as a second career and saw it as a mid-life move that would enable me to serve my community and do something meaningful during this stage of my life. My confidence is very low, I feel miserable, incompetent and demoralized most of the time, not to mention freakishly exhausted. Any words of wisdom?

[CAL05699]

I also started my nursing career in my 50s. I actually found that I was able to keep up pretty well physically (pure adrenalin), but the crazy pace of being on a busy unit during the day was such that I did not feel I had time to learn or be a good nurse. I didn't think it was related to my age, but maybe it was. Anyway, I moved to nights for several months to have a chance to learn basic nursing skills in a more calm environment. I actually have more patients at night than the day shift (6 versus 4/5) and have a lot of admissions, but I have time to get my charting done and leave by shift's end (versus always staying over 90 minutes) and even read the charts most nights. I never had time to read the charts during the day, beyond new orders.

I hope to move back to days in a few months and hopefully can keep up with the daytime pace a little better. I realize that not everyone has the opportunity to move to nights, and that some of us have young children and can't sleep during the day. And in some hospitals, the night nurse-patient ratio is such that you're crazy-busy. But it was a good solution for me at least. When I move back to days, I will be more able to participate in managing a patient's care, feel more confident in speaking to doctors and other professionals, and be able to get my work done in a 12-hour shift (I hope!).

[surggirl]

The problem as I see it, is...it doesn't matter how long it might TAKE you. Will they lay off and have the patience while you get there? I got out of nursing school and came from a major celebratory time. 2 months shy of turning 50 and I graduated as an RN. This is after 11 years as a surg tech. I was class officer, I won the leadership award for my class and I gave the speech. Coming from this "high" I get a job before I even graduate. As a seemingly natural progression of things, I get an OR position right out of the hat. I figure..I had been in the OR for so long it only makes sense to go back into what I know. BOY WAS I WRONG. I picked a hospital that can't keep ppl for more than their orientations last...at least in the OR. A magnet, level 1 trauma hospital that was going to show me the ropes. The staff were just plain mean, there is no way to describe it. I mean, they really resented new people. I was shifted from pillar to post, the preceptorship had no rhyme or reason. The expectations of me were so high that I was feeling almost harassed constantly with this comment: "YOU were a surg tech??" We expected so much more. Well....I wasn't a surg tech THERE! I was a surg tech in a free-standing outpatient surgery center that didn't do near the magnitude of the hospital that hired me. But..that's why I came there. I wanted that magnet on my resume, I wanted at least a year of a place of that caliber under my belt! I hung in there waking up every day with a horrible sense of dread going back. After only 6 days I was called into the office with my lame nurse educator ( where was she when she wasn't giving me negative feedback, I don't know!) telling me it just didn't seem to be coming together for me..and here we go again.."especially as a surg tech, I guess we just expected you to pick up on this sooner) 6 days? I thought I was guaranteed 6 months at least? I had heard others whom it took 9 months to get it., I cried all night about it, but was determined to carry on! So, I did. As I carried on, I was really doing what I thought..quite good at skin prep, foleys, positioning, learning where things are. I was beginning to be proud of some of my circulating competency papers because some precpetors were saying it really was coming together for me. after 10 weeks I get a memo to go to my educators office again..forget the fact that she all but disappeared after that 6 day meeting I had with her. Same deal..same ole stuff, just not a thing about what I "HAD" picked up and improved upon, just how I wasn't cuttin' the mustard. Funny she should call me in because I brought my brown bag in to clean out my locker and didn't intend coming back on Monday anyway. But....that isn't the end of the story. I went over to HR and I gave that associate relations HR person and EARFUL..and apparently they listen when you are the 6th person to resign in a month in a unit. They felt so bad about my experience that they worked with me to get me transferrred to another floor, and Monday I have an interview for the observation floor and the following week a community mental health position. yanno, sometimes you just gotta figure where you are, ain't for you. I am in a luxurious position that I don't HAVE to take crap. My husband has been a succesful coroporate guy for 28 years at the same co. and put me through school twice without me working, so yes..it's been easier for me. But...there are SOOO many other things and its just a matter of finding your niche'. But..my deal is..I would've stayed and learned it until I was good at it, but I didn't feel like they were willing to wait..it's like they wanna fast track everybody through that dept. and there is simply too many services and too much to learn. BTW..my nurse educators face lit up like a Christmas tree when i told her I was cleaning out my locker. I seriously think she didn't wanna deal.