Time to don the fireproof underwear. It is 0500 and the reality alarm clock is ringing, and some people do not like to hear it go off. So whether you agree with me or not, I feel it is time to inject a little thought provoking ideas into your life.
I am sure I am about to get flamed for posting this, but I feel the need to anyways. I have been seeing these threads talking about bullying and teachers or preceptors hating the students, and new nurses or abusing them because of some perceived slight or injustice. Well guess what?
The world is a hard cold nasty place that does not need to be polite to you or worry whether your feelings got hurt and you feel offended. You need to grow up and realize that the abuse that you claim is rampant, or the bullying that you experience all the time is not their problem, but rather your problem.
I see so many posts about this and I wonder how some of these people have survived as long as they have. School is tough? Deal with it. You think that someone else is getting it easier? Well too bad, they may be but no one ever promised you everything would be fair. You have to learn that there is inequality in life. It's how you overcome that inequality that matters. It teaches perseverance.
Abusive teachers? Maybe they are trying to get the best in you to come out. What you think is abuse maybe is pushing you to your limits, to get you further along in your potential. So your feelings got hurt at school, grow up, feelings get hurt every day.
Your preceptor is unorganized and does not like you and bad mouths you to your manager, and all your patients love you but no one at the hospital sees how great you really are?
Well your preceptor may actually have great time management skill, but when having to slow down and teach someone their job, things do tend to get disorganized. You may be part of the blame there.
Did you ever stop to think that you are the proverbial monkey wrench in a well oiled machine? The need to teach you, and I realize you do need to learn, can be very time consuming. They may tell your manager that you need improving or that you are not advancing fast enough. They may be all smiles to you, because they want to support you and keep you positive, but they need to tell the manager how you really are.
Speaking of orientation, how often have I seen statements that say the other nurses are not supportive and will not answer questions. Have you ever thought that maybe you are asking TOO MANY questions?
After a bit it may seem that you are not retaining the info provided and everyone gets tired of answering the same questions over and over. Part of learning is knowing when to shut your mouth and just watch. It has been said by people wiser than me that the only question you should ask is the question that you already know the answer to. If that does not make sense to you, think about it for a while and you might just be surprised that a light comes on.
So basically what i am saying is grow up and act like the adult that you are. Life is not fair, school is not fair, work is not fair. You just have to learn to deal with it.
There is a big difference between respecting someone and acting respectfully. There are many people I have run into for whom I do not nor ever will have respect but they'll never know it because I treat them respectfully.
There are certain people you will meet in life that actually do deserve your respect from the get go and that includes people who are older, wiser and more experienced. Until they prove otherwise that is. Case in point. Did your parents have to earn your respect?
You definitely read into my post too much. What I meant is the same as you, which is to treat everyone respectfully. So to answer your question, my parents do not have to earn my respect.
You definitely read into my post too much. What I meant is the same as you, which is to treat everyone respectfully. So to answer your question, my parents do not have to earn my respect.
I apologize for not wording my post correctly.
No worries. Actually I wasn't all that bent out of shape about your post. I mostly (and apparently incorrectly) used it as a platform to try to explain the difference between respecting someone and being respectful. I'm pretty sick of hearing people say that respect is earned when there are certain situations that respect should be a given. I respect those nurses who have more experience than me when one tries to guide me in the right way. They don't have to earn it. Now if they act nasty they will immediately lose my respect and it will take a very long time to gain it back. But I'll still treat them respectfully. And you can bet I respected my parents. LOL!
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
I am a new grad nurse, 4 weeks into a 12 week orientation on a Neuro/stepdown unit. My preceptor is a nurse with over 20 years worth of experience, and she is a great nurse. However, I would be lying if I didn't say she is at times really difficult to deal with. There is not much in the way of positive feedback, but if I did something wrong I get read the riot act. I can't tell for sure if she truly hates me, like she makes me feel. She is at times belittling and deliberately embarrasses me in front of patients. Even though this does hurt my feelings, I just laugh it off, even though on the inside I am mortified and just want to die. I hate to ask her questions, even though I have to ask, because ultimately I want to make sure that I am not going to make a mistake just because I was afraid to ask. I put up with all of this, because I know that no matter where I work, there is always going to be that one nurse that I just don't get along with. There are going to be patients or family members that are going to make me feel intimidated just like she does. I suck it up, I smile and nod, and try very hard not to cry. Just like I can do anything for 12 hours, I can do anything for 8 more weeks. Bottom line, it's hard to be a new nurse. The learning curve is very steep and I feel like Dory in "Finding Nemo" *Just keep swimming....* :)
Sounds like you're handling everything as well as can be. Sorry you got such a rough preceptor. We've all had them and it makes life more difficult than it needs to be. This person may end up being your best friend down the road (I've had stranger things happen) or you'll find out that no one likes her or takes her seriously. Hang in there.
We only know what you chose to share here. But rape has a very specific, legal definition. It's a crime. Not every interaction in which you didn't think someone was as nice to you as you deserve is an episode of bullying. Comparing "bullying' to rape devalues the experience of victims of true rape. So please. Stop the analogy of "blaming the rape victim."
And do yourself the enormous kindness of taking some time now for self examination. If you (the general you) have been the "victim" of "bullying" over and over, you really need to think about what YOU are bringing to the table. Sometimes the reason for all these negative interactions isn't all of those other people, but YOU.
I feel like I've exhausted this response countless of times on this same forum:
No one, including myself, has compared rape to bullying, only the ignorant responses to it, such as "the victim should just deal with it" or "the victim was wearing a short skirt therefore she 'looked' for it."
Just a FYI, your response was incredibly rude and insensitive. Who are you to call out who is a victim of "true rape"? True rape? What is that? Is there a fake rape? Share with us your expertise, doc.
Anyway, I know I am aware of these topics we are discussing on a personal level. And based on that I can't stress enough, anyone who who feels it's okay to push others around for their personal benefit is an a**hole. This isn't about a new nurse asking the same question 500 times and then pointing it out that they need to write crap down. This isn't my argument, and people who feel they are bullied because they are irresponsible are mistaken and yes, deserve to be called out. But for the latter, bullying exists, not only in nursing but in other professions too. This isn't new and now bullies are complaining because the one's they pick on are tired of it? What are you on? Cry me a river!
I am a new grad nurse, 4 weeks into a 12 week orientation on a Neuro/stepdown unit. My preceptor is a nurse with over 20 years worth of experience, and she is a great nurse. However, I would be lying if I didn't say she is at times really difficult to deal with. There is not much in the way of positive feedback, but if I did something wrong I get read the riot act. I can't tell for sure if she truly hates me, like she makes me feel. She is at times belittling and deliberately embarrasses me in front of patients. Even though this does hurt my feelings, I just laugh it off, even though on the inside I am mortified and just want to die. I hate to ask her questions, even though I have to ask, because ultimately I want to make sure that I am not going to make a mistake just because I was afraid to ask. I put up with all of this, because I know that no matter where I work, there is always going to be that one nurse that I just don't get along with. There are going to be patients or family members that are going to make me feel intimidated just like she does. I suck it up, I smile and nod, and try very hard not to cry. Just like I can do anything for 12 hours, I can do anything for 8 more weeks. Bottom line, it's hard to be a new nurse. The learning curve is very steep and I feel like Dory in "Finding Nemo" *Just keep swimming....* :)
Hang in there new grad and all new grads!! Wanted to get to you before one of the old crusty ones picks you apart, makes you feel like it's your fault, and makes you feel worse than you already do! Hope I'm not too late! I'm not sure why some preceptors treat their preceptee's so poorly. I'm not sure if it's a power trip, understaffing that adds extra stress? There is no excuse for anyone to put you down in front of patients, that is beyond unprofessional! New grads and new hires are at the mercy of whoever is training them and if they have a chip on their shoulder, low self esteem and on a power trip, no preceptor training, or it's just their turn on the unit to train someone your training will be a bad experience. I've seen it over and over again. I'm the type of old crusty, don't feel like one BTW, that would grab the newbie and tell them everything will be ok, you'll get it, and you all will! Your compassion for the profession is there and it's refreshing so hang in there! It takes a good 1 1/2 years before you begin to feel like you've got it and your going to make it! You will always be learning and asking questions. The older ones are still learning and asking question too even though they'd probably never admit it. I've precepted many and it's not right that others seem to feed on the pain they inflict, it's a sick power trip. If you have no patients for teaching and nurturing a new nurse then don't do it! I think the ones that are criticizing anyone who speaks out about how tough it is for new nurses are the ones that have behaved this way their entire careers. It's sad we can't rely on our fellow nurses to nurture each other. Every nurse, no matter how old and crusty, has needed help at some point! I think maybe they've forgotten how terrifying and intimidating learning this profession can be especially these days. When they came out of school things were a lot different. Many patients were admitted just for tests and major surgical procedures went to the unit, you never saw TPN on a regular floor either. Patient stayed in the hospital a lot longer too and most of their patients were pretty stable and now they're all high acuity! The patients you have on a regular floor now would have been in an ICU. The older nurses were able to learn as things began to change. There were also a lot more CNA's that helped them as well, really miss them, so vital to the overall experience a patients has in the hospital and were another set of eyes and ears for the nurse! All I can say is hang in there and take care of yourselves. I'm hoping there are more forums for new nurses to get support from each other!! I think if anyone who wasn't a nurse and was thinking about becoming one read many of these posts would be shocked and many would not choose this profession that is suppose to be the epitome of compassion, nurturing, and empathy!
Hang in there new grad and all new grads!! Wanted to get to you before one of the old crusty ones picks you apart, makes you feel like it's your fault, and makes you feel worse than you already do! Hope I'm not too late! I'm not sure why some preceptors treat their preceptee's so poorly. I'm not sure if it's a power trip, understaffing that adds extra stress? There is no excuse for anyone to put you down in front of patients, that is beyond unprofessional! New grads and new hires are at the mercy of whoever is training them and if they have a chip on their shoulder, low self esteem and on a power trip, no preceptor training, or it's just their turn on the unit to train someone your training will be a bad experience. I've seen it over and over again. I'm the type of old crusty, don't feel like one BTW, that would grab the newbie and tell them everything will be ok, you'll get it, and you all will! Your compassion for the profession is there and it's refreshing so hang in there! It takes a good 1 1/2 years before you begin to feel like you've got it and your going to make it! You will always be learning and asking questions. The older ones are still learning and asking question too even though they'd probably never admit it. I've precepted many and it's not right that others seem to feed on the pain they inflict, it's a sick power trip. If you have no patients for teaching and nurturing a new nurse then don't do it! I think the ones that are criticizing anyone who speaks out about how tough it is for new nurses are the ones that have behaved this way their entire careers. It's sad we can't rely on our fellow nurses to nurture each other. Every nurse, no matter how old and crusty, has needed help at some point! I think maybe they've forgotten how terrifying and intimidating learning this profession can be especially these days. When they came out of school things were a lot different. Many patients were admitted just for tests and major surgical procedures went to the unit, you never saw TPN on a regular floor either. Patient stayed in the hospital a lot longer too and most of their patients were pretty stable and now they're all high acuity! The patients you have on a regular floor now would have been in an ICU. The older nurses were able to learn as things began to change. There were also a lot more CNA's that helped them as well, really miss them, so vital to the overall experience a patients has in the hospital and were another set of eyes and ears for the nurse! All I can say is hang in there and take care of yourselves. I'm hoping there are more forums for new nurses to get support from each other!! I think if anyone who wasn't a nurse and was thinking about becoming one read many of these posts would be shocked and many would not choose this profession that is suppose to be the epitome of compassion, nurturing, and empathy!
Very inspiring, thank you for sharing! :) :thumbup:
Just a FYI, your response was incredibly rude and insensitive. Who are you to call out who is a victim of "true rape"? True rape? What is that? Is there a fake rape? Share with us your expertise, doc.
You've really never dealt with a patient who claimed to have been raped/assaulted but had ulterior motives for making the claim when no actual physical or emotional harm was perpatrated against her/him?
Specializes in Float Pool-Med-Surg, Telemetry, IMCU.
This whole argument is so old. New nurses are sensitive babies and old nurses are bullies. The profession is truly in trouble if this topic has to be beaten into the ground every other day.
Thirty eight years ago, when I started nursing, we newbies respected the experienced nurses, looked up to them and aspired to be just like them. The experienced nurses who took time to show us stuff were thanked copiously and we never, ever disrespected them. Consequently, they looked out for us. Things are so much different now.
I'm pretty sure thirty-eight years ago, the nurses were saying the same thing about your generation as you are talking about my generation. I've posted this quote numerous times, but here we go:
"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for
authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place
of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their
households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They
contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties
at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers." -Socrates
I don't know if this appaling behavior is gender specific, I have never seen male nurses act like these old mean female nurses. Give these new nurses a break for crying out loud!
I don't know if this appaling behavior is gender specific, I have never seen male nurses act like these old mean female nurses. Give these new nurses a break for crying out loud!
I don't think bullying is a gender-related issue. Sure, more women than men work in nursing, but I come from a male dominated field in which threats of bodily harm and actual abuse happened more frequently than one might expect. Bad behavior is sometimes just bad behavior. And sometimes it is even bullying. I feel like the OP wasn't saying bullying doesn't exist, but that maybe the word is bandied around often in cases where it doesn't necessarily apply. Not every rude/obnoxious/even mean person is a bully. Again, I gently suggest that we as newbies need to strive for a thicker skin, which doesn't mean allowing ourselves to be bullied, but rather means accepting criticism which will make us safer, better nurses. Not everyone delivers said criticism in a gentle Ma Ingalls sort of way either, and yeah, that can be somewhat nerve-wracking when we are already new and unsure of ourselves. But rather than jump to "everyone bullies me!", perhaps practicing some anti-fragility is part of the solution.
Again, I'm not saying bullying doesn't exist, but not every single case of someone crying "bully" is bullying.
Thank you so much for your response. It was very encouraging. I think in part what makes this orientation difficult is like you said, the stress of understaffing. We are so short that often we are at the mercy of float pool. Lately the weekends have had extra peak incentives just to get enough nurses. A few nurses have also quit recently, leaving us with very few options of who can be a preceptor for a new grad. I understand the frustration, which is perhaps why I also tolerate the way things are a bit more. I am not making excuses for unprofessional behavior, however. All I can do is just tell myself that I am not going to be like that. I will sometimes also have another preceptor, and she is tough as nails as well, but when I have a question at least she makes me think. For example.. I had a question about Vancomycin last night. I wanted to make sure I understood the instructions in regard to peaks and troughs etc. She turned it around and asked me why we would need to know those labs and basically made me think and answer my own question in a roundabout way. That is how it should be. Unfortunately, she is charge a lot of the time, so she isn't able to be a preceptor, but I am glad she was there to help answer the question.
I love my job and I love nursing. I've wanted to be a nurse since I was very young. I just consider this a little speed bump in the road. :)
BSNbeauty, BSN, RN
1,939 Posts
You definitely read into my post too much. What I meant is the same as you, which is to treat everyone respectfully. So to answer your question, my parents do not have to earn my respect.
I apologize for not wording my post correctly.