Sure to Get Flamed for This

[Kyrshamarks]

I am sure I am about to get flamed for posting this, but I feel the need to anyways. I have been seeing these threads talking about bullying and teachers or preceptors hating the students, and new nurses or abusing them because of some perceived slight or injustice. Well guess what?

The world is a hard cold nasty place that does not need to be polite to you or worry whether your feelings got hurt and you feel offended. You need to grow up and realize that the abuse that you claim is rampant, or the bullying that you experience all the time is not their problem, but rather your problem.

I see so many posts about this and I wonder how some of these people have survived as long as they have. School is tough? Deal with it. You think that someone else is getting it easier? Well too bad, they may be but no one ever promised you everything would be fair. You have to learn that there is inequality in life. It's how you overcome that inequality that matters. It teaches perseverance.

Abusive teachers? Maybe they are trying to get the best in you to come out. What you think is abuse maybe is pushing you to your limits, to get you further along in your potential. So your feelings got hurt at school, grow up, feelings get hurt every day.

Your preceptor is unorganized and does not like you and bad mouths you to your manager, and all your patients love you but no one at the hospital sees how great you really are?

Well your preceptor may actually have great time management skill, but when having to slow down and teach someone their job, things do tend to get disorganized. You may be part of the blame there.

Did you ever stop to think that you are the proverbial monkey wrench in a well oiled machine? The need to teach you, and I realize you do need to learn, can be very time consuming. They may tell your manager that you need improving or that you are not advancing fast enough. They may be all smiles to you, because they want to support you and keep you positive, but they need to tell the manager how you really are.

Speaking of orientation, how often have I seen statements that say the other nurses are not supportive and will not answer questions. Have you ever thought that maybe you are asking TOO MANY questions?

After a bit it may seem that you are not retaining the info provided and everyone gets tired of answering the same questions over and over. Part of learning is knowing when to shut your mouth and just watch. It has been said by people wiser than me that the only question you should ask is the question that you already know the answer to. If that does not make sense to you, think about it for a while and you might just be surprised that a light comes on.

So basically what i am saying is grow up and act like the adult that you are. Life is not fair, school is not fair, work is not fair. You just have to learn to deal with it.

[openyourmind]

The poster is not discarding your feelings, no one can do that. I think what is trying to be conveyed is you have the power over your response to the feelings.

Again, I don't need someone telling me what I'm or others are supposed to feel and how to respond to those feelings when being physically or mentally bullied.

Many bullied victims try to "ignore" the problem until they can't anymore. What type of "response" are you saying the victim should have? Just further "deal with it" as they have been and the OP suggests?

The point is there is no point in making the bully the victim, much like making the rapist the victim. These responses further perpetuates that, and that's a problem.

[eagle78]

Again, I don't need someone telling me what I'm or others are supposed to feel and how to respond to those feelings when being physically or mentally bullied.

Many bullied victims try to "ignore" the problem until they can't anymore. What type of "response" are you saying the victim should have? Just further "deal with it" as they have been and the OP suggests?

The point is there is no point in making the bully the victim, much like making the rapist the victim. These responses further perpetuates that, and that's a problem.

Stating that you have control over your feelings is in no way dictating how you should feel. Just emphasizing that you have control. As someone else stated, no one is speaking on your experience personally. This is just an attempt to relay the fact that WHATEVER you feel is in your control, ie up to you.. Peace

[openyourmind]

No, we don't know what you've experienced and no one here is addressing what you've experienced, so none of these posts are about you personally. So please don't be offended when we speak in generalities.

The fact is, most of us have encountered people who cry "bully!" every time they're told something they don't want to hear. This is an affront to anyone who has actually been bullied. Rape is a horrendous experience, and when people compare any unpleasant interaction to being raped, they are way over the top and need to be called out on it.

No one is comparing rape or bullying on the same level. Just their ignorant response to it. So I'm not sure who's being "over the top" or who you're trying to "call out" if this isn't personal. But please, continue with wherever you are going with this.

[openyourmind]

Stating that you have control over your feelings is in no way dictating how you should feel. Just emphasizing that you have control. As someone else stated, no one is speaking on your experience personally. This is just an attempt to relay the fact that WHATEVER you feel is in your control, ie up to you.. Peace

So when your kid is being beat up at school, is telling them "WHATEVER you feel is in your control, ie up to you.. Peace" the only thing you do? Or do you intervene and involve the school like a normal parent?

[eagle78]

So when your kid is being beat up at school, is telling them "WHATEVER you feel is in your control, ie up to you.. Peace" the only thing you do? Or do you intervene and involve the school like a normal parent?

Protecting a child is different, they need to learn how to respond. Adults on the other hand should have some type of idea of how they want to respond. Just my opinion.

[openyourmind]

Protecting a child is different, they need to learn how to respond. Adults on the other hand should have some type of idea of how they want to respond. Just my opinion.

Then let's let adults know when it is right to "respond to their feelings" without being practically told they have no idea when. Thank you!

[eagle78]

Then let's let adults know when it is right to "respond to their feelings" without being practically told they have no idea when. Thank you!

I'm sorry, where did I say that they have no idea???

[TriciaJ, RN]

So when your kid is being beat up at school, is telling them "WHATEVER you feel is in your control, ie up to you.. Peace" the only thing you do? Or do you intervene and involve the school like a normal parent?

When your kid is being beat up at school, he is being bullied. Period. You have a right and responsibility to address it like any parent.

We are not talking about children being bullied in school. We are talking about adults who aren't handling themselves well in the professional world. They blame others for problems they create for themselves. We've all encountered them; we've all hit brick walls trying to help them.

No, this does not mean your child has brought this on himself; please accept our support and best wishes while you try to put a stop to this deplorable situation.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

more than a wee condescending...

When your kid is being beat up at school, he is being bullied. Period. You have a right and responsibility to address it like any parent.

We are not talking about children being bullied in school. We are talking about adults who aren't handling themselves well in the professional world. They blame others for problems they create for themselves. We've all encountered them; we've all hit brick walls trying to help them.

No, this does not mean your child has brought this on himself; please accept our support and best wishes while you try to put a stop to this deplorable situation.

[Emergent, RN]

I've been following this thread for some time. Let me share my observations.

Regarding the opening post. Obviously, the OP is trying to be sensationalist with the title. She/He uses rough and ready language. 'The world is a nasty place, grow up, know when to shut your mouth, life isn't fair, get used to it'. I didn't like the tone of the opening post, but obviously it resonated with a lot of folk here who pressed the Thank You button.

The OP is obviously annoyed with some real life people, as well as the people here who complain about bullying in the workplace.

Then, the usual generational arguments ensued. Now, I'm a baby boomer, in my 50s. I find these arguments amusing. First of all, my generation wasn't exactly respectful of our elders. We rebelled against conventions. There used to be a saying way back when "Don't trust anyone over 30". But reading all nurses, you'd think we were the model of respectful propriety! Quite the opposite, I'd say. We were marching in the streets, protesting, free love, birth control pills and abortions, living together instead of marriage.

Then we raised a generation or two that we spoiled and spoon-fed through life. And, how many 'older' nurses do you know who are enabling their adult children? Some of the crankiest old bats I work with are raising their grandchildren 'cause their own offspring are dysfunctional. Yet, they'll ride young nurses really hard and complain about the lack of work ethic of young people today!

And speaking of young people, they are just as mean and nasty as the older one. I've personally felt intimidated by younger nurses who create cliques at work and engage in negative social behaviors that undermine teamwork.

In short, our profession needs more civility. Unfortunately, some of our traditions are rooted in a hierarchical system from an era when women had few career choices. Nursing students lived at their schools, lost a lot of their rights, and were virtual indentured servants to the hospitals where they trained. Now it's going through growing pains as it continues to mature into a true profession. I think the education system needs to address this. True professionals should not be talking like truck drivers or construction workers (no offense to those fine folk)

We need to learn manners, young and old. We need to learn communication skills. And we need to be taught teamwork!

[OCNRN63, RN]

Agreed. But it goes BOTH ways. You have earn respect in order to receive respect. Like another poster said, respect shouldn't be given based on how many years of experience you have. Everyone should be respected from new grads, to janitors, to dietary personnel, doctors, patients, etc. I was brought up to respect everyone, not just based on how old they are or their experience.

I think you need to reread the first paragraph of my post. She wasn't respected solely for her years of service.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

.

Then, the usual generational arguments ensued. Now, I'm a baby boomer, in my 50s. I find these arguments amusing. First of all, my generation wasn't exactly respectful of our elders. We rebelled against conventions. There used to be a saying way back when "Don't trust anyone over 30". But reading all nurses, you'd think we were the model of respectful propriety! Quite the opposite, I'd say. We were marching in the streets, protesting, free love, birth control pills and abortions, living together instead of marriage.

Then we raised a generation or two that we spoiled and spoon-fed through life. And, how many 'older' nurses do you know who are enabling their adult children? Some of the crankiest old bats I work with are raising their grandchildren 'cause their own offspring are dysfunctional. Yet, they'll ride young nurses really hard and complain about the lack of work ethic of young people today!

For the record, I certainly got the very most possible out of my 60s and 70s experience :) :yelclap:. And my kids learned to take their consequences without expecting helicoptering/excusing from me, and are functional and hard-working young parents themselves. So when I run into younger people their age (or younger) no, I have no patience for the navel-gazing and the special-snowflakiness, because it's something that somebody taught them... and that they can unlearn.