Supportive Significant Other!!


I currently have full custody of my 11 year old sister and I want to go to the community college here in West Palm for the CNA program.

I talked to my Boyfriend of 5 years about it and he says that he will not watch her during the time I am away. She will be at school during the day, I would be at work during the day. I was thinking to take night classes. He gets home around 6pm from his job everyday. My sister gets home around the same time.

He is always home, yet he said he does not want to raise her. I have someone who might help me watch her. I'd hate to just drop her off there everyday even though she's a close friend. I would deff. pay her. But as a boyfriend, do you think he should be supportive of me and it be would no problem to watch her. He really doesnt even need to watch her, she will be doing her chore every night and take a shower then go to to a different room. She is a good kid, listens well and keeps out of the way.

Parents are out of the picture and I really dont have much of a family to help me. My foster parents live miles away. What would you do?

Its only a 3 month course, I'd like to continue school for LPN.

Every comment about it is most always negative comming from him. He really doesn't want me to get a job for myself, because more than likely I will work weekends and he stated that he will not watch her. I work for him at his shop and he pays me by giving me gas money, I drive his car and pays for my lunch and breakfast and wear and tear on vehicle.. I buy the groceries and animal food for the house with benefit money from the state for my sisters expenses.

I made sure during the custody battle that I'd clear it with him first in letting me care for my sister at his home. He agreed, yet he says this.

I have considered moving to my brothers foster parents which is closer to the college.

Or let my sister move there until I get done with school. Its either this or I move to Okeechobee County into my foster parents house, and that's a small town with one hospital and one nursing home, if the nursing home is even still around.

Tweety, BSN, RN

32,735 Posts

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac. Has 31 years experience.

Tell him you and your daughter are a package deal, if he doesn't want to help you raise her then dump him.


171 Posts

She's my sister, and he said that it would be okay at first, now he is complaining all the time.

mamamerlee, LPN

949 Posts

Specializes in home health, dialysis, others. Has 35 years experience.

This man is treating you very poorly - leave him asap. Go to the local social service agencies to help you leave, find new housing, etc. You will find someone one day who will marvel at the fact that you fought for your sister, and see you for the incredible person you are.

This selfish creep is stealing your life, and will continue to do so.

Best wishes, and take care of YOURSELF.

Specializes in L&D, PACU.

I'm with Tweety. Doesn't matter if she's your daughter or your sister, you're a package deal.

It doesn't sound like he treats you all that well, and school is hard enough without someone dragging you down, let alone worrying about your sister. You are doing good things. You are taking care of your sister. You are trying to better yourself through school, and work. Don't let someone stop you, or make it harder. If he loved you, he would be trying to make your life better, not trying to keep you from making your life better. There are other men out there, but you only have one sister, and you only have one shot at life.


171 Posts

He states that Family is most important. I guess he's referring to his own!! He continues to down grade mine!


22 Posts

The fact that you want to continue your education is a step in the right direction. It sounds like you've been pretty dependent on this guy, and he knows it. It's pretty clear that he's holding you back.

I think that moving yourself and your sister in with your brother and his foster parents is a good idea. Get federal funding and start your education. You can start as a CNA and will be making way more than just gas money. You'll also have a good chance at getting help from an employer as far as tuition reimbursement is concerned.

I think a really important factor is getting away from your boyfriend. I'm not saying that you need to leave him (although your new-found independence may cause you to eventually decide otherwise), but I think you need to stop allowing him to be your entire means of living.

A number of my classmates are single mothers who don't have ANYONE for support, and my goodness, it's really inspiring the way they juggle everything.

If they can do it, you can do it!!


171 Posts

Your right helloonurse, I do depend on him for a lot. He he constantly reminds me of the cost of living. Thank you all for all the replies. I think I might move to my brothers foster parents house.


244 Posts

Specializes in AA&I, research,peds, radiation oncology.

ITA with all the previous posts. Nursing school is hard enough...non-stop studying, constant stress, long, hard hours, blood, sweat, tears, etc.:cry: And to have the extra stress of a caveman at home!! The chores that he expects you to do will go out the window as well. You and your sister can make it without him and be more relaxed as well!! Think about ya'lls future!!:yeah:

RNperdiem, RN

4,580 Posts

Has 14 years experience.

Now, I don't know your boyfriend, but all too often I read in the paper that the culprit for all too many bad things that happen to children are because of the Mama's boyfriend.

Would you really feel secure leaving your 11yo sister with a guy who has made it clear that he wants none of that responsibility?

Keep thinking of other options, and best of luck with your education.

Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU. Has 19 years experience.

I'm not telling you to break up with him. However, if that were me...he'd be gone so fast his head would be spinning.

Life is too short.

pagandeva2000, LPN

7,984 Posts

Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

I also think that it is difficult to leave a young child with a man that is not a relative (even though blood relation does not mean that the child may not be in danger). Maybe in the beginning, he felt he can handle it, but actually living with the child, discovered that he is not father or mentor type material. In any event, I would make other arrangements during your time in class. Regarding your personal relationship with this man, only you would know whether he is really worth it or not.

The fact that he agreed at first and is now sort of backing out of that agreement may show his character regarding supporting things you want to do for yourself.

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