I currently have full custody of my 11 year old sister and I want to go to the community college here in West Palm for the CNA program.
I talked to my Boyfriend of 5 years about it and he says that he will not watch her during the time I am away. She will be at school during the day, I would be at work during the day. I was thinking to take night classes. He gets home around 6pm from his job everyday. My sister gets home around the same time.
He is always home, yet he said he does not want to raise her. I have someone who might help me watch her. I'd hate to just drop her off there everyday even though she's a close friend. I would deff. pay her. But as a boyfriend, do you think he should be supportive of me and it be would no problem to watch her. He really doesnt even need to watch her, she will be doing her chore every night and take a shower then go to to a different room. She is a good kid, listens well and keeps out of the way.
Parents are out of the picture and I really dont have much of a family to help me. My foster parents live miles away. What would you do?
Its only a 3 month course, I'd like to continue school for LPN.
Every comment about it is most always negative comming from him. He really doesn't want me to get a job for myself, because more than likely I will work weekends and he stated that he will not watch her. I work for him at his shop and he pays me by giving me gas money, I drive his car and pays for my lunch and breakfast and wear and tear on vehicle.. I buy the groceries and animal food for the house with benefit money from the state for my sisters expenses.
I made sure during the custody battle that I'd clear it with him first in letting me care for my sister at his home. He agreed, yet he says this.
I have considered moving to my brothers foster parents which is closer to the college.
Or let my sister move there until I get done with school. Its either this or I move to Okeechobee County into my foster parents house, and that's a small town with one hospital and one nursing home, if the nursing home is even still around.
Specializes in Dialysis, Long-term care, Med-Surg.
I understand that it is hard raising an 11 yo by yourself, but adding a worthless man who cares nothing about helping you will only slow your dreams. Most states offer childcare asst.....When I was in LPN school, several of the girls took advantage of this program to finish school. BTW, if you make a man do something he doesn't want to do in dealing with a non-biological(or biological for that matter) child, you could have more trouble on your hands than you asked for! Too many children are being beaten, killed, raped, etc....by boyfriends, and noncaring family members.....My prayers are with you!:redpinkhe
I am sorry to hear about what your going through. You are responsible for your sister so you need to make sure she is in a caring environment, it does not sound like he is providing that for either of you. If you do decided to furthur your education past becoming a CNA trust me you will need to be in an environment that if at least is not supportive is not going to be detremental to your schooling and since he sounds like my ex he would try to sabatoge your efforts. I would see what other resources you could get together for caring for your sister. Talk to the school about local sitters and you may also be able to get child care funding from your state. I know that finding care for her may be a road block but do not let the fool you are living with hinder you any further . Good luck with everything!
Ok, this post really hits close to home for me. I agree with some of the other posters....get out. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your sister. It sounds like your family has already been through a lot. It doesn't get any better...I have an 11 year old from a previous marriage and 2 children with my current boyfriend. I am trying to get into Nursing school. I have Micro on Saturdays and my aunt has to keep the kids. I drive 45 mins out of the way to drive another 45 mins to school and two of the kids are his!!!! My oldest (not his) catches the bus at 8:15 and he also won't wait with him until the bus comes but he has a flexible schedule and is salaried...I work 50 miles away and get docked for being 1.5 hours late (every day).
Sometimes you feel stuck...you feel financially obligated to stay and that is the way they want it.
tabacue!! SO True!! He is a divorced man with two kids of his own. I am 24 years old. and he is 36. So that maybe why he doesnt want to watch my sister. his son 16 years old lives with us. full time. His Daughter 8 years old lives with the mother.
WOW...let me tell you. While my mom was in nursing school, my dad had to cook, help us with our homework, iron our clothes and even do our hair (and he did a pretty good job at that I must say) for me and my younger sister. I was in 2nd grade and my sister in kindergarden. AND let me add that my dad has ALL brothers so he knows NOTHING about girls. That goes to show you that there are actually good men out there and you deserve better. I hate to see a woman depend on a man and that is why he treats you that way. You have to remember that a man comes and goes but your education stays with you forever. You have to now be a roll model for your sister and I know you don't want her in the same position as you. Show her how important an education is and go to school and leave that little boy.
Specializes in AA&I, research,peds, radiation oncology.
tabacue!! SO True!! He is a divorced man with two kids of his own. I am 24 years old. and he is 36. So that maybe why he doesnt want to watch my sister. his son 16 years old lives with us. full time. His Daughter 8 years old lives with the mother.
Oh H*@* no!! You didn't include all that in your original post! You have got to go-it will not improve. He's older than you, divorced and has kids-one that lives with you. He's got you where he wants you. He won't support you and he'll feel threatened and jealous when you succeed. Kick him to the curb now!!
Yes threatened! I was thinking the same thing, I don't really have any friends here in palm beach, and he mentioned that if I go school I would start meeting new peeps, He seems as if he doesnt like me going to visit friends and family in Okeechobee, I feel isolated from everything! But I have manged and put up with it. Though now I feel its going way to far! I cant get a job, or go to school. I think he may be using my sister for an excuse as to him being controlling. Im free labor right now at his business. What do you think?
Yes threatened! I was thinking the same thing, I don't really have any friends here in palm beach, and he mentioned that if I go school I would start meeting new peeps, He seems as if he doesnt like me going to visit friends and family in Okeechobee, I feel isolated from everything! But I have manged and put up with it. Though now I feel its going way to far! I cant get a job, or go to school. I think he may be using my sister for an excuse as to him being controlling. Im free labor right now at his business. What do you think?
Do you realize that these are signs of domestic abuse? You may not be experiencing violence now, but I would not be surprised if he became violent toward you or your sister when you decide to leave. Domestic violence takes many forms. It can be insults, humiliation, hitting, slapping, withholding money/attention/affection. Often it starts with isolation from your friends and family, making you dependent on him for friendship, love, and material possessions. You are in a dangerous place, my friend. Please contact your local battered women's shelter before you decide to move out. They can help you detach and help keep you safe during the process.
Men who are threatened by our efforts to better our education are insecure. If you get a nursing diploma, you might leave him and even though he doesn't treat you well, he doesn't want you to leave him. Is he controlling or over-protective of you in other areas? Does he sulk or get angry when you want to spend time with your sister or brother? How about your friends? Do you see where I'm going with this? He has you right where he wants you, dependent and afraid.
My father was a very controlling man. He was abusive physically and verbally to my mother and to us siblings. My mother decided when she was 34 that she could see the writing on the wall, so she entered LPN school. My father was furious! He threatened her. When that didn't work he threatened us kids. When that didn't work he denied her money for gas, food, and other bills causing them to fall behind. Our landlord evicted us. My father blamed my mother. But she was a strong woman. She got her LPN license and for the first time had an income she could count on. My father was beside himself, regularly insulting her, belittling her and slapping her around.
Eventually, he "fixed" her--he left for another woman and took all the money. Good thing she had a skill! It was very hard and she had to work nearly everyday, but she kept the household together and eventually went *back* to school to get her RN.
It sounds like BF is merely tolerating your sister's presence, even resentful. He has no obligation to help raise her and frankly, I would be very concerned about leaving her alone with him under the circumstances. I would much rather see you move out and live elsewhere with your sister. Go to your county services and see if you can qualify for food stamps and Section 8 housing, if you can't move in with your foster parents. Contact your school to see if you are eligible for grants, scholarships and loans to get you through. You don't have to be dependent on this man.
. Good luck with everything!
You have got to go-it will not improve. He's older than you, divorced and has kids-one that lives with you. He's got you where he wants you. He won't support you and he'll feel threatened and jealous when you succeed. Kick him to the curb now!! 
mesa1979, BSN, RN
120 Posts
I understand that it is hard raising an 11 yo by yourself, but adding a worthless man who cares nothing about helping you will only slow your dreams. Most states offer childcare asst.....When I was in LPN school, several of the girls took advantage of this program to finish school. BTW, if you make a man do something he doesn't want to do in dealing with a non-biological(or biological for that matter) child, you could have more trouble on your hands than you asked for! Too many children are being beaten, killed, raped, etc....by boyfriends, and noncaring family members.....My prayers are with you!:redpinkhe