subtly abusive co-workers

sjoe · Jan 25, 2004

Some people have their needs for power met by actually becoming good leaders and enjoying the accomplishments of their groups.

Some others have their needs for power met by becoming an integrated member of such groups, working cooperatively and diligently to do their part in accomplishing group goals, and identifying with that group. (This kind of willing cooperation and participation is ALWAYS the mark of a group's having a good leader, and the lack of it is ALWAYS the mark of a singular lack of effective leadership.)

Still others have their needs for power met by trying to block, derail, sabotage, and/or belittle the accomplishments of others. They want the focus of others to be on themselves, whatever the consequences in the workplace or organization.

Regardless:

Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN · Jan 25, 2004

I work w/ a tech who is just like the one you describe. I've talked w/ her several times, and it just seems to cause her bad behavior to escalate. I arranged for a meeting between this aid, my NM and me to discuss the problem. We've met twice and she has improved. I did find out that this aid is on psych meds, which may explain some of the problem.

SmilingBluEyes · Jan 25, 2004

I work with two such people. They are the most passive-aggressive folks I have ever met. Like sjoe said, you have to set limits. NO ONE is given permission to crap on me. And when they step over the line, I let them know unemotionally but very clearly it won't fly with me. Hang in there. I know how tough it is; you just got to be tougher.

jemb · Jan 25, 2004

Miserable to work with such folks, isn't it? I've been dealing with such a coworker for several years now.

For the subtle little things, I ask pointedly, "And just what did you mean by that?', or something similar. Usually, I'll get a grumble or a 'nothing', because she doesn't really want to explain anything. She just wants to be mean-- her personal little power trip.

A book that I have found very helpful in dealing with such idiots is

The Bully at Work by Gary Namie.

live4today, RN · Jan 25, 2004

Originally posted by sjoe
Some people have their needs for power met by actually becoming good leaders and enjoying the accomplishments of their groups.

Some others have their needs for power met by becoming an integrated member of such groups, working cooperatively and diligently to do their part in accomplishing group goals, and identifying with that group. (This kind of willing cooperation and participation is ALWAYS the mark of a group's having a good leader, and the lack of it is ALWAYS the mark of a singular lack of effective leadership.)

Still others have their needs for power met by trying to block, derail, sabotage, and/or belittle the accomplishments of others. They want the focus of others to be on themselves, whatever the consequences in the workplace or organization.

Regardless:

Perfectly spoken sjoe! (thumbs up) And I've worked with all the ones you so eloquently described. :nurse:

CseMgr1, ASN, RN · Jan 25, 2004

Originally posted by sjoe
Still others have their needs for power met by trying to block, derail, sabotage, and/or belittle the accomplishments of others. They want the focus of others to be on themselves, whatever the consequences in the workplace or organization.
Regardless:

Amen!

Dayray, RN · Jan 25, 2004

Not that I'm an expert (because I most certainly am not) but I have had reasonable success with people like this. I just ignore their little comments and act disinterested when they yell. I tell them what I need them to do and then just give a disinterested smile when they make remarks. Most of the time they just do what I ask and eventually stop making comments because they get no reaction from me. Sometimes after they make a remark I just calmly repeat what I have asked them to do and that ends it.

As someone else pointed out, this person is doing this because she wants to feel powerful and peoples reactions to her behavior make her feel powerful. Simply do not grant her the reaction she seeks and you have removed her motivation for provoking you.

ageless · Jan 26, 2004

this is a pretty good website with some info on bully tactics and assertive behavior:

http://www.kickbully.com/welcome.html

fergus51 · Jan 26, 2004

The abusive staff are subtle where you work?

RN-PA, RN · Jan 26, 2004

Originally posted by ageless
this is a pretty good website with some info on bully tactics and assertive behavior:
http://www.kickbully.com/welcome.html

Is this the correct link? I'm getting a window popping up that says: "The URL is not valid and cannot be loaded."

adrienurse, LPN · Jan 26, 2004

....and how did I know that sjoe was gonna reply?

We will get exactly as much crap as we will take.

Because everything is JUST that simple. :rolleyes:

Instead of blaming me, advice always helps.

You would think that my asking of advice would be proof enough to you that I AM trying to do something to stop this. Did I mention that I spend half my days at work with my sword out? And that sometimes I have to pick battles? I guess unlike you I wasn't born knowing how to deal with every type of obnoxious person.