Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

[Moogie]

This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated!

Of course he's not a nurse!

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i wrote the following to a friend yesterday - it applies (loosely).

my "dealbreakers" are a lot better than dr phil's.

you're entitled to end your marriage when:

your husband only buys you presents from the dollar store.

he tells the maitre'd at a nice italian restaurant that his spaghetti sauce (hunts - 98 cents a can) is better than theirs.

you find out he was a mortician for 10 years before you met him.

he installs a full length mirror one foot from the front of the toilet.

he announces 12 years into your marriage that he's switched to the republican party and george bush was the best president we ever had.

he decides it's time to downsize from a 4 bedroom house to a "double-wide".

he donates your cherished heirlooms to goodwill.

he says you only need 3 channels on the television.

he calls every female in the world "hon" but you.

he tells you to sit down because he wants you to hear it from him first, "i felt dizzy yesterday".

he goes to 17 doctors in a row to find out why he's had "ringing in his ears for the past 24 years" and they blow him off.

you see him outside wearing knee pads, goggles, work gloves, velcro shoes, a respirator, and a huge hernia belt over his clothes to rake leaves.

he tells your kids, "did you know your mother is the anti-christ because she has three 6's in her social security number"?

whenever you have an argument, he sleeps at his mother's house - which is where you found him in the first place.

he's too cheap to pay $5.00 for caller id.

and the only one in the house who can stand him is the dog.

the divorce was final a year ago!

. carol

(addendum: i offered to draw a tube of blood from his arm and drop it off at the lab so he wouldn't have to take time off work. i didn't even need a tourniquet. five cc's later he's ready to pass out and moaning about feeling weak. "did you have to take a pint?" i told him 5 cc's is a teaspoon. he says, "fine, next time i'll have a real nurse do it".)

sounds like cause for celebration! you're better off without him!

[Moogie]

I'm not a Nurse yet still working on pre-reqs for the program however I do medical billing and have scattered useful medical knowledge. My DH was having groin pain so he came to the Urgent care clinic where I did medical billing. I asked him what the Dr said was wrong and sarcastic him said "I have a leaky gasket" I'm a whiz with medical terminology and translated dumb husband to "The Dr. told me I have a hydrocele in my testicle" and when he had the hydrocele repaired I let him drive himself so I wouldn't have to fight with him since he thought he could drive himself there and back and just picked him up after the surgery was over. I know he's said other dumb stuff and I know there is more to come as I go thru school and my future career.

Oh, I wish I could be your skills lab instructor. A couple of years ago, when I taught clinicals and skills lab, the students each had to take home a Foley. Now, I don't know why they had to take home Foleys. I mean, what were they supposed to do with them?

Well---apparently a couple of my creative students told their husbands or boyfriends that they were supposed to PRACTICE catheterizing them. I would have LOVED to have seen the expressions on those guys' faces! (One student really had her boyfriend going and he honestly thought she was going to put a urinary catheter in him.)

Please, please promise me you will pull this stunt on your husband when you're learning urinary catheterization in skills lab!

[Brikkz]

This isn't by my SO/DH but this is from a relative. This person said they are going to school to be a nurse but they said i nthe same breath "But I am not going to wipe any butts or mess with puke":lol2:

[knzaku]

I didn't see any humor in any of these comments at all except ignorance in the posting! You don't expect people who aren't nurses or medical experts to understand and discuss medical issues like you do. You too make funny comments on other fields everyday but you don't realize. The title "stupid things said by..." is even hilarious!! You think your spouses are fools and you are the nerd? If only we can be sensitive to different backgrounds and occupations then we will understand that our relatives and friends don't have to be medics

[obicurn]

"If only we can be sensitive to different backgrounds and occupations then we will understand that our relatives and friends don't have to be medics."

Kind of on the same note, if we all could try to have a little less stick up our butts, we could share little things that make us giggle without being bashed. Lighten up. This is a fun thread!

[knzaku]

Ha Ha! Now thats funny! I should confess that I am against the term "stupid". Fun works for me!

[Bubbles_RN]

Ummm I convinced a friends signifigant other that his cramps were really ovarian pains......which he promptly reported to my friend (also a nurse).......oh dear we laughed until we cried over that one........

[chelynn]

I didn't see any humor in any of these comments at all except ignorance in the posting! You don't expect people who aren't nurses or medical experts to understand and discuss medical issues like you do. You too make funny comments on other fields everyday but you don't realize. The title "stupid things said by..." is even hilarious!! You think your spouses are fools and you are the nerd? If only we can be sensitive to different backgrounds and occupations then we will understand that our relatives and friends don't have to be medics

Why are you even on this thread? We in the professsion love to find humor in what we do on our OFF time. Are you so hardened and cynical that you can't appreciate that? I'll tell you what I (jokingly) love to tell my DH, "Mind you're business!"

[meintheUSA]

I didn't see any humor in any of these comments at all except ignorance in the posting! You don't expect people who aren't nurses or medical experts to understand and discuss medical issues like you do. You too make funny comments on other fields everyday but you don't realize. The title "stupid things said by..." is even hilarious!! You think your spouses are fools and you are the nerd? If only we can be sensitive to different backgrounds and occupations then we will understand that our relatives and friends don't have to be medics

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID ......:bowingpur

(Just laugh at it and it WON't go away)

[Just a Dose]

Ok, let's give knzaku a break for her post. She already confessed that's she's just sensitive to the term 'stupid', and now she's laughing about it. Besides, someone had to stick up for the underdog here (non medical people).

So, back to the original post... I wish I could report something silly that my husband has said, but he's just too smart to make any mistakes.

[sharpeimom]

i didn't see any humor in any of these comments at all except ignorance in the posting! you don't expect people who aren't nurses or medical experts to understand and discuss medical issues like you do. you too make funny comments on other fields everyday but you don't realize. the title "stupid things said by..." is even hilarious!! you think your spouses are fools and you are the nerd? if only we can be sensitive to different backgrounds and occupations then we will understand that our relatives and friends don't have to be medics

i must respectfully disagree with your post. my husband (among many others here) knows i adore him and respect his knowledge in his chosen field. in fact, my husband has an international reputation in his field, but that hasn't stopped him from making some pretty asinine assumptions and remarks about health-related matters. by the same token, he who is fluent in several different languages, snickers from time to time at my rusty french and spanish high school and college student french and spanish. doesn't bother me at all because it wasn't my chosen area. he lived and taught in france while he completed his phd. and says his spoken "everyday" french is comparable to archie bunker's english. when he

needs to speak it for a professional function, he speaks more formally.

he's my biggest supporter and can be my toughest critic and i am the same for him. when i look at him today, i see who i saw 28 years ago.:heartbeat i don't see balding, gray hairs, or wrinkles and creases and neither does he.:heartbeat heck! this man is useful in a very practical way -- he has asked for and bought tampons in several languages...

what we never ever forget though is that despite our occasional poking fun at each other foibles and remarks, is that we love, respect and cherish each other.:redpinkhe some remarks, however, are simply too good to pass up.

kathy

shar pei mom:paw::paw:

[luvnicubabies]

My sister in law insists that every time we are sick with a head cold or cough that it is because we have been "outside in the weather". "Well, you shouldn't have been outside the other day, and wasn't your hair wet?"