It's been awhile since we had a stupid nurse tricks thread, so here goes: How to look Incredibly Stupid Without Really Trying:
Call in to work because it's snowed and it's "not worth your life to drive to work on those roads." Be in a bar down the street from the hospital when your best friend at work uses the "Find My Friends" app on her iPhone to check on when her replacement will get there in to relieve her. (Will you lose your job?)
You've got horrible abdominal pain, but you suck it up and come to work anyway. Yay, you! You collapse in your patient's room and are whisked off to the ER by your manager and an RT. You insist that you're infertile and couldn't possibly be pregnant as you're delivered of a full term baby girl. (OK, this one was a CNS and nursing student.)
Call in sick to work because you want to go to your manager's wedding and you didn't win the "get the weekend off" lottery. Catch the bouquet. (And lose your job.)
You're having palpitations, and you're a little lightheaded and slightly diaphoretic. Strangers at the mall are concerned and offer to call an ambulance. You decline, telling them you're fine. Then you think that you probably should go to the ER, but since you know from AN that you won't get a sandwich to eat, you sit down at Bertucci's and order a plate of ravioli. Then you drive yourself to the ER, park at the bottom of a hill and walk uphill to the entrance. You're surprised when the triage nurse takes you straight back. (Yes, that was me. I was fine.)
Tell everyone at work that you're young, you want to have fun, and you're going to a friend's Halloween party after work. Go to the party dressed as a sexy nurse, and be in lots of pictures. Post those pictures on Facebook. Now call in sick to work the next day at 06:50 for your 07:00 shift. You've friended everyone you work with on FaceBook. (And NOT lose your job. What are the odds?)
Steal money from your colleagues' bags in the breakroom. Get caught by a colleague with a black belt in tae kwon do. Be photographed with a 5 foot tall girl flipping you and then sitting on you until Security arrives. (Have your manliness questioned by everyone who sees the pictures.)
A 135lb nurse drawing a Urine specimen off a foley of a confused 500lb pt with a over head trapeze. Confused 500lb patient swings from the trapeze like Tarzan pinning the nurse to the wall...LOL
If you try to tuck a straw under the mask of CPAP to give your patient a sip of water, the positive pressure will go up the straw and blow the water out of the cup into your face.
Mental note to self: this is the second time this week you have greeted a patient visitor with "are you his mom?" when it is actually his wife or girlfriend-must not do that again.
Come sprinting into a bloody level one with a 35ml syringe held aloft over your head like the damn olympic torch as if this, not the many blood products or the pending surgery to repair the bullet damage....no, this one syringe will be what spells the difference between survival and demise for this patient. Slip on blood clot, pitch croc in the process into a bottle of albumin which then explodes on contact with the floor, fall, crack head on base of an IV pole and become unresponsive. Now we have two patients and a hell of a mess to clean up. Thanks for that.
As a first semester nursing student proudly wheel portable mercury sphygmomanometer into patient's room to complete vital signs. Notice something doesn't look right and bend over to take a closer look putting face right near the bubble of mercury coming out of the bottom. Face is about 4 inches away when tube bursts and mercury and glass shards spray out. Have clinical instructor bend you backwards over the sink and pour 2 bags NaCl over face and then burst into tears when you are told you must go to the ER. Spend last 3 hours of clinical in ER having eyes swabbed with fluorescein by painfully good looking resident thereby missing the excitement of patient evacuation and mercury spill clean-up. Spend next 2 weeks fielding calls from hospital and university OHS departments.
As a first semester nursing student proudly wheel portable mercury sphygmomanometer into patient's room to complete vital signs. Notice something doesn't look right and bend over to take a closer look putting face right near the bubble of mercury coming out of the bottom. Face is about 4 inches away when tube bursts and mercury and glass shards spray out. Have clinical instructor bend you backwards over the sink and pour 2 bags NaCl over face and then burst into tears when you are told you must go to the ER. Spend last 3 hours of clinical in ER having eyes swabbed with fluorescein by painfully good looking resident thereby missing the excitement of patient evacuation and mercury spill clean-up. Spend next 2 weeks fielding calls from hospital and university OHS departments.
I feel bad for you just reading that...but it doesn't stop me from laughing long and hard about it too!
If you try to tuck a straw under the mask of CPAP to give your patient a sip of water, the positive pressure will go up the straw and blow the water out of the cup into your face.
Mental note to self: this is the second time this week you have greeted a patient visitor with "are you his mom?" when it is actually his wife or girlfriend-must not do that again.
No longer ask if it's wife or whatever. Everyone is a friend as in 'is your friend taking you home?" Coworker asked ancient male patient if his care worker was taking him home, only to be informed that young woman in question was his wife who had just arrived from the Philippines. There was only a 40year age difference.
It would take me writing a book to tell you about the whole shift, but there was the crowning moment...
Things were moving fast and I needed to get a urine drug tox sent to the lab now because time was-a-tickin' and my pt needed to have this done for a procedure.
My patient was a combative nightmare, but getting the urine sample should have been easy; she had a foley.
No.
Another nurse and I struggled with a little old lady who was desperately trying to murder us with her bare hands...
But I pulled back on the syringe and I got it.
I was worried, though, because would it be enough?
Other nurse: "How much could you get?"
Me: "I could only get 10cc's".
Other nurse: "Well, I think that should be good. You can only get what you can get."
Right.
Off it went to the lab.
Phew! Now I can get this other crap done.
A tech comes to get me.
My little combative lady's foley has come out.
I froze as the possibility is... nooooo...
I find my pt and sure as shaving cream, there is my old gal waving her foley, deflated balloon mocking me where I stood.
I could only do one thing, and so I busted out laughing.
The other nurse and I laughed until we cried.
It was a perfect 10 cc's...
Then I had to call the lab.
Me: "Yes. That urine sample for the drug tox... I do believe we sent you a sample of saline. I suspect that sample was pulled from the wrong port."
Lab: "Oh... that test is complete... Oh! It came back negative."
Me: "Yes. It was saline..."
The night continued on and did not improve until I swiped my badge to go home (very late).
To this day, whenever something goes wrong or is bordering on ridiculous, you can hear one of us mutter under our breath, "Ah, yes... it was a perfect 10cc's".
If you try to tuck a straw under the mask of CPAP to give your patient a sip of water, the positive pressure will go up the straw and blow the water out of the cup into your face.
Mental note to self: this is the second time this week you have greeted a patient visitor with "are you his mom?" when it is actually his wife or girlfriend-must not do that again.
Or calling that nice lady with a full-on beard "mister." There are so many women with beards (not just a few chin hairs, BEARDS), I've completely quit using gender specific pronouns.
Lev, MSN, RN, NP
4 Articles; 2,805 Posts
Still laughing!!!! Ha ha ha