We've had a few threads recently about whether or not it's acceptable to date patients. (former patients, hopefully )
My question is regarding an RN and a doctor. I met a doctor for the first time on Friday and I can't stop thinking about him. It's embarrassing, really. He and I had several conversations regarding a patient for whom he had been consulted. He is a heme/oncology resident, and my pt had been diagnosed with lymphoma. He's new to our facility, and he's a wonderful, caring doctor with an obvious passion for his work and the patients he cares for.
Our conversations began with the patient, and ended on a more personal level. We talked about our ages, (he's 7 years my junior), kids, both of us being single, etc etc. I'm not kidding you when I tell you that at one point during one conversation, I felt the incredible urge to lean over and kiss him, full on! I've never felt this way about anyone.
Would it be wrong for me to DO something like ask him out for a drink? I don't know how to handle this, I just know that I won't be seeing him much as we don't often have reason to consult his team on my PCU. I really don't want to be rejected, but I get the feeling that I wouldn't be. I wonder if he's thinking the same thing... I just don't know, and I'd hate to think that I allowed this "opportunity" for what could be a fantastic relationship to go nowhere if I do nothing.
Specializes in ICU;CCU;Telemetry;L&D;Hospice;ER/Trauma;.
ONE thing to consider....
IF the dating thingy goes south, and you get majorly rejected, or he treats you bad, or he cheats on you with someone else, could you still go to work in that place knowing he might be in the unit?? My experience with young doctors who are "dating" nurses is that it is more about getting booty and not about "relationship"....
Yeah...he makes your heart go pitter pat.....so does a treadmill!
I wouldn't put tooo much tooooo fast with this guy....
If he's really that in to you, he will call, keep his committments, and be honest about how he feels....
If he nances around, doesn't call when he says he will, doesn't think of your feelings ever.....then consider him NOT DATING OR RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL. Don't waste your precious time on someone who only looks at you for what THEY WANT, not what they are willing to give.
You might want to take a step back and ask yourself just what it is that you are looking for....are you: 1) looking for a roll in the hay with no strings attached? 2) someone to go places with, no sex? 3) long term relationship monogamous? 4) just friends?
You sound happy and giddy.....which isn't a bad thing....but....
When you have such high expectations of the other person, and high emotions racing through you, it is easy to mis-read the other person's intentions and motives....
Also, this position puts you at a very vulnerable place with men in general....because, when you operate from a high emotional state, you are not clearly seeing things in them that down the road might matter a whole lot to you! Such as: if you think he's just a Doctor McSteamy, and he makes your breathe fast and your heart races every time he walks past you, you become a very vulnerable target for some who could have the potential to take advantage of that...ie, you are more likely to be constantly forgiving when they hurt you, cheat on you, or undermine you....(not saying he's the type....but saying that women who show this level of emotion this early on makes them prime targets for bad men....truly)
He already knows a great deal about you....whether you realize it or not....and what do you know REALLY about him?
He knows you are incredibly attracted to him....which is okay....but for your sake, I hope you take a slow deep breath, and step back and focus....
I wish looking back at the last seven years of my life, I would have had someone lovingly take me aside and say these same words to me....I might not have entangled myself with such an evil person.....I have learned so much about how people communicate, or not, early on....
what motivates them....the mixed messages that people get....
It's really easy to get caught up in the dopamine-rush that "twitterpation " causes....it makes you feel wonderful, for a time....but when the new wears off, then the REAL reasons and rhymes of why you are dating sort of begin to emerge....
You mentioned that you BOTH have kids.....If I were you, I would take this REALLY slow.....because you have to be so careful who you bring into your kids' lives....the last thing they need is a mom who brings a man into their life right away, and a few months later, he disappears.....this is devastating to kids....and teaches them that adult males are jerks who cannot be trusted....so be very careful when dating someone.....keep your social life social....professional life professional....and home life separate....until you are certain that the person you want to invite into your sacred spaces is worthy of that invitation....
One correction, I mentioned that I have a child. He does not, nor are either of us married. He has never been married, and I have been divorced for over 3 years now.
Other than that, I appreciate your advice. I can say that since this Dr. is in the specialty he is in, I wouldn't ordinarily have reason to have contact with him, as we rarely have reason to consult Heme/Oncology on our step down unit. I work in a Level 1 trauma center, and most of our PCU pts are either trauma or stroke.
I'm just interested in grabbing a cup of coffee or a drink with him for what will hopefully be an interesting conversation for now. No thoughts of any rolls in the hay or introducing him to my son, lol!
I'm sorry you've had a bad experience. I hope it doesn't turn you off of all men in the long run. There are still some good ones out there. I'm not saying this dr. is one of them.. hell, I hardly know him, as you pointed out. But I'm willing to give it a shot, if he is. As I said, I wasn't available for him to contact me at all this week, and that's the only reason why I paged him tonight. After that call, the ball is totally in his court. I'm not going to lose any sleep after that.
I'm a grown woman, and I know when to back off. I haven't had a date to speak of in 8 months, and I can wait some more.
I just went back and re-read my original post, and I agree, it did seem like when I said we talked about "kids", that it could imply that we both have them. What I meant by that was we talked about kids in general, that's when I told him that I have a son, and he told me he doesn't have any yet.
Oh.. and he's a fellow, not a resident. Not that that matters, I just realized I had made that error as well in my original postings about him.
I say if he wants you, he'll call. you already showed your interested and you dont want to seem desperate ya know? If someone is interested in you, nothing will keep them away.
Specializes in ub-Acute/LTC, Home Health, L&D, Peds.
ONE thing to consider....
IF the dating thingy goes south, and you get majorly rejected, or he treats you bad, or he cheats on you with someone else, could you still go to work in that place knowing he might be in the unit?? My experience with young doctors who are "dating" nurses is that it is more about getting booty and not about "relationship"....
Yeah...he makes your heart go pitter pat.....so does a treadmill!
I wouldn't put tooo much tooooo fast with this guy....
If he's really that in to you, he will call, keep his committments, and be honest about how he feels....
If he nances around, doesn't call when he says he will, doesn't think of your feelings ever.....then consider him NOT DATING OR RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL. Don't waste your precious time on someone who only looks at you for what THEY WANT, not what they are willing to give.
You might want to take a step back and ask yourself just what it is that you are looking for....are you: 1) looking for a roll in the hay with no strings attached? 2) someone to go places with, no sex? 3) long term relationship monogamous? 4) just friends?
You sound happy and giddy.....which isn't a bad thing....but....
When you have such high expectations of the other person, and high emotions racing through you, it is easy to mis-read the other person's intentions and motives....
Also, this position puts you at a very vulnerable place with men in general....because, when you operate from a high emotional state, you are not clearly seeing things in them that down the road might matter a whole lot to you! Such as: if you think he's just a Doctor McSteamy, and he makes your breathe fast and your heart races every time he walks past you, you become a very vulnerable target for some who could have the potential to take advantage of that...ie, you are more likely to be constantly forgiving when they hurt you, cheat on you, or undermine you....(not saying he's the type....but saying that women who show this level of emotion this early on makes them prime targets for bad men....truly)
He already knows a great deal about you....whether you realize it or not....and what do you know REALLY about him?
He knows you are incredibly attracted to him....which is okay....but for your sake, I hope you take a slow deep breath, and step back and focus....
I wish looking back at the last seven years of my life, I would have had someone lovingly take me aside and say these same words to me....I might not have entangled myself with such an evil person.....I have learned so much about how people communicate, or not, early on....
what motivates them....the mixed messages that people get....
It's really easy to get caught up in the dopamine-rush that "twitterpation " causes....it makes you feel wonderful, for a time....but when the new wears off, then the REAL reasons and rhymes of why you are dating sort of begin to emerge....
You mentioned that you BOTH have kids.....If I were you, I would take this REALLY slow.....because you have to be so careful who you bring into your kids' lives....the last thing they need is a mom who brings a man into their life right away, and a few months later, he disappears.....this is devastating to kids....and teaches them that adult males are jerks who cannot be trusted....so be very careful when dating someone.....keep your social life social....professional life professional....and home life separate....until you are certain that the person you want to invite into your sacred spaces is worthy of that invitation....
Do not be one of those that makes some of these doctors think they are God's gift to women. Let him work for the relationship and do the chasing while you do the teasing so that he will appreciate you when you go out with him. I have three doctor friends that thinks nurses are easy catch, easy lay.Do not be one of the Satistic. The:uhoh21: truth is sometimes bitter.
Is it me or are most residents flirts or wanna-be McCheaty's??? I just recently was pursued my a 27yr old newly wed resident. We had such a connection and if I wasnt a moral person he would be having an affair. I didnt even know he was married, at first, he asked for my number and I gave it to him....then just a few days later someone told me he was married!!! I was so pissed! He kept texting me and calling and he spoke a little bit. He would say how he wasnt happr and he was married too soon, and that we had something... All that stuff was flattering but i knew what had to be done. I just simply told him to never talk to me or contact me again.....trying to make a long story short..anyways it had me wondering...do most docs cheat b/c of their long hours? And the environment we work in, its like we depend on each other..whats up? I am attracted to the smart doctor type but fearful that they will always cheat when the next cute nurse comes along...
Do not be one of those that makes some of these doctors think they are God's gift to women. Let him work for the relationship and do the chasing while you do the teasing so that he will appreciate you when you go out with him. I have three doctor friends that thinks nurses are easy catch, easy lay.Do not be one of the Satistic. The:uhoh21: truth is sometimes bitter.
As a male in general I find that tactic to be a complete turn off. I can't speak for any other guys, except my friends who feel the same way, but when a woman starts that teasing thing it doesn't generate "appreciation" when they consent to a date, it generates animosity and thoughts such as "wow, she seemed into me but I guess not" start running through our minds. Once again I can't speak for anyone else but don't try that teasing thing be honest.
hi there..with regards to your situation right now, the decision will still be up to you to make. speaking from a guy's point of view, its better for us to initiate the first move rather than the girl. if you make it really obvious on how much you like him, he might think that your too easy and he just might jump for the quick kill. if you reaaly like him and wanted to have a long relationship with you doc., it would be wise to wait for a while and maybe he feels the same and maybe not. just establish a good foundation which is friendship and then just go with how it goes. dont push or rush on things too much and take your time.
i know we come from different cultures, with yours much more liberated than mine. this is just my opinion and i hope and pray that everything will be fine. have a nice day.
hi there..with regards to your situation right now, the decision will still be up to you to make. speaking from a guy's point of view, its better for us to initiate the first move rather than the girl. if you make it really obvious on how much you like him, he might think that your too easy and he just might jump for the quick kill. if you reaaly like him and wanted to have a long relationship with you doc., it would be wise to wait for a while and maybe he feels the same and maybe not. just establish a good foundation which is friendship and then just go with how it goes. dont push or rush on things too much and take your time.
i know we come from different cultures, with yours much more liberated than mine. this is just my opinion and i hope and pray that everything will be fine. have a nice day.
i totally agree. it's interesting to see how women are viewing this. being a relatively young guy myself, i can tell you how i and a lot of my peers would view this. what you've basically done is opened yourself up to being a "booty call". he knows (key word) how much you are into him. you reinforced that when you beeped him. what this will do, especially to someone in a position of power, is stroke his ego. he now knows he's the hot shot "fellow" and he can have any nurse he wants--starting with you!
if he was really into you as you are into him, he would call you, just to hear your voice. the butterflies work both ways. if you are the "booty call", he'll make you wait, wonder and finally agonize over why he's not calling (a method of control). his hope is when he does finally call, you would be so estatic, you're more likely to sleep with him then. if this happens, you prob. won't hear from him again.
i'm looking at both of your situations and just shaking my head. it seems that both of you are being played.
the long shot here is that he's just a good, shy guy. 1000-1 odds on that. i hope i'm wrong but any guy will tell you that this is the game that is played!
) 
CRNI-ICU20
482 Posts
ONE thing to consider....
IF the dating thingy goes south, and you get majorly rejected, or he treats you bad, or he cheats on you with someone else, could you still go to work in that place knowing he might be in the unit?? My experience with young doctors who are "dating" nurses is that it is more about getting booty and not about "relationship"....
Yeah...he makes your heart go pitter pat.....so does a treadmill!
I wouldn't put tooo much tooooo fast with this guy....
If he's really that in to you, he will call, keep his committments, and be honest about how he feels....
If he nances around, doesn't call when he says he will, doesn't think of your feelings ever.....then consider him NOT DATING OR RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL. Don't waste your precious time on someone who only looks at you for what THEY WANT, not what they are willing to give.
You might want to take a step back and ask yourself just what it is that you are looking for....are you: 1) looking for a roll in the hay with no strings attached? 2) someone to go places with, no sex? 3) long term relationship monogamous? 4) just friends?
You sound happy and giddy.....which isn't a bad thing....but....
When you have such high expectations of the other person, and high emotions racing through you, it is easy to mis-read the other person's intentions and motives....
Also, this position puts you at a very vulnerable place with men in general....because, when you operate from a high emotional state, you are not clearly seeing things in them that down the road might matter a whole lot to you! Such as: if you think he's just a Doctor McSteamy, and he makes your breathe fast and your heart races every time he walks past you, you become a very vulnerable target for some who could have the potential to take advantage of that...ie, you are more likely to be constantly forgiving when they hurt you, cheat on you, or undermine you....(not saying he's the type....but saying that women who show this level of emotion this early on makes them prime targets for bad men....truly)
He already knows a great deal about you....whether you realize it or not....and what do you know REALLY about him?
He knows you are incredibly attracted to him....which is okay....but for your sake, I hope you take a slow deep breath, and step back and focus....
I wish looking back at the last seven years of my life, I would have had someone lovingly take me aside and say these same words to me....I might not have entangled myself with such an evil person.....I have learned so much about how people communicate, or not, early on....
what motivates them....the mixed messages that people get....
It's really easy to get caught up in the dopamine-rush that "twitterpation " causes....it makes you feel wonderful, for a time....but when the new wears off, then the REAL reasons and rhymes of why you are dating sort of begin to emerge....
You mentioned that you BOTH have kids.....If I were you, I would take this REALLY slow.....because you have to be so careful who you bring into your kids' lives....the last thing they need is a mom who brings a man into their life right away, and a few months later, he disappears.....this is devastating to kids....and teaches them that adult males are jerks who cannot be trusted....so be very careful when dating someone.....keep your social life social....professional life professional....and home life separate....until you are certain that the person you want to invite into your sacred spaces is worthy of that invitation....
blessings.....crni