My mom called me today at school to inform me that she thought I was slacking and doing a crappy job in school because I got a B in OB clinical. But some background about my situation should be given:
I am a junior nursing major in a BSN programs at a moderate sized university in Pennsylvania. The program here is rated second in the state according my knowledge. I have as yet to get an A in a nursiing course. I have gotten a B in every nursing course except for a C in my first fundamentals course (bombed a midterm) My overall GPA is 3.27. I work as a CNA during the summer and winter breaks at a nursing home. I am also a pledge member of Alpha Tau Delta.
Some info on my mother (important to mention I feel). She has been an elementary school teacher for about 30 years. She was poor growing up, and had to work three jobs, about 50 hours a week and go to school. She has gotten all the way to her masters degree in education. She has had a perfect 4.0 the whole way through getting her education.
She came down on me hard and said I was not going to get a job if I continued the way I am. I feel like I am going to school just to please her, and she even said I was "slacking" even though I stayed up till 11:30 last night, studied for 5 hours, for a test that is 3 entire weeks from now. Like I'm getting upset and really discouraged when my own mother is telling me I am doing a real crappy job. She has done this in the past, and it really does make me feel like crap. Any advice? Am I doing bad? I know education isn't a walk in the park, but education and nursing are VERY different. Thanks for the advice.
I think you need to politely tell you mother that her constant berating is putting you in a bad place. It may seem frightening at first but if she respects you not only as child but as an adult she will understand and back off. You may also feel as though you may need to 'take' such treatment because you are from what I read financially dependent on her. I knew a lot of students like yourself when I was completing my BS degree in your position. They even allowed their parents to choose their major for them because the parent was paying for it. If that is what your are doing you may end up more miserable in the long run. It may seem scary but you may want to consider on becoming financially independent from your mom. Once you become 'independent' you may feel like she has less of a hold on you and you will be able to speak up for yourself. Remember that is a big difference in speaking up for yourself and being disrespectful. No matter what your mom says to you I would never encourage you to disrespect her. You can get your point across in an respectful and adult way.
P.S. If you feel as though YOU are doing the best job that you can do at this time. I would pay very little attention to moms words. That's just me though.
This.
She has NO IDEA what we as nurses have to know, just like the rest of the public.
Her choice to berate you is alarming; I remember your previous post where you were in a crisis mode.
I think the previous posters are spot on about having boundaries with your mother; at this point you are doing well enough to keep yourself in the program; if this is what you want to do, I think you need to move forward with your studies without your mother; meaning, she really doesn't given need to know your grades, and even if she contacted the school, she isn't privy to that information either.
Keep her in the loop very limited; in the meantime, start looking for CNA positions and if you have enough left over for financial aid, move towards getting your own place if possible.
You don't need negativity in you life, even from your own mother.
First you should be happy your mom actually cares. Most parents these days could care less about what their kids do. Second she had a 4.0..you may want to listen to her. Lastly...you studied 5 hours? Ok then you better study 10 next time. You have to do school for you ultimately. If you don't want to do it..then quit. It is your life. What advice are you looking for? SO you have some challenges..that is called life. You will have more and trust me these are nothing compared to the stress and work you have in front of you as a nurse. If you want people to tell you your mom is a meany pants then good luck with that.
I'm sorry but getting a B in any nursing class is NOT slacking. I know it must be hard for you to hear your mom say these things to you, I'd be very stressed too. Nursing is very difficult and I have made B's in my nursing courses too and I worked very hard for them. She needs to realize nursing classes are very different than any other major, its more demanding and there is a lot more work in a short amount of time. Don't feel bad about how you're doing because I think you are doing great! My initial class size went from about 60 day students to 30 by the second to last nursing class. Be proud that you're still in the program and getting good grades!
Berate me like that again and I'm going to report you. Back the hell off. I was asking for advice because my mom essentially called me a piece of sh*t. Calling me a baby is extremely unprofessional, I am not asking for people to call my mom a "meany pants". Just asking for common respect for my post. If you cannot show it then don't comment.
I think you need to politely tell you mother that her constant berating is putting you in a bad place. It may seem frightening at first but if she respects you not only as child but as an adult she will understand and back off. You may also feel as though you may need to 'take' such treatment because you are from what I read financially dependent on her. I knew a lot of students like yourself when I was completing my BS degree in your position. They even allowed their parents to choose their major for them because the parent was paying for it. If that is what your are doing you may end up more miserable in the long run. It may seem scary but you may want to consider on becoming financially independent from your mom. Once you become 'independent' you may feel like she has less of a hold on you and you will be able to speak up for yourself. Remember that is a big difference in speaking up for yourself and being disrespectful. No matter what your mom says to you I would never encourage you to disrespect her. You can get your point across in an respectful and adult way.
P.S. If you feel as though YOU are doing the best job that you can do at this time. I would pay very little attention to moms words. That's just me though.
i also agree with this. At this time she is still providing for you. It doesn't give her the right to belittle you, but it is a situation that I feel needs to be handled delicately and maturely. Talk with her, is there anything that you are doing that makes her feel like you are "slacking off"? Not that I am saying that you are, but for example if you do the majority of your studying at school in the library, it may be that she doesn't realize that when you are not home that you are studying in an atmosphere that suits you best. Now if you are spending the weekend out at the bars with friends, which I have a feeling is not the case, she could have some validity in her thoughts. Without knowing both sides of the story we can only give limited advice. However knowing the grades that most people get in nursing courses, I would tend to think that you are doing what needs to be done. Definitely try talking with your mom first, if things do not improve or if things continue or get worse you may need to set some boundaries.
First you should be happy your mom actually cares. Most parents these days could care less about what their kids do. Second she had a 4.0..you may want to listen to her. Lastly...you studied 5 hours? Ok then you better study 10 next time. You have to do school for you ultimately. If you don't want to do it..then quit. It is your life. What advice are you looking for? SO you have some challenges..that is called life. You will have more and trust me these are nothing compared to the stress and work you have in front of you as a nurse. If you want people to tell you your mom is a meany pants then good luck with that.
Wow ow this was very rude and highly uncalled for. A 4.0 does not give a mother the right to belittle and demean their child. It is counterproductive and just all around wrong for a mother to do. So you are saying she should study until class starts and then go to class and come home and study again and not eat or sleep. Because studying for 5 hours that ended at 11:30 is a lot. Getting Bs is acceptable and will not keep her from getting a job like her mother seems to think. Instead of putting the OP down, maybe you could try offering constructive advice.
Wow ow this was very rude and highly uncalled for. A 4.0 does not give a mother the right to belittle and demean their child. It is counterproductive and just all around wrong for a mother to do. So you are saying she should study until class starts and then go to class and come home and study again and not eat or sleep. Because studying for 5 hours that ended at 11:30 is a lot. Getting Bs is acceptable and will not keep her from getting a job like her mother seems to think. Instead of putting the OP down, maybe you could try offering constructive advice.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
Berate me like that again and I'm going to report you. Back the hell off. I was asking for advice because my mom essentially called me a piece of sh*t. Calling me a baby is extremely unprofessional, I am not asking for people to call my mom a "meany pants". Just asking for common respect for my post. If you cannot show it then don't comment.
It would help readers if you quoted the response you are responding to, so we know who you're talking to. :)
And Windsurfer seems to be a bit antagonistic. I would take everything that poster says with a grain of salt.
Even if you got ALL Bs in your program, that's a perfectly fine grade. 4.0 does not make a better nurse, nor do employers or colleagues really care what your college GPA was.
And honestly, I *would* try to figure out a way to move out and pay your own way if possible. Based on what I know of human nature, I don't imagine this is an isolated incident, and normally your mother is a lovely, supportive person. So basically, this is something you will have to deal with as long as she can hold over your head that she's paying your way.
But at the same time I dont have a choice. I disagree with her and get kicked out. My family is not rich by any means, but rich enough that it is impossible for me to get any grants, or anything. I don't even qualify for any loans at all. She can just claim me as a dependant. Plus I don't have any credit. My bank account is connected with my parents so they can take out all of my money if they feel. And there is no way I can work in school, I am struggling now as it is. I really am trapped. I mean I am halfway done with school, so that helps. I just dont know anymore. I feel crappy and feel like a complete and total idiot in school.
LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN
8,429 Posts
This.
She has NO IDEA what we as nurses have to know, just like the rest of the public.
Her choice to berate you is alarming; I remember your previous post where you were in a crisis mode.
I think the previous posters are spot on about having boundaries with your mother; at this point you are doing well enough to keep yourself in the program; if this is what you want to do, I think you need to move forward with your studies without your mother; meaning, she really doesn't given need to know your grades, and even if she contacted the school, she isn't privy to that information either.
Keep her in the loop very limited; in the meantime, start looking for CNA positions and if you have enough left over for financial aid, move towards getting your own place if possible.
You don't need negativity in you life, even from your own mother.