So I guess it is true...

[ThePrincessBride]

Nurses really do eat their young.

Long story short. My last quarter's clinical instructor told me in feedback via paper, that I was good. Good in clinical. My last clinical, I made a mistake in accuchecks and made too many attempts to get an accucheck. I own up to my mistake and have not had any more problems in accucheck.

So this scholarship opportunities arises. I need a letter of recommendation. So, I e-mail her asking if she would be willing to give me a reference. No response. Tried again about a week later...still no response. So I email her a third time (the deadline is REALLY approaching) and she finally answers. Her answer? She is "uncomfortable" with my clinical skills and feels she won't be able to give me a good reference. And she waits FOUR days before the deadline even though I've emailed her twice before in 2.5 weeks.

This whole time she made me believe that I was doing a good job. Told me verbally and even in our comments papers. Not once did she tell me, outside of the accucheck incident, that I was doing anything wrong (told me I was doing very good).

So I e-mailed her back requesting a meeting for specific feedback, and I even typed out the misleading comments she gave me that made me believe I was doing good. I also told her that it is unacceptable to not give a student feedback and to check her off when he/she is doing something wrong.

I feel like if I don't get a meeting or if she isn't specific that I should file a complaint against her.

Luckily, my present clinical instructor says she will give me a recommendation. She says that my clinical skills are average but feels that if I work hard enough, I will be able to improve my skills.

Am I going about this the right way?

[escapebigd]

In regards to the meeting, so I even bother? I know she hates me, and would it be a waste of time? The woman didn't care to help me out before, and I'm pretty sure she definitely doesn't care to give me advice now.

.

I think that since you've already asked for a meeting it would be a good idea to go to it if she offers. She may not "hate" you, but there is probably a definite difference in personality between the two of you. I think if you come into the meeting with an open mind, and maybe even an apology for the pushiness (not because it's necessary, but because it will help her move past some anger and be in a better position to receive your feedback) you could receive some valid feedback from her and more clarification about her being "uncomfortable".

Anyways please keep us updated on how it goes!

[princess papooli]

You are going to be great when you can accept what is happening to you as the way is it supposed to be right now, at this very moment, with this very issue. Nursing students who have this grand idea that they want to be "great" crash & burn, either before graduation or shortly after they enter the work force. Too much pressure to be "great" in YOUR own eyes. You are a student, you got your letter of recommendation from another instructor. Now is the time to learn; learn how to perform your clinical skills, CORRECTLY, without error & with confidence- that is or will lead to GREATNESS, learn to open your mind to others comments and criticisms-we all have them because we have "been there & done that"-again, a stepping stone to the GREATNESS you seek, take a look at YOURSELF: when you can do that and find out who you are-you will have achieved your GREATNESS.

We all want to be good at what we do. And when I say good, I mean skillful, accurate, confident, correct, without hesitation, knowing what I am doing and why (theory?), with passion. That makes me a good nurse & my practice of the science of nursing GREAT.

[PinkNBlue, BSN, RN]

Unfortunately, in nursing school and in the real world, you're going to have to bite your tongue a lot and choose your battles. A wise person once told me you should never burn your bridges with health professionals, especially as a student, because you will most likely run into them again someday.

I understand you're upset but this is going to have to be one of those things to let go. I know you don't want to and I'd be upset too but take this, learn from it and make yourself better. I truly believe she wouldn't have passed you had it been a safety issue. Perhaps she thinks your skills are adequate for your level but not enough to write a letter of recommendation with her name attached. Practice with people, ask your clinical instructor now what she thinks of your skills. Move on from this. I am truly not trying to be uncompassionate, but it's just not worth the problems this may cause for you in the future. :)

[Footballnut]

You asked, she said no, albeit a little slowly. You were surprised by her reason even though one does not have to give a reason when being asked for a favor. I know you were blindsided but this is not the worst thing that will ever happen in your relationships as you build a career. Think about what your goals are and what it will take in building relationships to accomplish them. You will see people over and over again in places that you don't expect in your career path. Be careful how you pick your battles. When something comes up that blindsides you, take a deep breath, smile, do something nice for yourself, wait at least overnight and then decide what to do, if anything. It was a good idea to air your frustrations here before you jumped and acted quickly.

Good luck with your scholarship!

[Altra, BSN, RN]

The only reason I may have sound pushy was because the dead line is on Tuesday, and I hadn't heard anything from her. And I needed two recommendations. It would have been nice for her to have responded a lot sooner than she did. I don't think it was fair to have had that happen.

Well, it took 44 posts, but the OP finally got to the crux of the matter.

PrincessBride, I think you're shocked that someone doesn't think you're wonderful.

I applaud your decision to not have some kind of confrontational meeting with your instructor, as it spares you, the instructor, and possibly others in the nursing department all the associated drama.

[princess papooli]

Look at your statement of "I know she hates me." Look at your previous statement where you said that she should of "taken me under her wings..." Look at your statement where you indicated that you were "quite the opposite" of a student that has super nursing skills. Look at your post that you read into the instructor statement that she was uncomfortable in writing a letter of recommendation as that you are "just squeeking by."

Look at yourself and change. You do come off as immature and a sense of entitlement. Life is tough and not fair. And nursing is not a career for everyone.

[NP Sam]

Kum bay ya, my Lord, Kum bay ya:hug:. Just kidding. Because the instructor did not want to provide you with a recommendation letter does not mean that you are the bottom of the barrel. As a nurse you must always be true to yourself. Try seeing it from your instructor's perspective. But I do understand that you are frustrated not being told earlier to your deadline. You will soon learn to "roll with the punches," that instructors are not there to be your friend (NOT saying you think that at all), and always be prepared for anything in school and even in your career.

Also, theory WILL be used everyday in your career! Clinical skills are taught, theory is learned. Practice is based on evidence. I wish you the best.

Oh Lord, Kum bay ya.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

having read the entire thread, i concur with those folks who say you've overreacted to the whole situation. i'll add this: learn how to take criticism and negative feedback. if you truly want to excel at nursing -- or anything else -- you need to learn how to hear and then learn from criticism. getting defensive or lashing back is not an effective or constructive way to handle negative feedback. from the tone of most of your posts on this thread, i'm thinking that your response to any negative feedback your instructor tried to give you was off-putting to say the least. a few defensive responses, eyerolls or lashing back a time or two will pretty much ensure that no one will be in a hurry to give you the feedback you say you want.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

when you ask someone for a letter of recommendation, you're asking for a favor. people are not obligated to do you favors. ask humbly. and if you're asking someone for a letter of recommendation, ask well in advance of when your deadline falls, advise the person of the deadline, and ask them to you if they're unable to help you out. if they aren't able to help you out, ask someone else.

when asking for a recommendation, help the person you're asking for a favor out by telling them a bit about yourself and your goals. does the school you're applying to value teamwork? remind the instructor what an awesome team player you are. remind her that she gave you high marks for iv starts, for example, but told you you needed to work on heart sounds -- and that you've been working on heart sounds and are much better. sometimes instructors are reluctant to write a letter of recommendation because they don't remember you that clearly -- maybe you didn't stand out like some of your classmates. if you provide her with some reminders, she may remember and be happy to write a recommendation. at the very least, it makes it easier for the person you've asked for this favor to actually write the recommendation.

i was asked to write letters of recommendation by two women i'd worked with. the first just asked me; i'd been her preceptor and i knew her well. i wrote what i perceived as a glowing letter of recommendation based on my experience with her. i didn't know the second quite as well, but when she asked, she provided me with her resume, a goal statement and a self assessment of strengths and weaknesses. the information she provided not only jogged my memory, but provided me with some of the key charactoristics her school was looking for. the letter i wrote for her was so much better than the letter i wrote for the first woman. even though i meant to, i didn't do justice to the first woman's awesomeness because i wasn't clear on what she needed for me to say. (both got into anesthesia school and are doing well.)

[conscientiousnurse]

I just want to say I applaud you for your decision not to report the instructor. THANK GOODNESS for a place like this where we can get such great advice from fellow nurses who help us realize what we need to learn and save us from making terrible mistakes. I'm glad you were able to receive it.

I understand your frustration at not getting an answer from the instructor earlier, but are you absolutely positive she read your email in time and purposely ignored it? I find it helpful in my relationships with others if I always give them the benefit of the doubt. I realize computers sometimes crash, and that people sometimes get too busy to read all their e-mails. To leave a message on the answering machine after the email route isn't working might have helped. I have had times too, when I intended to answer an email, but was debating how to word the reply or got busy with another immediate demand, and put my email into the drafts folder. Of course, it may not have been on the top of my priority list, and I soon forgot that I hadn't answered it yet. Although you are disappointed with what happened, could you think of it in a teacher's shoes. She may have many deadlines she's working on, may get multiple emails, and who knows what other challenges in her personal and professional life.She may've had her computer crashed or been too busy to look at emails, and after working through the 100 letters in her inbox, finally found the 3 from you. This one is going to take a good 15 minutes or so to think up the properly worded response in addition to making the decision whether to do it. Suddenly the phone rings and says her kid has appendicitis and is in the hospital, or some other urgent matter. Since when did answering this type of email from a student become the very top priority which must be attended to ASAP? If you were coming to clinical with chest pain, shortness of breath, and all the symptoms of an MI, I'm sure you'd be attended to faster. But don't set too high of expectations for the kind of request you were talking about. Even though I empathize with your frustration at this, can you see where I'm coming from? Or did I misunderstand? Maybe you had a video camera in her office and knew the exact moment she received that email, and saw her purposely deciding to not answer it till 4 days before just to make you suffer?

And I am glad you like to receive timely feedback from your instructor. I'm sure this instructor isn't perfect; sounds like she has a few things to learn also. But when your boss or instructor is not perfect, we have to learn how to react to this in the best way. I've had to learn some things like this through making mistakes. And believe me, making mistakes in a relationship with a supervisor tend to be BIG mistakes. I'm so glad that you are learning now about how to react to these things, and are not going to report her.

[kids]

Uh...but I WAS comfortable. She wasn't and never verbalized to me what was wrong. And that is why I am upset.

She may be a nurse, but she is a poor instructor for not correcting me while on clinical and accepting something she was uncomfortable with.

"Uncomfortable" with your skills in terms of writing you a reference is different than giving you a passing grade in clinical. I've worked with plenty of students (and nurses) that are competent but that I wouldn't even consider writing the type of recommendation needed for a scholarship.

You want to be a great nurse, but you aren't one. You're a student. You're going to make mistakes and be inadequate for a long time. Maybe she felt your clinical skills were adequate for your level of education, but not adequate for a letter of recommendation. I'm not sure how this equates to lying to you.

My point exactly.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

I don't know...how much theory does a nurse even use on the floor?

I use it frequently. One has to when dealing with Axis II patients left and right.

OP: the fact that you were "good" doesn't necessarily equate to "recommendation-worthy." The instructor didn't owe you or anyone a recommendation. Even though she said that she'd write recommendations, it's her discretion as to whether the student's skills merit one.

And the instructor could have felt uncomfortable with your skills and approach even though you technically performed at passing standards. But that may not have necessarily been your fault that she was uncomfortable: yes, you could have been on the shaky end of good, but it also could have been you and her just doing things differently or having different attitudes towards your practices. If the instructor really felt that your skills were below average, she should have--and probably would have--given you honest feedback during the clincials.

In addition, one should learn the difference between assertive and aggressive. You were not assertive; instead when you didn't get the response from her you wanted, you let your pain and frustration put you on the offensive. You saw things as black or white and you reacted by being aggressive. Unfortunately for you, your e-mail may have done yourself more damage than you realize. She's probably never going to give you a recommendation, that is for sure...but you can't stop her from talking shop with other nurses, and your name and behavior may come up in conversation. Lord knows the tales--good and bad--we've swapped with other nurses about the students that come though on clinicals.

You got a lot of good advice in this thread--I hope you will consider some of it.

Best of luck with the rest of nursing school.