So embarrasing I'm hiding under a rock...

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Apr 17, 2006

ok...well maybe not until after my a+p test.
i was in my school's scholarship office today and noticed a scholarship for people of middle eastern decent. because i really need a scholarship, the first thing that came to mind was "wow..i could sure use being of middle eastern decent, right now." then, like a flash of lighting, i realized, i am. my father is arab-american. and, that's where the good news ends....
now for the mortifying.....
i do not have a clue who my father is. the scholarship is no big deal. i am a hard worker. i'll get others. i just used that day as an example of how 'inconvient' it is to not even know who your father is.
why, you ask, do i not know who my father is?
my mother (not a close relationship there), never told me his last name. she never knew it herself. she wasn't in a deep relationship with him when i was conceived.
unfortunately, i have no real family (my mother and i are not close b/c she didn't raise me and instead left me to another family member for all of my life) and could really use some support (yes, finacial also) as i pursue my dreams (i'm pre-nursing in college right now). plus, i really wish i could have a father, and possibly siblings in my life. i'm always asked, "do you have a twin? you look just like another girl," and i wonder if it is a sibling.
i was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to locate someone without a last name. i have asked everyone i know. they just say, "give up," which is fine. i have lived 18 years without any biological parents, i can survive without them. but, it would be nice.
this is the only info i have on my father:
he worked at holiday inn baymedows, in jacksonville, fl with my mother
he dated my mother in early 1987 (i'm 18 years old)
he is lebanese-american.
he is bewteen 42 and 47
he is catholic (i think)
he has dark hair.
he has a brother (perhaps even a twin, who is believed to have owned a gas station in jacksonville)
i posted everything i know with the hope that someone can maybe suggest something i haven't thought of. i have contacted holiday inn. they have no information b/c no one from back then still works there. i even went on jacksonville message boards and posted there, nothing.
does anyone have any clue on how to locate someone using just this info?
thanks,
missy

if he had a social security card and you hired a detective, there's a chance you might find him. but that'll cost some money.

could you qualify for an "adopted child" fiaid?

here's the fastweb link, in case you haven't seen it yet:

http://www.fastweb.com/fastweb/register/start?ref=mosaic-2f--

MissyRN2B18 · Apr 17, 2006

That's a really good suggestion. Unfortunately, my grandma (who raised me) never adopted me. And, I have no other info on him. Maybe, it is a hopeless search. Fortunately, I have God, my grandma, my cat, Banana, and friends. So, maybe not having a father isn't so bad.

Thanks,

Missy

suzanne4, RN · Apr 17, 2006

Does he know that you even exist?

Can you locate your birth certificate? Was he listed on it? The hospital where you were born may have some records about him, if he was involved with your mother when you were born.

Good luck..........

jillyk*rn · Apr 17, 2006

Hi Missy,

I guess I don't have any good advice for going about finding him, but I did want to stop by.

I just wanted to say that you have all of us here too.:icon_hug:

If I can come up with any great ideas I will let you know.

Good Luck!!

KeithEMU · Apr 17, 2006

There are quite a few agencies out there that help reunite adoptive children with Birth Parent... and most won't care if you were adopted, or just didn't know who your father was.

A Private Ditective would probably be the fastest and most efficiant way to find, but also the most expensive. If you don't have the money right now you can consider that later if other methods fail. The Holiday Inn should have employment records, but they might be able to purge them after a time period. If you talk to the manager (if you haven't already) he may be simpathetic to your cause and search them for you, or a PI wight get them from him.

As far as Agencies, the internet is loaded with them. Some of them are,

http://www.reunite.com/

http://www.pbnreunion.com/

Also a good article at http://genealogy.about.com/cs/adoption/a/adoption_search.htm on how to start the process.

You can google "find birth parents" or many other similar phrases to find more.

Good luck.

JeanettePNP, MSN, RN, NP · Apr 17, 2006

I'm just responding to the title of this thread... You have nothing to be embarrassed about! The choices your parents made before you were born are no reflection on you.

Good luck in your search and in whatever path you choose in life.

babynurselsa, RN · Apr 17, 2006

Did you check with the Holiday in Corporate office? Not the specific hotel.

There may be records back that far.

Good luck.

cheyne stokes · Apr 17, 2006

Missy,

Certainly this is nothing to be embarrassed about. I don't have any useful advice for you, but I wanted to write to you because I know a little about where you're coming from. I found my father when I was sixteen (I wrote a lot of letters to people in the town where I knew he had lived and one connected with him), we talk now (ten years later) though I have brothers and sisters that I've never met. I also am not close with my mother, she left me to be raised by other family members. And, I have always gotten scholarships because of my father's ethnicity. Feels a little strange though, like I am taking advantage, because I am not very connected to my family, but it is one way to make up for him not offering me any assistance, ever.

I think it is possible for you to find out about your father. There are professional services available for sure, and even what you're doing now, posting this info on the internet is good too. You will probably get lucky one way or another.

MissyRN2B18 · Apr 17, 2006

you guys have some great ideas! i will check with the corporate office. unfortuantely, i don't have his last name. my 'mother' had casual sex (there, i said it) with this guy at her workplace (so, maybe he isn't mr. responsible) she only knows his first name, which is cameron. this is basically all i know about him, besides the fact that he is lebanese and i'm assuming that he was around her age (she didn't even know his age).

so, yes, i do understand that finding a needle in a haystack would be a lot easier than finding this guy, unless i want to take out an ad in the newspaper saying, "anyone guy who slept with __ __ during february of 1987 needs to have a dna test done (haha)"

like i said, i basically only know his first name and that he is lebanese. i did find a lebanese-american club in jax. just haven't worked up the nerve to attend a meeting. i'm a christian, and do not look arabic at all, so probably everyone would wonder, "what are you doing here?" i could never tell anyone i was scouting around to find my father. every male would run for the door.

oh, well, maybe i should just give up. not having a clue who your father is does have its postive aspects (not many, but some). i could be related to anyone. i could be of any nationality. when i feel french, i am french. who's to say i'm not? maybe tommorow i'll be chinese.

and, here i was going to give all this mysteriousness up for a scholarship!

thanks,

missy

MissyRN2B18 · Apr 17, 2006

His name is not listed on my birth certificate. In the nine months that pregnacy lasts, my mother had forgotton his last name. I know it sounds crazy. I can't imagine sleeping with a man and not knowing his last name. She is far from a responsible person.

P_RN, ADN, RN · Apr 19, 2006

Missy, try contacting the diocese of the Catholic Church in Jacksonville. I think it's actually the diocese of St Augustine, but don't quote me on that.

They may be able to direct you to a Lebanese/Catholic Church. (I found a lot of info on my grandparents in NYC by contacting their Nationality based church.) I know you think 18 years is a long time, but to some folks it was just yesterday. :)

Then see if there is a Lebanese/Arab/American site like a lodge or hunting club, or alumni association there. Cameron is a memorable first name (and may have even been his last name). A lot of work mates call each other by their surname ("hey Smith" or, "you got it right Jones." etc.)

Good luck and don't you DARE crawl under a rock. You are here by the grace of God, and it's a blessing, not something to be ashamed of.