i was in my school's scholarship office today and noticed a scholarship for people of middle eastern decent. because i really need a scholarship, the first thing that came to mind was "wow..i could sure use being of middle eastern decent, right now." then, like a flash of lighting, i realized, i am. my father is arab-american. and, that's where the good news ends....
now for the mortifying.....
i do not have a clue who my father is. the scholarship is no big deal. i am a hard worker. i'll get others. i just used that day as an example of how 'inconvient' it is to not even know who your father is.
why, you ask, do i not know who my father is?
my mother (not a close relationship there), never told me his last name. she never knew it herself. she wasn't in a deep relationship with him when i was conceived.
unfortunately, i have no real family (my mother and i are not close b/c she didn't raise me and instead left me to another family member for all of my life) and could really use some support (yes, finacial also) as i pursue my dreams (i'm pre-nursing in college right now). plus, i really wish i could have a father, and possibly siblings in my life. i'm always asked, "do you have a twin? you look just like another girl," and i wonder if it is a sibling.
i was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to locate someone without a last name. i have asked everyone i know. they just say, "give up," which is fine. i have lived 18 years without any biological parents, i can survive without them. but, it would be nice.
this is the only info i have on my father:
he worked at holiday inn baymedows, in jacksonville, fl with my mother
he dated my mother in early 1987 (i'm 18 years old)
he is lebanese-american.
he is bewteen 42 and 47
he is catholic (i think)
he has dark hair.
he has a brother (perhaps even a twin, who is believed to have owned a gas station in jacksonville)
i posted everything i know with the hope that someone can maybe suggest something i haven't thought of. i have contacted holiday inn. they have no information b/c no one from back then still works there. i even went on jacksonville message boards and posted there, nothing.
does anyone have any clue on how to locate someone using just this info?
Specializes in ER, NICU, NSY and some other stuff.
Missy,
Hang in there girl.
This is not for you to be embarrassed about. It wasn't your faux pas. In the end it wasn't such a bad mistake, you resulted from it.
My mother went through the same thing as you. She has never known who her birth father was. My grandmother would never divulge. Over the decades she would give mom some little tidbit if mom would push her for it. The only problem was they were usually wild goose chases based on false info.
I remember once that my grandma told mother that the man was a Hawaiian man named something or other. My mom was calling Hawaii for weeks until she figured this wasn't right.
A couple of relatives have given my mother a name of who they believed her father was but unfortunately he had passes away before this happened.
This has always been a source of pain for her. Grandma is now gone so she took this secret with her.
Keep trying, chances are this guy never knew. But please do not let this take over your life. I know that this is a hole in your history for you on many levels but it does not take away from who you are.
I hadn't thought of looking into a Catholic organization (being Baptist myself, I really didn't know of any). I'll look into doing that maybe tommorow, when I have the day out of school.
babynurselsa---Thanks for the inspiration! I know exactly where your mom is coming from. You get all excited, thinking that you have a valid clue, but then find out it was just a 'fish tale.' I went through that when I was younger. First my mom told me my Dad was a French guy. I even have pics of him holding me as a baby. Then, she told me it was a guy name 'Phillip.' I actually met this guy when I was five. When I was about 10, I really started questioning her. That's when she admitted that she had only accused those guys of being my father for money.
And, that's when Cameron's name came in the mix. I know what you are thinking, how can I trust anything my mother says.' Well, fortunately a family friend has confirmed that Cameron does exsist. Although he doesn't know anything else.
When and if I do find Cameron, the first thing I want is a paternity test. I am not like my mother. I don't want to beat anyone out of any money. And if the test comes back and he isn't my father, I'm just going to move on.
Missy...it's like looking for a needle in a haystack! I looked for years for my hubbys father, with no luck. Then one day boom we found more info and then more and pretty soon someone sent me an email (anonymously) with info on a name change he had done many many years ago (for heritage reasons). We did this when my hubby was 40, he had never seen his father ever. So....my point is even if you have a first and last name or not you may have to try many avenues. Post on town websites, post on anything that has a forum if you have to...I did this over and over again, I believe that is where the anonymous email stemmed from, they read one of my posts. 18 years ago this man may not have wanted to be found, but after 18 years people change and he may even see it himself.
I wish you the best of luck and if you need any more help feel free to PM me.
cameron isn't a very common name (especially in lebanon!) so you have a good headstart there. lebanese commounities tend to be pretty tight, so if you start trying to find someone named cameron, you might get lucky by just asking. look for a lebanese church in the area to start with. you may be able to access marriage/birth records and may find that name. cameron may also be the american name he chose to go with. a lot of lebanese friends picked an english name to use publicly.
good luck!
you guys have some great ideas! i will check with the corporate office. unfortuantely, i don't have his last name. my 'mother' had casual sex (there, i said it) with this guy at her workplace (so, maybe he isn't mr. responsible) she only knows his first name, which is cameron. this is basically all i know about him, besides the fact that he is lebanese and i'm assuming that he was around her age (she didn't even know his age).
so, yes, i do understand that finding a needle in a haystack would be a lot easier than finding this guy, unless i want to take out an ad in the newspaper saying, "anyone guy who slept with __ __ during february of 1987 needs to have a dna test done (haha)"
like i said, i basically only know his first name and that he is lebanese. i did find a lebanese-american club in jax. just haven't worked up the nerve to attend a meeting. i'm a christian, and do not look arabic at all, so probably everyone would wonder, "what are you doing here?" i could never tell anyone i was scouting around to find my father. every male would run for the door.
oh, well, maybe i should just give up. not having a clue who your father is does have its postive aspects (not many, but some). i could be related to anyone. i could be of any nationality. when i feel french, i am french. who's to say i'm not? maybe tommorow i'll be chinese.
and, here i was going to give all this mysteriousness up for a scholarship!
I just remembered another little known info source out there. The Church of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) feel it is their mission to keep geneological records, not just for their church, but everyone. You might want to try checking with them and see what help they can give. They are very supportive of family and experienced with finding geniology into. Couldn't hurt anyways.
I grew up in Jax and have several friends that are arabic in Jax. First he may not be Catholic. All my friends that are Arabic are not catholic they are Greek Orthodox. The Arabic community in JAx is very tight so someone may know him there. If you would like I can ask my friends who knows one of them might be related. Most are cousins with each other. My friends are younger though we all graduated from high school in 1987. I have gone to that holiday inn so many times.
Let me know if you would like for me to ask questions for you to my friends. Hopefully I can be of help!
Don't give up. I found my father when I was 15 by posting his name on military boards over the internet. I knew his name and two states of where he could be and that I had a half sister. I had done all the online search sites and 800 numbers and never found him. There are only three pictures of him and my mother and I didnt get those until I bugged my grandmother who kept a lot of my mothers things while she was in the army. The address that finally came up for him was my sister's address and he had not lived there for years. His name wasnt on my birth certificate even though he was present. And he refused to do a paternity test so its documented because i look so much like him that there's no question that I'm not his. I can't get any money from him because he doesnt work(although my mom did file for child support once i found him). However I do use him on my financial aid paperwork and that has helped a lot. He is puerto rican and i sometimes forget i can take advantage of latin scholarships. Do you need to provide proof that you are Lebanese by including his name and ssn etc.? Or is it possible to explain your situation to the scholarship committee? Perhaps they can overlook that you dont know where he is.There can't have been many Camerons working at that hotel that were Lebanese so hopefully they will sympathize with you and provide a clue. Maybe there's an employer that still works there and remembers your mother and him. Good luck.
Missy...it's like looking for a needle in a haystack! I looked for years for my hubbys father, with no luck. Then one day boom we found more info and then more and pretty soon someone sent me an email (anonymously) with info on a name change he had done many many years ago (for heritage reasons). We did this when my hubby was 40, he had never seen his father ever. So....my point is even if you have a first and last name or not you may have to try many avenues. Post on town websites, post on anything that has a forum if you have to...I did this over and over again, I believe that is where the anonymous email stemmed from, they read one of my posts. 18 years ago this man may not have wanted to be found, but after 18 years people change and he may even see it himself.
I wish you the best of luck and if you need any more help feel free to PM me.
Thanks for the kind words of encouragement! It's so inspiring that you still fond evidence of your husband's father.
I just remembered another little known info source out there. The Church of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) feel it is their mission to keep geneological records, not just for their church, but everyone. You might want to try checking with them and see what help they can give. They are very supportive of family and experienced with finding geniology into. Couldn't hurt anyways.
That's a great idea. I think I've actually been to their website for family tree stuff.
I grew up in Jax and have several friends that are arabic in Jax. First he may not be Catholic. All my friends that are Arabic are not catholic they are Greek Orthodox. The Arabic community in JAx is very tight so someone may know him there. If you would like I can ask my friends who knows one of them might be related. Most are cousins with each other. My friends are younger though we all graduated from high school in 1987. I have gone to that holiday inn so many times.
Let me know if you would like for me to ask questions for you to my friends. Hopefully I can be of help!
Stefanie
Stefanie,
You gave me something to think about. Even though my mother said that he was Catholic, he may not be. I mean she can't remember his age, last name, or anything else. My grandmother (her mother) never met him or even heard of him until I was born (she really never met any of my mother's boyfriends b/c they changed so frequently. And, Cameron wasn't really a "boyfriend".) I do know he is a real person. I've had confirmation of that. Although, the person that confirmed this (an old co-worker of his) knows nothing else.
So, Greek Orthodox? I had know idea that was a prominent religion in the Jacksonville Lebanese community (although I know no one that is Lebanese, unless I count myself). Maybe I should check that church out.
Thanks for offering help in locating this man. If you could, and you suspect someone of knowing any info (I've turned into an FBI agent, the slightest clue could be helpful), send me a PM. I appreciate the encouragement.
Don't give up. I found my father when I was 15 by posting his name on military boards over the internet. I knew his name and two states of where he could be and that I had a half sister. I had done all the online search sites and 800 numbers and never found him. There are only three pictures of him and my mother and I didnt get those until I bugged my grandmother who kept a lot of my mothers things while she was in the army. The address that finally came up for him was my sister's address and he had not lived there for years. His name wasnt on my birth certificate even though he was present. And he refused to do a paternity test so its documented because i look so much like him that there's no question that I'm not his. I can't get any money from him because he doesnt work(although my mom did file for child support once i found him). However I do use him on my financial aid paperwork and that has helped a lot. He is puerto rican and i sometimes forget i can take advantage of latin scholarships. Do you need to provide proof that you are Lebanese by including his name and ssn etc.? Or is it possible to explain your situation to the scholarship committee? Perhaps they can overlook that you dont know where he is.There can't have been many Camerons working at that hotel that were Lebanese so hopefully they will sympathize with you and provide a clue. Maybe there's an employer that still works there and remembers your mother and him. Good luck.
Ciji
That's really cool that you located your father at age 15. That must have taken a tremendous amount of work. Way to go, for taking advantage of those ethnic scholarships. Those scholarships are so great. I love stuff like that, that just falls into your life, just because. Not too many things are like that.
babynurselsa, RN
1,129 Posts
Missy,
Hang in there girl.
This is not for you to be embarrassed about. It wasn't your faux pas. In the end it wasn't such a bad mistake, you resulted from it.
My mother went through the same thing as you. She has never known who her birth father was. My grandmother would never divulge. Over the decades she would give mom some little tidbit if mom would push her for it. The only problem was they were usually wild goose chases based on false info.
I remember once that my grandma told mother that the man was a Hawaiian man named something or other. My mom was calling Hawaii for weeks until she figured this wasn't right.
A couple of relatives have given my mother a name of who they believed her father was but unfortunately he had passes away before this happened.
This has always been a source of pain for her. Grandma is now gone so she took this secret with her.
Keep trying, chances are this guy never knew. But please do not let this take over your life. I know that this is a hole in your history for you on many levels but it does not take away from who you are.
Good luck to you