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CapeCodMermaid CapeCodMermaid (Member)

Siblings sharing a room

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I must have no clue as to what most of you are talking of. I do not understand why a bro and sis in their very old years should not share a room. Their are siblings for gosh shakes. Being that I have not worked in a long term facility, maybe I am missing something. Remember these elders are living there because they are unable to care for them selves fully. As long as they have privacy dressing, etc. I see no problem.

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Did you miss the part where she explained they exchange romantic/sexual kisses?

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Ask each of them privately if they truly want to share a room. Just because they kiss 'inappropriately' does not mean that they are doing much else. They are adults. Why does anybody care what these two elderly people do?

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I would have to "see" this inappropriate kissing. Maybe it is just a little kiss on the mouth? Who cares? Not me. If they are starting to do other stuff well then there is a problem and they need to be watched as they may be kissing others also.

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That the OP was uncomfortable with their kiss does not automatically equate to the notion that they are having incestual intercourse.

Geesh people.

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Just FYI - many of you may not realize that CapeCod (the OP) is upper level of nsg administration. She's asking for feedback for a situation that MAY or MAY NOT be in her own facility. I concede that this is a very serious one.

It has been observed that inappropriate kissing has occurred. What else may NOT have been observed in the other 23 & 1/2 or so hours??? They are alone, unwatched in that room. And intimacy is not restricted to just kissing. There is the real possibility of other oral action, as well as intimate touching (either way); perhaps intercourse, completed or attempted.

Are both physically able-bodied or could one just be overpowered? And are BOTH legally, 100% competent to consent? Could there be underlying sexual abuse here? Even if the two were separated, could they wander back & find one another?

From all our training, we know that lonliness and the the need for intimacy are powerful human emotional drives. And while we strive to be non-judgemental, we still hold nursing licenses that obligate us protect the public. Think about our responsibilities if they were parent & child, or child-to-child, or adult-to-child. What about covert physical/verbal abuse if there were any resistance between the two? Could there be something with other residents

happening, also?

In all my years, I know of 5 specific epsiodes where the facility administration had to step in where these types of questions/incidents arose. Others, incl the Dept of Health needed to be involved.

To OP, I think the DOH may need to be called for any recommendations. Personally, I think they need to be separated. It's too much of a slippery-slope to me.

Edited by amoLucia
to complete

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Very much agreed with your post amolucia and just to add a couple things.

1. It is very obvious that several made comments without reading more than the OP. Those of you implying that as nurses we are not police...I'm sure you would feel differently if, let's say, they were down in the room smoking pot or any other law that you found offensive.

2. CapeCod is the Director of Nursing with years of experience, ie: she is not a newbie to this field. She has also consistently shown a great deal of common sense thru her years of posting on this forum. I don't find her post to be judgemental. It is simply a fact that when you are in a management position, YOU are entrusted to make sure rules/regulations are followed and all residents remain free of an abusive situation. As management, the DON is required to be proactive and not reactive in identifying potential situations that could have negative consequences.

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There's still no intercourse involved that we know of. Some of us may remember Angelina Jolie planting a big wet one on her brother at the Oscars several years back that caused an uproar. It didnt mean that they were committing incest when the cameras were off!

A kiss is VERY different from true incest involving intercourse.

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There is a very big difference between two elderly siblings having an "inappropriate" relationship and a parent or adult having an inappropriate relationship with a child.

One day we'll live in a society that doesn't judge the intimacy (whether sexual or not) behaviors of consenting adults.

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I understand the responsibilities of the administrator and I value the opinion of CapeCod.

My point is that we should not take actions based upon assumptions...

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Well, we could debate whether the kiss in question was incestuous or not until the cows come home. Only CapeCod really saw it. But a facility has the right to separate roomates and assign rooms how they see fit. That's part of living in an institution, as opposed to your own home. Yes, we try to make a facility as home like as possible. But a facility is still a facility, and all of them have rules.

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There is a very big difference between two elderly siblings having an "inappropriate" relationship and a parent or adult having an inappropriate relationship with a child.

One day we'll live in a society that doesn't judge the intimacy (whether sexual or not) behaviors of consenting adults.

Consenting adults may not be able to truly consent when their formative years have been clouded by certain events. Sexual misconduct ramifications do not mysteriously evaporate at the age of majority.

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