Should boyfriend help me out?

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I am attending a community college for an accelerated nursing program. I currently work at a small local restaurant and get paid only minimum wage. My school schedule only allows me to work 3 days a week including weekends; therefore, I am making no money. I'm not qualified for student aid and the school I attend does not participate in any student loan programs. I've tried applying at other restaurants such as Chili's and Olive Garden but I don't get hired because they do training in mornings which I cannot attend because of school hours. My parents are putting gas in my car, but they can only help out so much. I still have a car note to pay and credit card bill. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years. I have several girls in my class and their boyfriend is helping them out. Many girls were even able to quit their jobs because their boyfriend will give them money. I hate to work more hours and start failing school because of it. Do you think my boyfriend should be helping me out? Should he offer to put gas in my car, give me $50 or so? I don't think it is his obligation to help me out, but I feel he should.

We are helping our kids - but they work and they take out loans too.

And when they live at home, they have to pay some rent, help with chores, etc.

Free ride = no appreciation.

steph

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Specializes in Family Practice, Primary Care.
I realize I had said I am not bashing anyone, but I had to reread your comment because it struck a chord in me.

If I were almost 23 years of age, I personally would be embarassed to take money from my Mom for food, have her pay my loans for my degree just because she felt that a college education was a right not a privilege to have these days.

That just wouldn't sit right with me.

Having my own car insurance paid and not helping out with household bills while I was getting a free ride on my SECOND degree would not make me feel well either.

I'm sorry but a free ride on ONE degree is enough! :chuckle:chuckle TWO is plain taking advantage of a kindhearted soul otherwise known as an unconditionally-loving mother who obviously wants the best for her "spoiled rotten" son.

Again, I am not trying to intentionally come across as judgemental, but I have to admit that it's hard to not mention how I felt after you had said "YOU brought them into this world, YOU best support them!"

I realize that "we" all had no choice in being born, but we, the responsible few, can at least try to make our parents jobs a little easier for them by helping them out with OUR education.;)

Interesting that you edited out the part where I said I wanted to pay for my kids' BAs. Don't select things and bash me, it's rude and makes your argument all the more weak.

I have had at LEAST a part-time job since I was 14 so I could buy things I wanted. I said IF I NEEDED HELP she would send me money. $50 a month isn't that bad...

As for now, financial aid and my job are helping me get by. WHY should I pay for health insurance if she gets it for free from work and I can be on it? WHY should I pay for car insurance when with her plan, it is free for me to be on it? That's called stupidity.

Also, I live with my grandfather and my mom (who is at our summer house, so it is just he and I right now) and I mentioned I take care of him. He has RA and is a handful on his own, but I guess tending to family isn't "pulling my weight" and being spoiled.

Yeah, sorry but no. Everyone has different life circumstances. But parents being unsupportive shouldn't even be a commonality. Parents having a bad credit score so they can't even cosign a loan for their child = irresponsible, BAD parenting.

Edit to add: Also, I guess getting a 3.8 GPA during undergrad really shows how much I didn't appreciate her helping me. Yeah, nice try!!!!

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Specializes in Psych.

The issue for me since this thread began is this:

Resources that belong to another person are theirs to GIVE.

They are not anybody else's to TAKE.

So regardless of whether it's parents or boyfriends, if they offer resources to help you get a start in life once you are an ADULT...then that is an act of great generosity on their end. If they choose not to, which they can for any reason - (because they're theirs to give, not yours to take!) - and you characterize them negatively for not doing something they're either unable or disinclined to do...then that's a poor reflection on you...not them.

A period of extended adolescence...and by that I mean years in which you are dependent upon other people to provide for you after the age of legal adulthood (i.e. 18)...is NOT an entitlement.

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I edited out the portions of your post because I was highlighting what I intended to comment on. There's no magic trick to what I've done.

I'm not bashing you, I'm merely giving my opinion that for you being almost 23 years old, you seem to feel it's necessary and accurate to call parents who cannot or will not provide for their childrens' educations "unsupportive."

I am only impressed with single mothers/fathers who hold down full-time jobs while attending school full-time, not you with your part-time gumball-buying pocket change job. Sorry Ricky Schroder.

Helping your family out is a part of life and growing up, and has nothing to do with your free ride through TWO degrees, rentless living, and most likely a paid cellphone bill (or two from your track record). It would be rude of you not to give back to those who give you so much.:wink2:

I wasn't bashing you before, but I'm sure it'll look like I am now; I can't help that, but you did make it too easy a target for myself and others. You need to come up with more supportive arguments, not senseless babble you're churning out.:wink2:

A 3.8GPA is not jawdropping to me considering you have every expense and need met. Now that's weak.

Lastly, parents with bad credit scores being called bad, irresponsible parents who cannot cosign SOMEONE ELSE'S student loan? Wake up and get real.

That's called a wise decision. You have more to learn about parenting styles if you think that parents are expected to do either of the above.

Parents having a bad credit score so they can't even cosign a loan for their child = irresponsible, BAD parenting.quote]
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Hmmm...

From a male perspective...Hmmm...

Well he's not obligated...and this is your baby...so to answer your question: NO.

But if you were to ask my opinion I would tell you that if I had a girlfriend of 3 years, and I really cared about her I would offer some kind of help. Whether that help was money or walking her dog would depend on the situation at the time...but I would think that I would want to be supportive of my girlfriend for whom I cared for...unless after three years I really didn't care. And that would be a different post I think.

Did this help?

You could always ask..."Hey ya know I could use your help..." I believe in being direct...but that gets me into trouble all the time. :D

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Specializes in Family Practice, Primary Care.

Oh, being a CNA is a gumball job? lololol Get thee to the CNA forum and say that.

And I pay my own cell phone bill. And it's funny that you're expected to care for family yet they aren't expected to help you. HAHAHAHAHHA!!

Nice hypocrisy. I am HAPPY I don't have to strain myself and put myself into debt to accomplish my goals. I love having a family that loves me.

It may just be Franco-American culture, because that's how everyone is up here in Maine. Every family supports each other no matter what.

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I think I can see what jbeau is trying to say...I believe the only real sticking point here is the phrase" You had them...etc" I believe the truth of your family is love not obligation. You care for your Grandpa because you love him...not out of obligation. Your Mom is helping you for the same reason. She loves you and wants to help you just as she would w/o your help with Grandpa. And I'm sure you would care for your Grandpa even if Mom wasn't helping with finances. My parents helped me when I was young and my in laws still help us occasionally b/c we struggle since I quit my job to pursue nursing and my DH bears the burden financially for my school (he makes just over the line to qualify for aid) and our 3 kids and home. I can read between the lines in your post and see you have a caring heart and a close loving family as was your intent to share I'm sure!:D

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Oh, being a CNA is a gumball job? lololol Get thee to the CNA forum and say that

Not fair Shakespeare, you didn't mention that you bought gumballs being a CNA. You made my day with that comment though:clphnds: Thee lol.:up:

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absolutely not! i know you said you do not think he is obligated to help you but thats the way you sound, like you believe he should HAVE to help you.

you may have been together for 3 years but there is no tie between you two other than the dating scene; therefore, he has no obligation to support you and he is in the right by making you do it on your own

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A period of extended adolescence...and by that I mean years in which you are dependent upon other people to provide for you after the age of legal adulthood (i.e. 18)...is NOT an entitlement.

actually, tell that to the government. according to government regulations it is your parents'/guardians' responsibility to pay to have you educated until the age of 24 (unless a person is legally separated from their parent/guardian). thats why when one applies for federal financial aid it goes based on the parents'/guardians' income and not the person applying.

the government considers the cost of college education in with every other cost when raising a child.

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Specializes in Family Practice, Primary Care.
I think I can see what jbeau is trying to say...I believe the only real sticking point here is the phrase" You had them...etc" I believe the truth of your family is love not obligation. You care for your Grandpa because you love him...not out of obligation. Your Mom is helping you for the same reason. She loves you and wants to help you just as she would w/o your help with Grandpa. And I'm sure you would care for your Grandpa even if Mom wasn't helping with finances. My parents helped me when I was young and my in laws still help us occasionally b/c we struggle since I quit my job to pursue nursing and my DH bears the burden financially for my school (he makes just over the line to qualify for aid) and our 3 kids and home. I can read between the lines in your post and see you have a caring heart and a close loving family as was your intent to share I'm sure!:D

Exactly Beth! Also, after college, with my OWN money, I picked myself up and moved to Chicago and lived on my own (until my grandfather got worse and needed more help). I paid my own rent there and my own bills...the only thing I didn't pay was student loans (except my private loan for when I took extra classes). My aunts/uncles do the same thing for my cousins. And I don't see WHY I should pay for insurance if it is free to my mom if I am on hers...why waste money?

And Stayin...I think we will just have to agree to disagree. While I do work as a CNA, even if I had another job, it wouldn't matter...I still paid for most of my own stuff growing up and as a college student. I worked 20 hour weeks (which was the max I was allowed by the government) while going to a major university with a full class load and during high school. My mom only paid my cell phone bill when I was not legally able to work (ie: younger than 14). And yes, children that young do need cell phones when they are at school for 4-5 hours after school ends for clubs, etc.

My personal view, and the view of my mother, is that you support family NO MATTER WHAT in the greatest capacity you can. If that means I have to sleep with a baby monitor next to my bed so I can listen to my grandfather in case anything happens, so be it. And for my mom, if it means it will lead to a better life for me, so be it. For example, tuition for my first degree was 40k a year, and I got 33k in financial aid a year (30k grant, 3k federal loans). Without her taking out a 7K PLUS loan, I wouldn't have been able to attend, and to her, that wasn't going to happen. I mean, I started college at 17 and would not have been able to even take out a loan to cover the last 7k. This is what I meant. For my Accelerated BSN, I am paying my credit card bills, cell phone bill, gas, food (I don't eat what is in my house...yuck), books, scrubs, etc. The only thing I don't pay is rent, but by not paying rent...I am also a private duty nurse lol (ROMs every day, dressing changes, the works with him). So I pay in other ways. My family is just exceedingly supportive (compared to other people's here).

My friends in undergrad had parents that paid the FULL 40K to send them there as well as gave them a $600/month allowance. So, compared to them I am not spoiled at all!

As to the original poster...no, someone not related to you and that you're simply dating and having sex with does not entitle you to money. If I had a boyfriend that needed money from me or something...that would be a resounding NO. Relationships that aren't on paper, to me, don't count (unless you're gay like me, then you need a commitment ceremony or to both be on a mortgage). I would only help if they were my husband and we had a mortgage together or were married or had a civil union. What's to stop them from using me for school and then dumping me? You can never know what another person is truly thinking/doing....

actually, tell that to the government. according to government regulations it is your parents'/guardians' responsibility to pay to have you educated until the age of 24 (unless a person is legally separated from their parent/guardian). thats why when one applies for federal financial aid it goes based on the parents'/guardians' income and not the person applying.

the government considers the cost of college education in with every other cost when raising a child.

Exactly. For my financial aid for this degree, it looked like I had a lot more money than I really do, and so I only could get a subsidized loan and had to do another loan on top of that because I couldn't get an unsubsidized Stafford because apparently I am still a "dependent".

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Specializes in Med/Surg.

Yikes. I am glad I don't want kids. Not because I don't like them or anything, I just don't want any of my own.

BUT....if for some reason I did have a child, I would try and give them help to the best of my financial ability. College is super important.

I particularly like the way my fiance's parents handled things. When he went to college (graduated in '06), they made him a deal that they would pay for all of his books, plus 90% of his tuition, room/board. This deal would stand as long as he had a 3.0 or above for every semester. And he did. Engineering is a tough major, so the financial help for him was great.

I personally have all loans. It stinks, but hey...I didnt have a choice. Life goes on!

Jbeau--I know what it's like to care for a sick grandparent. Good luck to you in school and make sure to give your mom plenty of hugs :D

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