Should boyfriend help me out?

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I am attending a community college for an accelerated nursing program. I currently work at a small local restaurant and get paid only minimum wage. My school schedule only allows me to work 3 days a week including weekends; therefore, I am making no money. I'm not qualified for student aid and the school I attend does not participate in any student loan programs. I've tried applying at other restaurants such as Chili's and Olive Garden but I don't get hired because they do training in mornings which I cannot attend because of school hours. My parents are putting gas in my car, but they can only help out so much. I still have a car note to pay and credit card bill. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years. I have several girls in my class and their boyfriend is helping them out. Many girls were even able to quit their jobs because their boyfriend will give them money. I hate to work more hours and start failing school because of it. Do you think my boyfriend should be helping me out? Should he offer to put gas in my car, give me $50 or so? I don't think it is his obligation to help me out, but I feel he should.

Specializes in Med/Surg.

Cancel the A&P thing I said....I was reading the wrong post. Sorry about that.

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To clear this up, my fiance started supporting me long before we were engaged. Now that we are engaged and getting married in a month, YES it is certainly different. I agree with that.

No, I am not only in A&P. I am actually IN A NURSING program. I took A&P almost 3 years ago.

So, yes...my situation is completely different than the OP's at the present time. I wasn't even referring to that. It was this one particular post referring to girl's boyfriends as "suckers" for supporting them while in school. I thought that was a nasty thing to say.

When my fiance started paying my bills so I could continue on with school at a full time pace, I was 20 years old. Not too much older than the OP.

All in all, I didn't come here to get flamed. I have enough things going on in my life than to get belittled over the internet, just wanted to point out that I felt that statement was an extreme generalization.

I mean "suckers" as in boyfriends who are spending half of their annual income to support their girlfriends then finding themselves in a situation where it just does not work out. I doubt anybody is keeping track of the money spent, so then what? You said I was extreme with my generalization, so you actually mean to tell me most couples your age do go on to get married and end up with lots of kids, a big house and a garden? I don't think so.

You took my post overboard and now you feel you are getting flamed because of what I said when I replied to you. Just like you said, this is internet, don't be getting so sensitive. I already told you I did not direct my comments at you. Your road through nursing school seems to be cake compared to others here so stop being a victim. Obviously you're getting defensive for a reason but I don't even want to go into that.

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Specializes in Med/Surg.
I mean "suckers" as in boyfriends who are spending half of their annual income to support their girlfriends then finding themselves in a situation where it just does not work out. I doubt anybody is keeping track of the money spent, so then what? You said I was extreme with my generalization, so you actually mean to tell me most couples your age do go on to get married and end up with lots of kids, a big house and a garden? I don't think so.

You took my post overboard and now you feel you are getting flamed because of what I said when I replied to you. Just like you said, this is internet, don't be getting so sensitive. I already told you I did not direct my comments at you. Your road through nursing school seems to be cake compared to others here so stop being a victim. Obviously you're getting defensive for a reason but I don't even want to go into that.

Ok. This is my last post on this thread, and I can't believe I am responding to this but I could not help myself.

My journey through school has been anything but "cake". I worked 40-50 hrs per week right out of HS because my parents health insurance kicked me off a few months after. Pretty tough on an 18 year old kid. I quit my job in 2006 because my at-the-time boyfriend (now fiance) wanted me to be able to take classes full time to help me finish school at something other than a snails pace. Honestly, I was completely hesitant. I have ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS been self sufficient. My parents were divorced when I was three, and both of my parents have been married multiple times and have kids from each marriage. I moved a total of 36 times (no joke) from preschool through highschool between 4 states. No stability in my life until very recently.

I've worked hard to get where I'm at, so yeah, I have a right to get defensive.

Nope, no cake here. I still work my tail off, and I really look forward to the day when I can earn some money again. Now is not the time.....I have to focus on school and I am grateful I have the opportunity to do so. More grateful than you'll ever know. :specs:

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i've worked hard to get where I'm at, so yeah, I have a right to get defensive.

After working so hard, exactly where is it that you're actually at? I worked hard too and I'm not sitting home using my girl's credit card to buy me lunch while I'm going to school. You blew my entire post out of proportion and it wasn't even directed at you. Let it go. :down:

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Ok I'm sorry for being rude. I hope we don't continue going back and forth. I wish you the best.

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Specializes in ER/Ortho.

I am a nursing student, and a mom of three boys (21, 20 and 13). If any of them were supporting a girl/woman they were not married to I would smack them silly.

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a nice guy that had it would offer it to his girl...gimmie your wallet...i'm not asking anymore , i'm broke.

it's logic like this that will keep me far from the altar :chuckle

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I am a nursing student, and a mom of three boys (21, 20 and 13). If any of them were supporting a girl/woman they were not married to I would smack them silly.

:yeahthat::yeahthat:

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Specializes in Psych (my husband says I fit right in!).

You didn't say if you lived with your parents or not while you're going to school? It's good that they can help you with the gas in the car, etc.

As far as your boyfriend goes, actually, it's up to him. Does he realize what a pinch you're in? If so, and has not mentioned helping you, that may be a good red flag for you to see. (Unless of course, he is not in a position to help you, and is struggling himself). Have you all had any conversations about this?

Don't worry so much about what others are doing. Just think: YOU are putting yourself through school, and your parents are helping as much as they can, but YOU will be the one to make it. You won't be dependent on any man to help you with anything, which will make you more self confident, and more able to be with someone who will not take you for granted. If you've been with this guy for three years, obviously, there's something there.....any plans for the future, or are you all just coasting along? If so, don't worry about it, and just go for your dream. Try local banks, see if any of them have special plans for students, see if your parents can co sign if needed, just until you can get through school. It'll be well worth it! Also, check out scholarships, and local hospitals--they sometimes have scholarship programs to assist students through school, and all they have to do is work for them for a few years when they get done. Might be something to think about.....

Either way, don't give up, don't give in, and keep your eyes on your road.....other's may seem like a 'nicer drive', but you aren't sitting in their driver's seat, and may not see the same as they do. They may even be jealous that you are putting yourself through school, independently.

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Specializes in Psych (my husband says I fit right in!).

Another thought.....there are more ways than money for someone to support you through school. Is he supportive in other ways? When you and your school friends are talking, you could say he is supporting you (whether it be by being there for you, helping you study, urging you on, etc., or money every once in a while...) it's none of their business how or how much......If he honestly cares for you, and is supportive of you in other ways, then as my sons say....It's all good!:D

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Specializes in DOU.
I am a nursing student, and a mom of three boys (21, 20 and 13). If any of them were supporting a girl/woman they were not married to I would smack them silly.

I have a 17 year old boy, and I couldn't agree more.

And BTW - as the mother of a 15 year old girl, I am aghast at the number of people that consider it a "big red flag" that the boyfriend isn't helping to support her. :eek: As a parent, I consider it MY responsibility to help the kids out if they need it (assuming they aren't being completely irresponsible). That's what families are for - not boyfriends.

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Specializes in Med/Surg.
I have a 17 year old boy, and I couldn't agree more.

And BTW - as the mother of a 15 year old girl, I am aghast at the number of people that consider it a "big red flag" that the boyfriend isn't helping to support her. :eek: As a parent, I consider it MY responsibility to help the kids out if they need it (assuming they aren't being completely irresponsible). That's what families are for - not boyfriends.

Good point. I wish my family would have helped me...at all....but after highschool that was it! Not even health insurance. I'm glad there are parents like you out there.

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