Should boyfriend help me out?

fUsi0n86 · Jun 22, 2008

Though I don't think he should be obligated to do so, if he could help you out from time to time it would be nice if he has the means to do so if you guys are that serious. Generosity is a good trait.
I have a similar situation, though I am a bit older with more responsibilities. My boyfriend has plenty of money, and I cannot really work much because of kids (not his) and school. We have been together for 3+ years and he hopes to marry me. There are times when I really struggle financially - I'll say something like "I have no gas in my car, or no money to buy groceries etc" his response is always the same "that sucks".

That's disgusting. I have a close friend who would find herself in that same situation as you, and I wouldn't have a problem giving her my credit card to put some gas in her car and buy food. Those things are necessary. As soon as she was able to pick up some more hours she always paid me back in small amounts which was okay with me. I can't imagine myself ever saying "that sucks" to a friend when he/she is starving, let alone my girlfriend of 3 years. That's just messed up.

lvnandmomx3 · Jun 22, 2008

That's not true. A student must declare their parent's income until they are 25 whether or not the parents can claim them, with some exceptions (military, pregnancy, etc). That being said, OP's post makes no sense. A community college that doesn't participate the federal loan programs? That is not even possible. If the OP is going to a school that doesn't participate in federal loan programs it is not a community college and probably isn't even NLN accredited.
As for the original Q, no he has no obligation to help and really shouldn't. It's not his responsibility to take care of you. Also, where the hell is he getting $5000 a month? Is he a drug dealer? (You know you all were thinking it too.)

You know I was thinking the exact samething, you beat me to the punch with the post....lol

beth66335, BSN, RN · Jun 22, 2008

Though I don't think he should be obligated to do so, if he could help you out from time to time it would be nice if he has the means to do so if you guys are that serious. Generosity is a good trait.
I have a similar situation, though I am a bit older with more responsibilities. My boyfriend has plenty of money, and I cannot really work much because of kids (not his) and school. We have been together for 3+ years and he hopes to marry me. There are times when I really struggle financially - I'll say something like "I have no gas in my car, or no money to buy groceries etc" his response is always the same "that sucks". It is not his responsibility to take care of me financially, so I make it work on my own. BUT here is where the problem lies, I know that if the roles were reversed I would gladly help him out especially if I understood he could not work because he was investing in OUR future by getting an education. It makes me wonder what he will be like if we ever do get married.

If I were you I would run. If you still want to marry this person who doesn't seem to care about you given that he can so easily watch as you struggle, I would keep your check separate in your own account. He sounds like he could easily turn out to be controlling about the money and only give you what he feels like giving you if it is all together. All I'm saying is good husband material shouldn't be able to stand back and say "That sucks" if you can't feed your kids or didn't have gas to get to school. I just don't know how a man who hopes to marry you could...how do you watch someone you say you love struggle if you can help? Don't misunderstand I am in no way saying he should feel obligated to help, just that it concerns me he doesn't want to. Just my:twocents:

fUsi0n86 · Jun 22, 2008

I know that if the roles were reversed I would gladly help him out especially if I understood he could not work because he was investing in OUR future by getting an education. It makes me wonder what he will be like if we ever do get married.

Wanted to add one more thing. You need to straight dump his ass. It isn't about you or him investing in anything, it's about you coming up too short that day to put food in your stomach, it's as simple as that. I wouldn't even be able to fall asleep knowing somebody I care about is going to school or work hungry. I'm sorry but that just disturbs me.

JennaRN1006 · Jun 22, 2008

You said you were lucky to get lots of financial aid and that's awesome that you were, but some parents can't afford to give that extra bit of help to their children, it doesn't suck or mean their parents are unsupportive of their childrens' educational goals.
Also some parents choose to teach their children the meaning of hard work so that they their children will appreciate their own end result and can say that it was all their doing that they earned their degree.
That's just my opinion. I'm very happy that financial assistance was cut off in terms of buying my high school lunches, subway fares, school books and clothing since I was 15. If I didn't have subway tokens for school, I couldn't go; that taught me perseverance to work extra hours and make sure I had money for school items.:chuckle
Also I am glad that my college tuition was earned by proudly serving my country for 5 years, so much so that I am cannot wait to earn my BSN so that I can reenlist asap and once again help our countrymen/women provide the freedom many come to take for granted like free tuition from their fortunate and/or socialogically-obligated parents etc.
No one can ever say they gave me a free ride and helped me achieve my educational goals and for that I am extremely proud.
Oh well that's just my opinion and I know my opinion doesn't matter :twocents:, so to each his/her own.:usarfrc:

thank you stay -- it is so true. I am very proud of you. I know you will be a great nurse!!!

My own note --- I did nursing school solo. I paid for it and I am still paying for it on my own. I know that I put not only, my heart -- but my blood, sweat and tears into it. I did it on my own. I can say to my children, it was all me. And i will hold my head high knowing that I over came something difficult as NS and NCLEX. I prevailed and I didnt have a boyfriend, a husband or parents to bail me out if I failed. It was all me! I passed and I am more PROUD to say I am an RN!!!!

:yeah:

coolpeach · Jun 23, 2008

I think it's really great for those of you who are able to say you did it all 100% by yourself, but I think it's also ok for those who needed help.

I left a domestic violence situation with nothing but my 3 children, and the clothes on my back. It was a really difficult time, and I ended up moving back home. I honestly do not think I could go to school without the support of my parents. If I did it would be very hard for my kids who would have to spend a great deal of time alone, and more than likely live in a very poor neighborhood.

We live here rent free, but I put $550 a month into the food budget. In addition, I pay for my car insurance, phone, clothes for the kids and I, school supplies for everyone, medical insurance, and basically everything except rent, utilities.

This allows us to live in a steady home instead of an apartment in a neighborhood that we would not otherwise be able to afford. It means the kids can go to schools they would otherwise not live in a neighborhood to be able to get into. It also means that if I am at school they have a trusted family member who is there for them.

I thought long and hard before I made this decision, and my pride almost made me say no, but I couldn't do it. In my situation it would have almost been selfish of me to turn it down as it would have been my kids who would have suffered. When my parents are older I will be there for them, and I know if my kids were in my situation I would not have a problem with them coming home while they attended school.

greygooseuria · Jun 23, 2008

I think it's really great for those of you who are able to say you did it all 100% by yourself, but I think it's also ok for those who needed help.
I left a domestic violence situation with nothing but my 3 children, and the clothes on my back. It was a really difficult time, and I ended up moving back home. I honestly do not think I could go to school without the support of my parents. If I did it would be very hard for my kids who would have to spend a great deal of time alone, and more than likely live in a very poor neighborhood.
We live here rent free, but I put $550 a month into the food budget. In addition, I pay for my car insurance, phone, clothes for the kids and I, school supplies for everyone, medical insurance, and basically everything except rent, utilities.
This allows us to live in a steady home instead of an apartment in a neighborhood that we would not otherwise be able to afford. It means the kids can go to schools they would otherwise not live in a neighborhood to be able to get into. It also means that if I am at school they have a trusted family member who is there for them.
I thought long and hard before I made this decision, and my pride almost made me say no, but I couldn't do it. In my situation it would have almost been selfish of me to turn it down as it would have been my kids who would have suffered. When my parents are older I will be there for them, and I know if my kids were in my situation I would not have a problem with them coming home while they attended school.

I for one think you are VERY brave and I am glad that like me you have a very supportive family. I think you are doing the right decision and being a great role model for your children by NOT taking abuse and showing that women can be strong and empowered WITHOUT a man!! :yeah: :yeah: :yeah:

MassED, BSN, RN · Jun 23, 2008

I think it's really great for those of you who are able to say you did it all 100% by yourself, but I think it's also ok for those who needed help.
I left a domestic violence situation with nothing but my 3 children, and the clothes on my back. It was a really difficult time, and I ended up moving back home. I honestly do not think I could go to school without the support of my parents. If I did it would be very hard for my kids who would have to spend a great deal of time alone, and more than likely live in a very poor neighborhood.
We live here rent free, but I put $550 a month into the food budget. In addition, I pay for my car insurance, phone, clothes for the kids and I, school supplies for everyone, medical insurance, and basically everything except rent, utilities.
This allows us to live in a steady home instead of an apartment in a neighborhood that we would not otherwise be able to afford. It means the kids can go to schools they would otherwise not live in a neighborhood to be able to get into. It also means that if I am at school they have a trusted family member who is there for them.
I thought long and hard before I made this decision, and my pride almost made me say no, but I couldn't do it. In my situation it would have almost been selfish of me to turn it down as it would have been my kids who would have suffered. When my parents are older I will be there for them, and I know if my kids were in my situation I would not have a problem with them coming home while they attended school.

I think what you are doing is fantastic and I'm sure your parents love that they are there for you. Wouldn't you do the same for any one of your children? You'll get back out there with your family on your own one day, and be there for your parents, like you wrote, one day. Good for you, I'm proud of you! For the record, I'd love to live with my parents (with my husband and children) in a large home (on seperate ends) and have dinners together.... play with the kids. That kind of life would be wonderful. I haven't lived around any family since my husband and I got married (10 years ago). We have two children and now I'm sick of it. I want family around - it's hard to not have that (and for your kids to not be around their grandparents, aunt, uncle, cousins), so enjoy where you are in your life without apology.

missjennmb · Jun 23, 2008

That being said, OP's post makes no sense. A community college that doesn't participate the federal loan programs? That is not even possible. If the OP is going to a school that doesn't participate in federal loan programs it is not a community college and probably isn't even NLN accredited.

umm... this is not true what so ever. My local community college, specifically does not use federal loan programs because they feel their students benefit more from not having the risk of going into default and by being able to continue to get their grants as a result. While this is a lot more painful for those of us who have a halfway ok income, I can understand it being a solution for the poverty level and below (not sure what the pell max $ requirement is)

I had never heard of it before either, but there are DEFINITELY local community colleges that CHOOSE not to have federal loans certified (accepted) by the college.

And also, I contacted the NLN myself last week just to verify my school being approved by them and have an email sitting in my box right this minute stating that my school is approved by the NLN.

missjennmb · Jun 23, 2008

this thread has gone from "should my boyfriend help" to "should my family help" so just wanted to chime in about the family helping part...

I am married and 31 now and I try very hard not to ask for help from anyone for anything. But my parents have helped me out a few times over the years... some more than others. When my son's father walked out on us and never turned back...I was a single parent who had not finished college (at the time I was working on my AA still) I made pretty much minimum wage. They did so much for us, and I will be forever and ever grateful to them. I know that even now if I needed them, they would help me out. They always have and always would. Its just how they are. Do I think I'm spoiled because of it? absolutely not. Our family just takes care of eachother. Its what we do. We take care of our elderly at home if at all humanly possible. We buy groceries for our kids when they are having trouble putting food on the table. We spend lavishly on eachother when we can, for birthdays and holidays and just to say thanks, and when we can't, we see those homemade gifts as just as precious as the new (whatever) that we got last year. We just are like this. My parents to myself, me to my parents, myself to my kids...all of us.

I have 3 kids - 13, 2 1/2, 8 mos. The philosophy in our house is that if our kids are in school (and passing), they can live here forever. I don't care if its 1 degree or two or three or four. Education is vastly important and I'm not rich, but I will financially help my kids out as much as possible, but I see the trade off of free room and board and enough of a financial assistance to allow them to go to school and work part time enough to pay for it. I would help my kids more if I can, but its hard to say this far in advance if I could.

I think that if parents can help their kids make it through their education, within reason, they should. My parents told me they would pay for my wedding or my college tuition, and I was stupid and picked the wedding. I will regret that for the rest of my life, because it has taken me almost 15 yrs to get back to a point where I can go to school, because I went the "marriage and family route" right out of high school. I can only pray my children don't make the same mistakes that I did, and I hope beyond hope that I can help them in any way they need, to make sure of it.

MassED, BSN, RN · Jun 23, 2008

umm... this is not true what so ever. My local community college, specifically does not use federal loan programs because they feel their students benefit more from not having the risk of going into default and by being able to continue to get their grants as a result. While this is a lot more painful for those of us who have a halfway ok income, I can understand it being a solution for the poverty level and below (not sure what the pell max $ requirement is)
I had never heard of it before either, but there are DEFINITELY local community colleges that CHOOSE not to have federal loans certified (accepted) by the college.
And also, I contacted the NLN myself last week just to verify my school being approved by them and have an email sitting in my box right this minute stating that my school is approved by the NLN.

well that stinks. I guess, then, one can get a private loan and have the funds go directly to you (rather than through a school). Probably have a higher interest rate, though....

GooeyRN, ADN, BSN, CNA, LPN, RN · Jun 23, 2008

I don't think you should rely on your boyfriend. What if he breaks up with you, or you no longer want to be his girlfriend? Then you are stuck financially. If you are living together, I don't see it as much of an issue. If you are married, then you guys would be sharing all expenses, anyway, so it would be a moot point.