Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

Nurses Humor

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We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other. :lol2:

Here's mine...

I keep remembering a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient.

I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room...

I couldn't believe what I saw...

An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery....

he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bed rail for extra support....

With both hands...

HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT!!!

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Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

What's your story?

Specializes in extended care.

I recently had to send a confused (alt/dem) pt out to the hospital after she fell to be checked. A few hours later, transport brought her back to the unit. She had been drugged heavily in the ER with anti psychotics and pain meds and was sleeping very peacefully on the stretcher. As she passed by me and another pt (also very confused), in the hallway, the pt in the hall with me said to me "See, they did her right. When you are white, they are supposed to put on the white powder. When you are brown, they are supposed to use the brown powder. They didn't do my brother right. He was white and they put the brown powder on him." I leaned over to her and said "Hon, she is only sleeping."

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Specializes in Rehab, Infection, LTC.

My first job was on a tiny SNF unit. We had the sweetest woman, Mabel. pleasantly confused and just a little country woman. One day I walked into her room and she was sitting on the side of her bed obviously upset. When I asked her what was wrong, nothing could prepare me for her reply. "i'm pregnant and don't know who the father is". mabel was in her 80s! she began to cry, telling me she didnt know how she was going to tell her kids. I said "your kids? mabel how are we going to tell your GRANDkids?" she began to cry more. This went on for 3 days. We finally had to get the doc to do a physical and "pregnancy test" on her and declare her not pregnant. and it worked!

she fired us all one night too. she fired us because we had let boys in the house and we left the porch light on and she couldnt afford that electric bill. we wore our keys around our neck on a chain at that facility. she said for me to take those keys from around my neck and go home, that she wasnt paying me anymore. then she told me to send the other girls in to see her. one by one all the staff went in and she fired every single one of us, lol

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Specializes in ER, Trauma, Clinic, Pre-hospital care.

As a bush nurse in Alaska...

A patient arrived to the ED after driving his ATV (4-wheeler) off a 20-foot embankment...He was spitting mad and angry at the troopers, drunk as a skunk, covered in dirt and VERY injured...this is the FULL story of what happend...

Apparently he had "a few beers" and decided to go for a midnight ATV drive. Well, the light on his ATV was broken, so being the innovative Alaskan that he was...he decided to use a finger light (you know one of those little lights that clip onto your finger so you can write in the dark) as his ONLY light. Suffice it to say...it wasn't bright enough...he drove straight off a cliff and landed face down in the dirt. When troopers arrived on scene, he was cursing and screaming at the troopers to "get the light out of my eyes" and to "stop shining that &*%$ light in my eyes". Apparently the Troopers found him face down with his hand next to his face...the pen light on his finger was shining in his eye and every time he went to cover his eyes from the light...he'd blind himself with it again!!!!!...

Ha ha ha...I had to share this story...even though it happend before the patient came to me...it's still hilarious at how mad the pt was at the troopers.

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I watched a patient chase my charge nurse with a very dirty kleenex.

The patient chased this male nurse all over the unit threatening to "rub this snot into your ****** little face".

The nurse was actually squealing, trying to get away from this crazy old lady and I couldn't help him because I was laughing so hard.

At one point, he looked ready to jump over the nurses' station to escape!

A grown man squealing like a little girly while hotly pursued by an old lady...

Still makes me chuckle.

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Ok...mine is short but a true realization as to what someone will do just to keep from doing jury duty.......

I am a phone triage nurse for a local hospital here and I answered a call with a gentleman on the other end in dire straits. He began telling me that he MUST have a note to give to the judge TODAY that says he cannot participate in jury duty because he hadn't finished doing his hemoccult cards yet and had one more slot before having to return it to the lab!!! He was worried he might have to 'use it' during jury selection and didn't want to have to start over. I just about fell out of my chair with SILENT laughter! :chuckle

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Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.

Boy, did I need a good laugh. :chuckle

I always know when I haven't laughed enough when I hear a joke and then can't stop laughing for quite a while afterward. Thanks, all!! :yeah:

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Specializes in CNA.

we have this one lady at my long term care facility that has severe dementia. And she is known for making up crazy words and going on and on about her made up words and stories. Well she's also know for saying crazy great things about you.

So one night she's talking to me about infractureacation (one of her made up words), which in her mind means that the dogs are going to eat that tool in that shed. lol idk. and so she looks at me and starts touching my skin and she looks at me and with the most serious face she says, "now you listen here. You don't listen to what anyone has to say about that care plan (?) because all you need to know is that you have the most amazing wonderfullest flesh i've ever seen." So I'm laughing and I'm like well thank you, you know your skin is very soft as well. So she looks at me and says "you know you are so pretty." and so I said aw well thanks your pretty too, but sshhh don't tell anyone that I said that.

And so she looks at me with this look of surprise and then she screams out, "well i want to let everyone know that the gold fish are here, and that you are really ******* pretty!"

Mind you that this was 1 in the morning, and she refused to go to bed....and she woke up like 6 residents. I sat there laughing, and so did the other CNA's. We all still quote that to this day. :rotfl:

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Specializes in LPN-geriatrics, homehealth, family medic.

I was working in a nursing home and one of the nursing asked me to help "unclog" one of his female patients. We assessed her abdomen, which was very tight and large. She was very uncomfortable. We did a fleets with 0 results. Must be really high up (could palpate nothing). So we did a Triple H. And all we got back was some brown water. Still her belly was large and tight. So I preceded to do a manual check. I felt nothing.:confused: As I began to remove my gloved finger...some air escaped. I had an idea. So I reinserted my finger but instead of feeling around I simply pulled down slightly. The gas began to come out like a balloon with the valve opened. On and on and on it went. Now God didn't give me a great nose but even I was being affected by the odor.:cool: The other nurse had left for self-preservation. This went on for nearly a minute (seemed like a lot longer). Finally it was the end. The patient looked at me with 'sorry' on her face and I just smiled back. Her belly was now flat and very easily palpated. I made her comfortable, sprayed some Ozium and left. The air outside the room was truly "a breath of fresh air".:nurse:

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Specializes in LTC.

Isn't it a good thing that we have become older and wiser over the years! As much as some nurses would like to think that restraints are for the good of the resident, that hardly ever is the case. Tying people down is just not the answer.

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I used to work in a nursing home, and as all other evenings when I was at work, I helped serving dinner. This particular evening, one of the ladies asked what's for dinner, and I replied 'chicken'. Her hearing wasn't that well, and she wrinkled her forehead saying 'kitten'?!

I tried to explain and yelled 'chicken', but she kept hearing 'kitten'.

At some point she gave up, and said 'oh well, let me try some of that kitten'.

Another old woman once told me how stupid she was, when I asked her not to yell 'hallo' all the time. I told her, that she's not stupid, but sometimes people do stupid things. I asked her if she was stupid with all her experience in life, then what am I?

She looked me dead in the eyes saying 'really stupid'

:D

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I was helping a fellow nurs to take care of apt. one day and she came to and stated this pt. wanted the bedpan in my past experience with pt. they would'nt allow me to do this they were very private and had always insisted the spouse would do. The nurse was very sure this is what the wanted because he said " I just want to#$#$". So we went in and put this pt on the bedpan as ilooke dat him his eyes were gleaming and he was smiling he said "I just wanted the sheet.":loveya:

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

I just received the following article from my sister who lives near the area I lived when I lived in NYS.

FIREFIGHTER USES SAW FOR DELICATE OPERATION:D

Firefighters were dispached to the local hospital to cut a piece of steel pipe off a 73 year old man's member.The pipe was an inch long, an inchin diameter, and made of quarter inch steel.

Medical personnel weren't able to perform typical medical procedures, in order to release his member. It has swollen and turned purple.

So firefighters chose a "Wizzer saw" that firefighters commonly use to cut off mufflers in vehicle accidents..

This procedure was to be much more delicate

The hospital staff prepared the elderly patient for the procedure -by wrapping the skin and sliding a tongue depressor. The team consisted of a doctor, a nurse, and the firefighter

"Just don't cut it off" the senior said.For more than 90 minutes, the firefighter sawed bit by bit into the pipe , psuding occasionally to cool the sawThe time duration was critical. Hospital staff worried the man could losehis organ if blood circulation was cut off too long.

The firefighter made his last cut with the saw after a grueling 90 minutes later unharmed..:yeah:

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