Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

nurse2b2007SC · Jul 5, 2006

I work in a long term care facility. One day one of my patients wanted to go to wal-mart. I told her I can't take her it was against the rules. Next thing I know she's coming down the hall with her pocket book. I said where are you going? She replied, " I done called me a cab". I could not help but to laugh!!!

banditrn · Jul 10, 2006

It's not really funny - just amazing - but in the ICU one time, I got this psycho chick who had MAINLINED Neo Sinephrine nose spray! Well, she ended up with us, because she ended up with a super-tachy rhythm.

When I went in to start her IV - she started screaming before I ever touched her - tried to tell me she was AFRAID of needles! :uhoh3: :uhoh3:

nurse2B1971 · Jul 14, 2006

I am a CNA in a LTC facility and work 11p-7a. A few months ago, I just received report at the start of my shift and was proceeding to do rounds. I get down the hall a little ways and hear a ladies voice talking. I didn't think anything of it but decided to check and see if the person was allright. So I found the room where the voice was coming from and peeked into the room of one of our female residents (88 y/o), assuming she was up. Her eyesight is terrible and she suffers from Alzheimers. The lights were low, but well lit enough for me to see fine. I walk in and find the resident sitting on the edge of her bed at the head of her bed, wide awake. I ask her if she is allright and asked what she was doing. She proceeds to tell me she is playing cards with someone. OK, the so called "person" she was playing cards with was her lamp on her nightstand. Trying to hold the laughter back, I ask her if she is winning. In a serious tone, she responds "NO". I had to leave the room fast, the thought of her losing to her lamp made me want to crack up laughing. Gotta love her!

Another incident I encountered. We have a gentleman in his late 70s. He is mean, most of the time. His mood could go from somewhat nice to combative in a second. One night I found him sitting on the edge of his bed incontinent with bm. I managed to coax him in to bathroom to get him cleaned up. Usually if he isn't ready to get up he will hit you. As he is sitting on the toilet and I was kneeling to clean the bm off of his leg, he looks at the washcloth that I was using to clean him up and proceeds to ask me "did you s**t yourself?" I starting laughing, not knowing what to say I told him that I was cleaning him up not me. It might not seem all that funny unless you know the person.

lisalau · Jul 14, 2006

I thunk thats hilarious

I cared for my grandmother til she passed away at 94 years. Each time she soiled herself, it was the first time that had ever happened to her but she vividly remembered my soiling myself just earlier that morning or last night or whenever she last did and having to clean me up! This was consoling for her and ok by me.

mtnlpn · Jul 15, 2006

About 5 yrs ago I was working in the Alzheimer's unit at a nursing home, the unit was locked but had a fenced in courtyard ( the door to go outside was kept locked unless the nurse/aides were taking residents out). It was in the dead of winter and snowing outside, well I was doing my med pass and we had to keep the cart locked in the nurses station due to the residents and take meds around the unit. As I returned from taking meds to someone I looked over to wards the living room and outside in the courtyard was one of the residents in her merry walker with a huge smile on her face, going around and around the small brick garden in the center of the courtyard!!!! I ran to the door, which was locked, opened it and brought her in, her only reply was " it has gotten cold out there". How she got the door open is still mystery!!

RGN1 · Jul 19, 2006

Although this incident made me laugh it just goes to prove that you should NEVER assume your patients know anything!

A patient came back for a 2 week follow up out patient appointment after a total hip replacement. The usual information and meds had been given to the family prior to being sent home from the ward. The meds included a 5 day cover supply of painkillers, just ibuprofen which is cheaply available OTC (and free for retirees on prescription) and must have been given out with only minimal information about how to take them.

When the consultant asked how the patient was doing the reply was not what was expected. The patient said they had been in terrible pain after the tablets had run out and couldn't sleep lying down in bed at all so had ended up spending the night standing up wedged inbetween 2 wardrobes & now their ankles were swollen too!!!!!!!!!!!

It wasn't even as though they were particulalrly elderly or lived alone or had anything that would have alerted you to the total lack of sense in either partner!

The picture of this person sleeping like that just made us nurses giggle so much! Especially as all they had to do was go to their local shops & get more tablets, or visit their GP or even call the ward - we always give them a letter with the number on it. I just can't believe the lack of common sense but I tell you I now make sure I spell EVERYTHING out in black & white, even if the info sounds a bit basic - you just never know!

nursing04 · Jul 21, 2006

One of my coworkers had a patient on telemetry. During a crazy day shift her beepers starts going off- I glance at the screen and it reads "leads off". We both head to the room where we found this pleasantly confused older gentleman with the tele leads all on his member. We just looked at him and laughed hysterically.

Cheez-It! · Jul 21, 2006

This one just happened last Monday. Keep in mind I work in a geriatric psych facility.

Everyday, our activities hands each resident a one dollar bill to buy pop. One older femal resident I'm pretty close with asked me to help her to the restroom. I'm not busy so sure, why not. I help her to the bathroom, and low and behold, they had corn for supper yesterday. Wonderful. One XXL BM. So I'm helping her get cleaned up and notice something else in the toilet bowl. You guessed it, a lovely green one dollar bill floating amongst the logs of BM. Wonderful. Of course when she stands up, she sees it and is instantly in tears because he pop money is covered in corn chunks. Well, Nurse Sassy(she always calls me this because of a tank top I have, she never lets me forget it.) to the rescue. I got her cleaned up and back in her chair, held my breath and grabbed the bill. She was giggling in excitement. I folded my glove over and walked out into the hallway with her behind me. I handed the glove to house keeping and requested it be washed. Housekeeping almost made another BM in the middle of floor. This resident is now asked daily by half the staff if she can poop out a few fifties or atleast a few twenties. She gets the giggles everytime.

And another one, from a few weeks ago...

I was having a crappy day, WAY to much phone ringing. I had the psychiatrist in all ready and he had to see everyone. Everyone had 1000 orders a piece. So i'm working on my umpteenth million order and the other doc walks in for his weekly rounds. I promptly told him to get out. The phone's ringing off the hook. I've got charts piled up so high I can't see over the desk ... my hair I'm sure was frizzed out to the ends. He asked if he could help. Nauturally I said "Sure, just take care of the phone for me for justa couple of minutes so I can ge these last few orders done." So the phone rings two seconds later. Doc picks up phone, says, "Wal-Mart, can I help you?" ... My head hit the desk. If that didn't beat all, a few hours later, I answer the phone to a lady requesting the social services director. She says, "I tried this number earlier and someone said it was Wal-Mart!" I couldn't reply to her, I slammed her on hold and choked.

littlebitonurse · Jul 21, 2006

During nursing school we spent a week on an alzheimers unit for geriatrics. My first day on the unit I was at the nurses station when one of the residents came to the desk asking if I could mail a package for her. I asked her what she needed mailed and she handed me an envelope full of sh***t. She had gone into an empty room and proceeded to stuff this envelope full of her own poop. I, also being the nursing student, got the pleasure of giving her a bath. Ever had to dig poop out of an ear???? I will never forget her, tho!

suzieqlpn · Jul 25, 2006

i work in a nursing home and often we keep confused residents with us that are fall risks,....so we can keep an eye on them and prevent a fall.

last week, i had a 96 year old female confused resident with me along on the med pass...she was moaning and i asked her what was wrong. she said she was in pain....her abdomen...so i started asking questions.

she looked up at me with the most sincere and unconfused face and simply stated "i'm having my period and i can't hardly stand it. it is flowing so hard, i can feel it."

i couldn't contain my giggles and had to turn my back. just then one of our permanent cnas on the hall asked her what was wrong. she gave her the same reply. the cna however, decided to play along and asked her "are you sure your aren't pregnant?". this resident just looked at her with the straightest face and said "you damn fool, didn't you hear me i said i have my period."

neither of us could contain our giggles and had to play along with the "period" to keep the resident from becoming upset and agitated.

gave all of us a good giggle on what was an extremely busy day.:chuckle

Dieselmota · Jul 26, 2006

"Elaine" is almost blind and 'pleasantly confused' (love those euphanisms). One morning, as she was lying in her bed, she reached out with her hand and waved it in front of me.

"What is this? Is this a pot?" she asked as she touched my stomach.

"No," I replied. "It's my belly!"

Come to think of it, she may have been right. My POT BELLY!

MamaTheNurse, BSN, RN · Jul 26, 2006

Dieselmota said:

"Elaine" is almost blind and 'pleasantly confused' (love those euphanisms). One morning, as she was lying in her bed, she reached out with her hand and waved it in front of me.
"What is this? Is this a pot?" she asked as she touched my stomach.

"No," I replied. "It's my belly!"

Come to think of it, she may have been right. My POT BELLY!

baaaaahaahaahaahaa - that could have been me too!

:lol2: